omaigala:


I will pretend I didn't see those insult. It is not worth anything. I hope it made you feel better anyways?

...which insults! Ogbeni, go and chase your wife out of your house because she lied about her exe's and fvck outta NL with your sob tales mbok.

SANDOSKI:

With that picture, i think you're the only one who understands the angle the Op is coming from

Acidosis:
Deceit ruined all the relationship I ever had.

I've dedicated all my life on RESEARCH, so I'm going to be sure no one is playing games with my mind before I tie that knot. I think you've got no choice right now as you're in already. Work things out bro.

I hate deceit, but I can't stand divorce either (except on certain grounds).

I always make sure I know even the smallest things about whoever I'm dating. I'm not one of those that claims "hey, I don't care about your past" nonsense. Only liars and perpetual desperate monsters say such.

If you love a girl beyond her pants, you will care about her past. Sit her her and talk the true words into her, BE YOUR DAMN SELF, and stop LYING nitori oloun.

If you've had 67 abortions, say it clearly, your destined HORSE-band would locate you, at least before your 80th Birthday. No need for needless dramatic distrust and trailing.

Cc. edwife..

I think this is what the Op is trying to say

People now talk divorce at the doff of a hat. If divorce will give you peace, do it now before a child gets involved.

DipoDee:


...which insults! Ogbeni, go and chase your wife out of your house because she lied about her exe's and fvck outta NL with your sob tales mbok.

Don't push this too far. I can tolerate but to an extent. I already have your IP and location. Please don't dare.

omaigala:


I tried to my best and I have not lied to her. I hate lies. But supposed you where in my shoes, will ever trust yours a 100% on everything again?

We done bro!

omaigala:


How I got know; I overheard her friend telling her on the phone that her ex by a totally different name from the ones I know had just proposed to a lady few months ago. Two weeks later when I went through the list of her fb friends, I discovered that the said guy truly exists.

I will advice you let go of each other's past and focus on the future. as long as she doesn't cheat on you now that you are married, you don't have to destroy your marriage because of her past.

omaigala:


Don't push this too far. I can tolerate but to an extent. I already have your IP and location. Please don't dare.

....at least, you are man enough to threaten sobriquets on the internet. So now that you have my IP and location, I guess you wanna dump your wife on me huh Pls, bring her, I'm waiting for you Omaye.

sallyopy:
I will advice you let go of each other's past and focus on the future. as long as she doesn't cheat on you now that you are married, you don't have to destroy your marriage because of her past.

Thanks. I just wanted fairness.

DipoDee:


....at least, you are man enough to threaten sobriquets on the internet. So now that you have my IP and location, I guess you wanna dump your wife on me huh Pls, bring her, I'm waiting for you Omaye.

Very well then.

omaigala:


Very well then.

Omaigala, my friend. Abeg calm down o. Marriage is not a shirt that you wear and remove anytime.

I ll be lying if I say I know how you feel, because it's he that wears the shoe who knows where it pinches.

From my own reading of this, you want a perfect marriage. But understand that there's no perfection anywhere.

Whether it was one man she dated or 5 is in her past now. Love your wife like you have always done. Let this just slide like it's nothing.

If you divorce her, what's the guarantee that the next girl is not worse.

You are obviously young in this institution. There are somethings you see or hear and just unlook.

What if, just what if there was no relationship between them.

I remember in my days as a bachelor, almost every girl my friends saw me with was my girlfriend.

So, if any of my friends call me now to say 'Yemisi, your wife don marry o', my wife will pick offence even when it's just normal friends yarn.

Chairman, abeg forget am. Don't torment your wife. She might be innocent after all.

Chiefpriest1:


Omaigala, my friend. Abeg calm down o. Marriage is not a shirt that you wear and remove anytime.

I ll be lying if I say I know how you feel, because it's he that wears the shoe who knows where it pinches.

From my own reading of this, you want a perfect marriage. But understand that there's no perfection anywhere.

Whether it was one man she dated or 5 is in her past now. Love your wife like you have always done. Let this just slide like it's nothing.

