Ujoan:


I I I I I . . . So so selfish!

Yes change is constant, but she fell in love with the old you. Now you have become so slfish and entitled because you made it. And she now h's to put up with your crap.

You will soon learn. No need to waste mb talking to you.

Kai. .this post sweet me die .
I thought I was the only one that noticed it. He is not only selfish but proud. He said he came to seek peoples advice yet all he does is counter everybody.
Everybody here seems to be saying thesame thing, is he trying to say they are wrong or what?
The truth is that he's not going to listen to anybody till he has screwed things up.

Ujoan:


I I I I I . . . So so selfish!

Yes change is constant, but she fell in love with the old you. Now you have become so slfish and entitled because you made it. And she now h's to put up with your crap.

You will soon learn. No need to waste mb talking to you.

No body seem to be seeing Where the ish lies: the only person he trust enuf to talk to, happened to have experienced same n paid d gurl off n it seems, on d surface, it worked. The only problem is, the friend might not have told him what is going on within his family presently.
Op, ask ur friend If he has ever regretted that decision.
If he hasn't, he May lata, n he If never did, do know that u might not be that lucky


It's seems ur mind is made up, do what u May, n If u must pay her off, make Sure u transfer the money to her account a week b4 u pull d plug. Wisdom demands that much.


May God lead u on dis next most important step of ur life. Ask him to.

this OP is drunk you are looking for the likes of cossy, afrocandy, maheeda, etc Abi??
be careful what you wish for cos you just might get it

Well, you guys aren't married yet, so technically I have not broken my rule.

OP, if I'm to get you completely, she has become water to your fire. It can be demoralizing when the person you are supposed to spend eternity with (subject to debate in my book) doesn't share the slightest glimmer of the fire of ambition burning in you. And no matter how strong a fire is it loses its potency when it comes close to water. I presume this is what you are afraid of and trying to prevent.

But the alternative offers lesser hope, even exacerbated by your extremely introverted nature. If not, I would have suggested you pay her off and look for another. But that is going to be a herculean task for you. Worst, because you're inexperienced in that aspect, you might make the biggest mistake you will ever make.

That girl did good by you bro. No matter how ambitions you are, loyalty to such a girl shouldn't be relegated. I would never advice it. I know it's going to be difficult as you can't see her as sophisticated enough to give you the kind of advice you will require from your partner occasionally but rest assured you will always have her support.

I suggest you come out of shell and seek for at aleast a friend operating in the same wavelength as you or even higher who you can listen to when you need to. Complement that with the support from your woman and you're good to go. At least that's what I will do if I'm in shoes.

Lastly, talk to her to be less quarrelsome. That is very important.

Has she ever complained about your accent?

Leave the poor girl and let her enjoy her cray fish rice.

Marxxx:
I think you are getting it wrong. Brag about what or for whom? I was trying to let you know that Change comes naturally. And when you want to help others change they should have a craving an eagerness they should be enthusiastic about it. You don't approach a new idea with a lukewarm attitude. As for eyeing another lady you got me giggling. I find it extremely difficult having a conversation with a guy let alone a lady. I don't attend social events organised by the company. I attended that dinner because I was listed to receive an award if not I wouldn't attend. So cheating is something I have never thought of my whole life.

what is this confused dude yapping?

My own problem in all this is that you have made me crave crayfish rice now.

Heehehehe big boy, you want rice with curry and thyme plus turkey abi?


My advice is simple: free her biko, you have spoken so condescendingly about her and no matter how much she tries she will still bring out that one thing that irritates you, I hope you find what you are looking for and I hope she finds the man who will love her just the way she is. She sounds like a lovely woman

@Op, dump ur bush galfrnd and come and date me..I wll spend ur hard earned cash on fake braz hair, designers cloths n makeup, and of course still look down on ur aged parents n uneducated siblings becos they wll not b polished enuf for me. But ur frnds will envy u when they see us in occasions..we wll do KFC for brkfast, tantalizer for lunch n de Simeons for dinner. But when a bigger maga comes for me, I wll dump u, if not I wll manage u for life while constantly looking out for bigger fish..

berryBee:
@Op, dump ur bush galfrnd and come and date me..I wll spend ur hard earned cash on fake braz hair, designers cloths n makeup, and of course still look down on ur aged parents n uneducated siblings becos they wll not b polished enuf for me. But ur frnds will envy u when they see us in occasions..we wll do KFC for brkfast, tantalizer for lunch n de Simeons for dinner. But when a bigger maga comes for me, I wll dump u, if not I wll manage u for life while constantly looking out for bigger fish..

