₦airaland Forum

pet4ril:
ops to be candid, you are disappointing me..... That was how an ex of my cousin said he doesn't like my cousins way of dressing, he bought her his taste and my cousin was wearing them, still he wasn't satisfied he went dating another gal and when my cousin found out, she dumped the guy and move on.... The guy has had more than 3 relationships in the last two years while my cousin will be wedding this year to a guy who loves and admire her old ways of dressing and the guy is telling everyone that my cousin dumped him because of the new guy
Please tell the girl to move on and one man's poisonis another man's food

Marxxx:
"Love" is a vague term. I miss her a lot; sure I do. Do I have the craving of wanting to be with her sure...I mean after years of skinning rabbits and squirrels together such degree of attachment is inevitable. She is not just my best friend but my only friend. Having said that you will also agree that life is more than attachments, feelings and memories. Reality is constantly knocking. Life is competitive sometimes you make sacrifices just to get on. I have tried all manner of Motivation I considered reasonable to uplift her level of interest but she ends up doing it her way. So many people say take her shopping....when I don't do shopping I get things online and have it delivered. I try to raise her interest by getting her expensive things with the belief that the worth of these items can ginger her interest and to also let her know that she can also achieve same. I have overlooked so many things ok just take additional courses at my expense....but every idea I bring forth...there is always an excuse waiting for me...

herboshedhe:
Please help ask him again...what exactly has he achieved that keeps him displaying his ego out here?I'm so pissed!!!

Marxxx:
This might be a bit long and please it is not compulsory you comment.

I am thinking about ending my current relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together since I was 20. The problem is my girlfriend doesn't want to do things differently.

I have never lived in a big city until I got a job. I was raised in a remote village and was quite heavy with accent. I was a local guy, so local that I was among the few dudes who went to night class with a kerosene lamp. The first time I visited lagos was when I was invited for an aptitude test in V/I lagos.

My girlfriend was always with me back then. We were two crazy people. She will visit from a close town we will purchase bush meat and palmwine, drink to stupor, swim in the stream, talk loud and argue on the road, cause trouble and fight whoever meddles in our affair.

My girlfriend graduated a year before me from a polythetnic and she got a job as a secretary in a transport company and also served there. She did help me with her little earnings. I could remember her money for cyber cafe browsing and my final year project was a success.

I graduated with first class. She helped me work my service to the transport company and we were just managing our lives with our troubles. I sent my Cv's to several banks, oil and gas firms, construction etc and was called for assessment by one of the aforementioned.

I was assessed and was later invited for interview. I thrilled my interviews with my horrible accent. I got the job. I resumed after service.

Life has changed but my girlfriend is resisting the change. I enjoyed palm oil rice and crayfish back then not anymore. I still don't know why she uses crayfish in jollof rice. I bought over seven dictionaries sent it to her, but the books looked like they were never touched let alone opened. I gave her a laptop only for her to tell me later that her younger brother needs it. She still laughs and scream like we used to back in the village. And even taps my head in public...back then I enjoyed all these attributes. Not anymore. The few times she visited she was already picking up a quarrel with the lady in the next flat.

You give her money to buy good clothes she ends up buying cheap fabrics. Get good shoes she will buy mallam slippers. I am not from a rich home too but we all work hard so that we can be happy.

What got me mad was last year xmas I gave her my 13th month salary everything. I told her specifically get an "Expensive dress and shoe". The top guys are hosting we the mid-level guys. I reminded her severally ensure you get good stuff. That day I was filled with rage, I mean is this what you bought with six figures? This gown with the rickety shoe? I told her not to follow me but my heart couldn't bear seeing her cry. Yet she is still resisting change.

I shouldn't be typing all these but I don't have friends I don't trust people. She has been my only friend. I am a perfect introvert and a Choleric.
When I consulted the only acquaintance I had back in the university he told me to raise about 1.5m and settle her. He said he gave his ex 1.3m to settle her. I knew her back then on campus. He got married early this year. I am also thinking same right now. But the past memories of us is causing my hesitation. And I can't watch her cry.

I am in my late 20's and planned getting married last year I even told my mum but her attitude is causing my hesitation hence I postponed the proposal. Can't figure out anything l need a good advice.

It is not compulsory you comment if you feel the impulse ensure it is not irreconcilable with common sense.