If you divorce her, what's the guarantee that the next girl is not worse.

You are obviously young in this institution. There are somethings you see or hear and just unlook.

What if, just what if there was no relationship between them.

I remember in my days as a bachelor, almost every girl my friends saw me with was my girlfriend.

So, if any of my friends call me now to say 'Yemisi, your wife don marry o', my wife will pick offence even when it's just normal friends yarn.

Chairman, abeg forget am. Don't torment your wife. She might be innocent after all.

Thank you very much Sir. I really appreciate this.

You told also you discovered she had more the 4exes but you didn't tell if you have proofs. Please if you don't have proofs to your claim and she's still denying it just let the matter go.

Acidosis:
Deceit ruined all the relationship I ever had.

I've dedicated all my life on RESEARCH, so I'm going to be sure no one is playing games with my mind before I tie that knot. I think you've got no choice right now as you're in already. Work things out bro.

I hate deceit, but I can't stand divorce either (except on certain grounds).

I always make sure I know even the smallest things about whoever I'm dating. I'm not one of those that claims "hey, I don't care about your past" nonsense. Only liars and perpetual desperate monsters say such.

If you love a girl beyond her pants, you will care about her past. Sit her her and talk the true words into her, BE YOUR DAMN SELF, and stop LYING nitori oloun.

If you've had 67 abortions, say it clearly, your destined HORSE-band would locate you, at least before your 80th Birthday. No need for needless dramatic distrust and trailing.

You're my man, bro! You just said it as it is. Leave those deceitful multiple dick tasters who want their past to be buried because it's so ugly and a potential deal breaker.

Why would how many sexual partners someone has not be important for every new relationship one enters? Is sex a trivial matter? Nonsense hypocrites.

@OP; I feel your pain. My question to you would be; did you tell your wife how many ex’s you yourself had? Are there any that you did not reveal to her?

Fine, she hid her other ex's from you and now you found out that she has some more that she had not mentioned to you; right? Okay; no doubt she was wrong especially when you said you had given her the opportunity to tell you everything about her past and she has hidden a few things from you and now that you are beginning to find out these hidden things, you are upset; which is understandable.

The question is can you handle any further secrets that would come out from your wife if you go through demanding what other secrets are left that she hasn’t told you now that you are married to her? Be calm; marriage is like growing up as you never stop growing and learning things about your partner; hence the quality of forgiving freely in marriage plays an important role.

She has made a mistake and I can tell you that she herself is eating up inside as to how she would probably tell you how sorry she is. Forget all the getting moody and upset when you ask her about these her ex’s and other things in her past as in her mind, they are her past. If she is focused on making this marriage work, then why not start from there? No doubt you are very hurt for her deceit but don’t let it destroy what you have especially if she is someone that gives you a happy home.

But if you still insist on knowing if there are any other ex’s or other things that she hasn’t told you, then now is the time to sit her down and calmly tell her that going forward NO MORE LIES and if there is anything that she feels you need to know, now is the time for her to tell you especially if she knows that when you find out from an external source, it would get you upset. She needs to TELL YOU NOW TO AVOID ANY FURTHER DAMAGE ON TRUST THAT IS BEGGING TO ERODE A ONCE TRUSTWORTHY ENVIRONMENT IN YOUR MARITAL BOND AS THIS WOULD HELP IN THE MOVING FORWARD PROCESS; which to be honest is what you need to do now for PEACE AND TRUST to return to your household.

Try to reduce your hurt, distrust, and dislike (that won't be that easy but it is possible) that is currently developing towards your wife due to this revelation and work towards making your marriage strong with your wife. You both have your past records and dwelling on the past would not do you any good. Don't forget that you yourself have your own past and I’m sure if you had mentioned everything to your wife about your own past, there might also be some things you mentioned that your wife might be finding hard to come to terms with; I might be right as well as wrong.

Lastly, take it easy on yourself and start from the beginning with your wife as if you are having a clean slate and don’t get yourself so upset that this issue takes over your reasoning and makes you a very unhappy person.

