₦airaland Forum

Lastly

I cant make head or tail of this story.

are you afraid they are trying to harm you or why is their not communicating with you a big problem?

Isn't he supposed to try to mend things between me and his family?

as per facebook this facebook that, why cant you ask them why they blocked you (if you indeed do not know because I suspect you probably do)?

Lord have mercy o.

dangotesmummy:
wonderment

Who begs or apologises for going to stay with MY MOTHER.your mother is your mother and your mother Inlaw can only be an INLAW to you not a MOTHER.please there's a difference.

No matter how much you love me you can't take my mother to do your own mother and the same way marriage can or didn't break the bond between mother and son is the same way marriage can't break the bond between mother and daughter.

There are some individuals in our lives that are IRREPLEACEABLE and that is your MOTHER

did u read my post at all or y did u quote me?who said anything about begging to stay wt her mother?I said NO need to beg anybody!pls try and read well b4 quoting.

Dts wia u really missed it.since dey invited u u shd av gon u ve bin married 2 dem u shd av just giv drm even if its 2 weeks or 1 mth is nt 2 small den I go 2 ur mother afterward I bliv if u ve told ur mother she wl av allow u 2 go there its culture courtesy nd the right thing lets say u dnt av a mother alive or ard nd dey did nt welcom u ao wl u feel so pls try 2 amend nd beg dem

enm:
Hmm becareful of the type of advice you choose here if not you are on your own oooh.

Some people will say you make mistake marrying into a family you are not welcome into but i don't think that's the case. You were on good terms with the sisters and everything was smooth sailing between you and them until the omogwo issue rear it head.

your handling of the omogwo issue is not it at all. Put yourself in your MIL shoes and tell me how you will feel. Your mother in law attitude is not because she hate you, is just that she has some issue with your tribe or her son marrying from another tribe.

Anyway sha no need crying over spilled milk. Continue being a good wife to your husband and good daughter in law. Call or text her and your sister in law, they respond or not just don't stop. Don't allow hatred toward them. Seek you mother in law out and seek for her forgiveness on the omogwo issue. Forgive yourself and forgive them and leave the rest to God in prayer.

Why leave the rest to God? Because He is the originator, designer, builder and perfectionist of marriage. God is still in the business of making good and enjoyable marriage.

I tell you 3 month will be too much to see changes if you can follow advice and there is a film tittled WAR ROOM, watch it and apply the principles taught in that film to your marriage and other life issues..

Choose wise.

I love your advice to her. I wish to get married to my best friend some day. This MIL issue i believe should be handled with love. She will not die if she apologised and beg for them to relate well. Leave the rest to God. The only thing is that we let Ego overshadow peace.

My sister, I really feel for you. Especially as a married woman I understand perfectly well what you are going through.
Please know, it's not an issue to be over looked. It is very delicate and should be handled well.
What your husband is telling you is not the best (I mean, he shouldn't just keep quiet about the issue and tell you to ignore them ) but probably he has tired his best to resolve the issue without any positive outcome. Please don't stress him about the issue.You should know that his family must be stressing hell out of him already so dont add to it.
Whenever you have an opportunity to come across anyone of them, treat him/her very well. Leave the remaining to God. He will never forsake you.
All the best

Try and visit mama with your hubby,pretend as if you don't know she's giving u altitude(I mean relate with her in a friendly manner) and if she doesn't respond just face ur lane...as for sil,call or sent a text to them.shikena!

Inlaw wahala can go a long way in destroying a marriage but my question is this, why didn't ur mum come over to do d omugwo thing? Why go over to ur place? In the absence of that.......

I would suggest u pay ur MIL a visit, weekend wouldn't be a bad idea, pack ur things and dat of hubby wit baby and go spend d weekend wit her, never mention to her dat u guys will be coming over jst surprise her and try as much as possible to always leave d baby in her care and also pretend that u knw nothing abt nurturing a child and insist that she guides u and by doing dat u are automatically bounding wit her and d baby too.

As for ur SILs, win ur MIL over and u will see them going out of their way to please u.

And as for hubby, always remind him d importance of family and don't forget, u re no more an outsider, u are now part and parcel of that family and d next generation of dat family starts wit u. Gracias.

Please try to make amends with your mum in law. I do not blame you for going to your mum after giving birth. Just go and visit with the baby. Take a present that she will like and just tell her you are sorry if you offended her. No need to kneel down or beg.

Just keep visiting her every 2 weeks, in time her heart will soften.

Try to always communicate with them no matter what,fighting ur MIL will never do u any good.

I cry reading some people post here and people are wondering why many marriage are having problem. It is well.

To ops and others going through such or similar situation or any other type, please check your attitude, attitude and attitude. Be wise.

