Kaira333:
Good advice dear but I know my hubby he can neva confront his mum for anything. For instance, there was a day she was wearing leggings and short top as in improperly dressed. Hubby saw her instead of telling her, mum this thing u are wearing is not good look for gown top since its leggings or something like dat. He called me and was like baby go and tell mum dat what she is wearing is not good and visitors will soon come. I was like me ke tell who. I told him she is ur mum please correct her if I do she might misunderstood me. Could u imagine he didn't do that until she corrected herself my using wrapper. I have told him several things she normally do which are wrong but he wouldn't confront her.My major prayer point now should be let omugwo end so dat she can travel back although d way am seeing things she is not planning to travel back dis year sef.

byvan03:
Jokingly tell her" mama e be like sey nah only you go sabi marry your son, if you keep talking like this he no go fit live with womanooo". Dey talk am dey shine teeth . If she vex" dey laugh dey talk sorry and keep saying " but mama you know sey nah truth" . Terrible MIL!

cococandy:


Which one is that he's now dark and you should change his cream for him. Is he a baby? Some women sef.

Ewuro4:


You dey mind the trouble maker?

You barely see men exfoliate and this results in darkened face. All the men in my life are light skinned and they look weird without a shirt on, its embarrassing. They mostly wash their hair first and use same lather to wash the face. Pronto. Of course it'll turn dark except that man is bleaching.

Do we blame them? Society question the sexuality of few that try to care for their body in detail.

Kaira333:
Good advice dear but I know my hubby he can neva confront his mum for anything. For instance, there was a day she was wearing leggings and short top as in improperly dressed. Hubby saw her instead of telling her, mum this thing u are wearing is not good look for gown top since its leggings or something like dat. He called me and was like baby go and tell mum dat what she is wearing is not good and visitors will soon come. I was like me ke tell who. I told him she is ur mum please correct her if I do she might misunderstood me. Could u imagine he didn't do that until she corrected herself my using wrapper. I have told him several things she normally do which are wrong but he wouldn't confront her.My major prayer point now should be let omugwo end so dat she can travel back although d way am seeing things she is not planning to travel back dis year sef.

MMotimo:



This post is the crux of the matter. If you cannot rely on your husband to back you, I recommend you suck it up and prayerfully await her departure from your home. If your husband would back you, then communicating your displeasure should be through his mouth, not yours. Always remember - blood is thicker than water. What she would tolerate from her child/ren, she and the rest of the family would likely not accept from you. No man likes his wife to get mouthy with his mother. If my husband is displeased with my Mom, I expect him to tell me so that I handle it. Same way I would not open my mouth at his Mom, I would tell him the situation for him to handle.

My simple advice is to do whatever would not cause war between you and your husband. If he cannot put mouth in his mother's dressing, I have a feeling he's very reluctant to put mouth in this matter too. So, who are you to tongue lash her because you don't like what she's saying?

I expect you knew her personality and how her son regards her before your marriage? Well, nothing has changed, she's still held high on that pedestal. Your speaking your mind to his Mom because of her utterances towards you (agreed, not fair) might start a war you can't win and strain the relationship between you and your husband. Mama will eventually leave but a war with your in laws can endure forever. Is it worth it?

By the way, only you know " all he has done for you" we don't. If you know he has elevated you and/or your family true true, please respect yourself before his mother tells you your family story and how her son delivered you. To be perfectly blunt, whenever a girl without a job gets married to a man of a higher economic status, you risk this perception of he's your savior - right or wrong.

Ewuro4:
Yanga dey sleep...It's your fault, you knew this woman is trouble yet you sold your own mother short and invited her despite all her ill manners toward you after your wedding(according to you).

what do you mean you need elderly woman to care for your first born coz you're first timers, isn't that what those routine clinics they do in Naija for?

Your husband is supportive, both of you can care for your child without her help.

Let her stay put in her house and YOU face front and stop looking for trouble and putting your man in awkward position.

Be independent , grow up & stop being naive; you can't force people to like you, so eye service won't help you.

Ewuro4:


madam don vex

Tocheagle:
YOU MUST BE MARRIED TO THE SON OF PATIENCE OZOKWO . Even God Understands What you are going through .

infogenius:
Mmotimo has spoken well.
I also agree with a few that have posted good suggestions.

