Worksunlimited:
I parricularly don't like it when a woman starts a complaint with he used to give me practically everything she wants...



E get as the thing dey vex me... Woman go just dey believe say man just come dis world come be yes man.. Utter rubbish...

If he was giving u all u wanted before marriage buh suddenly stopped giving u after marriage.. You shouldn't lament... Instead u sef suppose vex spoil ur man silly... Spoil am till im sef come ere begin complain bout how wonderful his wife is and giving thanks to God for changing her mindset from a collector to a giver...

Yet to meet a woman who is a giver sha... The wans wey I dey meet their mouth dey always be like korodome.. Stingy to the hell's core...

Ujoan:


So now it's her fault? ?
Did you miss the part where he said he was only pretending to be cheerful to get her to marry hin??

Eaa247:


Evrytin is ok wit him I suppose. He mayb rough bt dat seems to b d hard truth in cases lik ds.

missjahiniekpe:


He should have remained single if he wanted 'the me time' married couples can't afford the me time.

Acidosis:
When we tell people to marry for LOVE only, they say NO! compatibility/stability is all that matters.

All these wahalas are due to the fact that you married a man whose interest is based on stability, not love.

People, marry for LOVE! Mid-life crisis, giving space, and all these nonsense only happens when your marriage is not based on LOVE.

Serious lovers who are extremely addicted and lost in love do not pass through such phases, they enjoy marriage always. They do not read books and comments on how to treat a stubborn husband.

Withdrawing into your shell may complicate things if love is absent. We only care about those we love. Marrying for stability is EVIL, you can't get stability in a home where LOVE is absent, all you will get is LONELINESS & Bitterness (and may be violence when you marry a very stubborn, lousy and hardened man as a husband).

Atlantian:


Guy, I can bet with my left ball that you are not married. You talk so much about love as if love is totally sexual. Hell No, sex is just an attribute of love. Read about it. Within the context of the OP's marriage. The crisis is not about love, they make love. The crisis is threatening their love. The crisis is of financial nature and some men do not know how to tell a woman a word like "I am broke, I dont have" and they tend to keep it to themselves. It practically shows in their character. They still Bleep, and he smiles a lot when he wants that. And withdraws back when the feeling of financial crisis creeps back into his mind. The man is loving husband. And it is a passing phase.

Marriage is NOT a bed of roses. It is an institution to raise babies and build the contents of their character and expose them to experience life on earth.

EggovinMma:
Lol.
Maybe you should give him a little bit of space.Its just a moody phase that will eventually phase off. Men with their wahala. You can't just satisfy them, their head dey knock anyhow like HONDA engine.

Try and go back to your own shell. Be sweet but still give him space, enough that he will notice.

Tekevwe:
@ Elvina

Yes he's spiritual. That's one quality that attracted me to him.

olalat:
Bros i take care of my home with ease FYI. I just gv u scenarios there. No perfect marriage. Ignoring the man will compound the pressure. It will mk their home hotter i repeat. The fact that ur wife use the technique to calm u down does nt mean it can be generally applied. The fact dt d man didnt open up to his wife is enough evidence 2 show dt hes a diff person to u. Ur advice may their home so i repeat. She should act normal and pray. My one kobo.

olalat:
Bros i take care of my home with ease FYI. I just gv u scenarios there. No perfect marriage. Ignoring the man will compound the pressure. It will mk their home hotter i repeat. The fact that ur wife use the technique to calm u down does nt mean it can be generally applied. The fact dt d man didnt open up to his wife is enough evidence 2 show dt hes a diff person to u. Ur advice may their home so i repeat. She should act normal and pray. My one kobo.

darlenese:
My hubby is my gossip partner , he is my best friend , I don't even have friends, cos there's no need!
I can imagine what this Op is going through , soooo frustrating , !

Women are meant to be loved, cherished and pampered ,And not the other way round , even when we know we are loved , we want to be reminded all the time !

