| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by qtx(m): 11:08pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.
I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.
I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.
I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.
Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.
I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.
I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.
I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.
I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?
When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.
This is a true life story... Please help a brother...
a Word is a enough for the wise. Go here http://courtshipandmarriage.com/index.php/2015/11/06/how-important-is-courtship-before-marriage-part-i/ |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by olanie(m): 11:09pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
PresVA:
Get someone she respects to speak to her .....
Don't expect her to change completely and be like you because she's a different person |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Mamatee07: 11:12pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
Concerning your dreams what does you wife do ? what's the plan for sustaining your family while you go back to school? you need to clarify that part, it would be selfish to want to pursue your dreams at the expense of your family. That's what people don't realize, once you marry the liberty to just get up and pursue your dreams is gone. That's why i always shake my head when people just shout get married forgetting that if you haven't achieved many of the things you want to you may never be able to do certain things again once you are married and have responsibilities.
If your wife gets up today and says she wants to go back to school and that would mean taking care of your child plus all financial responsibilities would be on you, would you be happy with that?
Her rudeness to you or anyone else for that matter is inexcusable. Once she starts just ignore her, its like a child throwing a tantrum when you ignore her she'll realize how stupid she looks. 12 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Nobody: 11:14pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
OP, there have been quite a few resounding good advises on here, you don't have to have as many of them. start applying them already.
I'm so sorry about your situation. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by johnsonjosbles(m): 11:26pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.
I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.
I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.
I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.
Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.
I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.
I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.
I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.
I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?
When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.
This is a true life story... Please help a brother...
op, I'm facing the same problem, intact mine just left me with my two kids, I'm now in a legal battle to have my kids back, this problems is as a result of lack of home training on the wife's family side at the same time, her family interference, her family may be the forces militating against your marige. Because if she have good cancelling from her people, she would have the best knowledge of marriage hetics. Forget women of nowadays and moved on with your life. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by banmee(m): 11:30pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.
I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.
I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.
I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.
Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.
I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.
I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.
I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.
I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?
When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.
This is a true life story... Please help a brother...
Are you serious? When you go back to further your education, how are you going to sustain your family? Does your spouse have a job? Why are you trying to play on the emotions of others? It seems to me like your wife is the matured one in the household. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by ikdiaro(m): 11:32pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
The best solution to a challenge like this is God* he alone can grant you what you desire* |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by litetias(m): 11:40pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.
I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.
I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.
I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.
Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.
I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.
I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.
I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.
I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?
When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.
This is a true life story... Please help a brother...
So when you guys were courting you could not see the signs that she was below your intellectual capacity, unable to carry on meaningful discussions, lacking in depth and mentally unstimulating? I pity you though cos there's nothing can be done to salvage your situation. You're both set in your ways. She sees you as a dreamer and you see her as too much of a pragmatist. It's just the way both of you are. The only thing could have helped was if the love is still there cos love allows for compromise but from your story I deduce that there's no love. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Sytasteme(m): 11:43pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
bro, it has happened to me. when I got married to my wife inicialy we had quarrels every now and then. then I discovered Emmanuel TV and by grace of God we both had our deliverance on it. bros, look for a living Church and or family will be in order. 1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by doctuw(m): 11:44pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
@ luxury0701. I pray you have a glance at this thread. |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Lexusgs430: 11:44pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.
I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.
I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.
I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.
Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.
I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.
I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.
I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.
I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?
When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.
This is a true life story... Please help a brother...