Kaira33, never you think or imagine confronting your mother in law. Never and I honestly mean it. You will simply start a battle that may cost you your happiness.

Your husband's inability to talk to his mum is simply because you tell him more about what his mum has done wrong.

The more you do, the more he feels you are picking on her.

Let him do more of the observations and I can bet, if it gets too much he will talk to her.

Report less about what she does, ignore her direct comments made to you. Be nice to her and in a matter of time she will go.

It will be a big mistake to give your husband an impression that it is you he must choose ahead of his mother. You may just be asking for trouble.

Please and please let her be, tell your husband more about her good sides rather than what she said or have done wrong to you.

I know it is biting because you spend most of your time at home with her. Which exposes all these unnecessary issues.

You can get busy doing something like writing or reading during your spare time just to take your mind off what she may come up with.

If you husband understands that you don't dig his mum (no matter how bad she is) you will not enjoy him as much as you should.

Please live peacefully with her and I believe God with you that you will be fine in your marriage.

MMotimo:



This post is the crux of the matter. If you cannot rely on your husband to back you, I recommend you suck it up and prayerfully await her departure from your home. If your husband would back you, then communicating your displeasure should be through his mouth, not yours. Always remember - blood is thicker than water. What she would tolerate from her child/ren, she and the rest of the family would likely not accept from you. No man likes his wife to get mouthy with his mother. If my husband is displeased with my Mom, I expect him to tell me so that I handle it. Same way I would not open my mouth at his Mom, I would tell him the situation for him to handle.

My simple advice is to do whatever would not cause war between you and your husband. If he cannot put mouth in his mother's dressing, I have a feeling he's very reluctant to put mouth in this matter too. So, who are you to tongue lash her because you don't like what she's saying?

I expect you knew her personality and how her son regards her before your marriage? Well, nothing has changed, she's still held high on that pedestal. Your speaking your mind to his Mom because of her utterances towards you (agreed, not fair) might start a war you can't win and strain the relationship between you and your husband. Mama will eventually leave but a war with your in laws can endure forever. Is it worth it?

By the way, only you know " all he has done for you" we don't. If you know he has elevated you and/or your family true true, please respect yourself before his mother tells you your family story and how her son delivered you. To be perfectly blunt, whenever a girl without a job gets married to a man of a higher economic status, you risk this perception of he's your savior - right or wrong.

Kaira333:
What is this one saying? Sold whose mum short? In case u want to know y she couldn't make it. She is working for her pension stuff and couldn't travel outside d country OK? Please if u don't have anything to say please shut up ur dirty mouth and don't annoy urself please.

byvan03:

With my first I made Google my friend because I wasn't ready to be that whimpering help needing new mum jare. Everything I know about child care, I learnt online. For child bathing I watched them do it in the hospital, so I picked from there.
I don't understand why some MIL enjoy frustrating their kids wives .

Ewuro4:


wow... She must be dealing with you big time. Just what you need for this uncouth attitude of yours.




My dear same here, I learnt everything via online & common sense. Now I'm a pro and go to area mama.

The earlier couples stop relying on some retired cranky old folks (that are better off in their own homes) and start to take full responsibility for their own offsprings , the better.

These old women are here for vacation. That's what most people fail to grasp. They are not your maids! I just leave them be. My own mother said everyone should seer the number of wards they're capable of raising, if my own mother will utter such(which is by the way,true) , i wonder what my mil's thought process will be?

Everytime hubby and I watch the kids home videos , we are always proud of ourselves. We've weathered all seasons carrying our children around our waists all by ourselves through the years so NOBODY can come to my house and yarn rubbish nor talk to my children anyhow.

DILs should stop looking for trouble, being lazy and care for their own wards!

Ewuro4:


wow... She must be dealing with you big time. Just what you need for this uncouth attitude of yours.




My dear same here, I learnt everything via online & common sense. Now I'm a pro and go to area mama.

The earlier couples stop relying on some retired cranky old folks (that are better off in their own homes) and start to take full responsibility for their own offsprings , the better.

These old women are here for vacation. That's what most people fail to grasp. They are not your maids! I just leave them be. My own mother said everyone should seer the number of wards they're capable of raising, if my own mother will utter such(which is by the way,true) , i wonder what my mil's thought process will be?