Saying sorry to allow peace to reign and allow the cultivation of love cost nothing.

duperola:
did u read my post at all or y did u quote me?who said anything about begging to stay wt her mother?I said NO need to beg anybody!pls try and read well b4 quoting.

read my own post to and read IT with understanding

@Twinkie8 lets step back a bit.
you say that you are from different tribes so some cultures and traditions may be different
What is the omugwo tradition from your husbands side?
It could be that you have gone against the norm and that is why your MIL is unhappy

The truth is that You are the new addition to that family and depending on the family involved, you may have to stick your neck out more if you want to fit into that jigsaw puzzle.
You dont have to if you dont want to......its your choice
If you can live solo, then go ahead.
It depends on how hard your resolve is.
The only thing is that there is a possibility that eventually your hubby will gradually start gravitating towards them. They are his family and there are blood ties involved.

My advise to you.....
Call & SMS your MIL & SIL 2 or 3 times a week.
Even if she doesn't respond, keep on doing that for a few weeks to break the ice
Then go visit her with your baby and put the baby on her lap
She cant chase you out
At most she will talk and talk
Just calm her down
Put your arms round her (it always works with my mum)
She will get over it.
Once mama is okay . . . the SIL's will fall in line.
Dont take your hubby so he does not go and add petrol to the situation but let him know that you will be going to see her.]
All the best.

My 1 cent though, this woman has tried to be nice all u do is bring sentiment in cos she is not ur tribe . How do u think she will be free with u during omugo? Truth. Be told I wouldn't . But just keep on being nice pls don't insult or make unguarded statement to anyone. At every opportunity show them love.

Helo sis, i've been reading a lots of rubbish here as comment in your issue. See u are already in a new home entirely different from your. Any one asking u to forget about them is only wants u to loose yor marriage in no time. Becos there is no perfect marriage (couple) in this world and so most mariages are suplimented by good husband family. Very very soon the reality will begin to show up btwn u and your hubby; where will u go when u quarel, wu wil setu the matter for u guy. See with d present situation, any small things btw u and your huby can get u out of that house. That is why u need a lot of wisdom now. There is no way u will live with your man without quarell, it is not posible, even in d past four month u gave birth are telling me u have never had a minor issue with him. But c d major one is coming and it is inevitable. Your inlaws are the one wu will handle it for u
Your huby is respecting yoir family because he is still in good term with u, very very soon wen u do some fokup which is norma, he will diregard them but no mata what, his parent will sort things out at all cost. So and put things rite. D hatred your mother inlaw has for u as ended since u get married, she doesnt have optn than to love u, but she decided to invite u to come down and visit them but u objected. That in Yoruba land is term to be rude and only fuel d fire that as started quenching. U made that mistake
As for yoir huby, u cant espect him to say other wise than what he's saying.
If your huby people love u, even if your huby is a montar, u are gud to go. U will simply enjoy till u die. Infact, u need them more than yor huby sincerely. They are d pillar of your home if u dont know.because any small troubke with yoir huby now once they get to kno about it, they will begin to poisn his mind and yoir home and stay in that home start deminishing
Pls make things work at all cost

Tallesty1:
You misused the opportunity to make things right

no matter the distance a goat travel to another country, it still remains a goat.
Some good for nothing mother-in-law are just of their own interests.
Only God knows what/how she would have handled her especially as she was never from their tribe

Cutehector:
Well the husband is wrong.. very wrong.

In the igbo culture, I duno if it's everywhere, it's said Dat ur not only marrying the husband but his entire family, likewise him to ur family as well..


he really should be concerned abt this as its not a matter to be swept under the carpet. This is ur mother in law for christ sake, she plays a very important role nw in d entire family even though she is distant and as such, the relationship between u and her has to be somewhat good at all times.

He really needs to call all of dem to order! Like really!

he knows the type of family he has and since he said time will take care of everything, no qwams

ATMC:
Twinkie8 can you do this one thing? Listen to your husband and ignore them.

Again, another thing that might help is imagining your husband was the one in your shoes, what would you have done for him? You may do something close to what he did...'pls ignore them, Ihave your back'.

If you can just try and ignore them for now, in a matter of time they will tire.

Bear this at the back of your mind, IF PERSON NO LIKE YOU, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. Let them deal with the hate when it's time for PEACE, not even their warrior hearts can withstand.

Love your baby, respect your man, listen to the still voice in you and be good. It will come to pass.

thank you dear.... This is what I just wanted saying

pet4ril:
he knows the type of family he has and since he said time will take care of everything, no qwams

ok.

Iolite:
Just as Cutehector said, you where wrong, should have let her spend sometime with you, then go to your mother for the rest. In my case, my husband was the one telling his mother no need but I insisted she comes, which she did. Your mum can be very tolerant but not MIL. So I suggest you and your husband should pay a suprise visit to MIL home and try to make amend by appologizing for the obvious. Goodluck

that is because you were probably in good terms with your MIL, the lady need much rest after delivery not someone that will carry a masquerade face for her all in the name of omugwo

Cutehector:
oh just come off it please! All these new generation women Dat just like to cause problem in their own marriages by themselves! Mchew

you are wrong. What of all these old generation MIL that are too sentimental all in the name of tribe?

pet4ril:
that is because you were probably in good terms with your MIL, the lady need much rest after delivery not someone that will carry a masquerade face for her all in the name of omugwo

hahahhahahha women and their wahala no dey ever end.