Op bone him back , no time for rubbish, after all you didn't force him to marry you ,
Make sure u snub him during weekends too and dress sexy like u are happy without him, since he wants to be left alone .
I'm glad u are working , spoil ur self silly with little earnings,

Very soon he'll become insecured and start clinging to u

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

Modified**** For those saying my advice is bad..you need your head examined, most women are not happy in their marriages but more than half of them at least have one reason to hold on to the marriage for example they could hold on for the kids or finances or for the way the man treats them well once in a while. But op has not even given one reason of what she is holding on to in that marriage apart from trying to change the behaviour of a man who is almost 40 for crying out loud and he is still struggling that he can't even afford to decently take care of his home financially or emotionally. You people want her to remain miserable,until she starts getting attention from outside and committing adultery then you people will be the same people to call her a prostitute.
That man is just irresponsible, At least men who are not financially strong make up for it by being extra loving..
Please op you are still too young to be so miserable,I repeat quit that marriage and get your life and happiness back. If you decide to stay back then suffer in silence cuz nobody can change the character of a 40 year old. Please forgive the **** word, I have no intention insulting your husband,but I believe you must have heard the saying before, it just makes you understand how impossible it is changing the character of a 40 year old man , A **** at 40 is a **** forever..

SAMBARRY:
so because he's married she shows be all over his face. No Tim for self evaluation and personal reflection OR meditation that needs to be done alone in total tranquillity

Tekevwe:
I got married to my husband a some months ago. Before we got married we dated for a while and my husband was the smiling type, though I noticed he bones a lot with his siblings.

Our courtship was great. He used to give me practically everything I wanted (affection and care) even before I asked. He showered me with so much love that I thought I was dreaming. I saw some other qualities in him and felt he would make a great husband.

The first week of our marriage, my husband changed, started boning round the house and withdrew into himself. His office rent was due that month so I felt that was cause and let him be. Several months down the line and things re d same or even worse. He gets home boning, eats and goes straight to bed. If I try gisting with him he answers in monosylables and you can see the disinterest on his face.

The only time he smiles at home is when he wants to be intimate. That's the only time he's soft with me now and the only time I feel connected to him. I asked him if I offended him in any way and he says no, that the pressure of providing for a new family is getting to him.

I didn't play hard to get cos I don't believe in such so I don't know why the change.

There are some other qualities I discovered in him that I never saw while we were dating. I jokingly told him he has changed and that day he smiled and said he had to give me all I wanted cos he didn't want to lose me since I'm a pretty girl. Now that we re married its like he can't be bothered with trying anymore.

Also deep down I don't tink he loves me and feel he just married me cos he isn't so young anymore (almost 40) and he's parents were mounting pressure on him. He's snappy with me now which never used to happen.

He also has a wall built around him that I can't seem to penetrate. I feel so depressed each time I'm home, being married to a man I feel no connection to.

I don't know if this is what marriage entails. If it is, then please, married folks should hint me so I can adjust my mindset to this new change.

Also, what can I do to break through and get through to him?

justjify:

My dear I kinda feel your pain, life and love aint fair.
I'll advise you to go spiritual, go on your knees and pray this through. Get this film, "WAR ROOM" it will help you a great deal.

familyrocks:
Change too, just start Ignoring him totally, in fact just live as Co tenants. And from your write up it seems he is not doing well financially and your still young so please the second option is leaving that marriage before you get pregnant

Modified**** For those saying my advice is bad..you need your head examined, most women are not happy in their marriages but more than half of them at least have one reason to hold on to the marriage for example they could hold on for the kids or finances or for the way the man treats them well once in a while. But op has not even given one reason of what she is holding on to in that marriage apart from trying to change the behaviour of a man who is almost 40 for crying out loud and he is still struggling that he can't even afford to decently take care of his home financially or emotionally. You people want her to remain miserable,until she starts getting attention from outside and committing adultery then you people will be the same people to call her a prostitute.
That man is just irresponsible, At least men who are not financially strong make up for it by being extra loving..
Please op you are still too young to be so miserable,I repeat quit that marriage and get your life and happiness back. If you decide to stay back then suffer in silence cuz nobody can change the character of a 40 year old. Please forgive the **** word, I have no intention insulting your husband,but I believe you must have heard the saying before, it just makes you understand how impossible it is changing the character of a 40 year old man , A **** at 40 is a **** forever..

Acidosis:

Lol

So Love, to you, means Sex?

Please quote me when you know the meaning of LOVE.

You can check Merriam Webster dictionary online.

missjahiniekpe:


Yes. Family doesn't recognize 'me' but us', its a sharing of lives. They are both working, so spending a little time with her is not a big deal. What the woman is asking for is not too much except for the fact that the man is self centered. I pity the children, the will so want a daddy like i did and will never have.

jtizie:
Madam d bible says dat married ones will experience more problems because they are imperfect and come from difrent family background. 4 more information log on www.jw.org. Look couple and click i promise u, u would see helpful information. Other things 2 do are prayer and pls dont pay attention 2 what many wil tel u here. If u want to know d reason read d bible about d story of rehoboam d son of king solomon of israel.