₦airaland Forum

My dear op calm down, life na je je. If i look at d life my father has lived and all the atrocites he committed and compare it to d life i am living there is a huge difference......

It's so painful but you shouldn't have grudges and hatred for them. Embrace CHRIST and he would direct you. Tell your brother because he deserves to know the truth. If you don't, it might come back one day to hunt you. But advice him against calling off the marriage if he truly loves her. Let GOD guide you, but remove every form of bitterness as to succeed in life. Cheers

saasala:
How many times have you read 48 laws of power?

I don't read books..
What does it say

Petroking:
i don't think there is a case of dupe here, you don't need to be told that you are in Nigeria before you can win a case which is not supposed to be won. Also why did the man not go for the house when the brother was alive??.. i smell koni koni movement

What I know is that if the OP's dad was actually duped, the original owner of the property can sue them if they want. Even if it was after 20yrs is their business.

cytellProperty:
Has his parent not told him to forgive and forget? Is his brother the bereaved or the parent?

See its only right to say the truth. if its hidden and his brother knows in the future.. what do you think will happen??.. a smile or a bomb which ??.. i remember a girl saying something about my brother and after i heard of it i did not tell my brother, when my brother later heard and knew i heard of it before him it was not funny. My brother didn't take it easy with me.. he said i should have at least told him. telling him does not change anything. or would you like the OP not to attend the brother's traditional wedding.. i am sure if you have a brother and he does not show for your traditional wedding you will find out why.. okay even if your brother lies and does not show up for the white wedding as your best man.. that is the thingy .. i await your suggestions

somcherry:
What I know is that if the OP's dad was actually duped, the original owner of the property can sue them if they want. Even if it was after 20yrs is their business.

Original owner you say. Do you remember that it was the man's brother that sold the house to them. The only thing here is that some people just have money and will all know what lawyers are capable of, if you read well you will see where the father wanted to appeal but he was told to use the money to rent an apartment so he can stay in that. I hope you know the Original owner of the property is dead(The Father of the supposed iNLAW) he is the only one that knows what his will says and as they say dead people can't testify with regards to the brother of the inlaw.. see analyze well and be neutral.

amunkita:
I don't read books..
What does it say

You quoted one of the laws to that dude.

Come clean and let him decide whether to continue the marriage plansor not. Decision is hes not yours.

I'll say you should tell him the truth cos sooner or later he'll find out but leave him to decide whether to continue with the girl or not.

saasala:
You quoted one of the laws to that dude.

So his Law is Valid then...

In d short or long run, ur bro will find out. Its better its b4 d marriage than after it!

@OP
Do not join this conspiracy of silence against your brother.
Information is power, let your brother know, and make his decision with full information about the family he is marrying into.
A lot of folks are mixing up giving your brother access to such important information and forgiveness.
If I am your brother and later found out you hid such information from me, I will be very disappointed.
It is up to you to tell your brother, while it is up to him to do with the information whatever he pleases.
Do not let him shoot in the dark.
If issues crop up in that marriage tomorrow, and this info gets to him by then, you relationship with him is most likely to be ruined.
There is a reason why the elders make enquiries prior to marriage.

If your mum and dad are over it..... Get over it. You never know this may bring everything full circle.

@op,

the keywords there are
...'parents'
...'dad beaten and arrested'
...'mum cried at night'


hmmmm!.... if it was me, that marriage will never hold n damn the bloody love!


shor!

I really feel your pain...but if u want to do anytin u have to do it now..cause wen eventually get married..it is u d whole think gonna hurt and so why not tell him now...instead him to knw later and put d whole biTterness in his wife doing marriage...my guy teLl him and make ur conscience rest.

What if the parents had died of heart attack. Has the one that erred ask for forgiveness? Abeg guy tell ur bros, its left for him to continue or not. Snake will always beget snake. I don finish.

SSpeter:
I know this might not be totally right but at least it will make me feel great. Egbon wants to get married in march and automatically I will become the best Man. But I don't want him to get married to her. It is not because of her but the dad.