Can I have your number please?

OP...... I always ask my wife how lucky Johnson ended up with emumu in 'the Johnsons' and she goes all about the love and the rest and funny enough she's right. Love conquers all and if you don't love her enough to sieve through advices here and save your life(because na your life dey involved so), free her then.

[b]bros have you ever heard of the word GROOMING ?
you behaved like her till you were groomed and transformed a bit over time... now you are allergic to the person you used to be in the bush with .
in all this your story , there is no where you mentioned that you have sat her down to tell her how things should be in the new government.
she is only doing things the way she knows how to do them, take your time and teach her.

you sent her to the stores to buy gucci but she went to buy last grade stuff. then you gave her all the money in the world to go shopping for gucci again by herself when you know she was going to buy the stuff she is used to. why didnt you take her shopping and show her the difference ? all you did was to sit back and watch her make the same mistake so you can shake your head at her and call her a village girl and mock her because you see things differently now. now you want to discard her... your friend is giving you ideas on how to SETTLE her with all the money in the world
but your conscience can not be bought.

she loved you and supported you and gave you the apple that opened your eyes and now your eyes are open, you realize that she is still wearing leaves as clothes. you do not have time and patience to open her eyes too. I guess you do not love her.[/b]

DeTrickster:


if not because you are ed's wife and a BLUE fan i would have asked you out on a date. You have spoke with maturity

Hehehehe Thanks.

U want a girl that will spend 100,000 on her hair, 50k on her shoe ba?? Don't worry oju e a to la, ara oko ti won mu wa silu ti on form la posh Ni e

naijathings:
[b]bros have you ever heard of the word GROOMING ?
you behaved like her till you were groomed and transformed a bit over time... now you are allergic to the person you used to be in the bush with .
in all this your story , there is no where you mentioned that you have sat her down to tell her how things should be in the new government.
she is only doing things the way she knows how to do them, take your time and teach her.

you sent her to the stores to buy gucci but she went to buy last grade stuff. then you gave her all the money in the world to go shopping for gucci again by herself when you know she was going to buy the stuff she is used to. why didnt you take her shopping and show her the difference ? all you did was to sit back and watch her make the same mistake so you can shake your head at her and call her a village girl and mock her because you see things differently now. now you want to discard her... your friend is giving you ideas on how to SETTLE her with all the money in the world
but your conscience can not be bought.

she loved you and supported you and gave you the apple that opened your eyes and now your eyes are open, you realize that she is still wearing leaves as clothes. you do not have time and patience to open her eyes too. I guess you do not love her.[/b]

let me elucidate. My girlfriend is not an illiterate. She graduated before me. She works in a corporate environment although not in lagos. Do you think I just observed these attitudes and then rush down seeking for advice? I have thought about these for 3years. Do you think I haven't sat her down and explain things to her? I asked her to go for PGD and then masters....all she keeps saying is Arabic. If you talk about social grooming it is something that is alien to me. I work on the Island I don't even know how the cinemas look like. I have advised her to join NL so that she can interact with people from diverse background but No....she likes it her own way...For me to bring out this issue to a forum like this should tell you that I am only clinging on the last resort....

YourCoffin:
Well, you guys aren't married yet, so technically I have not broken my rule.

OP, if I'm to get you completely, she has become water to your fire. It can be demoralizing when the person you are supposed to spend eternity with (subject to debate in my book) doesn't share the slightest glimmer of the fire of ambition burning in you. And no matter how strong a fire is it loses its potency when it comes close to water. I presume this is what you are afraid of and trying to prevent.

But the alternative offers lesser hope, even exacerbated by your extremely introverted nature. If not, I would have suggested you pay her off and look for another. But that is going to be a herculean task for you. Worst, because you're inexperienced in that aspect, you might make the biggest mistake you will ever make.

That girl did good by you bro. No matter how ambitions you are, loyalty to such a girl shouldn't be relegated. I would never advice it. I know it's going to be difficult as you can't see her as sophisticated enough to give you the kind of advice you will require from your partner occasionally but rest assured you will always have her support.