Does she have people that she listens to or can talk to her(people she respects, she has clearly lost respect for you) ? |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by AODT(m): 11:47pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
Op, It is well with you. After going through your message, i noticed that you blame her a lot; its not good for a house hold. And to make it worse you have invited so many people to talk to her about how you perceive her as not good enough. Trust me nobody likes that. Every one wants to be loved and from your background, it shouldn't be too much for you to love her. Don't see her as the issue after all, you are the husband and must take responsibilities in your house. For your career, am sure you didn't marry an underage, no one wants her children to suffer, maybe you should think of keeping your masters on hold while you settle the home front or else you might go and return to nothing. Don't forget that she might also be seeking advise from other people too. Seek her opinion lovenly and reason with her. At the moment you just have to be very patient and very very patient to win her back to you, just as you did before and when making baby  . Stop blaming her and look inward, ask her to tell you what she thinks you are doing wrong and am sure she has things to tell you. Try and keep as many people as you can away from your marriage they will only advise you based on their experience and i tell you not many are enjoying their marriage. Wish you all the best. 8 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Slingshotz(m): 11:50pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.
I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.
I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.
I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.
Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.
I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.
I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.
I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.
I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?
When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.
This is a true life story... Please help a brother...
I sympathize with yoir situation... Here is my take... I understand that life is not always white or black but you got into this situation unplanned (pregnancy after 3months of dating) you shud take full responsibility first as a man (take the blame) ... Then secondly i see that you are in a tensed situation both of you need to cool off emotionally speaking you need to be in the best state of mind to take sound decisions My personal advice would be "touch a heart before you ask for a hand" stop trying to change her view try to see from her view by then you have two views(yours and hers) to make better decision...it might just be that she is scared...make her feel secured you can always go for your masters and your dreams latter but you might not get a second chance with your family again....think bout it 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Slingshotz(m): 11:54pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
AODT:
Op,
It is well with you. After going through your message, i noticed that you blame her a lot; its not good for a house hold. And to make it worse you have invited so many people to talk to her about how you perceive her as not good enough. Trust me nobody likes that.
Every one wants to be loved and from your background, it shouldn't be too much for you to love her. Don't see her as the issue after all, you are the husband and must take responsibilities in your house. For your career, am sure you didn't marry an underage, no one wants her children to suffer, maybe you should think of keeping your masters on hold while you settle the home front or else you might go and return to nothing. Don't forget that she might also be seeking advise from other people too. Seek her opinion lovenly and reason with her. At the moment you just have to be very patient and very very patient to win her back to you, just as you did before and when making baby . Stop blaming her and look inward, ask her to tell you what she thinks you are doing wrong and am sure she has things to tell you.
Try and keep as many people as you can away from your marriage they will only advise you based on their experience and i tell you not many are enjoying their marriage. Wish you all the best. You have spoken with wisdom 
|
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Fanirandele: 11:58pm On Feb 06, 2016 |
banmee:
Are you serious? When you go back to further your education, how are you going to sustain your family? Does your spouse have a job? Why are you trying to play on the emotions of others? It seems to me like your wife is the matured one in the household. True, that part seems irresponsible and selfish on his own part. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Bisjosh(f): 12:01am On Feb 07, 2016 |
AODT:
Op,
It is well with you. After going through your message, i noticed that you blame her a lot; its not good for a house hold. And to make it worse you have invited so many people to talk to her about how you perceive her as not good enough. Trust me nobody likes that.
Every one wants to be loved and from your background, it shouldn't be too much for you to love her. Don't see her as the issue after all, you are the husband and must take responsibilities in your house. For your career, am sure you didn't marry an underage, no one wants her children to suffer, maybe you should think of keeping your  masters on hold while you settle the home front or else you might go and return to nothing. :'(Don't forget that she might also be seeking advise from other people too. Seek her opinion lovenly and reason with her. At the moment you just have to be very patient and very very patient to win her back to you, just as you did before and when making baby . Stop blaming her and look inward, ask her to tell you what she thinks you are doing wrong and am sure she has things to tell you.
