₦airaland Forum

bukatyne:
[size=2pt]Thanks. Maybe because you are ileobatojo

Anyways, welcome to Nairaland [/size]

[size=3pt]Nah... She was accused of being Carefreewannabe... And this is not Ileoba's writing style.[/size]

bellong:
[size=3pt]Nah... She was accused of being Carefreewannabe... And this is not Ileoba's writing style.[/size]

[size=2pt]She sounds like a Christian and references the Bible. Can't remember Ileoba doing that.

It is all good

I e-like her/him [/size]

bukatyne:
[size=2pt]She sounds like a Christian and references the Bible. Can't remember Ileoba doing that.

It is all good

I e-like her/him [/size]

[size=2pt]I believe she is a "She"... Going by her contribution in defending females in STEM (your thread)...

I like the fact that she doesn't result to insults as common for people during defense of opinions[/size]

Mindfulness:
You contradict yourself

show me

How did she break up his marriage when he hasn't divorced his wife?

What does the embolden say about her role in the broken down marriage?

Frommena:
Hi All!
This is my first time I seek an advice online.
I hope i can find some answers here.
My situation is very complicated but i will try to make it clear.

I live with a man I've met 4 years ago. He was married and had 2 kids and I knew it from the beginning. But him & I started to love each other. More over he was telling me that he doesnt love his wife etc. I then was still talking to my X boyfriend who was living in a different country (not far) because deep inside i was not trusting that the married man would ever divorse. So he found out on my fone i was talking to my x and it cracked his trust big time.

He couldnt forgive me that, and told me he doesnt want me anymore. For almost 11 months i was hoping, begging him to get back to me but he was clear he doesnt want me, he cant forgive me and he will stay with his family. So right before he went to visit his wife and kids to his home country (we are both expats in the middle east where we've met), he told that we can try again, but i didnt feel it was sincere. I thought he said it so Im not hurt while he is there with his wife & kids. While he was away with his family i completely lost my hope that he will get back to me and i got involved with another man, and got pregnant. I was so hurt and wanted to start ny life without the man i love & forget him.

Upon his return I was not pregnant yet but got pregnant in less then a month and as a solution i got married with the man i was pregnant from. The man I love had to move to another country where i was supposed to live with my husband and he brought his family wife & kids. But while i was married we never stop talking. We would miss each other, yet fight a lot, blame each other for the situation wevwere in etc he asked me to get back to him and that he would give his name to my child. I filed a divorce after 2 months of my marriage and divorced and he promissed me he would do the same. It all happened pretty quick by the way in 6 months period. Since the time he webt to his country when u gkt involved with another man and to the time i filed a divorce it took 6 monnths only.

He sent his family back home in 3 months, i gave birth and as he promised he gave his name to my child. We started to live together. But it was not a happy life: there were moments when he would none stop blame me, question me about many details etc because he wouldnt understand how was i able tocheat on him and get pregnant etc?

It has been 2 years since im divorced, he is still married. Yes he had 2 kids and it is more complicated for him to divorce then it was for me. Like he says i need to get things situated and everything right before i file divorce. But in 6 months after my divorce he filed legal separation with his wife and i saw that paper. He said that court will still give him time to save his family because thet were married over 23 years and have 2 kids. With legal separation should not take long time.

We didnt have problems in sex life but for the last maybe 6 months or so we have it very rearly. I dont and he doesnt try making love. In fact sorry for being so open, but there were few times he went soft while we were making love. It worried me and he said it is because he still holds ab anger towards me, and my past eats him inside.

He stop asking me things about my past since a year ago but i just came to visit my mom to another country and he started to talk about my past again, again questions and again blaming. He saif because by wuestioining him i open up my past. He does not believe me that i did not enjoy sex with my x husband. And he says im a liar and i need to close that chapter by being honest with him about it. But every time i would tell the truth about something i would regret big time because he would blame me for that every chance he has!

