₦airaland Forum

Chosen1984:
MY BROTHER OP I'LL GIVE THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.

WHATEVER IS BUILT ON A FAULTY FOUNDATION IS BOUND TO HAVE CHALLENGES!
GOING AHEAD TO HAVE KIDS WITH YOUR WIFE BEFORE MARRYING HER IS AN ACT OF TAKING GOD OFF YOUR MARRIAGE. ANYWAYS THE ACT HAS BEEN COMMITTED AND WHAT U NID NOW IS A SOLUTION!

DON'T DIVORCE HER: ITS WRONG BIBLICAL NO MATTER THE REASON. AND ALSO U MIGHT ENTER INTO A BIGGER MESS WITH THE NEXT PERSON.
WHAT SHE HAS DONE IS A MESS! BUT THE WAY OUT IS FOR YOU TO THROW YOURSELF COMPLETELY INTO GOD. ITS ONLY HIM THAT CAN HEAL YOUR WOUNDS. GET YOURSELF TO A HEAVEN CONSCIOUS CHURCH. THE NEW PEACE GOD WOULD GIVE YOU WOULD CAPTURE HER. AND BY HERSELF SHE WOULD TURN A NEW LEAF AND YOU WOULD BE A PROUD HUSBAND AGAIN. send me an email if you wish and lets talk more. ifeanyichukwueze@yahoo.com

Please it's biblical to divorce a cheating wife. Read ur bible well

Op does your wife have someone she holds in high regard, like a clergy? Does she have elderly ones, like an elder brother or sister?
You might consider talking to the person about it.

Do you pray together? Believe me this is one of the easiest ways of enjoying marital bliss.

This is a delicate matter,especially cus of kids.

Pls don't break up....wit her o o. Give her the last chance. Sit her down tel her the purpose of marriage. Tel her the purpose why u love her. Let her knw, divorce will bring bad to our children in future. Warn her not to do it again, if atall she is doing it with the guy. Give her time and study her well. Make sure u caught her red handed. Cos she can still denie anytime u ask her. Watch maybe she will change. Ask her if u hv offended her. Then wit all these question. U will knw where u are going. Maybe to leave her or continue ur relationship. Gudluck

ciwi:
OP, I'm a bit confused. I don't see any where you wrote that you confirmed she is cheating. She only said there's nothing wrong with having a male friend. Is that the basis for your conclusion that she is cheating?

abeg leave the Op with him legions of easier said than done counsellors. No concrete evidence to show that she is cheating, only a text

ciwi:
OP, I'm a bit confused. I don't see any where you wrote that you confirmed she is cheating. She only said there's nothing wrong with having a male friend. Is that the basis for your conclusion that she is cheating?

u didnt read d part where the other guy sent 'if i handle you again' to the woman phone

loveisblind:
Greetings to all NLs.....i think solution to my problem will come from good people of this forum and such will safe me from doing the wrong thing.

It all started wen i was dating my wife of which my fam did not want her as they want me to marry someone else, though they could not tell me to my face why.....Also my wife families did not want her to marry me base on xtian vs Muslim stuff, but we both insisted....after some years we have kids and later we did our wedding witot any assistance from both families i.e. we shoulder it alone......recently, in the night, while she was in her room, PHCN brought light and i was helping her to charge her fon and i saw a guy's number whom they ve been calling each other almost on daily basis, on a normal ground i dont check her fon and she doesnt check mine....but wen i noticed this number, i went straight to chat with d guy, only for the guy to be responding romantically, i pretended as if its my wife behold....d guy was saying ........If i handle you again......I cant belief myself reading such, i quietly dropped the fon, and went to bed, the next morning I confronted her and she said the guy is her friend that nothing attached.....I did not want to escalate the matter for children's record, i went to work, wen i came back i asked her younger one staying with us if she is aware of the guy, she said yes is just a friend to her elder sister......I called my wife again and she was so bold and bragging that whats the big deal in having male friend.........

I noticed he had called the guy wen i was away to work, i dont know what they discussed anyway. I told her not to cook for me anymore and nothing like sex in between us....for some weeks now it has been like this......Now my pains are these:-

I cant report to my family
I cant report to her family too cos the father never attended our wedding he only sent delegates
I dont want to take laws into my own hand cos i feel like pulling down mountain
We married legally and I feel like filing for divorce cos have told her in the beginning that such act is what i cannot forgive in my life
If i divorce, what about my little kids, who will take kia of them cos I know she doesnt have what it take to ?
before i discovered this she told me if she does such i can never find out and i told her if she try it i will surely know

Am totally fed up with the marriage cos there are lots have been enduring, believing its subject to change but for the past 10years no changes.