Try and keep as many people as you can away from your marriage they will only advise you based on their experience and i tell you not many are enjoying their marriage. Wish you all the best. @ op liefdesverhaal The bolded lies your answers 1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by banmee(m): 12:04am On Feb 07, 2016 |
Fanirandele:
True, that part seems irresponsible and selfish on his own part. Not only selfish, but very irresponsible. You got that right. 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by litetias(m): 12:04am On Feb 07, 2016 |
Dyt:
Sometimes it openly amazes me when men like you come on here to say my wife is this and that
you don't sound all that good too, you have your faults, yes she might too but in all I see written in your last posts, you are not far from being a bad husband too
Phew U sound so pained. I can only interprete that to mean you have the same bad attitude with the wife and you don't think anything is wrong with being disrespectful to your man and not being able to compromise 10 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by tmanuelle(m): 12:10am On Feb 07, 2016 |
Dyt:
How would you feel if that was said to your first child?
Now I see why she's so rude to you
How many times have you said these to her. How many times have you called her uncultured?
Typical
@Dyt He has said the truth, cultural/family/educational background matters a lot. I was once with a lady with divergent values when it comes to these 3 qualities. At some point, I had to give up on her, do you know why? She is so incorrigible. I will say the same thing this man said about his wife about this lady in question. The only difference is where he said his wife doesnt appreciate anything, my ex doesn't apologize for anything. So I can comfortably tell you that I appreciate the situation more than you do because I know what it really feels like. If you have a way of helping him, please do and stop telling him not to air what he is going through, afterall he probably wouldn't come up here if things has been so well in his home. @Op You have made your mistakes, but its too late to be talking about that right now. You have a child to father and a family to run. You just have to be the compromising type on certain issues, adjust your expectations from her on certain issues, learn to ignore her misdemeanor somtimes and just make up your mind to be overlooking certain attitudes by dwelling on the good sides of her, she can't be all bad, you know. But in all, she is your wife, you are the one in charge, she can only frustrate you if you want to be frustrated. Shalom, God is your strenght 3 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by histemple: 12:17am On Feb 07, 2016 |
RiloKiley:
I became more authoritative.
I ceased caring so much about her happiness and more about the goals for the family. If I see a particular venture will be good for all of us I go all out to get it. I stopped trying to discuss every little thing with her. I found out I was making her the centre of my happiness and unlike what I had heard and read about in romance novels instead of making her happy it seemed to be driving her away. So now I demand for things. I tell her why this will be good for the family and then i go ahead and do it.
Its not my style at all. I'm the "lets talk and discuss about every little thing" kind of person. I believe a lot in romance (or used to, now not so much) but believe me I have gotten more results since then. She is definitely more respectful too.
i think u should be more authoritative. Be the "man of the house" especially when it comes to things that you know will move the family forward. Warn her that the day she tries to fight u in public she will not like what will happen afterwards. Let her see you can be mental as well. She can be loud with her friends but not with u.
Also if u feel the extra degree will boost the family income on the long run I think u should go ahead and do it. She will complain and nag but in the long run she'll be the one to boast outside later that her man has a Masters degree.
And as long as u don't get abusive with the power. Let your Christian morals guide you. You are so spot on. You nailed it I swear. |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Dyt(f): 12:23am On Feb 07, 2016 |
litetias:
U sound so pained.
I can only interprete that to mean you have the same bad attitude with the wife and you don't think anything is wrong with being disrespectful to your man and not being able to compromise Sorry sir Kneels down |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Fanirandele: 12:25am On Feb 07, 2016 |
RiloKiley:
I became more authoritative.
I ceased caring so much about her happiness and more about the goals for the family. If I see a particular venture will be good for all of us I go all out to get it. I stopped trying to discuss every little thing with her. I found out I was making her the centre of my happiness and unlike what I had heard and read about in romance novels instead of making her happy it seemed to be driving her away. So now I demand for things. I tell her why this will be good for the family and then i go ahead and do it.
Its not my style at all. I'm the "lets talk and discuss about every little thing" kind of person. I believe a lot in romance (or used to, now not so much) but believe me I have gotten more results since then. She is definitely more respectful too.
i think u should be more authoritative. Be the "man of the house" especially when it comes to things that you know will move the family forward. Warn her that the day she tries to fight u in public she will not like what will happen afterwards. Let her see you can be mental as well. She can be loud with her friends but not with u.
