₦airaland Forum

mimicious:
My dear I will advice u to grab him with both hands and cast that spirit in u that is making u dislike the guy. U met someone that laffs at ur dry jokes and feels comfortable with u and u are complaining. Nne pls if u dont like him biko inbox me his number.


Ps: do let us know when u meet the one u like

Wow! and you're so pretty. Prettier than the OP I'm sure. No homo

I don laugh taya for this post oooooooooo. The Poster really detests her suitor. No need marrying him. The repulsion would definitely continue and spread to other parts ur relationship with him...

Listen... There is no two ways about it. From your explanation, the thing bothering you is more of his looks than his character (e.g. Laughing style). Please don't deceive yourself, marriage is not the end of the world as African Ladies see it. why the rush? Politely ask him to give you some time, then think. if you cant take it don't manage, just tell him. However, know that there is no perfect one out there.

kagorba3:
Babes keep your desperation for separate Lane cos I can't trade my lifetime happiness for a day ceremony

Who in God's name told you she is desperate, cos she told u the truth, u are d desperate one for even contemplating to settle down with someone u ain't attracted to or even have a small feeling for. U don't want a brother buh u stringing him, waiting for ya Mr handsome.
Queen, telling us u ain't attracted to him is enough, u don't have to go about explaining his appearance in that manner.




Put yourself in his shoes. Quote mi n talk trash if u like!!!

Lol. Funny op. You seem so sure that you will have babies that will look like him. Let me borrow someone's moniker STFUareyouGod?

Ligxy:
Lol. Funny op. You seem so sure that you will have babies that will look like him. Let me borrow someone's moniker STFUarey.ougod?

Funny

Happy new month

toksbisola:
@OP; you really need to work on the way you describe other people especially if they are not up to your standard. If the irritation is along the lines of how they look physically of which they have no control over; learn to accept them the way they are and not try to bring them down.

Try not to look down on any man; be it a poor/rich man or ugly/handsome man. A MAN IS A MAN WHETHER HE’S UGLY, HANDSOME, FROM A HUMBLE, AVERAGE OR RICH BACKGROUND. As you’re seeking a handsome man, I hope you’re pretty yourself (No offence hope none taken) as being good-looking seems to be something you emphasize on; maybe/may be not.

That said, now permit me to ask you this question, how would you feel if someone constantly criticizes you in an area where you have no control over e.g your looks/stature? I’m sure you’ll not feel happy about it. Now put yourself in the shoes of this current guy and deliberate.

You talk as if you yourself are Miss 100% perfect and have no flaws. Listen up gurl, I'm sure this current guy is putting up with your fault/flaws without blowing your trumpet as loud as you’re blowing his. If this current guy were to make a list of your flaws, it’ll be as long as my arm but yet, he manages yours and probably don’t complain so much as you’re whining about his looks. I can just imagine the agony and pains he’s going through just to please you; but obviously that’s not enough as you have said yourself that you keep looking at your wristwatch when you’re out with him for the time to pass quickly. It’s disrespectful doing that when you’re out on a date.

To love someone is a beautiful thing; and when one is seeking a partner, there are certain factors you need to consider before taking the “I DO” step as MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES. The factors are; Love, Compatibility, Respect and Friendship.

The few questions mentioned below, can you in your heart answer yes to all regarding the current guy;

Is he caring?
Is he decent?
Is he hardworking?
Is he supportive?
Does he love you?

Also note these 2 points;

1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) that the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur.

We all have preference’ as to what we want in a partner; but laying so much emphasis on LOOKS can be a dangerous game. Besides, you’re entitled to marry a handsome man IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT AND WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY. Always look at the potential for the future in a man when seeking for a mate and not just his looks. Note that you can marry a handsome/ugly man who’ll deal with you mercilessly and disrespect you on every occasion and not give you the peace you require. On the other hand you can also marry a handsome/ugly man that would give you peace and love you dearly; you just never know.

It would be in your best interest to TO AVOID PROLONGING THIS MATTER ANY LONGER. If you honestly would not be able to look beyond the “PROBLEM AREA” which you class as his looks not being up to your standards; PLEASE FREE HIM AND FREE YOURSELF. Don’t have a selfish attitude (No offence hope none taken) where you want to have your cake and eat it by keeping him and STILL HAVING THESE NAGGING DOUBTS/ISSUES THAT YOU CAN’T OVERLOOK.