Today he said he cant take it anymore, he has no feelings yet very angry with me. I must confess that recently i was not paying much attention to him, and he wasnt either. I would be jelouse yes, because living with a married man is not easy at all. Your mind is not settled, always in fear. He hates it when i question him when im jelouse, he thinks i have no right to question because i messed up the whole situation by getting involved with another man, getting pregnant etc

He has no trust at all. But i also think he maybe doesnt want to divorce OR has another woman he likes/involved with. He said Im an idiot that I dont understand him etc.

Im so confused, hurt and i cant go through another break with him. Yes i didnt fulfill my promise to fix issues but i wanted it both ways although he doesnt think so bcoz I was the one who cheated on him and he never had sex with his wife or another woman since he met me.


I hope to find an advice here on HOW to save my relations with him as i do not, do not want to loose him at all!

Thank you in advance.

And why should it be her job to save his marriage?

No idea! Who asked?

She has no responsibility to save someone else's marriage.

maybe but she shouldn't also be an enabler in breaking it up

She "loves" this man and she wants to be with him. She is not the one who made the marriage vows. She is free to desire whatever she desires.

true but she should have kept her Lamentations to herself. I do not and will not have nice words for people who desire other people property men with their eyes wide open. Obviously, we differ greatly in that.

Kimoni:
show me

You said she broke his marriage but he is still married so how did she break it?

What does the embolden say about her role in the broken down marriage?

I repeat: The marriage isn't broken. He is still married.

No idea! Who asked?

I am asking. Why would she care about HIS marriage? Why would she care about HIS wife? Is it her responsibility?

maybe but she shouldn't also be an enabler in breaking it up

Why not if this is the man she wants to be with?

true but she should have kept her Lamentations to herself. I do not and will not have nice words for people who desire other people property men with their eyes wide open. Obviously, we differ greatly in that.

If you consider your husband to be your property and he decides to cheat on you and have a child outside wedlock, then let me tell you this: You made a pretty bad purchase. I hope you kept the receipt because the investment was not worth it.


Do you know what I have noticed on this thread? Fear! Some people act here like it is their husband who has got another woman in his life and who he has a child with. I understand your fear. Nobody would want to be left for another woman but it happens. And the reason why it happens is not because some other woman who doesn't know you didn't care about you but because your husband is NOT TRUE to you for one reason or another.

You don't have to approve of the OP's behavior but she is not responsible for other people's marriage. And the fact that she cares about herself more than about HIS marriage and HIS wife is very natural.

Mindfulness:
You said she broke his marriage but he is still married so how did she break it?
I repeat: The marriage isn't broken. He is still married.

I'm sure I highlighted this earlier. A man is no longer living with his wife and has commenced divorce proceedings and you say the marriage is not broken Is this an academic debate? Looking every inch like it now

I am asking. Why would she care about HIS marriage? Why would she care about HIS wife? Is it her responsibility?

again I ask, who said she should?

Why not if this is the man she wants to be with?

I am sure I answered this earlier

If you consider your husband to be your property and he decides to cheat on you and have a child outside wedlock, then let me tell you this: You made a pretty bad purchase. I hope you kept the receipt because the investment was not worth it.

Is it time to get personal already? So soon? unfortunately girl, this is not my story and looks nothing like mine. You can open a thread for whoever is interested you might just come across the audience you are desperately searching for

Do you know what I have noticed on this thread? Fear! Some people act here like it is their husband who has got another woman in his life and who he has a child with. I understand your fear. Nobody would want to be left for another woman but it happens. And the reason why it happens is not because some other woman who doesn't know you didn't care about you but because your husband is NOT TRUE to you for one reason or another.

Speak for yourself my dear. I can also understand why you will understand and emphasize with the OP. Guess it's not so hard to figure out. You may wish to continue strategizing with the OP on how to win the man at all cost and t keep offering your 'big shoulders' when the consequences of her actions start weighing her down but the least you can do is to leave those of us who do not share the same ideals with you alone. We all don't have to have the same values, do we?

