₦airaland Forum

voltron:
...hmmm Thank God my Dad died recently.. was darned to happy to get over him in the physical
Anyone who does psychological damage needs to be forgotten and formatted from memory
At the risk of sounding inhumane.. seriously Fathers owe their Children everything cos no one asked to be born and have to go through some daddy.. ish. I'd get over the mofoka like a bad blunt.

hmmm.

llol.
Things happen for a reason.
sorry for whatever u passed through

grayline:
Yinfuro

Badooo..

So shall your children be happy of your demise SOON.

voltron:
...hmmm Thank God my Dad died recently.. was darned to happy to get over him in the physical
Anyone who does psychological damage needs to be forgotten and formatted from memory
At the risk of sounding inhumane.. seriously Fathers owe their Children everything cos no one asked to be born and have to go through some daddy.. ish. I'd get over the mofoka like a bad blunt.

Cameleon72:
1. Do you smoke and your dad is against smoking? 2. Do you help in house chores which males supposed to do at home? 3. How is your grade in school, is it encouraging? 4. Do you challenged your dad in public? If yes to atleast 3 of the above stated, will advise you to read and meditate of the lyrics of Revised Church Hymnary (RCH 701) if you do so you will be gald to sing RCH 600. Parent hate children who opposeses them at all time. Your attitude may be the sole reason.

I don't smoke nor Drink

I cook, sweep and wash plates till date

My grades began falling ever since I went science oriented

I have never challenged him in public despite disgracing me lots of times in public by bringing up matters that happened in private

Vernor:
Halleluyah someone broke d ice. @ op I faced similar turmoil and still facing even when married with children. How I survived u don't have choice as long as u are under his roof, but note HE LOVES U. His approach is d issue and there is nothing u can do about it. Wait till u finish ur Sch and have your own apartment that's when u will have relief but not total but the best revenge is for you to make it finacially(legally) he will give u your respect. Until I was able to marry without any kobo from my family even my dad, rented an apartment and do more he has no choice. Now I tell him i take d decision now, we still have issues even this morning in my house. Pray to God to bless u, like u said I dont tell him anything about me till date but he want us to be friends, though its late but im trying my best to forget d past and move on, but note again he loves u, the problem is his upbringing. we can always communicate. onebigfamily2002@yahoo.co.uk

pls Pm me

Emzyme:
About d dad ish.....my kind of dad
Therock5555
If i do something its bad very bad
But when a kid does it outside ,hes very proud ...lyk can u see him

Always using oda pple kids as example


While in sec skul...i neve wanted to stud medicine.....but it had to b cos....he said he wouldnt sponsor my edu to study anoda course......i had no othet source of income.....cos i wasnt even allowed to work in d first place

I got admission b4 any of them, i wasnt allowed to stay on my own...i had to stay with someone appointed by my dad....not that there was no money
Jst so he could monitor me.......

Those kids he used as examples ...for example
They wanted to go out ....nd i was interested ....it becomes a war......i remember a particular day
I visisted one of them......i got a phone call from dad every 10 minutes......
Deh even made jest of me saying dat



" daddy's boy e b lyk say nepa don bring light....ur pman want make u come on fan for am.....etc

I got nicknamed INDONESIAN..... Cos i was always indoors....

I have been virtually embarassed in almost every knwown situation i can think of


I try to dress well, they say see ooo dis 1 is claiming fyn boi
OI got vitually no new cloths .....and yet i am accused on spending.....jst because i bought jst one new jean trouser....

At 18 i couldnt buy anything for my self.....one day very annoyed ,frustrated...see my so called friends looking dope me...?
I went out to buy some stuff....shoes..shirt..
On getting back see pman lyl
Inspector of police...waiting for me
I was drilled with qxtn...bt d 1 dat got my attention was
U went to buy shoe, and cloths in this House?

Cant, i buy stuffs for myself....or wat

I go across d road to buy something and theres my dad watching me.....



Once hhe's back from work...he starts reciting my name every 5mins to make sure am at home...y

Even d compound peeps, old and young make jest of me......

