₦airaland Forum

dare2differ:
I know right. That is why she can't let him be

I suggest she stays on anti-pregnancy treatment

If she can't get him to disclose his problems to her, she is better off leaving him.

He might turn out to treat his kids the same way.

If she can go through it, does that mean her kids go through it too?

yes to sentences 2, 3 and 4

WiseBully:
Get ready for midnight baby cries Sleep go clear from your eyes by force As for my name, I like to do it anonymous here. But you could send me a pm and we are good to go from there.

how do i get to send pm and im sure too ready for triplets in triples now,they have a whole wing to enloy themselves and their nannies.

Acidosis:
When we tell people to marry for LOVE only, they say NO! compatibility/stability is all that matters.

All these wahalas are due to the fact that you married a man whose interest is based on stability, not love.

People, marry for LOVE! Mid-life crisis, giving space, and all these nonsense only happens when your marriage is not based on LOVE.

Serious lovers who are extremely addicted and lost in love do not pass through such phases, they enjoy marriage always. They do not read books and comments on how to treat a stubborn husband.

Withdrawing into your shell may complicate things if love is absent. We only care about those we love. Marrying for stability is EVIL, you can't get stability in a home where LOVE is absent, all you will get is LONELINESS & Bitterness (and may be violence when you marry a very stubborn, lousy and hardened man as a husband).

i can spend hours to show u love will never be enough to sustain a very hapi marriage.no matter how strong the love is at any point in time,if it is not constantly nourished by what u say or do or do noy say or do not do,it will finally fade away.this couple may have married for love but somethings we will never know or be told has happened,maybe even on wedding day or nite that has altered the love calculation.a guy once said cus for years no isssue,his wife told him what is d point in having the next sex and he said from dat day he hated her and of cos they are now happily divorced cos the wife threathened the catholic bishop all her adultery will be on his head if he doesnt allow her to divorce.LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH.B DILIGENT IN COMMUNICATION.SHINE YOUR EYES.WHAT U SEE IS WHAT U GET,THIS LADY SAW THE BONING.SOME ARE SEEING THE WEAK ERECTION NOW BUT ARE STILL GOING AHEAD WIT D MARRIAGE.

just2okworld:
THE GUY IS SICK?

Lol dude must have been pissed off before he typed that.

josite:
how do i get to send pm and im sure too ready for triplets in triples now,they have a whole wing to enloy themselves and their nannies.

I have sent you one already. Check your email inbox and send me a reply.

WiseBully:
I have sent you one already. Check your email inbox and send me a reply.

Thx the nairaland linked email was opened and used for nairaland only and has since remains forgotten and unknown & unusd so i dont even know where to locate the email..

Atlantian:
Guy, I can bet with my left ball that you are not married. You talk so much about love as if love is totally sexual. Hell No, sex is just an attribute of love. Read about it. Within the context of the OP's marriage. The crisis is not about love, they make love. The crisis is threatening their love. The crisis is of financial nature and some men do not know how to tell a woman a word like "I am broke, I dont have" and they tend to keep it to themselves. It practically shows in their character. They still Bleep, and he smiles a lot when he wants that. And withdraws back when the feeling of financial crisis creeps back into his mind. The man is loving husband. And it is a passing phase.

Marriage is NOT a bed of roses. It is an institution to raise babies and build the contents of their character and expose them to experience life on earth.

do u know u are very right .i remember i couldnt tell any nigerian gf im broke and i dont have and it was only a white south african gf that i could freely say that to and was really amused she sent me the only 3k transferable via internet banking.I REALLY THINK GUYS SHOULD LOOSEN UP.SAY WHATS REALLY HAPPENING ,THE WORLD WONT END.

palsenator:
If by chance you are reading this,please do carefully read my suggestion. Some of the responses I read above were from boys who are not yet there and don't even know what it means to be married. Now back to you. You said you noticed he was always boning with his family which was an indication that you guys courted, that was an indication to you but I guess you were too carried away with the affection you saw. My dear, your husband has succeeded in playing out his script and he has openly confessed to you that he did that just to win you.Now he is back to his real self and you are surprised. I keep telling young ladies around me to open their senses while courting and if possible take time to analyse your partner instead of analysing his pocket. Well my advice is that you should sit him down. Express your inner self to him.Tell him to sustain the charm he used to win your heart and as a matter of fact,do that when you guys are intimate because that appears to be his weakest moment.Strike him hard with tears in your hear probably while he was busy thrusting you.Don't respond to his touches, let him make love to a log of wood and I bet he will ask you why you are cold then Strike.I pray for you my dear and I hope your prayers are answered as well.Wish you luck in your marriage but be ready to see surprises that will sometimes throw you off balance.

na wa o,dis one na striker,i still dey laugh.

doskie:
you are frightening me boss. as in fear is catching up with my heart as I dey read watin you type.