Also if u feel the extra degree will boost the family income on the long run I think u should go ahead and do it. She will complain and nag but in the long run she'll be the one to boast outside later that her man has a Masters degree.
And as long as u don't get abusive with the power. Let your Christian morals guide you. That would only work for a woman you can scare with divorce, his wife on the other hand clearly does not care about getting divorced so why will she take all that crap. Someone who's already talking about them having more kids and seperating so she can be a single Mum  Warn her that the day she tries to fight u in public she will not like what will happen afterwards. Let her see you can be mental as well. She can be loud with her friends but not with u. lol what exactly will he scare her with ? beating her when they get back home which she knows she'll just call the cops and have him dealt with or divorce which she knows she has more to gain? he'll be the one to leave the house sef.....all those 9ja stunts wont work here. In this case unlike the typical 9ja women she's the one with the upperhand because she does not care about getting divorced while he's the one trying not to get divorced since he already has another kid out of wedlock 4 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by litetias(m): 12:26am On Feb 07, 2016 |
Dyt:
Sorry sir
Kneels down
Do you get a kick out of being annoying? 1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Dyt(f): 12:27am On Feb 07, 2016 |
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| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by litetias(m): 12:33am On Feb 07, 2016 |
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| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by KanwuliaExtra: 12:37am On Feb 07, 2016 |
Ignore them of course! Ever heard of SEPARATE BEDROOMS?  1 Like |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Dyt(f): 12:45am On Feb 07, 2016 |
litetias:
Joker I annoyed you few mins ago and I guess I just made you smile You see, you don't take every comment on here serious I haven't said op is not going through what he wrote but we all have diff opinions and I haven't written anywhere mine should suit his or anyone, I can't even rem commenting on the whole drama except the one they hit themselves and that of the lady from a broken home Well that's nairaland for you and that's the world we all live in Not everyone will think like you do I have a diff opinion to/on life and yours is diff too Guess I am just this way Sometimes annoying Reminds me of the cartoon the annoying orange Nenenenenene Tongue out |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by tmanuelle(m): 12:50am On Feb 07, 2016 |
freshvine:
Never marry an opinionated woman except you've the clout to control her.
The clout may include :
Strong Personality
Wealth
Social Status
An intimidating educational qualifications like a lawyer etc...
Back to you Mr. Cross bearer,
I know you may not be any of the listed above but you should try to build on STRONG PERSONALITY to be able to exert influence on your marriage and be the HEAD of it.
DO NOT HIT HER AGAIN!!!
For every fight you get in with her, she leverage out on her atrocities.
Women are very smart and knows how to play the game of control more than men. While men are busy hustling, women simply use the time to study their men!
Now, it is up to you to "surprise" her from being a predictable man to the unpredictable. Do a reverse psychology.
STOP TALKING and STOP negotiating for PEACE!!! The more people you invite to intervene, the more she is satisfied with her power.
Put on the armor of STALIN, the face of ABACHA, and the unforgiving spirit of BUHARI. Laugh when necessary and only say a few words. Kill romance and treat her as non existent.... Few months let say 6 months she'll notice the change, a year she start complaining and fighting back (please at this juncture don't allow her to manipulate you with whichever antics she employs). Finally, if she acknowledge you'd remain unruffled, she'll slide and begin to think and for the very first time how she got things messed up.
She'll then pray to have her marriage back... give her and you'd successfully subdued her. Henceforth every action she takes, she weighs the prospects.
This is a long term approach except you want her to still be in charge and I bet you with the power she has now, any challenge on family finance she'll divorce you. Woman, I respect u. 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by blazer234: 12:57am On Feb 07, 2016 |
liefdesverhaal:
I am a regular user of this forum. For the sake of privacy and objectivity... I have to start a new tread.
I need the opinion of mature and especially married people.