Frustratiom upon frustration...... I dared him

He talks ...i look him in d face defiant ....i dont reply except necessary..... I dnt fight him sha....

Now i am d legal Black sheep of the family....and according to him d first in many generations

Looking at me alone....u get to knw dat something is def wrong
Am anti-social.....dats not hw i wanna b but dats jst hw i have been conditioned to b!!

Low self esteemed.. More lyk

Ur suggestions....are appreciated........cos its a stuggle - to find oneself, discover who i really am!!!!!



Is it too late, cos i am in my final year in the university

I'm sure your father means well its just that he does'nt know how to commuicate his fear and concern to you. He does'nt want you to be irresponsible thats why he monitors you. I'm guessing you are a teenager or just about entering your twenties. This friction with your father is entirely normal. Its not easy for some parents to let go of their children esepecially their first borns, and at your age all you want is freedom. You two are pulling each other in opposite directions. I know you are feeling rejected by your father and are probably keeping to yourself at home. Please don't do that. Relate with him as if as is well. Engage him and try to be his friend. Be open with him as much as you can. I belive that if you open up to him he will do the same. Unfortunately most of our parents are not emotionally available for us. Sometimes it falls to us the children to take the first step to making an emotional connection with our parents. Please do it. Don't let pride deprive you of forming a relationship with your father. You will regret it later. Be considerate of your fathers feelings. He is afraid thats all. I'm sure if you draw closer to him and understand him he will get to know the kind of man you are and he will trust you.
Don't worry so much about what your friends or neighbours say. Its only for a time. Your life has not even started yet.
Be well

naijadeyhia:
Many of you here giving advice are still kids yourself who still have rebellious tendencies so you would always want to stick with the OP. However OP I am not on your team. Allow me to tell you why.

1) I first took time to go through your posts here on nairaland as well as your diaries including those you said " the stories were true but names changed" and you really need help....i will come back to this shortly....

2) You are the second child but the first son and you wonder why your father is being hard on you? I am also a first son and all you lamented about I experienced it too but until I realised that my dad was not the problem and that I had the problem things never changed.
You see like you I and so stood up to my dad often but only on issues that were right especially after I became born again but I never stood up to him in disrespect but calmly passed my message across. I have slept in the rain, sun, got disowned at a point, slept with church members and eaten with them as no food was forthcoming from home because like u I was also . labelled a black sheep so you see your case isn't peculiar.
It is the one whom the father loves that he chastises the most and until I learnt how to draw close to my dad and engage him in truly meaningful conversation I was my own problem.
I had my fair share of hotels and women and it was as if I was hellbent on dis gracing my family until I had to stop and think and make some major adjustments and today I am my father's best friend as we joke around as friends not even as father and son. FYI my dad is now 68 and I around 40.
He wanted me to be an urban and regional planner which I studied in school but inside I wanted to be a musician or a businessman so I deliberately chose to do a biz of my own just tons pipe him but it only made matters worse.
However today all things have worked together fo Good because I am now fully into real estate but from all business angle as I develop and sell properties.

My dad really loved me in his own twisted way but I had to discover that and will myself to move towards him Same way u need to discover yours and move closer.
Only intense anger would make make a father wish his son was dead and I would like to say that his expectations from you as a first son and your actions or inactions pushed him to that point.

I dare say that perhaps peer pressure is one of your major problems as you seem to be having more influences outside your home and foolishly bring those influences into ur fathers house.
He is the captain of that home and not you...LEARN AND UNDERSTAND THAT! Why you get your own place and pay your own rent then feel free to do as u please.

I am a father now so fully appreciate what my dad tried doing when I was young. You OP will soon see the bigger picture as right now u are not.

Back to number 1 above... i want you to tell yourself the truth which at a point in this your submission u did when u said "u are demonic" . Ask yourself if your head is in the right place and if your actions match the impression u want ur dad to have about u. Clean yourself up OP....clean up your mind, ur thoughts and the words that come from u. REBRAND and you will see your dad do same.

On a final note, every father has n expectation for his kids and yours is not an exception. You will also have expectations for your kids when they start coming and perhaps you may give them corporal punishment when they fail to live up to your expectations. Sit down and give your life a thought OP and u will see that your dad isn't that bad.