You don't have to approve of the OP's behavior but she is not responsible for other people's marriage. And the fact that she cares about herself more than about HIS marriage and HIS wife is very natural.

hmnnn I see...natural indeed. Anyways, I repeat, no one is asking her to care or be positively responsible for his marriage but as long as she thinks her happiness lies with a man who is married to another woman, I will have no kind words for her lamentation stories. Nothing you say will change that. It is what it is.

Kimoni:
I'm sure I highlighted this earlier. A man is no longer living with his wife and has commenced divorce proceedings and you say the marriage is not broken Is this an academic debate? Looking every inch like it now

He didn't live with his wife before he met the OP and he told the OP that he no longer wants to be with his wife. Why wasn't his wife around, living with him? What if he said the truth that he is no longer interested in working on his marriage?

again I ask, who said she should?

You did and many others did the same. When you castigate her for getting involved with a married man, then you make it look like it is her business but it is not and never will be.

I am sure I answered this earlier

I am not.

Is it time to get personal already? So soon? unfortunately girl, this is not my story and looks nothing like mine. You can open a thread for whoever is interested you might just come across the audience you are desperately searching for

It wasn't personal at all unless your husband is cheating too, which I can't know.

Speak for yourself my dear. I can also understand why you will understand and emphasize with the OP. Guess it's not so hard to figure out. You may wish to continue strategizing with the OP on how to win the man at all cost and t keep offering your 'big shoulders' when the consequences of her actions start weighing her down but the least you can do is to leave those of us who do not share the same ideals with you alone. We all don't have to have the same values, do we?

I understand and emphasize with her as much as I understand and emphasize with you.

hmnnn I see...natural indeed. Anyways, I repeat, no one is asking her to care or be positively responsible for his marriage but as long as she thinks her happiness lies with a man who is married to another woman, I will have no kind words for her lamentation stories. Nothing you say will change that. It is what it is.

Ok.

Mindfulness:
He didn't live with his wife before he met the OP and he told the OP that he no longer wants to be with his wife. Why wasn't his wife around, living with him? What if he said the truth that he is no longer interested in working on his marriage?

You did and many others did the same. When you castigate her for getting involved with a married man, then you make it look like it is her business but it is not and never will be.
I am not.
It wasn't personal at all unless your husband is cheating too, which I can't know.
I understand and emphasize with her as much as I understand and emphasize with you.
Ok.

Empathize with yourself! I have absolutely no need for your empathy. And I strongly advise you leave my family out of this. You really don't want to go down that lane with me

I am responsible for what I write, I am not responsible for what you imply or deduce from it.

Kimoni:
Empathize with yourself! I have absolutely no need for your empathy. And I strongly advise you leave my family out of this. You really don't want to go down that lane with me

I am responsible for what I write, I am not responsible for what you imply or deduce from it.

I am so scared now.

bellong:
[size=2pt]I believe she is a "She"... Going by her contribution in defending females in STEM (your thread)...

I like the fact that she doesn't result to insults as common for people during defense of opinions[/size]

[size=2pt]True

Mindfulness, we are gossiping about you right in front of you [/size]

bukatyne:
[size=2pt]True

Mindfulness, we are gossiping about you right in front of you [/size]

[size=2pt] She doesn't mind despite being Mindful......[/size].

bukatyne:
[size=2pt]True

Mindfulness, we are gossiping about you right in front of you [/size]

[size=3pt]Bukatyne and Bellong, kontinu! I like this kind of gossip.[/size]

Kimoni and others, whoever is a master of judging someone else, like you guys are complete innocent and/or has better morals then people around the World have.


I do concure, that you guys are probably someones wives who is deep inside kinda worried that your husbands will run away from you before you even know it. I dont wish that, i pretty much dont give a flying damn.