Please what do you think?

Dats d problem....u think childhood was jst fun...it has some lessons, op do u remember dis song??
Children listen to ur parents

Dear that lady u call ur wife is banging anoda dude. And it's that simple. Pls no dey dull. It's obvious frm ur chat with the guy. If he wasn't fvcking her and is just a male friend nothing would prompt the romantic chat and 'if I handle you again' how sure are u that kid is even yours. To make matters worse she is bold and proud about it. Pls if u want to live long and not die at the hands of a woman quit that marriage and don't even make ur plans known to her. Find another accommodation and wen ready pick ur things and leave. For those asking you to give her anoda chance, listen to that at ur own peril. God be wit u if they both are in love and decide that u are standing btw their happiness, na rat poison she go arrange inside a sweet plate of beans and fried plantain. FYI those things you watch in Nollywood do happen

loveisblind:
Greetings to all NLs.....i think solution to my problem will come from good people of this forum and such will safe me from doing the wrong thing.

It all started wen i was dating my wife of which my fam did not want her as they want me to marry someone else, though they could not tell me to my face why.....Also my wife families did not want her to marry me base on xtian vs Muslim stuff, but we both insisted....after some years we have kids and later we did our wedding witot any assistance from both families i.e. we shoulder it alone......recently, in the night, while she was in her room, PHCN brought light and i was helping her to charge her fon and i saw a guy's number whom they ve been calling each other almost on daily basis, on a normal ground i dont check her fon and she doesnt check mine....but wen i noticed this number, i went straight to chat with d guy, only for the guy to be responding romantically, i pretended as if its my wife behold....d guy was saying ........If i handle you again......I cant belief myself reading such, i quietly dropped the fon, and went to bed, the next morning I confronted her and she said the guy is her friend that nothing attached.....I did not want to escalate the matter for children's record, i went to work, wen i came back i asked her younger one staying with us if she is aware of the guy, she said yes is just a friend to her elder sister......I called my wife again and she was so bold and bragging that whats the big deal in having male friend.........

I noticed he had called the guy wen i was away to work, i dont know what they discussed anyway. I told her not to cook for me anymore and nothing like sex in between us....for some weeks now it has been like this......Now my pains are these:-

I cant report to my family
I cant report to her family too cos the father never attended our wedding he only sent delegates
I dont want to take laws into my own hand cos i feel like pulling down mountain
We married legally and I feel like filing for divorce cos have told her in the beginning that such act is what i cannot forgive in my life
If i divorce, what about my little kids, who will take kia of them cos I know she doesnt have what it take to ?
before i discovered this she told me if she does such i can never find out and i told her if she try it i will surely know

Am totally fed up with the marriage cos there are lots have been enduring, believing its subject to change but for the past 10years no changes.

Please what do you think?

You are very stupid! Nigerians and church church god god every time chaii, people can't think out of the box for once, akways relying on a dumb god to do everything for them, lazy fools

Chosen1984:
MY BROTHER OP I'LL GIVE THE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH.

WHATEVER IS BUILT ON A FAULTY FOUNDATION IS BOUND TO HAVE CHALLENGES!
GOING AHEAD TO HAVE KIDS WITH YOUR WIFE BEFORE MARRYING HER IS AN ACT OF TAKING GOD OFF YOUR MARRIAGE. ANYWAYS THE ACT HAS BEEN COMMITTED AND WHAT U NID NOW IS A SOLUTION!

DON'T DIVORCE HER: ITS WRONG BIBLICAL NO MATTER THE REASON. AND ALSO U MIGHT ENTER INTO A BIGGER MESS WITH THE NEXT PERSON.
WHAT SHE HAS DONE IS A MESS! BUT THE WAY OUT IS FOR YOU TO THROW YOURSELF COMPLETELY INTO GOD. ITS ONLY HIM THAT CAN HEAL YOUR WOUNDS. GET YOURSELF TO A HEAVEN CONSCIOUS CHURCH. THE NEW PEACE GOD WOULD GIVE YOU WOULD CAPTURE HER. AND BY HERSELF SHE WOULD TURN A NEW LEAF AND YOU WOULD BE A PROUD HUSBAND AGAIN. send me an email if you wish and lets talk more. ifeanyichukwueze@yahoo.com