Cheers!

thanks for the Words of encouragement sir. I appreciate

Just Die this instant and you would see him wail his eyes out.....HE LOVES YOU DESPITE HIS HARD STANCES....BE patient, you will soon become independent.

since you are inclined towards the creative, then learn a creative skill like 3D animation. You can go here https://www.nairaland.com/1320631/3d-enthusiast-zone-blender-3d/43 or meet me here https://www.nairaland.com/2756386/kazuna-cobalts-3d-portfolio.

I wont mind personally guiding you...if you are interested that is!

Sometimes we learn or improve better with constraints strewn our paths.

IF HE REALLY HATES YOU LIKE YOU HAVE PAINTED HIM.....HE COULD HAVE SOLD YOU TO A BABY FACTORY a long time ago or perhaps hire thugs to snuff your life while you parole the streets....

Therock5555:
Please this is a long write up so please pardon me

I choosed not to used an alternative moniker because I want my dad to see this, I introduced him to Nairaland and he's a frequent front page reader so I hope he sees this. I hope my fans in the literature section know why I get depressed always.




Sorry for the long epistle, I'm broken and seriously need advice, I hope he gets to see this and then kills me afterwards.


Cc. Ishilove Lalasticlala Sean RoyalRoy

How old are you?

lordmario:
Therock5555
I read your post and it made me remember my growing up. It was hell. Please disregard any advice telling you to either move out or fight your dad. No, pls don't!
I'll tell you a lil secret. Go meet him, plead for his audience, ask him exactly what he wants you to do that you have not been doing, ask him for advise to live according to his plans, ask him to forgive you if you have messed up. You said he is on NL I would have told you some more things. If you won't mind, contact me. But pls don't fight him

pls send me a pm

romzyxy:
Very reasonable write up! Makes me want to meet you. *smiles*

Tnx for the compliment

you sound emotionally stable so you can handle it till you part from him. build yourself positively from his incessant abuse

omotonyx:
There are parents like dat. Sorry 2say dis I blame ur mother 4everyting. Am a mother of 8months old baby, she fell yesterday while tryin 2standup I was like hurting myself cos I cnt stand it. What kind of mother is she standing her own son 2be maltreated and frustrated dis much. She's a bad mother.
U too talk 2urself, check urself. As 4ur dad u already said it all dat he's a Millitary man what do u expect of him he'll always want 2win n make a decision dat nobody shld question. I blame ur mother.
My advice is 4u 2liv the house go and hussle 4urself n av d fear of God cos 4 as long as u're still in dat house, u'll run mad which u av started already cos 4u 2post dis on Nairaland not minding ur psycho Dad 2see dis, u've started running out of ur senses but dis is d best place anyway Nairalanders will give their advice. I hope ur Dad too will read to see his wicked life.

he was actually raised up by a military man, he is a pastor

Rolings:
This is the best reply for the Op. From your write up it seems you are a teenager, this is the age of rebellion like when young people crave for freedom and see parents as enemy for trying to guide them to the right path. Some parents may be very harsh in doing this especially to a stubborn child but dont blame the parents because They know better and no parent want anything bad for their children. OP Please try this suggestions, obey all he say, don't argue with him, do all that is expected of you, drop your rebellious ways and you will see that you will have peace of mind. Do things that makes you happy, your father does not hate you he only wants your obedience and have your best interest at heart.

Thanks.

You make sense

freshcvvs:
One sided story always sainty and perfect.

How come you're the only one your dad is doing all these to in your home?

What about your siblings? Do they take side with you? Have they in anyway comforted you or told you it wasn't your fault before?

Lastly, there is a difference between being blunt and being arrogant/rude.

I won't agree that your dad does all these to you just because you talk back at him, i suspect other reasons

(1) The kind of friends you keep
(2) your lifestyle (drinks/smoke/womanize/rude e.t.c)
(3)Your dress sense
(4) Your actions and inactions

To be labelled a black sheep means you are the opppsite of what everyone in the family is. So get a big mirror and reflect on your life.

