This might be a bit long and please it is not compulsory you comment.

I am thinking about ending my current relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together since I was 20. The problem is my girlfriend doesn't want to do things differently.

I have never lived in a big city until I got a job. I was raised in a remote village and was quite heavy with accent. I was a local guy, so local that I was among the few dudes who went to night class with a kerosene lamp. The first time I visited lagos was when I was invited for an aptitude test in V/I lagos.

My girlfriend was always with me back then. We were two crazy people. She will visit from a close town we will purchase bush meat and palmwine, drink to stupor, swim in the stream, talk loud and argue on the road, cause trouble and fight whoever meddles in our affair.

My girlfriend graduated a year before me from a polythetnic and she got a job as a secretary in a transport company and also served there. She did help me with her little earnings. I could remember her money for cyber cafe browsing and my final year project was a success.

I graduated with first class. She helped me work my service to the transport company and we were just managing our lives with our troubles. I sent my Cv's to several banks, oil and gas firms, construction etc and was called for assessment by one of the aforementioned.

I was assessed and was later invited for interview. I thrilled my interviews with my horrible accent. I got the job. I resumed after service.

Life has changed but my girlfriend is resisting the change. I enjoyed palm oil rice and crayfish back then not anymore. I still don't know why she uses crayfish in jollof rice. I bought over seven dictionaries sent it to her, but the books looked like they were never touched let alone opened. I gave her a laptop only for her to tell me later that her younger brother needs it. She still laughs and scream like we used to back in the village. And even taps my head in public...back then I enjoyed all these attributes. Not anymore. The few times she visited she was already picking up a quarrel with the lady in the next flat.

You give her money to buy good clothes she ends up buying cheap fabrics. Get good shoes she will buy mallam slippers. I am not from a rich home too but we all work hard so that we can be happy.

What got me mad was last year xmas I gave her my 13th month salary everything. I told her specifically get an "Expensive dress and shoe". The top guys are hosting we the mid-level guys. I reminded her severally ensure you get good stuff. That day I was filled with rage, I mean is this what you bought with six figures? This gown with the rickety shoe? I told her not to follow me but my heart couldn't bear seeing her cry. Yet she is still resisting change.

I shouldn't be typing all these but I don't have friends I don't trust people. She has been my only friend. I am a perfect introvert and a Choleric.
When I consulted the only acquaintance I had back in the university he told me to raise about 1.5m and settle her. He said he gave his ex 1.3m to settle her. I knew her back then on campus. He got married early this year. I am also thinking same right now. But the past memories of us is causing my hesitation. And I can't watch her cry.

I am in my late 20's and planned getting married last year I even told my mum but her attitude is causing my hesitation hence I postponed the proposal. Can't figure out anything l need a good advice.

It is not compulsory you comment if you feel the impulse ensure it is not irreconcilable with common sense.

Ey bro, I understand ur plight, bt u can't just let go, she luvs u too I think, dis is d time u should hold Her more closer, tel her u want to change her to someone u wil love more, ND so u can start doin each and everything wit her, I mean. Each and everything. Dats going to take u. Much time sha, bt if u really appreciate wat she hav done in d past, it's worth doin, just an advice.

You already wrote that u r an introvert and u don't trust anyone. How r u planning on building a trusting relationship with the next girl? How r u sure the next girl u pick won't be interested in you because of your money? This present lady already knows u inside out. Guy be patient with her. She'll come around eventually. I think u should go ahead and propose to her.

Also how is she supposed to know the best/latest clothes to buy if she's been unexposed all her life? You r the one that is supposed to upgrade her now that you are more exposed than she is. She won't learn it automatically.

Guy hold that girl o. Forget her crass behavior, in the end its two of you alone that will live in the same house. Stop thinking of what others will say. Don't make the mistake other guys have made by leaving that which has been tested and reliable over time for something shallow. Wife your girl.

its just too complicated! eversince I hav heard people talk about dilemma, in my opinion, this is one of the real cases of dilemma. But a very large part of me would vote for u not to dump her; all u need do is get all the stuffs u need at home from foodstuffs to fabrics, I kno she will adapt In no time. God bless ur union bro

wow....... I love your story!! Smooth love

Are there any finishing schools in Nigeria
If so send her there

Meanwhile, if you can change, so can she
I just hope that when she does change, you don't now say she that has "over changed" again and that will be another wahala.

You have both come a long way and if not for the fact that you stepped out of your comfort zone, you will still be like her.
Try bringing her close to you, teach her by example & mentor her and as time goes on, little by little she will learn and adapt to what you want.

Marxxx

Its the first time I am hearing a guy settles a girl with cash.

