₦airaland Forum

1 question, are u looking at now or later, having an upright man with a spiritual deficit is a dangerous game, even if ur guy is a traditionalist, he has a belief system that he can b judged on. an athesist does not believe in God, but ask him what happens, if he wakes up 1 morning, and blinded in one eye.,the next day, the other eye is blinded also, on the third day, he can see perfectly, what does he subscribe the happening to, circumstance, concindence, or chance that he got blinded by sometin.

an atheist who does not believe God, but confirms the works of God is in self put danger or destruction, he is more worse than an unbeliever, i wan rather go out with an unbeliever than jolly ride with an atheist.

consider your options and pray about for a while until you se the green light be4 u commence, becos your life journey with this guy is more like 30/70% chance of success and failure.

if it works badly, remembers ur family will be the spectators while u battle it out.

if it works out well, congratulations

Ok first of all, let me get the obvious judgmental thing to say out of the way because if you're a Christian, it needs to be said because you probably already know. Christians are not supposed to be "unequally yoked," so you're not supposed to knowingly get into a relationship with/ marry an unbeliever.

So now that the (judgmental) obvious has been stated, let me get to the real talk. Because I'm sure you already know, have been told by friends, family and pastor, and have already fought yourself over that:

Honestly, if we were friends, I would tell you it was up to you. Only you know your relationship with this guy and with God, and only you can really judge what you should do, and in any case, you're the one who has to live with your decision.  Matters of faith are really complicated. There are some difficult questions you need to ask yourself, for example: You already mentioned that his arguments are convincing; if they're convincing now, after 5-10 years of hearing them, do you think you'll be able to stand in your faith? And are you ok with your kids growing up with/around those ideas? Are you ok spending the rest of your life with someone who finds beliefs that are important to you, ridiculous and foolish?

I think there are so many things to disagree about and be divided about in a relationship especially when your views should align on the most important things (like faith which is so fundamentally polemic anyway).  I've never really had more than a passing acquaintance with any militant atheists, although i'm friends with quite a few agnostics and areligious people who don't necessarily believe but don't despise/scorn religion or those who believe, and i know a couple who are in relationships with Christians.

E.g. one of my best friends from uni is a strong Christian engaged to a guy who's an areligious agnostic (doesn't really care about whether or not God exists). But because he knows it means a lot to her and because he doesn't care either way, he occasionally goes with her to special events at her church, and even though they both know he isn't searching or likely to believe what he's hearing, he doesn't make an issue of it and looks at it like a philosophical belief system and is respectful of it, though he doesn't subscribe to it. So for them it works because he doesn't mind if his kids are raised Christians, he's not opposed to the idea of God or Christianity for other people.

If you feel this strongly about your relationship and feel like you'll regret breaking it off just because of differences in religion, then obviously you should continue. But proceed with caution. I know what it's like to gradually lose your relationship with God because of the people you're hanging around with, and for a believer, it's a really desolate and depressing place to find yourself. If you want to continue in your faith, you'll have to be really strong and really ground yourself in what you believe since your partner is so convincing to you. It's going to be tough.

I think the family issue is secondary. They usually come round after a while. Don't make it about them, make it about what you want/need in your life, and your faith. And also leave turning 30 out of it. It's only 30, if you marry someone you shouldn't, you (hopefully having long life,) will have more than 30yrs to regret that decision. So many people marry someone they're unsure about for whatever reason because they think they're getting old and live to regret it. I'm praying for you either way sha. Good luck!

Sia Fuller:
I am an Avid reader of Nairaland and i have never bothered to comment but to enjoy the comments and advices of others i relationship matters but i think i now need your assistance before i lose the plot.

I have been dating this guy for a while now and honestly speaking without exaggerating too much, he is the most perfect man to me. He is tall, dark, handsome, hardworking and very kind to a fault. He helps people at will and takes no offence whatso ever at my excesses except i over do it to a fault and instead of getting mad at me to hit me or abuse me, he just walks away for an hour or 2 and comes back as if nothing happens. The only snag i have with him is that he is an atheist and doesnt believe in God whatso ever. I am a very strong Christian and i didnt take it as anything at first when he was trying to date me. I saw it as a juvenile boy's thing and maybe misguided and my purpose was to date him to make him change his ways and believe in God, but instead he has kept steadfast to his belief of not believing in God and hating anything about religion but apart from that, he is everything a girl could want in a man or more.

Since i have known him, he doesnt smoke or drink or party, move around with unserious or bad friends. He has never cheated on me  and promised to never do so because its not his nature. He hasn't hit me before and also swore the day that he hits me mistakenly i should stab him and dump him there and then because he doesnt appreciate Men who beat women. He takes care of me and sometimes even cook for me when ever i come to his place. He even paid close to N300,000 for my hospital bills when i had a surgery and he stayed with me most of the time. I know he truely and genuinely loves me but this issue of his religion and atheism is my only problem with him. He has even driven me to church on so many occassions when it rains or when am going for Night Virgil but he never comes down or attends it and he sometimes comes back to pick me up when i am done.