ATMC:
I disagree with you. For heaven's sake it's her first child and her mother must have looked forward to the omugwo. You heard her that after her time with her mother she wanted to go spend time with her mother in law but she bid her not to come. Who does that?

The mother in law ought to know better that this girl will be displeasing herself if she be with her first instead of her mother. This is sheer case of you can't tell the heart who to love.

It is clear that she was hated before she was chosen and not even the husband can salvage the situation. There's a limit to what he can do.

thank you jare

pet4ril:
you are wrong. What of all these okd generation MIL that are too sentimental all in the name of tribe?

well the son has to educate his mother on that. My mum jokingly told me make we nor go marry akwaibom girl o say she nor dey for their wahala.


I was like.. wtf. I reiterated to her that whoever I end up marrying is based on d will of God and i"m sure she wishes not to oppose that... she just kept quiet

nnamdibig:
Now I believe there is something like "new generation wife".

For God's sakes they never liked you & the only way to make amends is to spend time with them during your child birth. In my side, when you have a child, your mother comes over for omugwu not the other way round.
If I may ask, So your fear is that your MIL cannot take care of you & your new born baby? Or that your mum cannot come over & stay with you guys while taking care of you?
You better amend things with your new family. You are there to stay & will one day act like her if you don't like your son's wife to be.

Amend what for heaven's sake? Let her live her life tthem live theirs abeg.
You can't tell the heart who to love

Cutehector:
well the son has to educate his mother on that. My mum jokingly told me make we nor go marry akwaibom girl o say she nor dey for their wahala.


I was like.. wtf. I reiterated to her that whoever I end up marrying is based on d will of God and i"m sure she wishes not to oppose that... she just kept quiet

its individual differences, some mothers will want to take it as if its federal government work.
She should just live her life and let their problems be their headache

pet4ril:
its individual differences, some mothers will want to take it as if its federal government work.
She should just live her life and let their problems be their headache

hahahahha at federal govt work.


You are right tho. U made me see reasons to agree wid ur point.

pacino26:
One fact that Isuzu escapes the mind of the indomie generation wives is exactly what you posted here my dear (no pun intended)

A daughter in-law today becomes a mother in-law in 25_30yrs time. My would-be father in-law is yet to be convinced I am good enough for his daughter same as my mom who thinks 'tis girl' is out to ruin me down and waste my time.

I think I even share a similar situation but I handled things in a very subtle manner. My own mom was the case then and now it's her dad. Twinkie8 really have to redeem yourself before your MIL. It is not in her place to come to you, you've to approach her and there's no limit to the number of things you do and you hit a brick wall.
Start all over and win your in-laws. This is Nigeria, Africa where we hold family very high.

It's a phase and the old woman will get off it.

abegiii when she gets to the bridge of been a MIL, she will cross it.... All ahe has to do is to have a free heart to receive any body the children brings home because every child has his/her own destiny

Cutehector:
hahahahha at federal govt work.


You are right tho. U made me see reasons to agree wid ur point.

gboza for you

segzy0i:
Dts wia u really missed it.since dey invited u u shd av gon u ve bin married 2 dem u shd av just giv drm even if its 2 weeks or 1 mth is nt 2 small den I go 2 ur mother afterward I bliv if u ve told ur mother she wl av allow u 2 go there its culture courtesy nd the right thing lets say u dnt av a mother alive or ard nd dey did nt welcom u ao wl u feel so pls try 2 amend nd beg dem

I'm 100% in support of her not going to the so called mother in law place. You can't hold me like a pinch of salt and expect me to carry you like a bag of rice.. Oh no its not possible

sweetilicious:
I love your advice to her. I wish to get married to my best friend some day. This MIL issue i believe should be handled with love. She will not die if she apologised and beg for them to relate well. Leave the rest to God. The only thing is that we let Ego overshadow peace.

even if she kill herself for that woman, She can never like her, so its better every one of them should Maintain their own lane

@Gboliwe, your attention is.needed.

I wonder how ladies of nowadays think. Seriously,your Mum should have scold you to back to your MIL. You are MARRIED.Get that right and stop being a kid.You still need to learn the tenents of marriage ma'am.

To you,the MIL may not like you but I disagree,you are a married woman and start acting like one. Visit her,buy her fruits or what you think she likes,take the kids to her for a night,call her often,confide in her even if the issue does not worth it and let her pray for you.

The future you don't know and don't think you can't run to her in the nearest future.MILs are very hard to satisfy just do your best that your consciense will not judge you negatively. Meet eldery women of 20yrs above in marriage,you would marvel what sustatined them till date and how they handled their MILs.