Gaborone:
Overall, he sounds like a good man who hasn't been tutored on man's role, either directly or indirectly. Did he grow up with his parents? How did his dad treat his mum...I mean financially. The way a man treats his wife can greatly influence how his sons treat their wives. Not in all cases though.
Moreso, is he going through some financial challenges, which is preventing him from taking up certain bills? Or does he have the money and has simply decided to be giving you 200 for indomie?

missempress:



His parents are divorced, and he is from a polygamous family, lived most of his life with his grandma, he does some side business (I.e helping people write their project) , he is the only one that strives to go to the university among his 5 siblings amd actually see his academics qualifications as the only way out of poverty.

Gaborone:



Sis, I made some additions to the post you quoted...you can check it up again.

Seems it all boils down to not having a father-figure in his growing up years to teach certain things. If this is the case, you can lovingly tell him about a woman's expectations from a man I'm certain instances (paying t.fare, etc). If he's not ready to learn, or change those little things, then, perhaps you should flee, because that may be a pointer that when you guys get married and big responsibilities come, he may not be stepping up for you.

PresVA:
He may want to pay her tfare et al... but does he have money for that? The problem i see here is poverty. . The guy acts the way he does because he's just managing. ..

cococandy:
Long story.

Summary you need a richer,more generous,posher guy. Abi?
Pls let this one go. Some girl will still like him like that.
Go for what makes you happy. You owe yourself that at least.

Time wasting in a cardinal sin.

mrwonlasewonie:
ahann na coco

Should she not have her taste again.

Anyway Op tell him everything you typed here and if you see no changes walk out on him like this

Majestically o

mrwonlasewonie:
ahann na coco

Should she not have her taste again.

Anyway Op tell him everything you typed here and if you see no changes walk out on him like this

Majestically o

cococandy:

Go for what makes you happy. You owe yourself that at least.

Bisjosh:
His problem is not poverty. He's just irresponsible, stingy and archaic.

When u love someone, unknowingly u pay for some things. Did u read where d lady said she got gifts for him but he never did? (not even 500 recharge card haba!)it's just mere instincts to do so!

Poverty doesn't make u stingy. Whether rich or poor, if ur stingy ur stingy. The responsibility of ur marriage will be on u(children sch fees, hse rent etc)

And to cap it all, you're not of the same orientation,exposure and status. This will continually embarrass or limit u

My advice is this: have a deep discussion with him, watch for a month. If he doesn't change pls let him go.
You are a hardworking woman hence need a man that is compatible and would complement u.

Cc lalasticlala seun ati bebe lo

HaneefahRN:
OP pls flee for ur life, if u don't want to end up miserable.
Some factors tht cld influence his behaviour is poverty, his mentality and the family background.
I know of a man who will tell his wife he can't buy his children provisions or give them more than a certain amount or buy clothes for festivities for his children nt to talk of his wife cos his father didn't do such and didn't train him tht way. The man wld rather go and buy things rather than give the money to his wife. Contributes zero amount to the wife's business, bt has no problem taking thns on credit from her. This man while they were courting had similar traits wt the man u just described, he tried a little tho, he bought the wife just one scarf thru out the courtship. And do u think those other siblings of his, wnt come around to pester u guys. There is always a general notion tht d more educated man wld av more money so don't be surprised when they also start dumping responsibilities on him.
The man seems a gud man but ur way of viewing things seem to differ, and he is a stingy person, imagine nt paying ur fiance's bike fare, she doesn't even need to ask b4 a man knws what to do, ordinary first degree studt sef wld''t do such nt to talk of a PhD studt, wondering how he passed thru sch since his level of exposure still seems so low.

Onegai:

Surprise him by telling him business has packed up and money is tight for you and you need his support. The truth will come out.

PresVA:
I think i agree you with you Bisjosh, you mustn't be so rich to show kind gestures to the one you love or reciprocate love...no matter how small..

Also, if he can't take responsibilities now, wonder how he would do that after marriage. ..