LOL... naaa
No need to fear
..but truth is, sometimes,so many tins can happen all close together while you're yet to recover from wedding expenses n dat can be added pressure.

U just gats man up n take it all in stride..

josite:
na wa o,dis one na striler,i still dey laugh.

...n this to him is 'good' advice
S.m.h

The level of Horrible advices here is mind boggling
Esp from some of the regulars of the family section (mostly the unmarried ones).
Even the so called married ones giving advices as if this is a bf-gf relationship forgetting that in marriage the dynamics is different.
The same ppl that'll hide under an alias t cry about their marital problems.
I feel sorry f d o.p, and pray she makes d right choice

A Chinese proverb says 'take advices but make Ur own decision'

Thank God f ppl like @ atlantian etc else......

Peace

I advise you to see a cliniCal psychologist. the problems of majority of couples this day are pastors/alfas who see untrue vision and ignore psychological intervention in pre marital and marital life. its high Nigerians wake up from their slumber. seek empirical psychological help

Eddygourdo:
You marriage is very young and being that you never had the fine tuning phase during courtship. You both are having it now. Too bad he is pulling away while you are pulling closer and it's frustrating you.

You need to do the reverse affection method, pull away in character too. I don't mean emotionally, but it's a game to get his attention. Whenever he smiles at you frown and be disinterested though give him Wat he wants. Ignore him alot and give him the cold shoulders without it being very obvious. Continue thus till you have his attention and he starts asking you Wat the problem is.

Even when he asks, tell him nothing. Give him more cold shoulders and hide ur cheerfulness. This character if it drives him nuts then it's proof he loves you and was going through a phase

Give him more cold shoulders till he gets angry at ur behaviour and flips out. It only then that you table his offences to you. Hopefully you both would have a heart to heart talk and he would open up to you on what u is killing him

This is a fine tuning phase and if handled properly will pass, making ur marriage stronger

A million Likes!

goingape:
this is what happens when what you can only contribute is your yansh!

You are a liability and think the world revolve around you.

What have you contribute in this relationship! Just talking about you you and you some you etc you.

He change because he know you are a gold digger and a debtor. A person who all she think is me me and me. You married for money and now you are complaining

NAIJA WOMEN ARE liability to the highest level! I wonder why people still married them.

Come I'm not finish with you.

That imbec1le below me telling you that your husband have some psychological problem is a lier! You are the one suffering some psychological problem because you can't contribute to your marriage and now telling us you hate him you have a problem.

When you were choping his money you didn't read his action but just choping and opening leg like lizard.

See! You are the fault here! Go find somthing doing and stop all this your telemundo love! Why can't you show him that you are a woman and nothing move you and do what will please him but instead you are finding what will please you do you think sex is everything we men want in a woman?

So what do you want married folks to tell you

You go find his weak point and break him easily but this time don't be a liability but assent. Sit down and study your husband or one other small girl outside will study him for you and snatch him while you will be busy crying like a lizard. You are the one to solve your problem not we NAIRALAND or any married folks here cos them too have there own madness.

Do you think marriage is all about smiling and laughing

Do you know why divorce rate is higher than marriage rate? Because of people like you who only want fun and think everything is like flower and cake full with grapes!

You will see hell and know the smell of hell in your marriage if you don't sit up and start working towards it cos I see you have time writing your junk and seeking advise online! This is a dull move by you let me tell you.

Your marriage is not up to a year and you are here shouting!

Woman! You are not serious infact unseriousness is your middle name. If you dont want to work toward keeping your marriage in shape just carry your bags and DIVORCE, afterall you are not the only one who is unserious.