It all started back in 1998 my dad was having a court case with our supposed in-law over our house. The house was sold to my dad by the late late brother of our supposed in-law. That was even before my dad got married. We have lived in that house for more than 10yrs. My siblings and I were born there. After the death of the brother in 1998 he dragged my dad to court saying his brother was only a benefactor and does not have the legal right to sell the building and their late father made him the executor of His properties according to the late father's will. My parents were partners in business and their office was located at the ground floor of the building where we lived. Their goods were also stored there (plumbing equipment).

Prior to joining the plumbing business, my dad was into commercial inter-state transport services after suffering heavy losses he auctioned what was left and joined my mum in the plumbing business. A year later he was in court with our supposed in-law. The legal battle started in December. Egbon travelled with an aunt of mine who had won a visa lottery the previous year. My sisters were older than the guys. they were already in boarding school. I was the king of the house. My dad suffered many embarrassment at the hands of our supposed in-law. He dragged the case for some years money meant for business ended up in legal battles. My dad had to borrow to pay suppliers. He couldn't not order for new materials anymore and the business eventually collapsed. Extended families gave their support until 2003 when a lagos high court handed our supposed in-law victory

My dad wanted to appeal the judgement but his lawyer told him to get an apartment with whatever he has left. Although my parents thought they hid everything from us. Perhaps my sisters didn't notice because they were not always home but I saw my mum cry severally. I saw the fears in my dad eyes. I listened to their whispering at night I knew we were doomed. Our supposed In-law sold the house to a bank. The bank gave two weeks to evacuate. But before the notice expired they brought sledge hammer and started destroying the building with our properties in it. My dad tried to protest but he was beaten and arrested. For the first time I saw our "Supposed In-law" that day ordering the boys to destroy everything. My dad was later released days after. I went to live with my cousins. My sisters also went to live with my other cousins.

In 2006 I wrote a mail to Egbon I narrated all that happened to him and he vowed he was going to ensure that they payed for it dearly. Few years later, I got admission into the university my parents embraced christ; But I still feel bitter. How time flies, my sisters are both married and it's just me preparing for the life of a bachelor; Until recently my brother told me his plans of getting married, I noticed it because he has visited us more than usual last year and had extensive discussions with my parents. But whenever He came back He still promised my dad that he will never forget all that happened. My dad told him that was in the past but I know what my brother was capable of doing as regards family.

He brought his supposed girl friend (I believe that is all she will ever be) to the house last christmas everyone welcomed her but immediately I set my eyes on her, she looked like the man that was giving orders to tear down our house. I asked her for her surname, when she said ****US, I knew she was the daughter of our long time enemy. When they left, my mum and dad begged me that I shouldn't say anything. That they have forgiven him. She invited my parents and I during the new year but I declined. I have also told my brother I can't be his best man. He thought am joking cos it was via mail. My brother had assured me severally whenever I told him what became of us after then that incident and he told me "I will give up anything to deal with the Man that messed with my family". I guess I will have to tell him the whole truth. But my parents keep calling me every single day to beg. "Saying I should not bring him misery. That they were happy he decided to bring home a cool headed lady".....But I just can't let it go. Unless my brother and I will decide not to be brothers anymore because I will never go to his house if he marries her. I will never associate myself with him or anything that has to do with him.

I have finished typing the truth I want to send the mail to him...I don't know why I am hesitating (I guess my parents will forgive me sooner or later) but he has to know the truth!!!!....i can't dine with my enemy!.....I don't want to see her dad face again....never...I hope am doing the right thing....i think I am.....perhaps I am...

. I totally understand ur pains. Your brother has to know d truth b4 deciding whether to marry her or not. Hiding d truth will make matters even worse cos a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. This is a typical example of..'Sins of d fathers'. D grl in question mightbe totally innocent. But d first step is lettin urbroda knw d whole truth so dat he can decide forhimself whether to still go on. My brother take heart, its a paiinful situation, d man behind all dese (d grl's father) really needs to apologise seriously. Ipray God helps u pple forgiv & sought thins out

SSpeter:
I think am digging three

Bro allow your supposed in-law to do the confession.

Call the girl and tell her everything. Tell her to go ask her dad and make sure your parents tells your brother now and they can still make him forgive instead of keeping this away from him. Because if he finds out, you all will have to be added to the enemies family.