Are the rest better off than you?
Are you happier in your approach than the rest of your siblings acting accordingly?

Check yourself youngman.

When you want to claim blunt, do it with those you're older than, diplomacy is what you exhibit with older ones.

I repeat, I'm not a saint bro neither am I the devil

My siblings have moaned behind his back including my elder sis whom he takes as a favorite child, she comes home only once a year, my siblings have suffered unjustly but are too scared to speak out

Its now a crime and I'm termed a black sheep because I stand up for them most times.

I tell you it's like the idi amin regime, his word is the word, you can't complain or refuse or get pummeled to near death or when mum chooses to come save u

Laid2001:
So shall your children be happy of your demise SOON.

..so you support a Dad who molests his children.. you have a real psycho problem bruv. I am in tears for your family

Therock5555:
I repeat, I'm not a saint bro neither am I the devil

My siblings have moaned behind his back including my elder sis whom he takes as a favorite child, she comes home only once a year, my siblings have suffered unjustly but are too scared to speak out

Its now a crime and I'm termed a black sheep because I stand up for them most times.

I tell you it's like the idi amin regime, his word is the word, you can't complain or refuse or get pummeled to near death or when mum chooses to come save u

In summary, he acts same way to the rest?

You didn't answer the questions clearly bro.

To find solutions, problems must be identified, precise solutions may likely come if you can answer these questions precisely.

One more question, what exactly is your mum's position in all these?

This advice is from someone who has been in your shoes. There is an issue with your parentage. One of your parents might not be biologically related to you. They are unleashing their mistakes and frustration on you. I'll advise you to either take it or walk away. Your parents will never see any good in you unless you make lots of money but I won't advise you to try and make money by all means. You should first look inside and love yourself. Then look within and see what skills or education you have. Use whatever you have now and chart a course for yourself by setting a goal to be achieved within a time frame. But you might not succeed if you don't make your parents' home a long walk. Take heart. I've been there.

Therock5555:
I repeat, I'm not a saint bro neither am I the devil

My siblings have moaned behind his back including my elder sis whom he takes as a favorite child, she comes home only once a year, my siblings have suffered unjustly but are too scared to speak out

Its now a crime and I'm termed a black sheep because I stand up for them most times.

I tell you it's like the idi amin regime, his word is the word, you can't complain or refuse or get pummeled to near death or when mum chooses to come save u

OP if u believe you need your dad to loosen up a bit because as far as I am concerned all I see is that he is a bit uptight but isn't a bad person then PM me ur dad's number and I will gladly talk with him as one father to another . We will discuss scripturally. Afterall I am old enough to be called ur father as well.

ferhyntorlah:
End time advice.

If he does this, they will encourage him to kill himself quickly. Person wey him papa dey wish death upon.

Dear Therock5555,
For me, your matter is SPIRITUAL! You said you were the only one birthed in the village. There lies your foundational problem - something happened before or after you were born, which is causing you to behave like this.

I know people will say I have come with spiritually but we can't ignore the effect of the spiritual on the physical.

Pray for GOD to show you what happened during the time of your birth, right down to your naming.

It's so unfortunate that none of your parents are looking at the behaviour from the spiritual angle. Isn't your father (I'm sorry I can't called him daddy because from what you have written, he hadn't exhibited the traits of a DADDY) a preacher? Is the Holy Spirit living in him? A spirit filled man won't behave as he's doing to you because the Holy Spirit will caution him and guide him on ways to relate with you.

Tackle your issue spiritually and see your life change for the better.

REMEMBER THE SPIRITUAL CONTROLS THE PHYSICAL!

smiles

nice one, but trust me he should go face his mother not father if it his father trust me he need him dead for really.. no mother would want to lose a good or bad child, you think say e easy like that

oglalasioux:
This advice is from someone who has been in your shoes. There is an issue with your parentage. One of your parents might not be biologically related to you. They are unleashing their mistakes and frustration on you. I'll advise you to either take it or walk away. Your parents will never see any good in you unless you make lots of money but I won't advise you to try and make money by all means. You should first look inside and love yourself. Then look within and see what skills or education you have. Use whatever you have now and chart a course for yourself by setting a goal to be achieved within a time frame. But you might not succeed if you don't make your parents' home a long walk. Take heart. I've been there.

exactly, that why I said he should walk up to his mum not father

I think you need to move closer to God because he is father to the Fatherless... Am of the opinion that you need to leave the house

Therock5555:
Please this is a long write up so please pardon me

I choosed not to used an alternative moniker because I want my dad to see this, I introduced him to Nairaland and he's a frequent front page reader so I hope he sees this. I hope my fans in the literature section know why I get depressed always.




