₦airaland Forum

Laveda:
Babe you're the one in this not us.

How long are you gonna endure the pains?
Do you think he'll change?
Ever thought about the sudden change of attitude?

I think you shouldn't continue enduring pains all cause of 'first love' hey look out, there are better men out there, you can't keep going through all that..

But at the end it's up to you, make the right choice, you the one wearing the shoe you know where it hurts.

abbeyology88:
Sweetheart, you have a beautiful future ahead of you. That guy in question does not love you anymore. That's how we (guys) behave when we want to drop out of it. And who said you can't find a better guy? I bet you when the right guy comes your way, you would even regret knowing this guy you call you Love right now. The issue you're having is that he his the one who deflowered you and to me, that's you first love. Na so e dey do person.
My dear, pls, MOVE ON and enjoy life.
Tip: try hanging out with your friends and play a lot wit them, that will help you get your boiling heart cool and forget worries.
*wink*

Largas:
How do you know you won't find a better lover when you have not even tried.

The worst thing a man can do to you is to assault you. If he refuses to change why don't you continue your education and enjoy your life day after day, you may not know when you have moved on and VOILA, your Mr Right will come.


Goodluck

Starlet50:
Initially,I wanted to dismiss this thread as another useless nairaland relationship stories but the 'deflowering' part held me spellbound(I can relate to something like that).First love(sweet love) perfect and bright and it always seems to be the best thing that can ever happen to you.In my own opinion,maybe (1)he's trying to focus on his career and he wouldn't want u to finish sch and get married to a poor nigga so he's hustling (2)He's jst staying around so no other guy can have you.yeah dat stupid idea of keeping a wife material girlfriend while messing around wit other girls jst to go back to her when he's ready for marriage. (3)He's done with u and he doesn't want to tell u.Probably,because he doesn't want u to start crying about dat he broke ur heart.Ask his friend more about this.My Advice:Leave him,if he really wants u,he will come looking for u,not the other way round.The only reason u feel attached to him is because he's ur first love and he deflowered u.But make no mistake,u will neva love another guy the way u love him.Trust me I've been there.

njiasi30:
My dear, it hurts when u love s/o and he does nt luv u in return. U re hurting urself D more by trying to force urself on him. It's obvious he does nt luv u, d hand writing is clear so move on with ur life.

Never chase luv, if it isn't given freely, it isn't worth having. I Pray u find s/o dat is far more better Dan him. Cheer up

sweerychick:
you don't understand, it's painful to let go

MissMercedes:
Please, move on! His attitude towards you shows he has lost interest.

He has also shown signs of violence, that's the Green Light for you to leave! What makes you think he'll change? Today, it's a slap... Tomorrow, he's throwing you down the stairs.

Leave him.

nsiazu:
@sweerychick I know why you don't wanna leave him and I'm 100% sure.
1. Its because he deflowered you and you lost your virginity that's why you can't let go.
2. You have realized that he loved you before but after he has seen all your body and used you he no longer likes it again because he has had sex with you and wants something new now.
3. Don't force yourself on him again. Its a lesson to other girls reading this that 99% of guys that have a virgin girlfriend will do same if you allow them have sex with you.
4. No guy is worth your virginity except your husband because he has sworn and paid your bride price.
5. You have to move on @sweerychick. Leave him and move on. Don't force yourself on any guy that comes again and don't have sex again until you are married. You are now a virgin from today if you can make this decision.
6. Start to love your religion. if Christian, love Jesus Christ and if Muslim love your religion too. That's the way you will see he will leave your mind.
7. I hope I've helped someone. Remember @sweerychick Jesus Christ loves you more than anyone on earth.