All the best

I rest my case

DipoDee:


....at least, you are man enough to threaten sobriquets on the internet. So now that you have my IP and location, I guess you wanna dump your wife on me huh Pls, bring her, I'm waiting for you Omaye.

DipoDee oma Igala Uwe che?

omaigala:
We met sometimes 2013 and courted for 2 years. While we were dating, I asked about about her exes and she told me that they were only 4 of them. Well it was something I could deal with.

Some 700 plus days later, we got married.
But the things is, I just discovered that she had more than 4 exes and since then I find myself questioning almost everything she ever told me and everything she does. Just that lie changed everything.

It is affecting my level of attraction towards her. I tried to ask her about it and she still denied it and that made it worse. I am contemplating about divorce. I no longer run home as soon as I close from work as did I always.

I hate deception, I can't stand it. I feel that's how she will continue to lie to me about some things forever.

How can I handle this maturely? I ain't got money for marriage counselling.

wow.. take a giant chill pil man.
it's in the genome of women to lie... esp wen you asking her questions like how many exes.

let her know your disappointment. then let it go like a man shud do. trust me dis is no issue to be contemplating divorce. it's not even worth one sleepless night.

omaigala:


Don't push this too far. I can tolerate but to an extent. I already have your IP and location. Please don't dare.

who married this guy
what a sober puss

@ omaigala, you need to tell her what you know so that the healing can begin. If you don't, your resentment towards her will fester and grow. A saying from the elders: the lizard will have no where to hide if there are no cracks in the wall.

My 2 kobo.

omaigala:


Can't live with the fact that at some point she willingly opened her legs to some guy and for me to go in between the legs for the rest of my life is very disgusting.

If it happened before I met her, ok that's manageable...

I can't never place her as my crown knowing fully well that some people have used her. How can I take pride in such?

Op, you clearly are a very proud guy and I salute the lady that married you. Anyways, at the bolded which I got from your previous post, please apply this to your current situation and let the issue of your wife's ex go

Hmmm, people now mention divorce at the drop of a hat ... op, even though I don't support your wife, I'm tempted to think you are eyeing someone else outside
Because your reason for divorce is so ridiculous

All the best shaa...

Hernyolar:
Dear Op, there is a reason why the past is called past...it's a past event...and there's a reason why past lovers are called 'ex' cos they have once existed in our lives but now they've exited.
I don't support secrets in marriages, but believe me some things are better left as secrets, buried and undiscussed....

If your wife has been faithful, this is too small a mistake to distrust her now....she has left a detail of her past away from you...yes...but you should remember there are times you've not been completely honest with her....you can't discuss everyone, everyday, every event of your past when you aren't a conputer(ain't making excuses for her)

Stop keep keeping late nights or giving her distance...this is when to move closer to see if she might be hurting cos her relationship with the ex back then....the first guy that broke my heart, I never got over him for a long time and I didn't talk about it for a while...couldn't even call his name or hear people talk about him.....but overtime, I discussed it...and here I am.

This little issue if not treated with wisdom and maturity can make your marriage deteriorate fast and crash.... remember your kids...your vows...

IN marriage, you'll get to see/learn the good, the bad and the ugly but love should cover it all..

wishing you all the best.

Peace

The funniest thing is that the poor woman may not even see the guy as an ex but just an admirer. strange things happens in our lives that only us can explain. I hate deceit as well but this bros is taking it far.


The best way the op can get to the bottom of this issue is to be friend with his wife and she will have more confidence and trust in opening up to him.

Chai!


Sadly the problem with being such a judgmental and controlling person is that you never get the best of the person because she is probably feeling attacked and will defend herself by withdrawing from you so the whole aim of sharing your lives together is defeated if she has to protect herself from you.

If you will be honest with yourself there are other things that are annoying you but this is the most glaring sin you can hold on to condemn her for reasons best known to you.

Love is actually for people with flaws, mistakes this is where it covers a multitude of sins. The thing you can do is increase your capacity to love after all ability to forgive is one of the characters that make a good partner stop being so hard on yourself as well.