emmayodata:
Op, let me tell u something u propably don't know, there are so many women (married ones) who are sexually imprisoned by another guy. This is not because you didn't do ur duty or she doesn't love you, its even beyond her. I knew a lady who was about to wed and was having an affair with my friend. She's elderly so we call her anty. It all started when my friend was broke, he would go to her place to beg her for food, and anty nice, she will just say 'go to the kitchen and serve ur self'. so it was obvious she had no lustful intention. A day came, she returned from work and started complaining to the guy about stress, the guy offered a kinda massage, she accepted and that was it. The thing got so serious that the lady told the guy that his absence made her sick and his presence turned her on. My point exactly is that the lady loves her fiancee, that am sure of, cos she would cry sometimes after the s3x and call the guy's name ( her fiance) and ask for forgiveness. There was a time she send a text to my guy to stop coming to her place, but after 2 weeks she went to him herself.
She told him she would always come to him even after wedding. Now my point exactly is that ur wife surpossed friend made a statement 'if I catch u' , which to me is a language you use to when you are capable of handly a person in a unique way.

This is deep!!



And scary too!!

sbabimbola:
I think you guys need to be more intimate and romantically involved.....

Go back to where you began, it really helps says a great counsellor. May the Lord see you through Amen

its late. D woman is already feeling the second guy d!ck

patani:
You said it all..if OP is sure of the cheating allegation. It's better to let her go. Cheating wife can kill you one day. Thats the truth..

That's just the bitter truth because she is already digging ur grave if u don't know. You shouldn't repeat the same mistake of she will change with time.

saintmark88:
Tell ur wife Tht there is everything wrong with a having a male friend in marriage O....... WAh kind of stupid. male friend, if I were in your shoes, I'll surely bring an end to the friendship n if my wife decides to c nothing wrong with it, she would have to choose bw me, our kids n her very special male friend....simple....

Are you married? If you are hope you broke your wife's sim card bro in this modern age you don't just push your wife around if she's educated. She decides the friends to keep its her right, she had friends in her life that kept her the way you saw and liked her.

esejata:
I usually read comments here as a guest even though I have this account for some years now. This is not because the forum is not good enough, as a matter of fact, it is one of the most informative forum out there, but sincerely, I do not have enough time to contribute. However, I was touched when I read your story, and decided to login and make a contribution.

Loveisblind, I am sorry to say but if your wife is Youroba, please note that she will never change, she will continue cheating on you because is their way of life; mostly caused by the Youroba men who know a woman is married yet they try everything to get her laid. I know it is painful to leave the child in her custody, but I am afraid, that is what you need to do; otherwise, you will continue living in pains with no happiness and this can cause harm to your health and God forbid, your enemy might not be there for the child that you love so much. As painful as it is, you might want to consider divorcing her. From your story, you have sacrifice a lot to keep the marriage because of love I would imagine. Unfortunately, she don't feel the same about you and I will advice you move on.

what the fvck are you typing. Its better you don't sign in, than dis rubbish you are typing. Why involve tribe init. Get outta here scouser

I can overlook any other sin she might be committing...but in the aspect of cheating on me....Hell Noo.OP it's up to you if the guy persist,thunderbolt might help.lol. No be my talk am o.I hate cheating seriously.

The mistake u ever made was not having approval of your marriage from both parents, marriage is a life time thing u don't just jump into, both parents must have their inputs, again, character can't be managed, it's either u like the character or u don't, there are a thousand and one girls out there with which u would have found one whose character pleases u. It shows u love your wife and value your home, let her know u call the shot here and no lady should treat u like ass in a house u work hard to put right. Let her know the only reason u are doing this is for the kids, sit her down, talk to her, have a heart to heart conversation with her, if she feels u have wronged her, let her speak and u apologize, ask her what u can do to sparkle her world like diamonds, speak like u offended her and try to make her see reasons to stop any affair with male friends not known to u. Left to me, I can't tolerate a cheating wife, nagging one, disobedient and over Sabi lady. When a lady is married, she's got drop some of her male friends who like acting over the board, keep trusted male friends from her side known to her husband to avoid suspicions. Lastly, u people should have a genuine pastor/Islamic cleric u can confide in. Learn to also put your kids in the right path to not fall same victim, where your treasure is, there your heart lies.....

.

MadCow1:
Hmm.

Today is fathers day so I will start by wishing you a happy fathers day.

Now on your matter, let me start by saying I am really sympathetic to your situation. Marriage isn't easy at all and hearing that you have been at it for 10 years and are considering divorce is really heavy to read. I have been at it for 3 years now and though the circumstances right now as we both live in two separate states due to work, we have always done our best to make things work.