Marxxx:
Ok I get you. Thanks. I have given more to make things work out for us. I will always try. But if it doesn't work out at least I will be exonerated. And my conscience will relieve me of guilt. Since the first day we met till this moment I have never cheated in my thoughts and in words let alone physically. You know I have asked her to quit her job and come to lagos since December and this is feb. No sign of her...I offered to pay her until she settles. I told her I will get a different apartment for her. She can get two or three certification before the year runs out and I will ensure she get something doing but no sign of her yet....I appreciate your advice. How do you define "romantic"?

nnamdibig:
For the fact that she did not accept all these your offers is even a sign that this is a girl you should never let go.
No smart & ambitious lady will listen to all these. She will want you to get her another job in Lagos so she can pay her bills. And if that is the case, you sef dey fall hand.

Marxxx:
This might be a bit long and please it is not compulsory you comment.

I am thinking about ending my current relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together since I was 20. The problem is my girlfriend doesn't want to do things differently.

I have never lived in a big city until I got a job. I was raised in a remote village and was quite heavy with accent. I was a local guy, so local that I was among the few dudes who went to night class with a kerosene lamp. The first time I visited lagos was when I was invited for an aptitude test in V/I lagos.

My girlfriend was always with me back then. We were two crazy people. She will visit from a close town we will purchase bush meat and palmwine, drink to stupor, swim in the stream, talk loud and argue on the road, cause trouble and fight whoever meddles in our affair.

My girlfriend graduated a year before me from a polythetnic and she got a job as a secretary in a transport company and also served there. She did help me with her little earnings. I could remember her money for cyber cafe browsing and my final year project was a success.

I graduated with first class. She helped me work my service to the transport company and we were just managing our lives with our troubles. I sent my Cv's to several banks, oil and gas firms, construction etc and was called for assessment by one of the aforementioned.

I was assessed and was later invited for interview. I thrilled my interviews with my horrible accent. I got the job. I resumed after service.

Life has changed but my girlfriend is resisting the change. I enjoyed palm oil rice and crayfish back then not anymore. I still don't know why she uses crayfish in jollof rice. I bought over seven dictionaries sent it to her, but the books looked like they were never touched let alone opened. I gave her a laptop only for her to tell me later that her younger brother needs it. She still laughs and scream like we used to back in the village. And even taps my head in public...back then I enjoyed all these attributes. Not anymore. The few times she visited she was already picking up a quarrel with the lady in the next flat.

You give her money to buy good clothes she ends up buying cheap fabrics. Get good shoes she will buy mallam slippers. I am not from a rich home too but we all work hard so that we can be happy.

What got me mad was last year xmas I gave her my 13th month salary everything. I told her specifically get an "Expensive dress and shoe". The top guys are hosting we the mid-level guys. I reminded her severally ensure you get good stuff. That day I was filled with rage, I mean is this what you bought with six figures? This gown with the rickety shoe? I told her not to follow me but my heart couldn't bear seeing her cry. Yet she is still resisting change.

I shouldn't be typing all these but I don't have friends I don't trust people. She has been my only friend. I am a perfect introvert and a Choleric.
When I consulted the only acquaintance I had back in the university he told me to raise about 1.5m and settle her. He said he gave his ex 1.3m to settle her. I knew her back then on campus. He got married early this year. I am also thinking same right now. But the past memories of us is causing my hesitation. And I can't watch her cry.

I am in my late 20's and planned getting married last year I even told my mum but her attitude is causing my hesitation hence I postponed the proposal. Can't figure out anything l need a good advice.

It is not compulsory you comment if you feel the impulse ensure it is not irreconcilable with common sense.

raydatluvs:
Oh please!!!! Am I the only one who read the part where she is a secretary in a transport coy. Reeks my curiousity how a secretary to a transport Coy would be as terrible as the op depicts. Should think she would have a good carriage in public atleast that's inline with her job.

I think money has changed the op but all the lady wants is for things to be as they where. You the 'ordinary' things that made them happy then but op is not having that anymore.

I don't have an explicit advice so to say,there are so many of them already,I feel you should just take a moment and talk to the lady,just bare it all out to yourselves,then decide for yourselves what is best

2kobo from the depth of my heart.

Marxxx:
This might be a bit long and please it is not compulsory you comment.

I am thinking about ending my current relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together since I was 20. The problem is my girlfriend doesn't want to do things differently.

I have never lived in a big city until I got a job. I was raised in a remote village and was quite heavy with accent. I was a local guy, so local that I was among the few dudes who went to night class with a kerosene lamp. The first time I visited lagos was when I was invited for an aptitude test in V/I lagos.

My girlfriend was always with me back then. We were two crazy people. She will visit from a close town we will purchase bush meat and palmwine, drink to stupor, swim in the stream, talk loud and argue on the road, cause trouble and fight whoever meddles in our affair.