I think next time a man asks a woman this type of question she should just be honest and tell him she does not feel comfortable sharing the details of her exes with him rather than lying for fear of being put on the slut trial and judged as a failed good girl. Lol

This looks more like something you resolve within yourself rather than badgering her to confess her sins so you can forgive her.

DipoDee:



...you can age physically but not mentally or emotionally. So, of all the things to worry about in this life, number 1 on your list is your wife ex's? Come on, who forced you to get married?

So, you can't build a home on deceit, so let her go and go get your pristine woman with no stain on her history.

Let the woman go before you start hitting on her or using this absolute childish stupidity as an excuse to cheat on her.

well said.... Op is sounding like a broken record, very annoying

The ex just proposed and is enjoying his life at the moment while the Op is working hard to destroy his marriage. I understand that you feels betrayed,I have been there but hitting on divorce at this time because of this is way overboard. No marriage survives resentment,suspicion and unforgiveness

Sameme2:
well said.... Op is sounding like a broken record, very annoying

The issue with people like Op is that they feel they have done a woman a favour by MARRYING her, that's the A-Z of his problems.


...and it is the Nigerian society that reduces women to NOTHING hence, men ride on this absurdity to abuse and de-value the women.

It's sad, really sad.
Give this same Omaigala a WHITE WOMAN with more than 1,000 men in her past, he will RESPECT her because he will be JAILED and MILKED DRY if he tries any NONSENSE with her, esp in her own land.

But women are the same all over the world, why treat the BLACK WOMAN like trash because your society permits you.


PS: You got my IP and location yet you have not visited Omaigala, why? Still waiting for you Omaye, maybe I can drill some sense into you finally

postmann:



You're my man, bro! You just said it as it is. Leave those deceitful multiple dick tasters who want their past to be buried because it's so ugly and a potential deal breaker.

Why would how many sexual partners someone has not be important for every new relationship one enters? Is sex a trivial matter? Nonsense hypocrites.

....sometimes, it is not about telling the truth, it is about how some would HANDLE the truth.

Sex is important and virtue is desired but asking these questions AFTER marriage is crying over split milk, if you discover your spouse lied to you, you should sit and thrash it out. Not condemn them or act like God.

Of all the ills in the world, lying about numbers of Exes is at the bottom of the list How many will you marry, how many will you divorce? How will you have peace of mind and cultivate Love in your home when you constantly fill your head with thoughts of your wife's exes?


Note, for the Nigerian woman, it is not like they can't reveal their sexual history, it is the FEAR of slut-shaming, name-calling and the fact that they have been told to keep themselves chaste while the men can fvck as much as they want.

The question now is, who have you guys been fvking? Goats? Most def not, you have been fvcking women who will get married to someone else someday since you only fvck them, you refuse to marry them

And the society will slut-shame them if they reveal how many men have fvcked them, hence they hide and lie about their escapades.

You see, it takes two to tangle, the more you praise the Man-slut and shame the Woman-slut, the more the women will continue to lie about their numbers of exes!

You get?

Fact is::

Women cheat, much more than men. Women are powerful, deceptive with natural intuitive powers.

A woman can Fvck today and convince herself that she has never Fvcked before or even met the man.

A woman has enough DECEPTIVE powers to Fvck and forget instantly, when they deny, pls don't argue, they have simply wiped the memory from their head

Women, all over the world loves s£x, they fvck a lot too, but NIGERIAN WOMEN ain't liberated or westernised enough to talk about it or brag about it(except for a wild few who don't give a damn)

SOME virgins have been drilled in the @ss severally, they want to fvck, they just don't want the hymen broken.

Your Wife (cc Omaigala) MAY have bleeped a 100 men before you married her, if she says 4, note that she has erased the 96 off her memories, so the society won't slut-shame her

Finally, if you fvck about 100 women before you get married, multiply it by 2, and know that your wife has fvcked 200 men.. women get a WHOLE lot of Sex proposals from men daily, it would take an Angel, to say NO to all the men.