I am a man in my middle thirties, Married with 2 kids(One with another woman). I am in a dilemma. I am married to a Woman that have different view of life. We are from different culture and educational background. We see life differently. I am a quite, conservative, loyal, and kind but very principle Man whereas my wife is very open, extrovert, kind, and care free person but She is very very disrespectful and abusive. She abuses even in public without knowing the implication of her actions.
I believe in Family union and the sanctity of Marriage. I believe that a Man is the head of a family and the provider and protector of the family. My wife believe that a Man should be the provider of the family while she takes control of the family.
Perhaps it is too much to describe but how do i make my wife to see life the way I am seeing it? I want a simple, quite, private life that I will love, cherish my wife above any other thing.
I want to go back to school to obtain a degree perhaps Maters degree but my wife just want me to provide for the family without pursuing my dreams or career. She is not interested in anything I want to do as long as it does not affect the family income.
I have thought of leaving her but the idea that I have a child with before with another woman without marriage, then another child with her(Which I love so much) scare the living daylight out of me.
I have tried talking with her about my fears and worries but that seems not to help. I have contracted other people for advice but nothing is helping.
I am scared of starting a new family after 2 kids with two different women. How do I make this woman to see life from my angle(I am willing for concession)?
When I was a child, I planned for a wife that will love and adore me... Support my dreams and take care of the family... But it seems I am having opposite of this right now.
This is a true life story... Please help a brother...
What were you thinking that made you marry her in the first instance? Didn't you notice her behaviours before marriage? Didn't you date or court her before marriage? Or did you get carried away by nice boobs and well rounded arsee? If you knew she was like this and still went ahead with the marriage, then you have got to love with it. Ain't nothing God cannot do. Just be praying and fasting for her. She is your cross now. Carry it! |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by nairaman66(m): 1:43am On Feb 07, 2016 |
RiloKiley:
I became more authoritative.
I ceased caring so much about her happiness and more about the goals for the family. If I see a particular venture will be good for all of us I go all out to get it. I stopped trying to discuss every little thing with her. I found out I was making her the centre of my happiness and unlike what I had heard and read about in romance novels instead of making her happy it seemed to be driving her away. So now I demand for things. I tell her why this will be good for the family and then i go ahead and do it.
Its not my style at all. I'm the "lets talk and discuss about every little thing" kind of person. I believe a lot in romance (or used to, now not so much) but believe me I have gotten more results since then. She is definitely more respectful too.
i think u should be more authoritative. Be the "man of the house" especially when it comes to things that you know will move the family forward. Warn her that the day she tries to fight u in public she will not like what will happen afterwards. Let her see you can be mental as well. She can be loud with her friends but not with u.
Also if u feel the extra degree will boost the family income on the long run I think u should go ahead and do it. She will complain and nag but in the long run she'll be the one to boast outside later that her man has a Masters degree.
And as long as u don't get abusive with the power. Let your Christian morals guide you. Authoritativeness works like magic in any relationship. Women wants to follow the lead with their man ironically they all want romantic and level headed gentlemen.., but this has proved not to be the case. I am this type of meek and gentle guy who wants to discuss everything with my girl just to make her happy all the times. But this has caused more troubles until I tried the authorititative rule! Works like magic!! 2 Likes |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by Nobody: 1:46am On Feb 07, 2016 |
johnsonjosbles:
op, I'm facing the same problem, intact mine just left me with my two kids, I'm now in a legal battle to have my kids back, this problems is as a result of lack of home training on the wife's family side at the same time, her family interference, her family may be the forces militating against your marige. Because if she have good cancelling from her people, she would have the best knowledge of marriage hetics. Forget women of nowadays and moved on with your life. true that bro...any man who gets married nowadays is an idiot o...just look for shex partner, that's all you need |
| Re: How Do You Deal With Spouses That Have Different Opinion About Family And Life? by deniyor: 1:49am On Feb 07, 2016 |
Dyt:
Forgive me but this is funny
Sorry
Smh Yeah I saw that part. However, be nice  . You better pass this sis. 1 Like |