Buy the clothes and shoes yourself and give them to her. What if she doesn't know where to buy them or doesn't have friends that are exposed who will follow her shopping.

Tell her you don't want crayfish with your rice. She stood by you when you didnt have much, now you have evolved she is now behaving local abi. Remember you were once local too.

If it means you enrolling her in finishing school to learn etiquette, composure in public, table manners etc you should do that. She will learn. You can make her a proper lady its not difficult.

Please what is wrong with laughing and screaming when she's with you if its not in the public.

You are concerned about what your colleagues will say when they see her "cheap dresses". Go shopping with her nooow and suggest clothes she can buy.


Shes not cheating

Shes not a spendthrift

Shes with you because of you not because of what you have.

She loves you.

Those people you are trying to impress wont be there for you when you run into trouble.

Summary of my advice do not let her go. One does not value what he has till he loses it. Bring her up to your level.


modified.

Truth is, even if your girl were my sister, I would still not come at you and tell you that you must marry her. That is because, if most of those who married their partners gleefully are failing miserably, those who were forced and emotionally blackmailed into it may fall headlong even before they started.

Moving on though, I came across a similar thread sometime ago and made a post. It doesn't necessarily fall on all fours with your scenario, but you will find the centerpoint of the post instructive nevertheless.

Wish you the best.

Gaborone:
There're compatibility issues here that I don't think should be ignored. Amos 3 v 3: Can two walk together unless they agree?


I sincerely think one should get married to someone who can they can 'go' with on life's journey.

Pastor Sam Adeyemi preached on the topic, "Growing Together" about 3months ago, and the crux of the whole message was that one should never allow his spouse/partner leave him/her behind. What he meant was that, if your partner is growing academically, start making efforts at growing academically too. If your partner is growing intellectually, spiritually, etc, catch up too, because any inbalance might lead to resentment, and one partner being out of place in the other's life.

Now, be very honest with yourself...can you brush her up to become intellectually and socially compatible with you? Should you fail at that, would you be okay if she is unable to play certain roles which your nature of work/lifestyle/plans/circle of friends and contacts may demand of her as your wife in future? Will you be ashamed of her, or embarrased by her grammatical errors in public? Will you be able to take it? Can her not-so-refined ways lead to resentment and irritation from you in future?

I'm sorry about the barrage of questions, but I feel only you can decide on this, same way I feel the answers to those questions would serve as a pointer to you, on the next step to take.

Wish you the best.

have you ever seen an uncut and unpolished diamond before? it looks rough and unrefined. but if you take the time and resources to do the needful, you will then have a beautiful gem in your hands.

she helped you with her money to become who you are today, well is it a crime if you help her with your money to become more refined?

tell her you wanna marry her but she needs to come alongside you.
get her a private etiquette tutor.

meanwhile please marry this woman who from your narrative appears to be your soulmate and best friend before you regret it.

yetseyi:

Marxxx

Its the first time I am hearing a guy settles a girl with cash.

First time I heard of it was with a respected man of the church during my early marriage years. Apparently its a way to appease the girl for all the years she invested in the relationship. Bizzaire.

Free that woman, looks like your heart is not there anymore

If you are not feeling her like that I would suggest you settle her, let her go look for a well deserving man

Than settling for her then cheating later, because feelings are no longer there

RiloKiley:

First time I heard of it was with a respected man of the church during my early marriage years. Apparently its a way to appease the girl for all the years she invested in the relationship. Bizzaire.

So it has been happening. I cant imagine how the discussion will go like. Maybe something like "XYZ, please accept this in place of the love we shared and can share no more" or " Kindly take this for all inconveniences you passed through while it lasted"

Very strange.

Please dont marry outta pity,except you are convinced she's your soulmate.

That she gave you money,and her time isn't a good reason to pity her for marriage.

In life,in reality,we win some,we lose some.

Pineapp:
God
What you have with you is the kind of woman sane grown men are praying day and night for.
She is original.


Money can never buy you a lady with half the qualities I see in her.
Settle her and earn yourself a life of regret and total displeasure.
You'll never know her value until you lose her.


My advice; Brush her up yourself. Buy her the kind of things you want her to wear. With this kind of a woman,you'd never know frustration if things go wrong later.