And it is all fair Cos the women you are fvcking right now with no intentions of marriage will get married someday, same is being done to your future wife, it is not rocket science, it is MERE FACT.

Now, y'all should stop the hypocrisy and concentrate on developing Nigeria


Sex is highly overrated, esp in this clime.

DipoDee:


....sometimes, it is not about telling the truth, it is about how some would HANDLE the truth.

There is a lot of truth in what you've said. However, I believe sincerity and fairness come first. The reaction to the truth is for later. Being afriad of how someone would react to truth or confession is just another excuse to live another day in a lie and in falsehood.

DipoDee:

Sex is important and virtue is desired but asking these questions AFTER marriage is crying over split milk, if you discover your spouse lied to you, you should sit and thrash it out. Not condemn them or act like God.

It is completely a waste of time to ask that kinda question in marriage. Questions like that ought to come up at the stage when the relationship hit the serious or commitment stage. And at that time it's supposed to come voluntarily and shouldn't be asked. As for those that lied about the number of sex exs, and felt compelled to come clean with the truth, good. But let them hope it didn't rub off wrongly on their partners. Men will be men. Civilization can take its worst turn, but certain core attributes of manhood will never die.

DipoDee:

Of all the ills in the world, lying about numbers of Exes is at the bottom of the list How many will you marry, how many will you divorce? How will you have peace of mind and cultivate Love in your home when you constantly fill your head with thoughts of your wife's exes?

I'd like to disagree with you, brother. Lying hangs among the top of the worst ills in the books. Lying is dishonesty and brake of trust. It is an attempt at falsification in order to gain an undue advantage. It is robbery. A woman who lies about the number of her sexual ex's will more than willingly lie if she had committed abortion or even had a child elsewhere. And during the course of her marriage, she can still cheat and raise up another man's child in the disguise that it's her husband's.
Women are adviced to clear the ex issue once and for all and let it be over with. Same for men too.

DipoDee:

Note, for the Nigerian woman, it is not like they can't reveal their sexual history, it is the FEAR of slut-shaming, name-calling and the fact that they have been told to keep themselves chaste while the men can fvck as much as they want.

You have a point there. But the first time every girl spreads her legs and have her dignity taken, deep within her she knows she has lost something very dear. The guilt, the shame, the regrets are all normal feelings to follow immediately a girl with a healthy mind commits fornication the first time. And the truth is, she doesn't need anyone to tell her she's acting like a _whore when different men hit her labia. She knows that's whoremongering. To hell with the movies, to hell with the permissiveness of the age. To hell with Westernization. A woman's body, unruffled by several hands is most men's delight.

DipoDee:

The question now is, who have you guys been fvking? Goats? Most def not, you have been fvcking women who will get married to someone else someday since you only fvck them, you refuse to marry them

Another truth. But let me tell you this: Men are predators and will always be. A woman is best adviced to be virtuous and chaste because she stands to lose more. But a society where the devil slips in and whispers some Western feminist crap and says what's good for the goose is good for the gander leaves a society where men will prey more and women get more ripped open and the same men will go for much younger, fresher teen girls. If women are brought up in the knowledge that they actually have more to lose than men in being promiscuous, they'll sit up. This technique works far better and quicker than telling men to be chaste. Of course men too need to be indoctrinated. But since they believe the worst could be an unwanted child from his sexual indiscretion, he's less likely to sit up.

DipoDee:

And the society will slut-shame them if they reveal how many men have fvcked them, hence they hide and lie about their escapades.

The society should!!!

DipoDee:

You see, it takes two to tangle, the more you praise the Man-slut and shame the Woman-slut, the more the women will continue to lie about their numbers of exes!

You get?

Fact is women should be bold and encouraged to regard promiscuous men as a stability risk. But can they?

DipoDee:

Fact is::

Women cheat, much more than men. Women are powerful, deceptive with natural intuitive powers.

A woman can Fvck today and convince herself that she has never Fvcked before or even met the man.