So, it's better he knows now and the anger dies than him getting to know after marriage. That might destroy his marriage.

My advice though.

But you shouldn't be the one to tell him.

DICKtator:
Is this from a movie?


Wooow!!!

What a coincidence though.
The father in law may not even subscribe to his daughter getting married to your bro.

I guess he doesn't know too

. Lol this is anoda thin we v not even considered. Dat kind of 'mean' man (accordin to d story) will most likely not even allow his daughter marry d guy

SSpeter:
I am can never be God. I don't want any of those memories......My brother should know the truth. He deserves the truth!.....i can't be part of a family with a man that nearly ruined my family

If I were you, I will not prevent my brother from marrying the girl, but I make sure he knows the truth about who his in-laws to be are. Dont tell him ourself make ur parents to be the ones to tell him.

OP don't listen all these bunch of hypocrites telling you to forgive.. did d supposed in-laws beg for forgiveness? NO. one can never know how painful something is until one has experienced it. pls tell your brother the truth , d choice of whether to continue with the wedding ot not z his
...abeg OP waste no more time, dis is your brothers future ur talking about here. karma is probably trying to deal with that man

Anoda thin sef...@0P: there's somthin suspicious abt d way ur parentsare trying to bury d matter. You only knw one version of d story, u havnt hrd from d oda side, mayb wen d truth comes out u ll discover dat ur parents might hav been @fault (maybe o). I tink its best u tell ur brother, so dat d whole truth can be investigated. Mayb dis will help to heal all wounds

missslimfit:
OP don't listen all these bunch of hypocrites telling you to forgive.. did d supposed in-laws beg for forgiveness? NO. one can never know how painful something is until one has experienced it. pls tell your brother the truth , d choice of whether to continue with the wedding ot not z his
...abeg OP waste no more time, dis is your brothers future ur talking about here. karma is probably trying to deal with that man

I know my alumni peeps when i see them @missslimfit

But then, Someone has got to say something. Your brother might feel worse if he gets to know the truth in future and realises that everybody kept it from him. There is no way...the truth must surely come out..
I guess the earlier the better. Maybe then, he can be pleaded with to forgive the family because of his fiancée, if he really really loves her.

Your parents have forgiven them and I think you should do the same, but ur elder brother would nt be happy if he finds out after the marriage because the truth be told he wiLl find out someday. So u forgive dem in ur heart and tell ur elder brother with a calm nd nt a vengeful or angry spirit....he'd forgive them too.

U got to tell ur brother. He may not forgive you when he finds out eventually. Definitely, he's bound to find out. Tell him now and help him know the truth. He deserves to know the type of family he's marrying into. By the way, at times, wickedness runs through the blood. Ur potential father in law is a very wicked man and who knows whether the daughter inherited that from him. It is mostly after marriage that one gets to know the type of wife or husband he/she married. So, help your brother make an informed decision. If I were him, I'll never marry her.

The fact is, children will always pay for their parents' sins... it's a divine principle ..
Ezekiel 18:2 ..., The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children's teeth are set on edge?
Exodus 34:7 Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.

SSpeter:
I know this might not be totally right but at least it will make me feel great. Egbon wants to get married in march and automatically I will become the best Man. But I don't want him to get married to her. It is not because of her but the dad.

It all started back in 1998 my dad was having a court case with our supposed in-law over our house. The house was sold to my dad by the late late brother of our supposed in-law. That was even before my dad got married. We have lived in that house for more than 10yrs. My siblings and I were born there. After the death of the brother in 1998 he dragged my dad to court saying his brother was only a benefactor and does not have the legal right to sell the building and their late father made him the executor of His properties according to the late father's will. My parents were partners in business and their office was located at the ground floor of the building where we lived. Their goods were also stored there (plumbing equipment).