I still think his poverty mentality has a lot to do with it though

HaneefahRN:
OP pls flee for ur life, if u don't want to end up miserable.
Some factors tht cld influence his behaviour is poverty, his mentality and the family background.
I know of a man who will tell his wife he can't buy his children provisions or give them more than a certain amount or buy clothes for festivities for his children nt to talk of his wife cos his father didn't do such and didn't train him tht way. The man wld rather go and buy things rather than give the money to his wife. Contributes zero amount to the wife's business, bt has no problem taking thns on credit from her. This man while they were courting had similar traits wt the man u just described, he tried a little tho, he bought the wife just one scarf thru out the courtship. And do u think those other siblings of his, wnt come around to pester u guys. There is always a general notion tht d more educated man wld av more money so don't be surprised when they also start dumping responsibilities on him.
The man seems a gud man but ur way of viewing things seem to differ, and he is a stingy person, imagine nt paying ur fiance's bike fare, she doesn't even need to ask b4 a man knws what to do, ordinary first degree studt sef wld''t do such nt to talk of a PhD studt, wondering how he passed thru sch since his level of exposure still seems so low.

missempress:
I met a guy in school where am presently running my masters programme, he is into his phd programme at the moment, there was nothing dramatic about our meeting, we started dating 2month after, and it has been a sexless relationship so far, i have a business dt I run coupled with some professional certificates I am pursuing, I guess all that makes him love and want me (i am business oriented, cos I am of the mindset that a lady should be able to fend for herself) since i wont be a burden to him.
he is the one sponsoring himself in school, at the beginning the feelings was mutual, for me it wasn't love, I liked him and I thought this will grow into love, I guess he starts to love me more, this feelings would have been reciprocated until I discovered our level of exposure does not align and it began to reduce the feelings I had for him.
Suffix me to say, I have NEVER ask him for money, and I have gotten him gifts couple of times, but I felt there are things a guy should do as the man in the relationship to command respect.
To mention a few, ve been going to his place so many times, not for once has he paid my transport fare even though he ll always walk me to get the bike after haggling the price, he ll just wave bye.
On our first outing, this guy priced the bike price to the extent of getting to the 7th bike before we could go because of 30 naira difference, the way he always price transport fare anytime we are going out is so shameful, we ll keep alighting from taxi all because of 10 naira difference. Till it got to a time i always offer to pay the difference so we could get going.
Everytime he comes around to see me he always want to eat, and i always prepare good dishes for him, if he comes around and i am broke i ll just tell him i am yet to go get ingredients from th market, he ll just drop 200 to buy indomie for the 2 of us.
There was a time we were gisting about swimming and how I was looking for who to teach me and he said when we go home to meet his people in the village he ll teach me how to swim in the village river and he was serious about it, I was pissed off (cos he would have said the same thing if my friends were around).
Sometimes lastmonth, he invited me for a wedding in another state, I told him if he wants me to come he ll pay for the transport fare, which he didn't pay for eventually, at the party I was sprayed 1500, on our way home I showed it to him, he collected the money from me, saying we are ONE now, i was thinking in my mind, are we married? I felt he shouldn't have collected it. At least show you are the MAN.
He is backward socially, everything about him has been books and more books, I had to teach him the meaning of smileys in chats, simple things like lol, lmao e.t.c cos when i send any of the aforementioned to him when chatting, he ll reply "e wo ma re o"( meaning what is this). He has not tasted or seen baked beans before, does not know what hot dog, pizza, sharwama is, I told him its not about spending your money on these things that matters, but trying to know what goes on around you.
He is always bored when he is alone and wants me to be keeping his company all the time, which I refused cos I told him am not in the relationship to be keeping his company, I told him to get busy, make friends, go out more,recharge your go tv and be watching news or movie. (he said subscribing everymonth is a waste of money) cos I have a business to look after coupled with other commitments, he ll be complaining its because I dont love him.
He does not know what is in vogue at all, I took it upon myself to teach him, but the more I am doing this the more the feelings is draining, because he is not taking the mantle of a man in this relationship, I have been an independent woman for a while now, taking decisions for myself on many issues, I need a man that I can respect his decision and defer to.
Based on this, the physical chemistry is no longer there, I for one love to kiss, but when I kiss him, I feel NOTHING and its one of the reasons why there has been no s** in the relationship.
I want to break up with him soon, I know he is going to be devastated cos he is so emotional, and he believes he has a wife already( which is me) but I want to be sure my reasons are not too flimsy to leave him, and if I should hold on and see if things ll change.
On the good side, he loves me,he can help out in the house chores (I don't allow him though) he ll be a good father, he is willing to learn and change, very reasonable when we r discussing issues, he is likely to be a one woman type of man.
Should I still hold on ??