My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? - Romance (3)

My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? - Romance (3) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Romance › My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? (22937 Views)

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Socketbet: 4:58pm On Jan 31, 2016

You are already in deepest soup........ Such men can go to any extent to make sure they deal wit you........

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Nobody: 4:58pm On Jan 31, 2016

King Solomon had 700 wives and cheated on them with 300 concubines n God still loved him.Your boyfriend cheats on you with just 1 girl and we can't have peace...My sister calm down and read the bible!!

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by KMIKE22: 5:01pm On Jan 31, 2016

If u marry d man, u are going there as a concubine not a wife cos he already has a legal wife according to Bible so follow ur mind

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by KMIKE22: 5:01pm On Jan 31, 2016

If u marry d man, u are going there as a concubine not a wife cos he already has a legal wife according to Bible so follow ur mind [quote][/quote]

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by sluvy4tune(m): 5:02pm On Jan 31, 2016

In as much as I am strongly against some of the moves you made in the relationship

I think you have got an escape route since you said honestly you don't love him.

A man that loves you won't threaten you when he is suppose to do all in his power to win you back after hiding such huge secret from you.

If you don't love him as you said this is another opportunity to freedom....Use your head & walk away!!!

And repent of this Chop him money clean mouth attitude.

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by 9jatatafo(m): 5:02pm On Jan 31, 2016

A man that has the gut to threaten you is no husband at all! He also abandoned a woman and child. Bad signals dear sister

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by HardMirror(m): 5:04pm On Jan 31, 2016

Simplestone:
Am from a really poor family,There was no sponsor, Even my church refused to sponsor me,and I needed an Education and He was the only one who was ready to help.Am not a fraud, I never said I won't marry him,I drew him closer to my family,He was the one who hurt me,He believed I don't have the right to be angry,because He is an assistance to me,He wasn't all that sorry for cheating.

I believe you.
It's unfortunate you had a rough beginning. Really unfortunate. I know many people condemning you had parents to take care of their every need.
Don't let the guy use you, don't let him think he owns you just because he catered for your financial needs. You know what that means? It means you are nothing more than a private prostit`ute to him. He was ready to spend to OWN you. You are a very beautiful lady and your whole life is ahead of you, don't be afraid to bread the shackles of 'slavery'. You have your life to live. Don't ever accept to be treated this way.
I wish you the best. I wish I know how this pans out in the end

2 Likes

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by DeathStroke007(m): 5:07pm On Jan 31, 2016

Simplestone:
Please my fellow Nairalanders,Am very depressed,I have a man who I have known for 8years,we were friends and started dating 4years ago,although the relationship was a distance one,cause I school in Ogun state,while He reside in delta state,He practically does everything for me including paying my school fees,He is a very caring man,we have agreed to get married this year 2016,Although I don't love him,but I never wanted to be an ingrate to him,and I believe since we are friends that the love will eventually come.
Last year June I had a dream,and I saw a woman and a child crying in front of him, while He kept on pushing them away,I was worried so I asked him if there is any secret He is hiding from me,that I already know, but I wanted to hear from Him,that was when He told me that He got a woman pregnant by mistake in 2013 ,that He does not love the girl,and He has even refuse to see her since she gave birth.
I was depressed and I felt betrayed I stopped picking his calls for Two weeks,and the next thing He did was to rush down to my elder sister and told her everything we have shared in the relationship,and even threatened to deal with me if I don't marry Him,He boasted about all He has done for me,including paying my school fees and all that.

I am truly confused,I need serious advise, please no insults. Thanks.

My sister, you dated an already married man. Even if he's not married.. He didn't marry you because he was never yours... Islam is so beautiful. There's no single issue that Prophet Muhammad didn't talk about...

That's your fate. Nothing happens without Allah consent. Do not be sad. Be grateful to Allah. You are just saved from unimaginable unknown pain.....

Find a needy person, make him/her happy and ask what you want from Allah

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by onome2013: 5:10pm On Jan 31, 2016

He didn't cheat on you.
According to your confession , you don't love him and you think you may improve to love him later ,because he is paying fees and other upkeep..
You might have showed some signs of not loving him to him ,which prompted him to go and meet another woman.
If you know you don't love him,go your way so that he can have time to take care of his legitimate child and mother.

I know you are also cheating on him because you don't love him

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Gkemz: 5:11pm On Jan 31, 2016

According to what you wrote here, you say you don't love him. That's enough reason to put an end to that relationship. Secondly, your conscience should be hurting you because he's the father of someone else's child. You have to call off the relationship because you're hurting another woman unless you'd love to be treated so. Treat others the way you want to be treated. He might even bench you once he gets you laid.