He blatantly refuses to change. My pastor dislikes him so much and sees him as a bad influence to me because he says anybody that is not of the spirit and with the spirit of God is a temptation to be cut loose. My Mom doesnt even want to hear anything about him until he renounces his  atheism but she hasnt complained about him concerning anything else. My Dad has warned me not to bring a devil to his house hold and sees him as a Devil's incarnate and spritually unclean. He even promised to disown me if i ever call him my financee talkless of bringing home as a potential husband. Most of my female friends drool over him and tell me how lucky i am to meet such a good man while others warn me that he is demonic and i should stay away from him because he doesnt believe in God.

The thing is that he is very brilliant and intelligent and when you hear him speak sometimes he could be so mesmerizing when denouncing religion and the bible or Koran as mere propagandas and fictional works. There was even a day some people in my fellowship came to meet him to pray and convert him and it turned into a debate and he ended up winning the argument and making us question or faith back in a total reversal of roles. He is very unsparing and merciless when it comes to things of God, Bible or religion and makes no apologises for it. Apart from that, he is a total kitty cat. Calm, collected, mature, responsible and humble. 2 days ago he jokingly made a feeble attempt to propose to me  but added a clause that we would only do a registry marriage and not church wedding because he cant stand the site of the hypocrisy of christianity and the church but he would go out of his way to make sure i have a memorable wedding @ the registry and reception. He tells me that prayers dont work and only daft and lazy people believe in prayers. He says you don't have to be a christian to be kind, compassionate and honest and to help people. He says its human nature and the society that dictates how we think and act and he chooses to be someone that is kind and honest to people and not attribute it to one God or Church. Anytime i come back from Church and talk about my pastor or what i was taught, he gets very angry. He doesnt like hearing anything about pastors, churches, tithes and sermons but when you get into a biblical argument with him, its as if he knows the bible inside out and the right quotes without even reading it. He is that articulate.

For the past 2 days i have been in a dilema now. He wants to marry me i believe and i love him seriously to bits. I have dated other so called born again or spiritually filled guys in my past that messed me up so badly and i know alot of men use this as a bait to catch women and end up showing their true colors later on. My boyfriend is not disguising who he is in terms of his spirituality but he is offering me this unconditional love which i have seen and no man has given me despite their promises. My only fear is that my parents will see me as an out cast, my friends dont like him for it, my pastor and church members loathe him for being an athiest and dislike more everyday i am with him. If i go ahead with my choice to stick with him, i lose my soul and my community but gain happiness because he has truely being a wonderful man so far but if i leave him for my friends, family and community i might lose my prince charming that every woman dreams of that loves me dearly.

I am really confused and i have to make a decision quickly. Please help advise me. Please no nasty comments too i beg you. Hope we can be civil with this.

P:S: I will be 30 in September.

which kin long tori bi this one? u are lucky i am in a good mood ehen, wetin u say happen? for me i think u have a couple of options to take but b4 then, i want to ask u something, are u sure u are a christian or u just go to church? this is not an insulting question but the answer answers ur question. if u truly are a christian, then ur first duty will be to forget abt ur parents, ur bf and every other person and spend time with God in the secret, pray and seek God's face concerning the issue and drop all ur idols, including ur desire to marry that guy. the truth is when u drop ur selfishness and let God be God he will let u know why he brought that guy into ur life, it may be for u to be a positive influence to him or him to u, remember God used a donkey to correct a wayward prophet and God might just use that guy to correct u or ur parents. moreover, God also told his prophet to marry a harlot to teach a lesson to the children of Israel. now remember, all these examples where God doing his thing not man acting God, so dont say i will marry him and convert him or he might change us for the better, u can never change nobody, only God can use ppl or circumstances to change the hearts of men(women inclusive). remember God's express command, be not unequally yoked with unbelievers 2nd cor 6:14 downwards. also the devil does appear as an angel of light, be careful 2nd cor 11:14. so what am i saying, find out what the will of God is for u knowing this young man, not for u marrying him, once u know why God brought him into ur life, things will be clearer. now if u decide u cant live without him, u got other options too, denounce ur faith and go be with him, u guys might turn out great who knows or keep ur faith and hope for the best but surely even u will know u r deceiving urself as ur faith is meant to be the foundation of ur life and if ur man hates ur foundation, well. . . . . i will just stop there.

this is kinda old, so I'm curious...are yu now married to the guy or what?

The more we Africans understand the concept of organized Religions and its motives the better for us.The white men who gave us this so called religion had an ulterior motive which is deeply rooted in Deception and subtle mind control.@Op don't be surprised if u find out what ur so called pastor does behind closed door.If ur guy is as u said and he loves u go for it...gal.#Isgrafiti

irregularMe:
this is kinda old, so I'm curious...are yu now married to the guy or what?

Next time before you wake a dead thread check the op profile to be sure he/she is still active, now who wan answer this your question?

hmmn

One question, where were your parents when this 'sinner' doled out 300k for your surgery? Is his money good enough to spend but he is not good enough to marry?

Nd she's 35+ nw Hope you gat kids nw