That WOMAN below me telling you to go to his family and ask how all this started, when you were dating did you take your time to study your husband? No! You were bussy eating his money and laughing!

take that woman advise below me and I bet you! You will see hell.

chei you too much. all hail master going ape. please share more of your concise and concentrated nuggets of wisdom o shiFu

mikolo80:
chei you too much. all hail master going ape. please share more of your concise and concentrated nuggets of wisdom o shiFu

lol shifu


APE man will do so!

WFW15:
Hi there, Your note says everything about what is going on with your husband but you are not seeing it. I have extracted some of your comments below that reveal your situation:

"...though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings."
"..He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming."
" ..His office rent was due that month"
"...the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him"
" ...I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl!"

Your husband is facing financial difficulties. It appears your relationship is more about him giving financially and you receiving. It's time to be his helper, sit down with him and figure out how you can support him financially. His way of dealing with financial difficulties is to bone (borrowing your word) whoever reminds him of that situation. This is why he was boning his siblings. Now you too are getting the same treatment. Sit with him and let him understand that you married him for better and for worse. Let him know you are willing to support financially as you both make expenses cuts where necessary. And please refrain from dishing out a cold shoulder so to get his attention. The last thing he needs is being deprived of affection. Just sit with him and have a heart to heart. If you can't get him to sit and listen then write him a message. The good thing about writing is that the other person gets to read through before discarding your view. I hope things work out.

You're the only smart person here who saw through the issue and provided a matured solution.

darlenese:
My hubby is my gossip partner , he is my best friend , I don't even have friends, cos there's no need!
I can imagine what this Op is going through , soooo frustrating , !

Women are meant to be loved, cherished and pampered ,And not the other way round , even when we know we are loved , we want to be reminded all the time !

Op bone him back , no time for rubbish, after all you didn't force him to marry you ,
Make sure u snub him during weekends too and dress sexy like u are happy without him, since he wants to be left alone .
I'm glad u are working , spoil ur self silly with little earnings,

Very soon he'll become insecured and start clinging to u

and u say u are married?.tif for tat wife,ur eyes will soon clear.u beta get jesus into your boat now that ur marriage still has plenty wine so he renew the spent wine with a beta wine.

hedonistic:
"Go for a woman in your class" means what? A so-called high class woman that cannot spend her own money to get whatever she thinks her "class" deserves is nothing but a useless prostitute.

I hate it when cheap who.res attribute class to their overpriced body or fake affection. Dem full Abuja here and Island for Lagos. No I only Bleep for not less than N100k a night, I use an IPhone 6, I drive an xyz car (that one smelly Alhaji bought for you after inserting his toes into your moist regions) so I have "Class". Duh.

If you have class, spend your own money on the material things you want. It has nothing to do with the man you choose to be involved with (or that chooses to be involved with you) romantically or sexually.

why are u so angry.have u been made to pay 100k for one bleep.how can a woman not feel high class if she get 100o dollars for a bleep.i still dey laugh.

josite:
and u say u are married?.tif for tat wife,ur eyes will soon clear.u beta get jesus into your boat now that ur marriage still has plenty wine so he renew the spent wine with a beta wine.

What's this one saying sef?

See
https://static.ynaija.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/11080737/eXploring-hosts-Denola-Zina-and-Biodun-at-the-formal-launch-of-the-show-2.jpg

https://static.ynaija.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/11081309/Zina-Anumudu-at-the-eXploringHangout-in-Ikoyi.jpg

HBD Wendy!

wendy406:
God bless you for this write up. I don't know why some ppl are plain stupid !!

gidjah:
HBD Wendy!

Thank u...

Hmmmmm, wat a story, dis is so so similar to my own story as well. Except for d fact dat, am currently a housewife, and preggy close to heavy, . D wedn is so young barely a month, and deres dis moody attitude av been noticing since we got married. But to some exent, I tink I av clues to wat mite b d cause, not too certain though. We have lots of financial tins to attend to, like we planning to have d baby abroad, so d whole bills is wat I tink is disturbing him. I wish I could contribute financially. May God help us all.

[quote]Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant





Funniest comment I have seen today. Chaiiiiiiii

This might be coming late ....I think your husband is ANGRY. Until you know where that anger is coming from or why he is angry in the first place, I don't think there is a way forward

Work hard to change him again

Hi Tekevwe, Please I want to know the Meaning of your name TEKEVWE! Thanks for sharing

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

chulo132:
So you want your husband walking around smiling like a lunatic? Is that it? I'm lost

OmGawd