The decision is yours entirely whether to carry on with him or let him be (beauty is in the eye of the beholder); though it'll be totally out of a selfish interest to allow him to chase other women away (one man’s meet is another man’s poison) with his knowledge that he has met his wife; meanwhile you’re in doubt if you have met your husband; as that’s the way it looks at the moment . Also to re-emphasis that you might find a handsome guy (who might deal with you mercilessly through his character), but might not be a “Husband material”.

Finally, look for more important qualities that a man has (as mentioned above) aside money/looks before settling down with him to avoid stories that touch/hurt. NEVER EVER PUT HIS LOOKS, MONEY AND RICHES FIRST AND BLIND YOU IN HIS SHORT-COMINGS TO AVOID POTENTIAL PROBLEMS AFTER MARRIAGE.

I rest my case

i really dont know what to say about you, you have just nailed it! Thank you for this piece, its simply the best i have ever read!

@OP, I wish that guy doesn't end up marrying you because you'll cheat on him,disrespect him even in public and you'll end up making him feel so frustrated.People like you have very low self esteem and are from a very poor and disorganized back ground.
You don't marry a man because of his looks,his wealth or family back ground;you marry him for what you see in him that no one else sees.

You're a very proud and gold digging woman that believes in fantasy instead of reality and that's what's going to keep you from getting married for as long as possible.
Why don't you ask your ex boy friends why they refused to marry you?The reason is as simple as this: your nasty character.

As a woman,dating or starting a relationship with a man you can't afford to spend the rest of your life with makes you more of a LovePeddler and coming on social media to sample opinions before making up your mind makes you a very dangerous woman who doesn't know what she wants.
Grow up and don't forget to use your tongue to count your teeth.

Jennifer89:
why are you dating a man you are not physically attracted to? Why should a man you claim you haven't say yes to fix a date for 'the main thing' which i assume is marriage? well, if you know you don't love him and you are not physically attracted to him don't marry. you can never force it!

Most times these things are not that easy. They might not be literally dating. I know someone I've told more than 2 times that we're not in a relationship. He keeps coming back to the same issue and asking what he should do for me so that I'll accept we're in a relationship. I guess he's thinking maybe its about bugging my life and buying things...and since he's not around I'm complaining. He has failed to accept the fact staring him in the face that I'm not attracted to him (for reasons very similar to that of the OP ). Most of these guys that allow desperation get the better of them in the name of marriage (mostly first sons that ain't young anymore) behave this way. I'm starting to realize that its not just ladies that get desperate when it comes to this marriage ish.

Now he's planning seriously to come back for Christmas. I just hope he doesn't have proposing to me in mind...because the way I'm viewing him from my vantage seat he wants to do all these public proposals when he comes back. Well God forgive me for what will happen that day

So OP, biko run for your life. There should be something attracting you to somebody. Don't settle because of pity. I don tok my own...

nyben4eva:
@OP, I wish that guy doesn't end up marrying you because you'll cheat on him,disrespect him even in public and you'll end up making him feel so frustrated.People like you have very low self esteem and are from a very poor and disorganized back ground.
You don't marry a man because of his looks,his wealth or family back ground;you marry him for what you see in him that no one else sees.

You're a very proud and gold digging woman that believes in fantasy instead of reality and that's what's going to keep you from getting married for as long as possible.
Why don't you ask your ex boy friends why they refused to marry you?The reason is as simple as this: your nasty character.

For your mind now you made sense abi? Well clap for yourself... What if she doesn't see anything in the guy that no one else doesn't see Everybody has a turn off and what if the totality of the mans physical appearance is a turn off for her Does it mean that people no longer have the right to wait for what they truly want for fear of remaining single The questions I've for you are endless but I'll stop here.

The only wrong I know the OP is doing now is stringing him along to the extent of fixing a date...she should call it off asap.

kagorba3:
You want to abuse me privately abi, have seen your pm already, just say what you have to say here

More like offer you private advice n with good reasons. You should simply reply the PM.

Ligxy:
Wow! and you're so pretty. Prettier than the OP I'm sure. No homo

#smiles

Am having the same probs with op. I have known this guy since 2005, he was my tutor then and we have bin like bro and sis since then. He professed his love to me in 2012. I like him and I feel comfortable with him but he had this nasty past and despite how close we were, I dint know about it till I started hearing about them around. Moreso, he has this big tummy which I hate so much. He wouldn't give up on me since 2012. I don't just know what to do about him

Ballmer:
More like offer you private advice n with good reasons. You should simply reply the PM.

Okay

kagorba3:
(I mean a man with bending shaped head, undefined complexion and petit in nature ) how is the journey so far

You don already yab him future away

Lol @ undefined complexion.

Sissy, let him be. That another who can love his physical shortcomings will come into his life.

