₦airaland Forum

liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.

I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.

I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.

I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.

Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.

I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.

I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.

I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.

I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?

When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.

This is a true life story... Please help a brother...

PresVA:
Get someone she respects to speak to her .....
Don't expect her to change completely and be like you because she's a different person

liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.

I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.

I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.

I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.

Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.

I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.

I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.

I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.

I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?

When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.

This is a true life story... Please help a brother...

liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.

I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.

I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.

I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.

Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.

I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.

I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.

I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.

I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?

When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.

This is a true life story... Please help a brother...

liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.

I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.

I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.

I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.

Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.

I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.

I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.

I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.

I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?

When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.

This is a true life story... Please help a brother...

liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.

I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.

I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.

I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.

Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.

I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.

I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.

I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.

I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?

When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.

This is a true life story... Please help a brother...

liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.

I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.

I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.

I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.

Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.

I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.

I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.

I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.

I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?

When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.

This is a true life story... Please help a brother...

AODT:
Op,

It is well with you. After going through your message, i noticed that you blame her a lot; its not good for a house hold. And to make it worse you have invited so many people to talk to her about how you perceive her as not good enough. Trust me nobody likes that.

Every one wants to be loved and from your background, it shouldn't be too much for you to love her. Don't see her as the issue after all, you are the husband and must take responsibilities in your house. For your career, am sure you didn't marry an underage, no one wants her children to suffer, maybe you should think of keeping your masters on hold while you settle the home front or else you might go and return to nothing. Don't forget that she might also be seeking advise from other people too. Seek her opinion lovenly and reason with her. At the moment you just have to be very patient and very very patient to win her back to you, just as you did before and when making baby . Stop blaming her and look inward, ask her to tell you what she thinks you are doing wrong and am sure she has things to tell you.

Try and keep as many people as you can away from your marriage they will only advise you based on their experience and i tell you not many are enjoying their marriage. Wish you all the best.

banmee:
Are you serious? When you go back to further your education, how are you going to sustain your family? Does your spouse have a job? Why are you trying to play on the emotions of others? It seems to me like your wife is the matured one in the household.

AODT:
Op,

It is well with you. After going through your message, i noticed that you blame her a lot; its not good for a house hold. And to make it worse you have invited so many people to talk to her about how you perceive her as not good enough. Trust me nobody likes that.

Every one wants to be loved and from your background, it shouldn't be too much for you to love her. Don't see her as the issue after all, you are the husband and must take responsibilities in your house. For your career, am sure you didn't marry an underage, no one wants her children to suffer, maybe you should think of keeping your masters on hold while you settle the home front or else you might go and return to nothing. :'(Don't forget that she might also be seeking advise from other people too. Seek her opinion lovenly and reason with her. At the moment you just have to be very patient and very very patient to win her back to you, just as you did before and when making baby . Stop blaming her and look inward, ask her to tell you what she thinks you are doing wrong and am sure she has things to tell you.

Try and keep as many people as you can away from your marriage they will only advise you based on their experience and i tell you not many are enjoying their marriage. Wish you all the best.

Fanirandele:
True, that part seems irresponsible and selfish on his own part.

Dyt:
Sometimes it openly amazes me when men like you come on here to say my wife is this and that
you don't sound all that good too, you have your faults, yes she might too but in all I see written in your last posts, you are not far from being a bad husband too


Phew

Dyt:
How would you feel if that was said to your first child?
Now I see why she's so rude to you
How many times have you said these to her. How many times have you called her uncultured?

Typical

RiloKiley:
I became more authoritative.
I ceased caring so much about her happiness and more about the goals for the family. If I see a particular venture will be good for all of us I go all out to get it. I stopped trying to discuss every little thing with her. I found out I was making her the centre of my happiness and unlike what I had heard and read about in romance novels instead of making her happy it seemed to be driving her away. So now I demand for things. I tell her why this will be good for the family and then i go ahead and do it.
Its not my style at all. I'm the "lets talk and discuss about every little thing" kind of person. I believe a lot in romance (or used to, now not so much) but believe me I have gotten more results since then. She is definitely more respectful too.
i think u should be more authoritative. Be the "man of the house" especially when it comes to things that you know will move the family forward. Warn her that the day she tries to fight u in public she will not like what will happen afterwards. Let her see you can be mental as well. She can be loud with her friends but not with u.
Also if u feel the extra degree will boost the family income on the long run I think u should go ahead and do it. She will complain and nag but in the long run she'll be the one to boast outside later that her man has a Masters degree.
And as long as u don't get abusive with the power. Let your Christian morals guide you.