A woman has enough DECEPTIVE powers to Fvck and forget instantly, when they deny, pls don't argue, they have simply wiped the memory from their head

You couldn't have been more right. You just reminded me of proverbs 30:20 This is the way of an adultrous wife; she takes food, and, cleaning her mouth, says, I have done no wrong.
Women and deceit mix well like blood and water.

DipoDee:

Women, all over the world loves s£x, they fvck a lot too, but NIGERIAN WOMEN ain't liberated or westernised enough to talk about it or brag about it(except for a wild few who don't give a damn)

They're playing catch up already. With celebrity baby mamas hitting front pages on major tabloids and gossip sites. We don't need such liberation. So you want Westernised sexual liberation? Do you like open marriages, open relationships and all the evil the West have succeeded in selling in the guise of civilisation? Maybe you should take a proper look at their moral and social lives again. Then you'll understand why yahoo boys preyed on their women with the promise of love and commitment. As far as virtousness goes, the West has everything to learn and nothing to teach.

DipoDee:

SOME virgins have been drilled in the @ss severally, they want to fvck, they just don't want the hymen broken.

Your Wife (cc Omaigala) MAY have bleeped a 100 men before you married her, if she says 4, note that she has erased the 96 off her memories, so the society won't slut-shame her

Finally, if you fvck about 100 women before you get married, multiply it by 2, and know that your wife has fvcked 200 men.. women get a WHOLE lot of Sex proposals from men daily, it would take an Angel, to say NO to all the men.


And it is all fair Cos the women you are fvcking right now with no intentions of marriage will get married someday, same is being done to your future wife, it is not rocket science, it is MERE FACT.

Now, y'all should stop the hypocrisy and concentrate on developing Nigeria


Sex is highly overrated, esp in this clime.

Let's get this clear: It's not really how many they've been. It's about sincerity and being open so he who can live with it may stand and he who can not may walk. Some argue that how many there have been isn't important. That's false. It is. Our sexual pasts tell who we are, what we are capable of, our vulnerabilities and our likelihood of making similar mistakes. Our sexual past comes with physical and emotion baggage too that lIve up to the present relationship. It's not something to hide.

omaigala:


Perhaps you don't get the drift here. I asked her about it even before I made up my mind to propose but she lied about the number of her exes and I built everything on that. Do you know how painful it is to discover that the person that means so much to you actually lied to you and still did that without remorse? Can you ever trust such person again?

Seems what you want to hear is someone to back you and tell you to divorce her.

God help us, you have a very petty reason for thinking of divorce. But since this is what you want to hear, please divorce her, I'm sure her life would much better off without such a judgemental person. mtcheww.
The man you are having headache about might just have been an admirer she became friends with which she might not have counted as a relationship. He has moved on with his own life and planning marriage, while you are worrying and punishing both you and your wife over irrelevancies.


As long as she doesn't have suspicious signs of being promiscuous and you haven't noticed her lying about other things, I don't see any reason for all this.

So there's someone like idaya
When people around me think I am an alien

I rwm one of the lies that made me break up
He lied to me he was his cousin
Only for me to find out they are just mere friends

Funny right?
When I don't lie to you, why should you?

I am quick to believe so the slightest lie just takes me off

Rem a friend I met too
Told me he lives somewhere the rich lives only to find out he doesn't stay there?
What was that for?

Tell me who you are and I accept you
Or you lie I find out and I take a walk

Dyt:
So there's someone like idaya
When people around me think I am an alien

I rwm one of the lies that made me break up
He lied to me he was his cousin
Only for me to find out they are just mere friends

Funny right?
When I don't lie to you, why should you?

I am quick to believe so the slightest lie just takes me off

Rem a friend I met too
Told me he lives somewhere the rich lives only to find out he doesn't stay there?
What was that for?

Tell me who you are and I accept you
Or you lie I find out and I take a walk

Fantastic! I guess it takes a heart like yours to understand the OP.

Kimoni:


Fantastic! I guess it takes a heart like yours to understand the OP.

But the op should forgive her