Prior to joining the plumbing business, my dad was into commercial inter-state transport services after suffering heavy losses he auctioned what was left and joined my mum in the plumbing business. A year later he was in court with our supposed in-law. The legal battle started in December. Egbon travelled with an aunt of mine who had won a visa lottery the previous year. My sisters were older than the guys. they were already in boarding school. I was the king of the house. My dad suffered many embarrassment at the hands of our supposed in-law. He dragged the case for some years money meant for business ended up in legal battles. My dad had to borrow to pay suppliers. He couldn't not order for new materials anymore and the business eventually collapsed. Extended families gave their support until 2003 when a lagos high court handed our supposed in-law victory

My dad wanted to appeal the judgement but his lawyer told him to get an apartment with whatever he has left. Although my parents thought they hid everything from us. Perhaps my sisters didn't notice because they were not always home but I saw my mum cry severally. I saw the fears in my dad eyes. I listened to their whispering at night I knew we were doomed. Our supposed In-law sold the house to a bank. The bank gave two weeks to evacuate. But before the notice expired they brought sledge hammer and started destroying the building with our properties in it. My dad tried to protest but he was beaten and arrested. For the first time I saw our "Supposed In-law" that day ordering the boys to destroy everything. My dad was later released days after. I went to live with my cousins. My sisters also went to live with my other cousins.

In 2006 I wrote a mail to Egbon I narrated all that happened to him and he vowed he was going to ensure that they payed for it dearly. Few years later, I got admission into the university my parents embraced christ; But I still feel bitter. How time flies, my sisters are both married and it's just me preparing for the life of a bachelor; Until recently my brother told me his plans of getting married, I noticed it because he has visited us more than usual last year and had extensive discussions with my parents. But whenever He came back He still promised my dad that he will never forget all that happened. My dad told him that was in the past but I know what my brother was capable of doing as regards family.

He brought his supposed girl friend (I believe that is all she will ever be) to the house last christmas everyone welcomed her but immediately I set my eyes on her, she looked like the man that was giving orders to tear down our house. I asked her for her surname, when she said ****US, I knew she was the daughter of our long time enemy. When they left, my mum and dad begged me that I shouldn't say anything. That they have forgiven him. She invited my parents and I during the new year but I declined. I have also told my brother I can't be his best man. He thought am joking cos it was via mail. My brother had assured me severally whenever I told him what became of us after then that incident and he told me "I will give up anything to deal with the Man that messed with my family". I guess I will have to tell him the whole truth. But my parents keep calling me every single day to beg. "Saying I should not bring him misery. That they were happy he decided to bring home a cool headed lady".....But I just can't let it go. Unless my brother and I will decide not to be brothers anymore because I will never go to his house if he marries her. I will never associate myself with him or anything that has to do with him.

I have finished typing the truth I want to send the mail to him...I don't know why I am hesitating (I guess my parents will forgive me sooner or later) but he has to know the truth!!!!....i can't dine with my enemy!.....I don't want to see her dad face again....never...I hope am doing the right thing....i think I am.....perhaps I am...

You need to tell him the truth and let him decide for himself

Boyooosa:
Either they marry or not, u n ur brother turn enemy or not, either forgive or not he needs to know the truth na except if u frame all these up. How can ur parents dat are supposed to know better than you can be hiding such un-concealable fact?

I heard the supposed in-law is late. My parents and the wife had seemed to be communicating. My dad was a close friend to the late brother who sold the property to him. but I believe my parents are just being too emotional. I don't have issue with the lady but I don't want my brother to get married to her. Although my dad said he will tell my brother but I believe he is going to tell him the same version he told my sisters..........

SSpeter:
I heard the supposed in-law is late. My parents and the wife had seemed to be communicating but I believe my parents are just being too emotional. I don't have issue with the lady but I don't want my brother to get married to her.

See for a man you talk too much. If not because of God i would have ask MODs to ban you because you ask for advice.. we say tell your brother you still looking for the same thing over and over again. it makes no sense

SSpeter:
I know this might not be totally right but at least it will make me feel great. Egbon wants to get married in march and automatically I will become the best Man. But I don't want him to get married to her. It is not because of her but the dad.