With your description of him and all you said, its obvious you dont love him at all. And you are thinking of considering his proposal because you are scared you may never meet another that will be so accepting and serious minded as he is. Well I can tell you that if you go ahead, you're gonna be making one very big mistake in your life that you will forever regret. If you are as pretty as you say, why worry? You will definitely meet someone you love, one you'll be 100% comfortable with. I have never dated any guy that I don't love enough to marry, I know people are different, but I think this is one thing ladies should seriously consider because it helps. Don't ever date or court a man you know you can't marry, then you won't have to go through all these worries. All the best op.

chronique:
Pls don't make the mistake of marrying him out of pity. Marriage is forever and if you can't endure what he has to offer,there's no point being with him. You have the right to be happy and that means you must make a decision that comes from your heart;not one taken out of compulsion. I understand your point of view when you talk about the kind of lovely kids ou wanna have and all that. As a guy,I also take that seriously and can't imagine spending the rest of my life with a lady I'm not attracted to cos I'd never be happy being with her. I'm quite selective with ladies and of course,I'd love to blend my genes with someone who'd complement my looks. I know a lot of people will castigate us for feeling the way we feel but trust me,God knows the desires of each and everyone of us,and what makes us happy. I don't think He'd be wicked enough to force us to settle for what we don't want. I personally won't marry a lady that is not attractive to me;I can't and won't be able to cope with the union. I'd love to have lovely cute kids. When I was much younger,I used to detest kids that didn't look good to the point that I wouldn't even carry them,and used to feel irritated just by them touching me. That has changed now though,due to maturity...

Perfect answer to this question... Thank you for your honesty jare.

kagorba3:
Huh? So caring, do you care for his contact?

abeg give me the guy contact sharply I like ugly guys

kagorba3:
Babes keep your desperation for separate Lane cos I can't trade my lifetime happiness for a day ceremony

she gave a candid advice nd she is termed a desperado, God help u nd i ope u dnt regret dis statement in d long run, if dem mr handsome are dt easy to come by, am sure dis topic wuld nt have bn in d first place cos u wulda bn long married by nw nd den leaving d innocent guy broken, aunty if u r nt into him, free him nd save him more heartbreak, stop usin him as an option, u will regret in d long run

BluStreak:
Word! Someone should put this into perspective. Like a song back in the days, "Love Has No Guarantee". The guy might actually be faking it just to land this babe while making it seem like he adores the ground she walks on.

It is your right to want to have cute kids. I had this same thought process and God answered my prayers. We as guys always go for the beautiful ladies 1st before studying them to decide if they are good enough to marry or not. There is nothing wrong for a lady to desire her man have good looks which will compliment hers and translate to cute and lovely kids.

People giving instances with Tinubu and Obasonjo and the likes, do you guys have the inside scoop of what goes on in the marriage. At least we all have a snippet of Stella Obasanjo with one present senator now (though it may just have been rumours). Wealth does not equate to HAPPINESS in marriage. It only aids happiness.

Please my lady, Don't Do It. I don't mind being hated for being objective and realistic on this issue.

Blustreak, this totally resonates with me. You have ur head properly screwed on.

Omotayor123:
Chai... He's probably waiting till you are hooked. If you don't love him pls. Let him go!

Oya tell me the truth, will u marry me if i look like Obasanjo?

after marrying him ,she will eventually see the guy she finds attractive among his friends/visitors and that will create a big problem for her.why marry a man u don't find attractive and may not desire sexually,why llive a life of deceit when u can live a true life.

kittykat1:
Take this from a big sister, don't say yes. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to marry a man with the qualities you want. Men rarely ever manage a woman who doesn't have what they want. Why should you manage?
Moreover, your fellow women that have had patience and married the men of their dreams don't have 2 heads. Write down the 10 qualities you want in man and stick to it. Be more out going . Make sure you meet a new guy every week. Be friends with them and be nice too.

Soon you will come across the man you desire.

ashewo leleyi sha!

kagorba3:
Okay

Still waiting on your respond to my PM.

cococandy:
March is only 4months away.
What did you set for March?

Why let it get that far when you're not really into him. You're even keeping him as a back up plan in case someone better looking comes knocking.
Put yourself in his shoes and see if that's a situation you'd like to find yourself in.

That's what most girls do these days. Dating a guy, giving false hope and waiting for the main guy to come.

kosplateau:
Physical looks is...I believe you typed and edited and seemed satisfied to post this story. But your grammar is below par and the handsome guys are not impressed. Bad grammar from ladies is a turn off to us. Everything about you irritates us!

Word.
Of course only a woman can bring NOTHING to the table and yet make demands.