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Damfostopper(m): 5:11pm On Jan 31, 2016

Young gal or wateva.... U don't av a problem.... Ur d problem

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by 0079jaBond(m): 5:12pm On Jan 31, 2016

Simplestone:
Please my fellow Nairalanders,Am very depressed,I have a man who I have known for 8years,we were friends and started dating 4years ago,although the relationship was a distance one,cause I school in Ogun state,while He reside in delta state,He practically does everything for me including paying my school fees,He is a very caring man,we have agreed to get married this year 2016,Although I don't love him,but I never wanted to be an ingrate to him,and I believe since we are friends that the love will eventually come.
Last year June I had a dream,and I saw a woman and a child crying in front of him, while He kept on pushing them away,I was worried so I asked him if there is any secret He is hiding from me,that I already know, but I wanted to hear from Him,that was when He told me that He got a woman pregnant by mistake in 2013 ,that He does not love the girl,and He has even refuse to see her since she gave birth.
I was depressed and I felt betrayed I stopped picking his calls for Two weeks,and the next thing He did was to rush down to my elder sister and told her everything we have shared in the relationship,and even threatened to deal with me if I don't marry Him,He boasted about all He has done for me,including paying my school fees and all that.

I am truly confused,I need serious advise, please no insults. Thanks.

My dear, I think the topic should have been: "I don't love him, yet we might get married, how do I break off?"
First and foremost, the biggest mistake any man could make is following the traces of shadows believing it would become reality some day and somehow. When a thing doesn't seem to click or appear right from on set, then is the time to let go rather than allow it linger on aimlessly. The Bible says, in all thy getting, get understanding! Wisdom profits for reproof.
Second, you really cannot blame the man for threatening hell at you because after all, you've been literally "dealing" with him. I mean, you've enjoyed his cares and riches while you never really loved him. On a normal ground, when partners are in love (Godly love), the pasts are usually forgiven if it aligns with God's will for them and they make up. So likewise, the man believing that you both had mutual respect and love, expects you to forgive him. "Haba! Maka why shall I lose my investments because of my past life?", so he says. So you see, you really cannot blame him, but yourself. Yes, you!

Without mincing words, let me unequivocally state that this issue is very delicate. Do not think it is simple to resolve because this matter wey I see so, e heavy for mouth (in Omawunmi's voice).

Now, you need to seek Godly counsel more than ever before. It is not enough to just read people's opinions or advices here. Go out and meet face to face with deeply principled counsellors. This is a case that requires all wisdom it can get. There are a lot of things to consider and I doubt you'd want any compromises again.

But for what it's worth, try putting yourself in the man's shoes. At first questioning, he never denied it. Can you not see the great affection he has for you? Therefore cast off selfishness and evil!

I agree the wedding would've to be suspended in the meantime until and if possible, the coast is clear. I wish to give you a direct step-by-step approach but all I see now is for you to do many consultations and have quiet times for yourself. You need some refreshing atmosphere honestly. So take the time and seek wisdom!

I'll be willing to entertain more questions. Wishing you the best.
Cheers

1 Like

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Princess4ng(f): 5:12pm On Jan 31, 2016

Now this is a kinda hard one sha.... Kinda twisted too.... But I don't blame u dear cus maybe ur family were not in a strong position to pay your fees and foot ur bills.... But don't be scared of him.... U could settle the fees when u work and earn....

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Toks2008(m): 5:14pm On Jan 31, 2016

Simplestone:
Please my fellow Nairalanders,Am very depressed,I have a man who I have known for 8years,we were friends and started dating 4years ago,although the relationship was a distance one,cause I school in Ogun state,while He reside in delta state,He practically does everything for me including paying my school fees,He is a very caring man,we have agreed to get married this year 2016,Although I don't love him,but I never wanted to be an ingrate to him,and I believe since we are friends that the love will eventually come.
Last year June I had a dream,and I saw a woman and a child crying in front of him, while He kept on pushing them away,I was worried so I asked him if there is any secret He is hiding from me,that I already know, but I wanted to hear from Him,that was when He told me that He got a woman pregnant by mistake in 2013 ,that He does not love the girl,and He has even refuse to see her since she gave birth.
I was depressed and I felt betrayed I stopped picking his calls for Two weeks,and the next thing He did was to rush down to my elder sister and told her everything we have shared in the relationship,and even threatened to deal with me if I don't marry Him,He boasted about all He has done for me,including paying my school fees and all that.

I am truly confused,I need serious advise, please no insults. Thanks.

Oh my...

I was actually going to advice you in his favour until i got to that threatning part.

Young lady,go to police station immediately and report him so that he will make an understatement regarding that threat to your life. Please dont take it with levity.

Secondly please leave him at once and move on with your life.

With that threat he made,he just revealed his true colour...A man who truly loves a lady does not issue such threat.

My humnle stand.

2 Likes

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by AreaFada2: 5:14pm On Jan 31, 2016*

tolugar:
If he loves you, he won't be keeping records of the things he has done for you.