It all started back in 1998 my dad was having a court case with our supposed in-law over our house. The house was sold to my dad by the late late brother of our supposed in-law. That was even before my dad got married. We have lived in that house for more than 10yrs. My siblings and I were born there. After the death of the brother in 1998 he dragged my dad to court saying his brother was only a benefactor and does not have the legal right to sell the building and their late father made him the executor of His properties according to the late father's will. My parents were partners in business and their office was located at the ground floor of the building where we lived. Their goods were also stored there (plumbing equipment).

Prior to joining the plumbing business, my dad was into commercial inter-state transport services after suffering heavy losses he auctioned what was left and joined my mum in the plumbing business. A year later he was in court with our supposed in-law. The legal battle started in December. Egbon travelled with an aunt of mine who had won a visa lottery the previous year. My sisters were older than the guys. they were already in boarding school. I was the king of the house. My dad suffered many embarrassment at the hands of our supposed in-law. He dragged the case for some years money meant for business ended up in legal battles. My dad had to borrow to pay suppliers. He couldn't not order for new materials anymore and the business eventually collapsed. Extended families gave their support until 2003 when a lagos high court handed our supposed in-law victory

My dad wanted to appeal the judgement but his lawyer told him to get an apartment with whatever he has left. Although my parents thought they hid everything from us. Perhaps my sisters didn't notice because they were not always home but I saw my mum cry severally. I saw the fears in my dad eyes. I listened to their whispering at night I knew we were doomed. Our supposed In-law sold the house to a bank. The bank gave two weeks to evacuate. But before the notice expired they brought sledge hammer and started destroying the building with our properties in it. My dad tried to protest but he was beaten and arrested. For the first time I saw our "Supposed In-law" that day ordering the boys to destroy everything. My dad was later released days after. I went to live with my cousins. My sisters also went to live with my other cousins.

In 2006 I wrote a mail to Egbon I narrated all that happened to him and he vowed he was going to ensure that they payed for it dearly. Few years later, I got admission into the university my parents embraced christ; But I still feel bitter. How time flies, my sisters are both married and it's just me preparing for the life of a bachelor; Until recently my brother told me his plans of getting married, I noticed it because he has visited us more than usual last year and had extensive discussions with my parents. But whenever He came back He still promised my dad that he will never forget all that happened. My dad told him that was in the past but I know what my brother was capable of doing as regards family.

He brought his supposed girl friend (I believe that is all she will ever be) to the house last christmas everyone welcomed her but immediately I set my eyes on her, she looked like the man that was giving orders to tear down our house. I asked her for her surname, when she said ****US, I knew she was the daughter of our long time enemy. When they left, my mum and dad begged me that I shouldn't say anything. That they have forgiven him. She invited my parents and I during the new year but I declined. I have also told my brother I can't be his best man. He thought am joking cos it was via mail. My brother had assured me severally whenever I told him what became of us after then that incident and he told me "I will give up anything to deal with the Man that messed with my family". I guess I will have to tell him the whole truth. But my parents keep calling me every single day to beg. "Saying I should not bring him misery. That they were happy he decided to bring home a cool headed lady".....But I just can't let it go. Unless my brother and I will decide not to be brothers anymore because I will never go to his house if he marries her. I will never associate myself with him or anything that has to do with him.

I have finished typing the truth I want to send the mail to him...I don't know why I am hesitating (I guess my parents will forgive me sooner or later) but he has to know the truth!!!!....i can't dine with my enemy!.....I don't want to see her dad face again....never...I hope am doing the right thing....i think I am.....perhaps I am...

From your story, your brother seems not to know about the girl and her family. To me I think he deserves to know but not to break up the relationship.
Reasons not to break up the relationship is that I strongly believe that God wants to use your brother and the girl to reunite the two families.
And for you, there's no reasons to still your grudge about them, we all feel your pain and we're all human, we know it's hard to forgive but you just have to let go..... God bless you

Sunshinelady:
Anoda thin sef...@0P: there's somthin suspicious abt d way ur parentsare trying to bury d matter. You only knw one version of d story, u havnt hrd from d oda side, mayb wen d truth comes out u ll discover dat ur parents might hav been @fault (maybe o). I tink its best u tell ur brother, so dat d whole truth can be investigated. Mayb dis will help to heal all wounds

The supposed in-law is late. My dad and the supposed in-law brother used to be good friends.