My girlfriend graduated a year before me from a polythetnic and she got a job as a secretary in a transport company and also served there. She did help me with her little earnings. I could remember her money for cyber cafe browsing and my final year project was a success.

I graduated with first class. She helped me work my service to the transport company and we were just managing our lives with our troubles. I sent my Cv's to several banks, oil and gas firms, construction etc and was called for assessment by one of the aforementioned.

I was assessed and was later invited for interview. I thrilled my interviews with my horrible accent. I got the job. I resumed after service.

Life has changed but my girlfriend is resisting the change. I enjoyed palm oil rice and crayfish back then not anymore. I still don't know why she uses crayfish in jollof rice. I bought over seven dictionaries sent it to her, but the books looked like they were never touched let alone opened. I gave her a laptop only for her to tell me later that her younger brother needs it. She still laughs and scream
It is not compulsory you comment if you feel the impulse ensure it is not irreconcilable with common sense.

yetseyi:
Honestly, I read the leave your job and come to Lagos and I will place you on monthly salary part and I laughed. A lot of ladies wont do that except there is a job in Lagos or because of marriage and she has to be close to hubby.

Marxxx you have not even proposed to this lady and you want her to come to lagos to live off you, this is a lady you are already having second thoughts about.

I doubt she will leave her job in the east except she gets one in Lagos or after marriage, a sane Lady wouldnt do that.

She may even have noticed you are having second thoughts and wouldnt want to lose all hence her reluctance.


Like nnamdibig said her reluctance in coming to live off you in Lagos tells a lot about her person.

Marxxx:
If she had relocated in December she would definitely be working now. If she relocates this February she will get a job before April. As it stands there about 12 coded slots in Friesland (I don't work there) and she fits two profiles with my grooming and pushing she will be taken....Job is least of my worries. My plan is for her to get certification since she has experience...Get CIPM or ICSAN....and start the ATS....stuff...at my expense.....If I am truthful her salary is let me not go there...There is nothing about her person is just stubbornness...not being calculative and not seeing the big picture...you tell this and she start sobbing...I think am typing too much...is well

HaneefahRN:
1- Being 25yrs+ doesn't mean one has common sense, an 16yr old can sometimes give u a great advice, a 40yrs old wld''t.

2, U really dnt knw the value of what u av until u lose it. All what u mentioned are nt big deal enof to even contemplate breaking up wt her. Even thinking of settling her wt money so as to break up wt her is an insult on her person, is tht all those gud times, she stood by u and memories worth?

U can always av a heart to heart talk wt her, let her knw hw u feel, how her behavior in tht aspect is driving u crazy, I'm sure she'll adjust. Tus.h her up, buy her clothes and jewelries u like.

And u're selfish sorry to say, u want her to leave her job for u to come stay wt u when u ain't married even when u're contemplating breaking up wt her. She is obviously some1 u can't buy wt money, a strong, mature and a woman who knws what she is doing.

Pls don't marry her out of pity, she is too wonderful for tht. Leave her for a guy tht knws her worth and will take her and accept her for who she is (like she did wt u when u had nothing), while u look for a tus.h woman tht might be ur worst nightmare.

MizzD:
I have read every single post from the Op and I must say Op is one hellluva rigid man.

@Marxx, have you always been this rigid? Or did the nature of your job and newly found class make you this inflexible? You don't sound like that outgoing fun guy that used to enjoy all those village trips way back anymore. What changed?

Also, you seem to emphasise only on the things you want. Have you ever considered what she wants and meet her half way?

You used to have accent? Pray tell, how did you wipe that off? Does your girl have accent? If no How did she cope with you then? I have read your initial post like 3 times and I couldn't help but laugh at those memories you shared. Why don't you want the woman you shared these memories with to be a permanent part of your life?

In my opinion, other than talking, you haven't practically helped her overcome the 'bushness'. You didn't become posh until you started living full time in lagos. Your babe isn't fully based in Lagos, so I dont understand why you want her to change at the pace you did.

Also, telling her to leave her job to relocate to lagos is risky. What happens when you finally dump her by the end of the year?

With these your anti-social stories, I wonder what will become of you when you finally decide to free her and move on. How will you cope with the next lady, whether t.ush or bush or tushbush?