sweerychick:
he's not violent. Just a misunderstanding gone wrong

sweerychick:
he's not violent. Just a misunderstanding gone wrong

sweerychick:
Okay, this is my first appearance as a nairalander, I normally visit this site as a guest, but due to my pressing issue I had to do a quick registration to seek advice from mature minds only.
I've been in a relationship with this guy whom is my first love, for close to 4yrs now, I met him in university when I was a fresher, and he was in his finals then, he's tall (6ft, 3), chocolate skinned, and really good looking. Not that I was attracted to him because of his physical appearance, but he has a heart of gold, very caring, understanding and always there for me when I needed him. He was the one that deflowered me. Anyways soon after his Nysc in Oyo state 2013, by then I was in my 2nd year, he told me that he would love to marry me, that I am all that he desires, with all his sweet words, I accepted but on the condition that he allow me finish school, and do my NYSC, he agreed. Things were really moving on fine for us both until 2014 when he got a job with zenith bank, I noticed a lot had changed in him, he doesn't call me as he used to, he hardly pick up my calls. Sometimes when I request for us to see he'll give me a thousand and one excuses for us not to see, sometimes his phones would be switched off for days, and when I finally get to reach him, he'll tell me that he's busy that I should call he him later. When I get to call him later he will make our conversation so brief, not up to a min, sometimes 30 seconds. One day I was able to confront him at his place, and asked him why he's treating me this way he apologised to me and telling me that I know that his work is very demanding, bank stress and all that coupled with his family ( he's the first child and his father is late) he's taking care of his mum and siblings. I accepted all that excuses, then later that day he told me that I should go back to school that he's expecting one of his cousin, I asked him which of his cousins he said that it's not my business, that I should just go, I insisted to stay because I'm in my boyfriends house and your cousin will understand, instead he got angry and for the first time he slapped and assaulted me, I cried and left the house, his friend saw me later that night and I explained everything to him, he said okay he'll talk to my boyfriend. My boyfriend in question didn't call me untill after 4days, he sent me a text message, telling me sorry, then afterwards he called me. I refused picking up his calls, then he sent his friend to mediate on his behalf. When I finally saw him (my boyfriend) he told me that he's so sorry about what he did, and promised for it not to happen again. I chose to forgive him under the condition that he will try and change, which he hasn't, he still does the same thing to me till now, even worse. I'm tired of his nonsense, and I really want to move on, but one mind is telling me to stay. I really love this guy and I don't know how my world would be if I loose him... Please advice me on what to do.. I don't think I can love any other person the way I love him..

Mods please fp.

sweerychick:
you don't understand, it's painful to let go

Starlet50:
Initially,I wanted to dismiss this thread as another useless nairaland relationship stories but the 'deflowering' part held me spellbound(I can relate to something like that).First love(sweet love) perfect and bright and it always seems to be the best thing that can ever happen to you.In my own opinion,maybe (1)he's trying to focus on his career and he wouldn't want u to finish sch and get married to a poor nigga so he's hustling (2)He's jst staying around so no other guy can have you.yeah dat stupid idea of keeping a wife material girlfriend while messing around wit other girls jst to go back to her when he's ready for marriage. (3)He's done with u and he doesn't want to tell u.Probably,because he doesn't want u to start crying about dat he broke ur heart.Ask his friend more about this.My Advice:Leave him,if he really wants u,he will come looking for u,not the other way round.The only reason u feel attached to him is because he's ur first love and he deflowered u.But make no mistake,u will neva love another guy the way u love him.Trust me I've been there.

sweerychick:
he only did it once outta anger, and I don't really blame him cos I was really stubborn that day and wanted to create a scene, because he was driving me nuts. besides he hasn't assaulted me again, except for his non charlatan and uncaring attitude towards me, which I'm sick and tired of. I just wish things could be the same with both of us as it used to be before he got his job

sweerychick:
he only did it once outta anger, and I don't really blame him cos I was really stubborn that day and wanted to create a scene, because he was driving me nuts. besides he hasn't assaulted me again, except for his non charlatan and uncaring attitude towards me, which I'm sick and tired of. I just wish things could be the same with both of us as it used to be before he got his job

MissMercedes:
So that justifies his actions? If I had continued to make excuses for my ex, maybe I'd be dead by now.
Of course, he hasn't assaulted you again. Not yet, anyway. But do you really want to wait around for another occurrence?

Oh well, the choice is yours. You're the one in the relationship with him. Stay with him... leave him... whatever you decide, I hope you'd be happy at the end of the day.

MissMercedes:
So that justifies his actions? If I had continued to make excuses for my ex, maybe I'd be dead by now.
Of course, he hasn't assaulted you again. Not yet, anyway. But do you really want to wait around for another occurrence?

Oh well, the choice is yours. You're the one in the relationship with him. Stay with him... leave him... whatever you decide, I hope you'd be happy at the end of the day.

sweerychick:
I understand you, and I can never be in an abusive relationship, what I meant is that it was an isolated incident, cos he warned me not to push him to the wall that the day, I dared him even to the extent of holding his clothes for him not to leave my presence, I think that was what infuriated him more, and he lost his temper and assaulted me, by slapping me and pushing me aside. He started weeping afterwards, when I left the house crying. He was begging me to come back but I didn't. My anger was that he waited for 4days before putting a call across me.