Adaezeagu:
abeg give me the guy contact sharply I like ugly guys

E clear say your menopause dn de reach

Marriage is not to be managed....

But meanwhile....

Isaiah 4:1....

So grab your copy nowwwwwwwwww.

Presently, i'm in such situation! Some guys don't care about any other thing when they are after a particular one!

When a guy loves a girl, he will do anything! I mean anything!

pet4ril:
her fault.. I have been in such situations countless times, how she plays the card, matters alot..... She's even still discussing with him to the extent the guy has fixed wedding in March..... Come on babes, her happiness matters alot that's why i said she should let the guy go..... There are many ways to kill a rat

toksbisola:
@OP; you really need to work on the way you describe other people especially if they are not up to your standard. If the irritation is along the lines of how they look physically of which they have no control over; learn to accept them the way they are and not try to bring them down.

Try not to look down on any man; be it a poor/rich man or ugly/handsome man. A MAN IS A MAN WHETHER HE’S UGLY, HANDSOME, FROM A HUMBLE, AVERAGE OR RICH BACKGROUND. As you’re seeking a handsome man, I hope you’re pretty yourself (No offence hope none taken) as being good-looking seems to be something you emphasize on; maybe/may be not.

That said, now permit me to ask you this question, how would you feel if someone constantly criticizes you in an area where you have no control over e.g your looks/stature? I’m sure you’ll not feel happy about it. Now put yourself in the shoes of this current guy and deliberate.

You talk as if you yourself are Miss 100% perfect and have no flaws. Listen up gurl, I'm sure this current guy is putting up with your fault/flaws without blowing your trumpet as loud as you’re blowing his. If this current guy were to make a list of your flaws, it’ll be as long as my arm but yet, he manages yours and probably don’t complain so much as you’re whining about his looks. I can just imagine the agony and pains he’s going through just to please you; but obviously that’s not enough as you have said yourself that you keep looking at your wristwatch when you’re out with him for the time to pass quickly. It’s disrespectful doing that when you’re out on a date.

To love someone is a beautiful thing; and when one is seeking a partner, there are certain factors you need to consider before taking the “I DO” step as MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES. The factors are; Love, Compatibility, Respect and Friendship.

The few questions mentioned below, can you in your heart answer yes to all regarding the current guy;

Is he caring?
Is he decent?
Is he hardworking?
Is he supportive?
Does he love you?

Also note these 2 points;

1) Never marry anyone out of pity simply because you have been with them for a long time and you don’t want them to lose out.

2) Marry for true love so that when the challenges start occurring in the marital bond (and best believe challenges would arise) that the love both of you have built up would be able to withstand the ups and downs that would occur.

We all have preference’ as to what we want in a partner; but laying so much emphasis on LOOKS can be a dangerous game. Besides, you’re entitled to marry a handsome man IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT AND WOULD MAKE YOU HAPPY. Always look at the potential for the future in a man when seeking for a mate and not just his looks. Note that you can marry a handsome/ugly man who’ll deal with you mercilessly and disrespect you on every occasion and not give you the peace you require. On the other hand you can also marry a handsome/ugly man that would give you peace and love you dearly; you just never know.

It would be in your best interest to TO AVOID PROLONGING THIS MATTER ANY LONGER. If you honestly would not be able to look beyond the “PROBLEM AREA” which you class as his looks not being up to your standards; PLEASE FREE HIM AND FREE YOURSELF. Don’t have a selfish attitude (No offence hope none taken) where you want to have your cake and eat it by keeping him and STILL HAVING THESE NAGGING DOUBTS/ISSUES THAT YOU CAN’T OVERLOOK.

The decision is yours entirely whether to carry on with him or let him be (beauty is in the eye of the beholder); though it'll be totally out of a selfish interest to allow him to chase other women away (one man’s meet is another man’s poison) with his knowledge that he has met his wife; meanwhile you’re in doubt if you have met your husband; as that’s the way it looks at the moment . Also to re-emphasis that you might find a handsome guy (who might deal with you mercilessly through his character), but might not be a “Husband material”.

Finally, look for more important qualities that a man has (as mentioned above) aside money/looks before settling down with him to avoid stories that touch/hurt. NEVER EVER PUT HIS LOOKS, MONEY AND RICHES FIRST AND BLIND YOU IN HIS SHORT-COMINGS TO AVOID POTENTIAL PROBLEMS AFTER MARRIAGE.

I rest my case

pls permit me to copy and paste dis ur epistle to d pretty lady of my dream omotayor123. I love her in proxy.

Ballmer:
Still waiting on your respond to my PM.

.