I wish you well in whatever decision you make. The most important thing is your happiness and hers. If you feel you have tried and can not tolerate her, let her go, like a poster shared earlier, there's always someone out there. Good luck


Modified- I wonder why t.ush was turned to Behind? What kind of censoring is that?

daretodiffer:
He has enough reason to break up with her biko however he cannot break up with her unless he has tried his best

I believe Marxxx has not done his best. If he doesn't like jollof rice with crayfish, he should have taught her how to cook jollof rice without crayfish in fact they cook together with Google

HaneefahRN:
Tht is why I said he doesn't av enof reason to break up wt her. He only needs to work on her to suit her to his present taste. Discuss wt her, it cld be her upbringing or just her personality to try and manage things (as long as she isn't a miser). Since he has more than enof nw, she has to adjust, a sincere heart to heart talk will go a long way (she wld''t want to lose him so she'll most likely sit up), he cld go shopping wt her when he has time i.e., buy her nice clothes, shoes, jewelries, let her knw he doesn't like such foods they used to manage together and look up new recipes together, wt time she'll adjust. And she is in dire need of a friend wt a gud fashion sense, tht wld motivate her too

opeyemiahm:
Oh my God!!! op has what many are crying for! the only message i can deduced here are the firms u sent your CV's to....Oil and Gas and the Construction firm catch me hardly...pls PM if you can assist me get jobs in your firm or any one. thanks

to me u dont have problem, so solve my own.....

HaneefahRN:
1- Being 25yrs+ doesn't mean one has common sense, an 16yr old can sometimes give u a great advice, a 40yrs old wld''t.

2, U really dnt knw the value of what u av until u lose it. All what u mentioned are nt big deal enof to even contemplate breaking up wt her. Even thinking of settling her wt money so as to break up wt her is an insult on her person, is tht all those gud times, she stood by u and memories worth?

U can always av a heart to heart talk wt her, let her knw hw u feel, how her behavior in tht aspect is driving u crazy, I'm sure she'll adjust. Tus.h her up, buy her clothes and jewelries u like.

And u're selfish sorry to say, u want her to leave her job for u to come stay wt u when u ain't married even when u're contemplating breaking up wt her. She is obviously some1 u can't buy wt money, a strong, mature and a woman who knws what she is doing.

Pls don't marry her out of pity, she is too wonderful for tht. Leave her for a guy tht knws her worth and will take her and accept her for who she is (like she did wt u when u had nothing), while u look for a tus.h woman tht might be ur worst nightmare.

daretodiffer:
He has enough reason to break up with her biko however he cannot break up with her unless he has tried his best

I believe Marxxx has not done his best. If he doesn't like jollof rice with crayfish, he should have taught her how to cook jollof rice without crayfish in fact they cook together with Google

herboshedhe:
Then be patient with her!

herboshedhe:
Then be patient with her!

aniffy4eva:
@ Marxxx
I usually don't make comments on such issues but I'll make an exception in your case.

For starters, change is a constant process. Everyone evolves overtime, albeit at different rates. You will continue to evolve as you grow/prosper... so will she..Trust me... stepping up the social ladder comes with its "baggage".

One of the "most" innate yearnings of Man (and woman) especially in his (or her) later years...is someone accepting them for who they are - stripped of all trappings of wealth and class. This you have from what I've read.

On your expectation of her rate of learning/ change, you'll be disappointed if you measure her with yourself. You are driven. You desire the good life. You want to go higher. She's fine with you - whoever you become. That's another plus.

As for clothes etc, some men are actually better at picking this than women. Some women could care less. Or just aren't exposed to the "in-thing". Worse case scenario. . You shop for her.. she'll learn overtime.

As for your colleagues, trust me.. no one gives a shiiit (pardon my french). And I'm serious.. no one gives a flying f**k.

Most importantly, do what makes you happy. Think deeply about your next move cos it has serious consequences on two lives - yours and hers.

There's no one that can't be "tushed" up. It would even become a source of yabs in your later years... ie if you decide to stay with her.

Lastly, staying with her doesn't guarantee a happy/successful life neither does leaving her doom you to everlasting unhappiness.

Whichever course you choose.... may it bring happiness your way.

Marxxx:
Looking at what you wrote up there I will explain few things to you. I have not gone to see a movie at the cinemas before yet I work on the island, I don't drink, I am not a fan of any football team, I don't even know the name of any club. I spend more education presently I have a private online German tutor. I have asked her what do you want to do besides the secretary job...it's been six years take an additional course/diploma or degree. She has excuses to give...I don't have any investment but my introverted nature is making my savings look good. Now I work very looooong hours sometimes my engagement team can call from another country due to time zone difference, I wake, turn up skype...work starts....till God knows when I can't be doing these and investing its suicide....I am not saying start saving pennies when I will lose pounds on the long run. I need someone hungry to achieve. Yes wear expensive clothes but you will work the money out with your brains. I want someone I can give xxxx amount and I will be confident she will utilise it well....It goes beyond being "just modest" or "nice"....I will keep an open mind till the end of the year then if am not convinced....i think I have done what is required