He has no remorse and can't repent so should not be trusted.

Calculate your school fees en pay him bak.

Unless you want to marry him out of pity or because he is threatening you.
Na small case.

Love is totally out of this. She doesn't love him either. And you think he didn't feel it?
Not trying to blame OP, but that lack of love could have partly driven him to seek it outside.

Fact is most relationships are now based on mutual benefit than love.

In fact there are more men who love their wives than women who love their husbands. The reason is simple.

On the average men have more economic power. More women marry because of wealth than men who marry because of wealth.
On the long run, many find out that money is not enough for happiness.

Clearly, this loveless relationship might never have happened or lasted this long if the guy didn't foot the bills. cheesy

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Nobody: 5:18pm On Jan 31, 2016

Ishilove:
@bolded, you just hit the nail on the head.

@Simplestone, this man will remind you for the rest of your life how he sponsored you through school, how he lifted you out of nothing and how therefore so you owe him your life.

Sister Simplestone, the God, who is a revealer of all secrets, the same God who showed you that he has a child for someone else will make a way. Just pray well for a direction because it will be a very big mistake marrying someone who can abandon his child. Will be be acting this way if you were the one who cheated on him and got pregnant?

The equation is not balanced . She must not get pregnant cheesy

but she has to move on if indeed her story is true

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by edwife(f): 5:18pm On Jan 31, 2016

Simplestone:
Am from a really poor family,There was no sponsor, Even my church refused to sponsor me,and I needed an Education and He was the only one who was ready to help.Am not a fraud, I never said I won't marry him,I drew him closer to my family,He was the one who hurt me,He believed I don't have the right to be angry,because He is an assistance to me,He wasn't all that sorry for cheating.

I do understand that poverty make some people do unimaginable things. Even if he didn't cheat on you, for 8 years you were unable to have feelings for this man. How will you have cope being his wife? You were a bomb waiting to explode because i assure you, sooner or later- you would have cheated on him.

He has no right threatening you but you could imagine his chock because he spent and probably sacrificed a lot for you thinking that you will one day be his wife.

I am very scared for you and i will advice you to thread with caution. Involve other people, your parents,his family and probably the police. Make sure you refund what he spent on your education and stay away form him.

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Odunharry(m): 5:19pm On Jan 31, 2016

dont know why many ladies are just confused and dont know what they want... Chaii

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Nobody: 5:20pm On Jan 31, 2016

HardMirror:
I believe you.
It's unfortunate you had a rough beginning. Really unfortunate. I know many people condemning you had parents to take care of their every need.
Don't let the guy use you, don't let him think he owns you just because he catered for your financial needs. You know what that means? It means you are nothing more than a private prostit`ute to him. He was ready to spend to OWN you. You are a very beautiful lady and your whole life is ahead of you, don't be afraid to bread the shackles of 'slavery'. You have your life to live. Don't ever accept to be treated this way.
I wish you the best. I wish I know how this pans out in the end

Some nigerians are just stupi.d

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by kaysklose23(m): 5:22pm On Jan 31, 2016

[color=#770077][/color][font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][b][/b] Don't trust your heart, coz it's not on the right!. If it's a threat, let it go, buh if he is truly apologising, mmmm think again

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by drnairalov: 5:22pm On Jan 31, 2016

has he been physical on u bfo?

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Originalsly: 5:25pm On Jan 31, 2016

Hmmm....I just don't know how to sugar coat this. The bitter truth is you have been basically a prostitute with a regular client....you have no love for the guy... was all for the money...school fees or however you want to put it. The guy was paying you indirectly for free access to your body.... and now you still feel that you owe him... and have no choice but to marry him or you would be ungrateful. He was already served. You do not love the guy...why marry? You have low self esteem .... been used already and are now considering to be put in a situation where you can be abused. My advice... use the baby issue as your getaway card... break free from the sexual relationship... gather your thoughts together and reset your life. Let him continue running around shouting...maybe you can offer him a wrapper as a farewell gift...he needs it.

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by DedeNkem: 5:27pm On Jan 31, 2016

Simplestone:
Please my fellow Nairalanders,Am very depressed,I have a man who I have known for 8years,we were friends and started dating 4years ago,although the relationship was a distance one,cause I school in Ogun state,while He reside in delta state,He practically does everything for me including paying my school fees,He is a very caring man,we have agreed to get married this year 2016,Although I don't love him,but I never wanted to be an ingrate to him,and I believe since we are friends that the love will eventually come.
Last year June I had a dream,and I saw a woman and a child crying in front of him, while He kept on pushing them away,I was worried so I asked him if there is any secret He is hiding from me,that I already know, but I wanted to hear from Him,that was when He told me that He got a woman pregnant by mistake in 2013 ,that He does not love the girl,and He has even refuse to see her since she gave birth.
I was depressed and I felt betrayed I stopped picking his calls for Two weeks,and the next thing He did was to rush down to my elder sister and told her everything we have shared in the relationship,and even threatened to deal with me if I don't marry Him,He boasted about all He has done for me,including paying my school fees and all that.