What im trying to say is, dont you ever be so sure of your loved ones. Marriage is 24/7 work during the whole life together. Dont get relaxed after the marriage paper, nor after you've got mutual kids. There are so many families broken after 20, 30, 50 years marriage. Sometimes divorce IS a better solution for both, for kids rather then endless fights in front of the kids. Such relations are unhealthy and will defo effecf kids one day. People do mistakes, everyone does. The most important thing is to LEARN from it. I did learn from my mistakes, however I don't wish to give up just like that on my happiness. I will fight for it! Let it be on someones else's expense, like some people say here. But hey, i didnt knock on his door to destroy his family. If he had a happy married life he would of never cheat on his wife even for 1 night stand and would of NEVER have relations aside.


He came to me, yes i knew his marriage status. My mistake is that I was not strong enough to say NO to myself, i fell in love and let the feelings flow, i let him win me.


There are too many things involved to let it go now, there is NO WAY i would give up on him just like that. And i know i will win him.


I dont hate his wife, I wish she will find her happiness too, i will accept his kids in our house, he already introduced me to one of his sons. In fact, I would want him and his current wife will have friendly relations for their kids and i wont be again to have good relations with her too. But it wont be easy for her.

To someone who was so idiot to say that husband is a property - no one ows anything to anyone. Even spouses can fall in love with other people. This is not something you can control. No spouse ows endless love. No spouse HAS to love till the end of his/her life. NO ONE OWS ANYONE! No human can be someone else's property ever! Just an FYI

Anyways, thanks everyone for ur "support". It didnt change a thing in my plans, in fact, made me wanna be happy even more! ))))))))

^^^SMH.

Goodluck in your quest

@Mindfulness


Thank you very much for understanding my situation! I know where I am wrong. Your initial message made me think a lot about my life, I felt a bit relieved because it made me look at the situation from a different angle. It changed my view to some things and definitely helping me right now.

This thread is just so funny.

Op i will not judge you according to my standards.

In fact that man can even marry two wives,he is an adult.

babygirlfl:
This thread is just so funny.

I bet she opened this thread so that people will come insult the man and call him names for playing her.

EfemenaXY:
What an evil narration.

You've come on here seeking advice on how to break up a twenty-three year old marriage and you think you deserve happiness??

do you have to quote everything to advise a hubby snatcher? Lol

Frommena:
@Mindfulness


Thank you very much for understanding my situation! I know where I am wrong. Your initial message made me think a lot about my life, I felt a bit relieved because it made me look at the situation from a different angle. It changed my view to some things and definitely helping me right now.

This is nice. Take good care of yourself and do not depend on anyone for happiness. It will liberate you.

Frommena:
Kimoni and others, whoever is a master of judging someone else, like you guys are complete innocent and/or has better morals then people around the World have.


I do concure, that you guys are probably someones wives who is deep inside kinda worried that your husbands will run away from you before you even know it. I dont wish that, i pretty much dont give a flying damn.


What im trying to say is, dont you ever be so sure of your loved ones. Marriage is 24/7 work during the whole life together. Dont get relaxed after the marriage paper, nor after you've got mutual kids. There are so many families broken after 20, 30, 50 years marriage. Sometimes divorce IS a better solution for both, for kids rather then endless fights in front of the kids. Such relations are unhealthy and will defo effecf kids one day. People do mistakes, everyone does. The most important thing is to LEARN from it. I did learn from my mistakes, however I don't wish to give up just like that on my happiness. I will fight for it! Let it be on someones else's expense, like some people say here. But hey, i didnt knock on his door to destroy his family. If he had a happy married life he would of never cheat on his wife even for 1 night stand and would of NEVER have relations aside.


He came to me, yes i knew his marriage status. My mistake is that I was not strong enough to say NO to myself, i fell in love and let the feelings flow, i let him win me.


There are too many things involved to let it go now, there is NO WAY i would give up on him just like that. And i know i will win him.


I dont hate his wife, I wish she will find her happiness too, i will accept his kids in our house, he already introduced me to one of his sons. In fact, I would want him and his current wife will have friendly relations for their kids and i wont be again to have good relations with her too. But it wont be easy for her.