I suggest you come out of shell and seek for at aleast a friend operating in the same wavelength as you or even higher who you can listen to when you need to. Complement that with the support from your woman and you're good to go. At least that's what I will do if I'm in shoes.

Lastly, talk to her to be less quarrelsome. That is very important.

Ambitious ?yes I am. And I want her to be too. Looking at where I came from and where I am presently I become more ambitiously daily. The change I want from her is for her sake and my kid's. If she will give me support it should be a support that will motivate and inspire me. My interviewer 5yrs ago and I are currently on the same rank on the vertical chain. It takes a minimum of 12yrs of rise that fast. Only most Chinese, Indians/Dutch rise as fast as I did (under 5yrs). Where I am now, there is glass ceiling if you are not extra smart that is where you end. I am competing with crazy Chinese and Indians that bags additional degree per sec....Check the current MD of Frieslandlandcampina, that Indian guy is a donkey; same thing happens here. I can't be striving at the front only for me to come back home and start discussing futility. I have asked her to stop working and relocate to lagos. I will be open minded and if at the end of the year I am not convinced I will move on...If I can get this far staying in my shell.....dude I think it's best I barricade the shell

Fkforyou:


Kai. .this post sweet me die .
I thought I was the only one that noticed it. He is not only selfish but proud. He said he came to seek peoples advice yet all he does is counter everybody.
Everybody here seems to be saying thesame thing, is he trying to say they are wrong or what?
The truth is that he's not going to listen to anybody till he has screwed things up.

I became defensive because everyone tot my GF and I have not talked about this. This is an issue we ve talked about so much and is becoming stale yet no progress....I am not proud...

edwife:


I only have a little advice for you:

We always want more. We always want better. Because of this, we often overlook the wonderful things we already have in our lives.
Never allow the things you want make you forget the things you have.

what if wanting more makes us happy? What if wanting better gives more responsibility and a sense of belonging? What if it makes those around us happier? There are things we have that must change its state so that they become compatible with us.

OP,walahi you still dey vex me o

herboshedhe:
OP,walahi you still dey vex me o

really? How? Tell me....

Marxxx:
let me elucidate. My girlfriend is not an illiterate. She graduated before me. She works in a corporate environment although not in lagos. Do you think I just observed these attitudes and then rush down seeking for advice? I have thought about these for 3years. Do you think I haven't sat her down and explain things to her? I asked her to go for PGD and then masters....all she keeps saying is Arabic. If you talk about social grooming it is something that is alien to me. I work on the Island I don't even know how the cinemas look like. I have advised her to join NL so that she can interact with people from diverse background but No....she likes it her own way...For me to bring out this issue to a forum like this should tell you that I am only clinging on the last resort....

I only made comments based on how you originally put the issue and all the stuff u didn't mention. now that u shed more lights on the matter, I can see she is really stuck in her ways.
I guess she eats and laughs at the same time with all the food in her mouth too. hmmmm.
you can detach yourself gradually since she doesn't make u happy the way u wish she would. I don't know how u gonna do that if it happens that you are part of the things she can't let go of, just as she can't let go of being loud and wearing cheap, low quality clothes. good luck with that.
what's the sense in SETTLING her with money since she is a working class woman? don't ever make such a mistake or u might turn yourself into an ATM for life.

Op I would advice you watch this Nigerian movie WORLD APART starring Kenneth okonkwo and Ini Edo, you may learn one or 2 lessons from there. You alone has the power to brush this lady up to suite your taste! Forget all those fake Victoria island girls you see. Don't make the mistake of dating someone else and leaving this poor natural girl, go shopping together, stop giving her money to go alone, take her to the saloon and choose the hair you want, when you wanna go on dates choose the dress or gown you want her to wear, buy the perfume you love on her, just do justice to this lady yourself, and watch her adjust with time. Good girl are hard to find these days o, if you doubt, channel that money to me and watch me squander it and shatter your heart.

edwife:


I only have a little advice for you:

We always want more. We always want better. Because of this, we often overlook the wonderful things we already have in our lives.
Never allow the things you want make you forget the things you have.

I need to pray to God to constantly bless you for this.

You seem to have your mind already made,

Please settle her with the money immediately, she will take solace of the money through heartbreak and that will clear your conscience of all the money she's given you or all the help you've gotten from her.