MissMercedes:
I beg your pardon! Kindly elaborate on that. Are you saying that because he deflowered her?

ArinzeAlec:
Dude apparently looks like he has moved on. Clearly distance yourself from him for the while. Dont be available to him always. Form busy with your lectures too. Then, If the brother asks you to see him, tell him you cant with flamzy excuse. Then watch him razzle for your love baby girl. If you get done with him, you can hit my DM.

Starlet50:
Not really,bt think about the degree of trust,she will never trust another guy like dat.And what's love without trust.Most importantly,she has lost her innocence and her next bf will av to do more than telling her 'I love u' to prove his love for her because she will surely av it at the back of her mind dat he may do the same thing her ex did and she should be careful not to rush into another relationship.(she will never be committed to her new relationship).

MissMercedes:
You are STILL blaming yourself?! I can't count the number of times my mother has provoked my dad. As crazy as he is, all he does is walk away. They may not speak for a while, but for as long as I can remember, as short tempered as my dad is, he NEVER hit her. Not once!

If your man can't put his emotions in check, then you're in for a mess in the long run. Do you really want to put yourself through all of that, when, somewhere out there, there is someone waiting to worship the ground you walk on?

My dear, you can never fully recover from such experiences. It's been over 3 years now, and the scars are still there, emotionally, and physically.

Follow your heart, but take your brain along with you.

All the best!

LePrezident:
Lady I'll tell you this just once. Leave him and don't go back. He'll learn his lessons and become a better person. Don't go back even if he promises to turn a better leaf. See if you don't do it now, it'll (not Might. It'll be) too late.

lilyqueen:
It's better you move on. This guy is never gonna change.
Jesus is beside you knocking on the door.
Open the door and let him into your heart.

HE WON'T DISAPPOINT YOU

sweerychick:
thanks I appreciate your advice

sweerychick:
Okay, this is my first appearance as a nairalander, I normally visit this site as a guest, but due to my pressing issue I had to do a quick registration to seek advice from mature minds only.
I've been in a relationship with this guy whom is my first love, for close to 4yrs now, I met him in university when I was a fresher, and he was in his finals then, he's tall (6ft, 3), chocolate skinned, and really good looking. Not that I was attracted to him because of his physical appearance, but he has a heart of gold, very caring, understanding and always there for me when I needed him. He was the one that deflowered me. Anyways soon after his Nysc in Oyo state 2013, by then I was in my 2nd year, he told me that he would love to marry me, that I am all that he desires, with all his sweet words, I accepted but on the condition that he allow me finish school, and do my NYSC, he agreed. Things were really moving on fine for us both until 2014 when he got a job with zenith bank, I noticed a lot had changed in him, he doesn't call me as he used to and he hardly pick up my own calls. Sometimes when I request for us to see he'll give me a thousand and one excuses for us not to see, sometimes his phones would be switched off for days, and when I finally get to reach him, he'll tell me that he's busy that I should call him later. When I call him later he will make our conversation so brief, not up to a min, sometimes 30 seconds. One day I was able to confront him at his place, and asked him why he's treating me this way he apologised to me and told me that I know that his work is very demanding, bank stress and all that coupled with his family ( he's the first child and his father is late) he's taking care of his mum and siblings. I accepted all that excuses, then later that day he told me that I should go back to school that he's expecting one of his cousin, I asked him which of his cousins he said that it's not my business, that I should just go, I insisted to stay because I'm in my boyfriends house and your cousin will understand, instead he got angry and for the first time he slapped and assaulted me, I cried and left the house, his friend saw me later that night and I explained everything to him, he said okay he'll talk to my boyfriend. My boyfriend in question didn't call me untill after 4days, he sent me a text message, telling me sorry, then afterwards he called me. I refused picking up his calls, then he sent his friend to mediate on his behalf. When I finally saw him (my boyfriend) he told me that he's so sorry about what he did, and promised for it not to happen again. I chose to forgive him under the condition that he will try and change, which he hasn't, he still does the same thing to me till now, even worse. I'm tired of his nonsense, and I really want to move on, but one mind is telling me to stay. I really love this guy and I don't know how my world would be if I loose him... Please advice me on what to do.. I don't think I can love any other person the way I love him.

Matured advice please

sweerychick:
thanks