To someone who was so idiot to say that husband is a property - no one ows anything to anyone. Even spouses can fall in love with other people. This is not something you can control. No spouse ows endless love. No spouse HAS to love till the end of his/her life. NO ONE OWS ANYONE! No human can be someone else's property ever! Just an FYI

Anyways, thanks everyone for ur "support". It didnt change a thing in my plans, in fact, made me wanna be happy even more! ))))))))

Wowzer! Hello tigress! Slow down pls...

I knew you knew what you were gonna do from the beginning, you just needed some validations. Have you ever measured his feelings for you too? Just think well before you commit any further. You already sacrificed much for him...

...and no, I'm no saint too but there's always a line drawn somewhere. Sensible and fair people know where not to cross the line. It is well! As a parting shot , pls look out for the whip at the top shelve...only the Yorubas will undestand.

Mindfulness:
This is nice. Take good care of yourself and do not depend on anyone for happiness. It will liberate you.

Oga, you must be VERY happy with yourself by supplying that support the good daughter needed. Well done. You did well with the focus on this one of the several stakeholders, the others would have loved some backings from you too.

Hehehehehee @OP - I can see you have it all figured out already...you are a master strategist yourself, only you got outplayed in your own game. Anyways, what-e-ver!! It's your life, innit?

sorry to say this you are very foolish that man is using you he is living a good life; a wife and a mistress he is eating his cake and having it. hope he is rich and you are getting money from him if you are not getting any benefit from him you are very stupid he will dump you when he his tired of sleeping with you and he will look for someone new now what you have to do is plan a future for you and your child if he has money get money from him or good benefits why is he mad at you for talking to your ex boyfriend is he not married selfish man i know you have a kid life is hard but you have to be strong the man is using your weak point against you :if a man get married once and have children with their wife it is very difficult to get married again they prefer girlfriends unless they get old that time they are lonely they will like to get married again: it your decision anyway hope you do not find out when it is too late when he walks away you gain nothing he has his wife and children who is foolish you

cococandy:
I bet she opened this thread so that people will come insult the man and call him names for playing her.

coco read between the lines. Same old trick to teach married women how to take care of the man or someone else comes and does the job the wife refused to do.

lofty900:
do you have to quote everything to advise a hubby snatcher? Lol

"Revenge" eh, Lofty?

Frommena:
I should of expect these kind of "advices" just because he is married.

I just wanted to let you know, that I did not come to his life to break his family. When he started approcaching me he told me he had issues with his wife, he doesnt love her and is planning to divorce. My mistake is that I believed him. I would never want to be on her shoes (if my husband works abroad and live with another woman). But he has been assuring me all this time, more over, my divorce was not just my decision, what i mean to say is that: he wanted to stop me from getting maried, later on he pushed me for it swearing and promising many things including divorce.

So, yeah, I should of wait until he divorces his wife rather then start any relations. But i didnt, i made a mistake and now it is too complicated, many things and feelings are involved to just walk away from him.

OP, you are really gullible. A married man approaches you to tell you he's tired of his wife and doesn't love her anymore and you believed. What else were you expecting him to say before.

Anyways, the way I see it, that man is never going to divorce his wife for you. He's eating his cake and having it and my heart just goes out to you. You divorced a man that probably loved you all for a MARRIED MAN WITH KIDS who still has the effrontery to be angry and jealous you got involved with someone else.

You seriously need deliverance and a reset-slap (sorry to say)

bellong:
[size=3pt]Nah... She was accused of being Carefreewannabe... And this is not Ileoba's writing style.[/size]

[size=1pt]Pls, when you do find Ileobatojo, give me a shout. I miss her like crazy.[/size]

Frommena:
No one is judging her, im thinking of the whole situation where she is in too.

She isn't your concern.

You, on the other hand, are her concern. You're a threat. And a dangerous one because it's just a matter of time before you start entertaining thoughts of how to get rid of the "competition".

sisisioge:
Oga, you must be VERY happy with yourself by supplying that support the good daughter needed. Well done. You did well with the focus on this one of the several stakeholders, the others would have loved some backings from you too.

I am EXTREMELY happy with myself and so I have a lot of support to offer, tell me when you need it.