Free her please, don't waste Her time, let her go while she can meet her soulmate.

edwife:


I only have a little advice for you:

We always want more. We always want better. Because of this, we often overlook the wonderful things we already have in our lives.
Never allow the things you want make you forget the things you have.

GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY

Marxxx:
really? How? Tell me....

DID YOU READ EDWIFE'S POST?

Marxxx:
what if wanting more makes us happy? What if wanting better gives more responsibility and a sense of belonging? What if it makes those around us happier? There are things we have that must change its state so that they become compatible with us.

There is nothing wrong in wanting more, like I said, when wanting more- we should not neglect what we already have.

My grandma used to say If you get a new pot, do not throw away the old pot.

I can tell you have already made up your mind and honestly i will advice that you let her go, you know why because i don't want her to suffer in this marriage. You will never be satisfied with her unless she becomes what you want her to be.It is not going to be sudden but you are not patient enough to wait until she does.

You don't love her, there is something special when someone loves you the way you are without trying to change you.She doesn't need it and she definitely doesn't need YOU.I wish she could read this and move on.It will hurt but it will also save her from a loveless marriage,nagging and resentful husband.A life full of agony.

herboshedhe:

GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY

Thank you sweetheart.Bless you too.

Jadekitana:

I need to pray to God to constantly bless you for this.

Aww bless you too and thank you.

Marxx after reading further posts of yours, it seems that your mind is made up, which is fair enough. . .its your call at the end of the day and none of us will live with you.
A broken relationship is much better than a broken marriage
Seems she cant make you happy and in turn you cant make her happy either cos you will always be complaining about everything she does or doesnt do and there will be resentment on both sides.
so Its better to let her go and find someone who will love and appreciate her just the way she is

I don't however subscribe to this settling business.
Relationships are a risk and some work and some dont
I personally will be insulted if a man offers to pays me off
For what is he paying me?
Im priceless
so I rather let that mans conscience judge him
we had an emotional relationship not a business deal

Marxxx:
I became defensive because everyone tot my GF and I have not talked about this. This is an issue we ve talked about so much and is becoming stale yet no progress....I am not proud...

Sorry to go back and I am not asking you to change your mind

Just pointing out that Talking is different from actions
What practical steps have you taken to integrate this lady into your new life style apart from just talking?
Just food for thought

Lol you claim not to be proud but your opening post and even title says otherwise.

I'm wondering why you opened the thread since you already made up your mind.

@tearoses, I think he should settle her Biko. In the long run, the practicality of what she can do with the money will be more important than preserving a dignity that he can't even see or acknowledge. Let her start a business on the side or something.

@eketem not only you. I've been thinking of palm oil rice with crayfish and scent leaf since I came upon this thread.

Marxxx:
Ambitious ?yes I am. And I want her to be too. Looking at where I came from and where I am presently I become more ambitiously daily. The change I want from her is for her sake and my kid's. If she will give me support it should be a support that will motivate and inspire me. My interviewer 5yrs ago and I are currently on the same rank on the vertical chain. It takes a minimum of 12yrs of rise that fast. Only most Chinese, Indians/Dutch rise as fast as I did (under 5yrs). Where I am now, there is glass ceiling if you are not extra smart that is where you end. I am competing with crazy Chinese and Indians that bags additional degree per sec....Check the current MD of Frieslandlandcampina, that Indian guy is a donkey; same thing happens here. I can't be striving at the front only for me to come back home and start discussing futility. I have asked her to stop working and relocate to lagos. I will be open minded and if at the end of the year I am not convinced I will move on...If I can get this far staying in my shell.....dude I think it's best I barricade the shell

Okay.

It's a good thing you said you'll keep an open mind. While you are it though, have it in mind that the same way you're comfortable in your shell is the same way she will be in hers. It's been six years since she graduated, it won't be an easy task for her. And this kind of thing normally works when the role is reversed.

At this point I have nothing else to say. You're smart. So I trust you'll figure something out.

I hope op doesn't end up with an 'indomie' girl..then, come here complaining to us about how she spends money on frivolities, can't cook and can't keep a house tidy. ..

This op thinks the whole relationship revolves around him.. feeling like you've made it, what big investments have you made?

I hope you don't regret your decision shaaa..