litetias:
U sound so pained.
I can only interprete that to mean you have the same bad attitude with the wife and you don't think anything is wrong with being disrespectful to your man and not being able to compromise

RiloKiley:
I became more authoritative.
I ceased caring so much about her happiness and more about the goals for the family. If I see a particular venture will be good for all of us I go all out to get it. I stopped trying to discuss every little thing with her. I found out I was making her the centre of my happiness and unlike what I had heard and read about in romance novels instead of making her happy it seemed to be driving her away. So now I demand for things. I tell her why this will be good for the family and then i go ahead and do it.
Its not my style at all. I'm the "lets talk and discuss about every little thing" kind of person. I believe a lot in romance (or used to, now not so much) but believe me I have gotten more results since then. She is definitely more respectful too.
i think u should be more authoritative. Be the "man of the house" especially when it comes to things that you know will move the family forward. Warn her that the day she tries to fight u in public she will not like what will happen afterwards. Let her see you can be mental as well. She can be loud with her friends but not with u.
Also if u feel the extra degree will boost the family income on the long run I think u should go ahead and do it. She will complain and nag but in the long run she'll be the one to boast outside later that her man has a Masters degree.
And as long as u don't get abusive with the power. Let your Christian morals guide you.

Dyt:
Sorry sir
Kneels down

litetias:
Do you get a kick out of being annoying?

Dyt:
What did I do again sir

litetias:
Joker

freshvine:
Never marry an opinionated woman except you've the clout to control her.

The clout may include :

Strong Personality
Wealth
Social Status
An intimidating educational qualifications like a lawyer etc...

Back to you Mr. Cross bearer,

I know you may not be any of the listed above but you should try to build on STRONG PERSONALITY to be able to exert influence on your marriage and be the HEAD of it.

DO NOT HIT HER AGAIN!!!

For every fight you get in with her, she leverage out on her atrocities.

Women are very smart and knows how to play the game of control more than men. While men are busy hustling, women simply use the time to study their men!

Now, it is up to you to "surprise" her from being a predictable man to the unpredictable. Do a reverse psychology.

STOP TALKING and STOP negotiating for PEACE!!! The more people you invite to intervene, the more she is satisfied with her power.

Put on the armor of STALIN, the face of ABACHA, and the unforgiving spirit of BUHARI. Laugh when necessary and only say a few words. Kill romance and treat her as non existent.... Few months let say 6 months she'll notice the change, a year she start complaining and fighting back (please at this juncture don't allow her to manipulate you with whichever antics she employs). Finally, if she acknowledge you'd remain unruffled, she'll slide and begin to think and for the very first time how she got things messed up.

She'll then pray to have her marriage back... give her and you'd successfully subdued her. Henceforth every action she takes, she weighs the prospects.

This is a long term approach except you want her to still be in charge and I bet you with the power she has now, any challenge on family finance she'll divorce you.

liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.

I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.

I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.

I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.

Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.

I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.

I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.

I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.

I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?

When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.

This is a true life story... Please help a brother...

RiloKiley:
I became more authoritative.
I ceased caring so much about her happiness and more about the goals for the family. If I see a particular venture will be good for all of us I go all out to get it. I stopped trying to discuss every little thing with her. I found out I was making her the centre of my happiness and unlike what I had heard and read about in romance novels instead of making her happy it seemed to be driving her away. So now I demand for things. I tell her why this will be good for the family and then i go ahead and do it.
Its not my style at all. I'm the "lets talk and discuss about every little thing" kind of person. I believe a lot in romance (or used to, now not so much) but believe me I have gotten more results since then. She is definitely more respectful too.
i think u should be more authoritative. Be the "man of the house" especially when it comes to things that you know will move the family forward. Warn her that the day she tries to fight u in public she will not like what will happen afterwards. Let her see you can be mental as well. She can be loud with her friends but not with u.
Also if u feel the extra degree will boost the family income on the long run I think u should go ahead and do it. She will complain and nag but in the long run she'll be the one to boast outside later that her man has a Masters degree.
And as long as u don't get abusive with the power. Let your Christian morals guide you.

johnsonjosbles:
op, I'm facing the same problem, intact mine just left me with my two kids, I'm now in a legal battle to have my kids back, this problems is as a result of lack of home training on the wife's family side at the same time, her family interference, her family may be the forces militating against your marige. Because if she have good cancelling from her people, she would have the best knowledge of marriage hetics. Forget women of nowadays and moved on with your life.

Dyt:
Forgive me but this is funny
Sorry



Smh