Sorry for the long epistle, I'm broken and seriously need advice, I hope he gets to see this and then kills me afterwards.


Cc. Ishilove Lalasticlala Sean RoyalRoy

Who knows, u maybe a bad boi too. Imaging your profile picture here in #land?! For ur biological father to b doing da to u, it mean u'v gone wild all u need is to change for gud boi. Well, Dad?you have to think of another way of handling situation like dis so da it won't go worst. You may end up pushing to bad gangs which will surely tarnish you. May Allah guide us to d right part. Ameen

Op, your dad is a learner compared to how my dad treated me before I swore never to lay my eyes on him or be anywhere near him until he or I closes our eyes in death whichever comes first.

Therock5555:
Please this is a long write up so please pardon me

I choosed not to used an alternative moniker because I want my dad to see this, I introduced him to Nairaland and he's a frequent front page reader so I hope he sees this. I hope my fans in the literature section know why I get depressed always.




Sorry for the long epistle, I'm broken and seriously need advice, I hope he gets to see this and then kills me afterwards.


Cc. Ishilove Lalasticlala Sean RoyalRoy

Wow. I am so sorry

Therock5555:
thanks man

Lemme correct the notion, my dad never made me a writer, I struggled to draw picture stories at a very young age but he tore them up, i can tell you how many times my phone was seized because I was typing an update, he thinks I'm watching porn or something worse, a certain time I had to be submitting my phone by 10 pm because he claimed I pressed it too much, even though a kobo of his wasn't used to buy it


Work is not an issue for me, I'm sure I would rise above his hate someday

I know about the writing stuff, writing is innate after all. What I meant was sending you to school, getting you educated which resulted in your writing skill. From what I've read, its obvious you are in the science class which you hate. Dude, I feel for you but you know what, we are in Nigeria and shit like that happens. Continue with the science class, you're almost there (final year) from what I read. Chin up and manage until you're done with it.

When you move out, he can't prevent you from being what you want to be. The beautiful thing is art is innate. It is timeless, it always finds a channel to express itself. Good luck bro.

marlockj:
All of Una Don they bring Una gist now!! Movie zone.



This same ppl during mother's day we will not get space,they will flood narialand with their mother's pic.


My Mum is the best Mum in the world, Bt the real story n truth is up their.

U no u are a fool i don't tink u carefully read wat i wrote if nt u wont mistake father for mother idiot i said father nt mother fool

LogoDWhiz:
hmmm.

llol.
Things happen for a reason.
sorry for whatever u passed through

Everything, absolutely EVERYTHING happens because some action was taken either for GOOD or BAD. look back in your experience,where you are today is as a result of decisions you have taken or actions of others that have influenced the outcomes you are faced with. If as a dependent, your destiny is affected by your Dad's actions for BAD, why should you not be unkind to him regardless of the whatever circumstances he passed throug. We are all responsible and should be accountable for our actions - we should not be allowed or allow ourselves to pass it on to our children.
Ask yourself why you must account for your actions before GOD? each one to his own cross to bear

My only advice is for you to leave the house. And do it fast.

@Therock5555, can I ask that you go & ask your father for forgiveness for whatever wrong you have done to him & everyone around you. If only you know what he has gone through because all of you emotionally. He MUST has cried his heart out praying for you in the secret. You will NEVER understand him until you become a father yourself. Please go to him, ask for his forgiveness because as your father he has a level of covering over all of you. I can bet you that all he is looking for is your good...EVEN in the beatings. He LOVES you DEARLY & can give his life for you...Dont mind his outbursts. God bless you.