I am truly confused,I need serious advise, please no insults. Thanks.

Dump his as*s!!

1 Like

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Trapnews: 5:29pm On Jan 31, 2016

Simplestone:
Am from a really poor family,There was no sponsor, Even my church refused to sponsor me,and I needed an Education and He was the only one who was ready to help.Am not a fraud, I never said I won't marry him,I drew him closer to my family,He was the one who hurt me,He believed I don't have the right to be angry,because He is an assistance to me,He wasn't all that sorry for cheating.

There's spiritual implication attached. Ensure you persuade him to let you be. Do not make him curse you. Nairalanders will not be there when you begin to suffer for your actions. on a lighter note.... would you have filed for divorce if you were married?

1 Like

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by daclint(m): 5:31pm On Jan 31, 2016

Estharfabian:
First off....
You made three Very fatuous Mistakes.

First off..You Went into A Relationship with someone You do not Have feelings for. that is Very wrong. And kinda slutty...

Secondly, It's not always advisable to let a guy Spend way too much for yah..It fuels their ego and uh look? You're kinda paying for it! Plus-it's a Bit Gold-diggy-like...

Thirdly, You just had to be inna Relationship with someone with a puerile mentality!
It's Your decision And Your right to Quit A relationship if You don't wanna be innit anymore...No one wants a babydaddy!
And Most especially NOT one that doesn't even care about his own Child......What a douchebag!

Just Call Off his bluff...He's just hurt. I guess?

LEGENDARY COMMENT

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Nnachi404(m): 5:31pm On Jan 31, 2016

ilobasama:
I get infuriated when ladies say things like he is so caring and pays my school fees but i dont love him.

You have been enjoying his money for several years , you dont love him yet still with him. You are yahoo girl. A fraud is what you are.

best. answer so far. you. just. said. my mind

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Nobody: 5:32pm On Jan 31, 2016

daclint:
LEGENDARY COMMENT

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by birmingham04: 5:33pm On Jan 31, 2016

Young lady you have made a big mistake, you had known someone for 8yrs and you have been dating for 4 yrs now amd you are now saying you did't love him and you said you thought you will love him. Can I tell you the truth deep down your heart you know you will never love him. For me if I don't love girl within 1 week I met her I will never love her again. Love is apart knowing someone character is another thing. My wife I love her immediately I met her. Ladies and gentlemen whatever you know that you cannot eat don't smell it. A word is enough for a wise. For me love doesn't grow either love at a first sight or go your way, because what is going to make me love you I will see it in your look . That is for me .

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by glossy6(f): 5:34pm On Jan 31, 2016

Simplestone:
Please my fellow Nairalanders,Am very depressed,I have a man who I have known for 8years,we were friends and started dating 4years ago,although the relationship was a distance one,cause I school in Ogun state,while He reside in delta state,He practically does everything for me including paying my school fees,He is a very caring man,we have agreed to get married this year 2016,Although I don't love him,but I never wanted to be an ingrate to him,and I believe since we are friends that the love will eventually come.
Last year June I had a dream,and I saw a woman and a child crying in front of him, while He kept on pushing them away,I was worried so I asked him if there is any secret He is hiding from me,that I already know, but I wanted to hear from Him,that was when He told me that He got a woman pregnant by mistake in 2013 ,that He does not love the girl,and He has even refuse to see her since she gave birth.
I was depressed and I felt betrayed I stopped picking his calls for Two weeks,and the next thing He did was to rush down to my elder sister and told her everything we have shared in the relationship,and even threatened to deal with me if I don't marry Him,He boasted about all He has done for me,including paying my school fees and all that.

I am truly confused,I need serious advise, please no insults. Thanks.

Be careful. Some mad men and women roaming the streets did not get there by accident. A word is enough

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by xolomite(m): 5:34pm On Jan 31, 2016

A fiance not husband ,,,,,,,, walk away, he doesn't deserve you. Even in the marriage he will do more than that, don't by yourself walk into a problem.......

1 Like

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Jabioro: 5:38pm On Jan 31, 2016

God has shown you the way except you want to ruin your life .the that your saw on your dream was the real woman made his life .you arwjust a passby tell him the truth ,He should go back to that woman otherwise be suffer it.

Re: My Fiance Cheated And Has A Child. What Do I Do? by Nicepoker(m): 5:38pm On Jan 31, 2016

cruzita:
instead of begging u he is threatening u on top of his mistakes .he is RAVING MAD

she don't have feelings for the. Guy. Yet she keeps enjoying some financial benefits. The lady is a LUNATIC.

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