Everytime hubby and I watch the kids home videos , we are always proud of ourselves. We've weathered all seasons carrying our children around our waists all by ourselves through the years so NOBODY can come to my house and yarn rubbish nor talk to my children anyhow.

DILs should stop looking for trouble, being lazy and care for their own wards!

Kaira333:
Dear, I don't need to reply you well because u don't have any sense of human in u. So senseless and selfish.

byvan03:



" Cranky old folks", you are totally right . I also feel no one can do it as good as I can. Really some just can't do it alone you know, it can be draining and overwhelm many new mums. You are very right, they come for vacation and not to help .

Eketem:
Ewuro you are right
We took care of our child on our own and believe me we are best for it. Parents should stop being so lazy.

Eketem:
Ewuro you are right
We took care of our child on our own and believe me we are best for it. Parents should stop being so lazy.

Ewuro4:


But you just did *evil laugh*

She's just what you need... Enjoy the ride sweetie

cococandy:

I just want to make an observation to you and Ewuro's post.
Sometimes people need help not out of laziness but out necessity.

I'll use myself for example. Going to school full time and working part time leaves me no chance to be home all day with my lil' one.
And of course DH can't resign from his job to sit with her all day. How will we survive? Therefore we need help.
I'd rather a family member stay with her than take her to strangers when she's just weeks old.

Everyone's situation is not the same.

Kaira333:
Nnem don't mind them, they don't know what it means to deliver via CS. Am not all dat selfish and wicked to be tasking my hubby like dat. Imagine d first week u won't even bend down to carry ur baby not to talk of other things or maybe they want my hubby to leave his office and business because I delivered. Well I don't blame them everybody has his or her own right to rant and talk anyhow

cococandy:

Honey I was just making an observation. pls leave me out of the angry talk.

I'm not fighting anyone.

BTW it's not that serious. I don't know why you got upset all of a sudden. Or maybe I do. lol .

Kaira333:
Lolxxxx am not upset in anyway and can't be.

cococandy:

1. I just want to make an observation to you and Ewuro's post.
Sometimes people need help not out of laziness but out of necessity.

2. I'll use myself for example. Going to school full time and working part time leaves me no chance to be home all day with my lil' one.
And of course DH can't resign from his job to sit with her all day. How will we survive? Therefore we need help.

3.I'd rather a family member stay with her than take her to strangers when she's just weeks old.
Everyone's situation is not the same.

Kaira333:
Thank you

Ewuro4:


Nobody's ruling the need of grandparents for omugwo here but how to avoid cantankerous ones ... the need to be independent and be able to control your situation when life seems tough.
Yes people need help, after all nobody's an island. But when the available 'help' seems impossible and no go area, we should try and avoid it and make alternate plans around their scheduled life.

2. I went to school right after unplanned emergency CSection myself because I didn't want to retake the class and worked as well then but thank God hubby's schedule was flexible so he worked most evenings throughout school session. Though his mom came for couple weeks & that was it, we only had ourselves.

3. One can only entrust a willing family member to care for their children. I'd rather put my children in daycare than allow one cranky grandma mishandle them.

By the way , you have a good reason here, what's her own excuse, unable to change diapers?
Her husband told her not invite his mother, that speaks volume but she still insisted. she should continue spitting fire on NL instead of putting her stinky mouth to good use. Yenyenyen 'I want to confront my MIl' go and co front her now

Serves her right. Mannerless girl.

Ewuro4:


Nobody's ruling the need of grandparents for omugwo here but how to avoid cantankerous ones ... the need to be independent and be able to control your situation when life seems tough.
Yes people need help, after all nobody's an island. But when the available 'help' seems impossible and no go area, we should try and avoid it and make alternate plans around their scheduled life.

2. I went to school right after unplanned emergency CSection myself because I didn't want to retake the class and worked as well then but thank God hubby's schedule was flexible so he worked most evenings throughout school session. Though his mom came for couple weeks & that was it, we only had ourselves.

3. One can only entrust a willing family member to care for their children. I'd rather put my children in daycare than allow one cranky grandma mishandle them.

By the way , you have a good reason here, what's her own excuse, unable to change diapers?
Her husband told her not invite his mother, that speaks volume but she still insisted. she should continue spitting fire on NL instead of putting her stinky mouth to good use. Yenyenyen 'I want to confront my MIl' go and co front her now

Serves her right. Mannerless girl.