To slap this OP just dey hungry me
You want to settle her and have another woman reap where she has sown

I tried liking this post twice. OP take this advice

I think you should give her time and try to be as patient as possible. I totally understand you. You are moving to a level and she's finding it hard to keep up.
Please postpone the wedding plans for a year at least and try to mould her to your specifications. Get a female friend who will help buy the kind of clothes you want her to be wearing. Patiently try to teach her the kind of things you want her to do.
If after like a year she is still resistant to change I think you should let go. You won't want to marry a partner that will disgust you in the future because that is a recipe for divorce in the future.
All the best

YOU ARE SO SHALLOW MINDED DEAR OP. SO YOUR BABE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS WELL OR CAN'T SPEND LAVISHLY SIMPLE TAKE HER TO A PROPER BOUTIQUE AND ASK THEM TO DRESS HER UP AND THEN YOU PAY DO THIS EVERY MONTH AND SEE HER SENSES CHANGE IN 3MONTHS. AS FOR THE ATTITUDES TAKE HER OUT MORE HUMANS LEARN ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR IN SOCIETY BY SOCIALIZING.

MOST IMPORTANTLY DON'T START COMPARING HER WITH THOSE OTHER LADIES YOU HAVE STARTED EYEING THEY CAN'T BE LIKE HER.

AND IF YOU ARE GULLIBLE ENOUGH TO THINK YOU CAN SETTLE HER FOR WHAT SHE FEELS THEN YOU TRULY DONT DESERVE A GOOD WOMAN LIKE HER

You changed. She was patient with you. You're letting money change you... You'll learn. Life will be your teacher. Good luck

Marxxx:
This might be a bit long and please it is not compulsory you comment.

I am thinking about ending my current relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together since I was 20. The problem is my girlfriend doesn't want to do things differently.

I have never lived in a big city until I got a job. I was raised in a remote village and was quite heavy with accent. I was a local guy, so local that I was among the few dudes who went to night class with a kerosene lamp. The first time I visited lagos was when I was invited for an aptitude test in V/I lagos.

My girlfriend was always with me back then. We were two crazy people. She will visit from a close town we will purchase bush meat and palmwine, drink to stupor, swim in the stream, talk loud and argue on the road, cause trouble and fight whoever meddles in our affair.

My girlfriend graduated a year before me from a polythetnic and she got a job as a secretary in a transport company and also served there. She did help me with her little earnings. I could remember her money for cyber cafe browsing and my final year project was a success.

I graduated with first class. She helped me work my service to the transport company and we were just managing our lives with our troubles. I sent my Cv's to several banks, oil and gas firms, construction etc and was called for assessment by one of the aforementioned.

I was assessed and was later invited for interview. I thrilled my interviews with my horrible accent. I got the job. I resumed after service.

Life has changed but my girlfriend is resisting the change. I enjoyed palm oil rice and crayfish back then not anymore. I still don't know why she uses crayfish in jollof rice. I bought over seven dictionaries sent it to her, but the books looked like they were never touched let alone opened. I gave her a laptop only for her to tell me later that her younger brother needs it. She still laughs and scream like we used to back in the village. And even taps my head in public...back then I enjoyed all these attributes. Not anymore. The few times she visited she was already picking up a quarrel with the lady in the next flat.

You give her money to buy good clothes she ends up buying cheap fabrics. Get good shoes she will buy mallam slippers. I am not from a rich home too but we all work hard so that we can be happy.

What got me mad was last year xmas I gave her my 13th month salary everything. I told her specifically get an "Expensive dress and shoe". The top guys are hosting we the mid-level guys. I reminded her severally ensure you get good stuff. That day I was filled with rage, I mean is this what you bought with six figures? This gown with the rickety shoe? I told her not to follow me but my heart couldn't bear seeing her cry. Yet she is still resisting change.

I shouldn't be typing all these but I don't have friends I don't trust people. She has been my only friend. I am a perfect introvert and a Choleric.
When I consulted the only acquaintance I had back in the university he told me to raise about 1.5m and settle her. He said he gave his ex 1.3m to settle her. I knew her back then on campus. He got married early this year. I am also thinking same right now. But the past memories of us is causing my hesitation. And I can't watch her cry.

I am in my late 20's and planned getting married last year I even told my mum but her attitude is causing my hesitation hence I postponed the proposal. Can't figure out anything l need a good advice.

It is not compulsory you comment if you feel the impulse ensure it is not irreconcilable with common sense.

If you have the money get her a personal shopper and stylist. A language and behaviour coach, and in little time you would be struggling to measure up to her level, that's if she is teachable.

You don't seem to have the patience to teach her. Just engage a professional and watch her transform into a lady of class and style.Tell her first and watch her reaction.

as long as she is educated she can't be resisted to such a change u require from her if u wish to help her except u are seeing somone else thts clouding your view wch is making u to see only her odds lately. u dnt jst leav ppl like dat in d cold, learn from patience and jonathan story

Reminds me of an ex boyfriend that I met in college years ago,

He was villager, had no sence of clothing, wait until I picked clothing for this guy and polished him, soon he was the talk of all my friends,

Do you know after he was doing great he started saying how girls were hitting on him, on how he should be with people like so and so, and he played this until he left, I was heartbroken,

I moved on got married and such, now up to last year this idiot of a man has been bugging my family and friends looking for me, I had to leave all social networks due to his constant stalking, poster be careful, his best friend told me how pitiful he was hopeless jumping from one bad relationship to the other.

tearoses:
Are there any finishing schools in Nigeria
If so send her there

Meanwhile, if you can change, so can she
I just hope that when she does change, you don't now say she that has "over changed" again and that will be another wahala.

You have both come a long way and if not for the fact that you stepped out of your comfort zone, you will still be like her.
Try bringing her close to you, teach her by example & mentor her and as time goes on, little by little she will learn and adapt to what you want.

We have finishing school ooo.... @ least I know of POSH Academy.

She just needs a mentor to guide her properly. But then guy, what if you upgrade her finish she come dey tear eye for you?

Be careful what you wish for...

Pineapp:
God
What you have with you is the kind of woman sane grown men are praying day and night for.
She is original.


Money can never buy you a lady with half the qualities I see in her.
Settle her and earn yourself a life of regret and total displeasure.
You'll never know her value until you lose her.


My advice; Brush her up yourself. Buy her the kind of things you want her to wear. With this kind of a woman,you'd never know frustration if things go wrong later.




To slap this OP just dey hungry me
You want to settle her and have another woman reap where she has sown

No body sowed anywhere, nobody is reaping where they did not sow. I understand you though. Thanks

vicraven:
bro,on a serious note,i think u kinda dumb.With the current rate at which
olosho full naija so.
Please if you dont want her,gimme...i want,i waaaaannt ooooo

Ok. Thanks mind your language....

Marxxx:
Ok. Thanks mind your language....

sorry bout that bro
but seriously,stick wid her

michymeg:
If you have the money get her a personal shopper and stylist. A language and behaviour coach, and in little time you would be struggling to measure up to her level, that's if she is teachable.

You don't seem to have the patience to teach her. Just engage a professional and watch her transform into a lady of class and style.Tell her first and watch her reaction.

And I will pay for rent, feed, maintain my vehicle still got aged parents to carter for......seriously? I believe change comes naturally. Of my 3 siblings I am the only educated fellow. And now I have an Msc with innumerable certification. She can see things herself and if she is not emotionally smart...well thanks for your advice.

Nubian113:
You changed. She was patient with you. You're letting money change you... You'll learn. Life will be your teacher. Good luck

Change is constant. Situation changes people, Life changes people anything can change a person...You change if you want to

Marxxx:
Change is constant. Situation changes people, Life changes people anything can change a person...You change if you want to

It sounds like you came here to defend your actions. Leave her please and let her find love.... Again.

DeTrickster:
YOU ARE SO SHALLOW MINDED DEAR OP. SO YOUR BABE DON'T KNOW HOW TO DRESS WELL OR CAN'T SPEND LAVISHLY SIMPLE TAKE HER TO A PROPER BOUTIQUE AND ASK THEM TO DRESS HER UP AND THEN YOU PAY DO THIS EVERY MONTH AND SEE HER SENSES CHANGE IN 3MONTHS. AS FOR THE ATTITUDES TAKE HER OUT MORE HUMANS LEARN ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR IN SOCIETY BY SOCIALIZING.

MOST IMPORTANTLY DON'T START COMPARING HER WITH THOSE OTHER LADIES YOU HAVE STARTED EYEING THEY CAN'T BE LIKE HER.

AND IF YOU ARE GULLIBLE ENOUGH TO THINK YOU CAN SETTLE HER FOR WHAT SHE FEELS THEN YOU TRULY DONT DESERVE A GOOD WOMAN LIKE HER

I don't have all the time in the world dude. That was why I bought her anything with an i. She has access to the internet 24/7. I am not the social type. I don't socialise. I purchase my clothes shoes etc online and I have taught her to do so. Should I baby sit her? Emotionally intelligence comes naturally. I work with sophisticated people when I joined I was a bush boy. But I was smart. I wasn't taught to use the photocopier or the elevator or how to scan docs. I learned so much by observing. I have spent a whole day at the office without talking and won't reply greetings. I am that weird. As for "cheating"...I don't even know what means...Mind your language...thanks

jashar:



We have finishing school ooo.... @ least I know of POSH Academy.

She just needs a mentor to guide her properly. But then guy, what if you upgrade her finish she come dey tear eye for you?

Be careful what you wish for...

You are very funny. In due time she will start spending her money. Your posh academy is hilarious

Poster you sound like you have spotted a better girl and want to live your girlfriend, ( free this girl,

Just follow your heart, just make sure you don't come back here in future with touching stories.