I will not pass judgement here because time and life has thought me that even with both sides of a story, one can rarely ever get 100% accuracy on the truth because everyone has their own version of the truth from their perspective.

For the sake of your kids, I implore you to please exploit every possible means of conflict resolution before going for a divorce. I will recommend the age old tactics of having an honest, heartfelt, non-confrontational, emotional and intimate conversation with your wife. No third parties, no yelling, just the two of you in a quiet place, sitting down, holding hands (very important) and talking it out. Tell her how you feel, tell her what you did and what you noticed. Tell her how heartbroken you feel. Share your pains with her. Cry if you must. Leave nothing unsaid. Hear her out as well. Be genuine and honest with each other. Listen to one another. Be willing to genuinely listen to her and make changes where you honestly know she has valid complaints and issues with your attitude. I still maintain that the fact your spouse cheated should not be enough to break a marriage alone. Sometimes people do have moments of weakness. It may be something you have been doing subconciously that drove her into cheating. Maybe its something else. But its important that you both speak to each other. Communication is a vital and key part of every marriage. The moment it's broken, it's a slippery slope to divorce.

For the sake of your kids, remember the good times and see if you are both willing to work towards recapturing those times. 10years of marriage is too long to throw down the drain without a fight to salvage it. You both got married against all odds, I believe you both owe it to yourselves to prove everyone wrong and make it work. You must both be willing to forgive each other and genuinely work things out.

I hope you both make the best decision for yourselves and your kids.

But please don't let a fling destroy 10 years of marriage. If you both can work through this period and genuinely forgive each other and reconcile differences, You could both come out of this stronger and better than ever. Don't give up without a fight.

You speak with so much wisdom, Op should just read ur comment and leave this thread. All these jamb bite babies are the ones screeming leave her like it's that easy. If the Op can talk sense into her with prayers God will heal their marriage. It's only in Africa we spite females for infidelity and commend males for polygamy because that's what we are told " men are polygamous in nature" Sharap cheating is cheating if reverse was the case here you see pastors everywhere preaching forgiveness, hypocrits.

Has your wife been like responding unpredictably from the start of the relationship? I am just wondering why you kept her away from your family to the extent that you couldn't reconcile the situations.
I want to guess that your wife must have been like what I want to predict below, because this if not handled well could also must have been the reason for cheating on you.
your wife is probably having those characters problems as defined by psychologist. if my predictions below is true about her, you've got to live with that for the rest of your life because it could have also been the reasons your family rejected her and you married her against all odd.

if she has been like.......... given Unpredictable responses. Round and round and round she goes. Where she’ll stop, nobody knows. She reacts differently to you on different days or at different times. For example, on Monday, it’s ok for you to Blackberry work email in front of her. On Wednesday, the same behavior is
“disrespectful, insensitive, you don’t love me, you’re a self-important jerk, you’re a workaholic.” By Friday, it could be okay for you to Blackberry again.
Telling you one day that something’s alright and the next day that it’s not is emotionally abusive behavior. It’s like walking through a landmine in which the mines shift location.
Result: You’re constantly on edge, walking on eggshells, and waiting for the other shoe to drop.
This is a trauma response. You’re being traumatized by her behavior. Because you can’t predict her responses, you become hypervigilant to any change in her mood or potential outburst, which leaves you in a perpetual state of anxiety and possibly fear. It’s a healthy sign to be afraid of this behavior. It’s scary. Don’t feel ashamed to admit it.

just have to live with her or leave her if you are tired because she's not gonna change if my predictions are on point.

Kakamorufu:
its late. D woman is already feeling the second guy d!ck

You can't be so sure oga!

loveisblind:
Greetings to all NLs.....i think solution to my problem will come from good people of this forum and such will safe me from doing the wrong thing.

It all started wen i was dating my wife of which my fam did not want her as they want me to marry someone else, though they could not tell me to my face why.....Also my wife families did not want her to marry me base on xtian vs Muslim stuff, but we both insisted....after some years we have kids and later we did our wedding witot any assistance from both families i.e. we shoulder it alone......recently, in the night, while she was in her room, PHCN brought light and i was helping her to charge her fon and i saw a guy's number whom they ve been calling each other almost on daily basis, on a normal ground i dont check her fon and she doesnt check mine....but wen i noticed this number, i went straight to chat with d guy, only for the guy to be responding romantically, i pretended as if its my wife behold....d guy was saying ........If i handle you again......I cant belief myself reading such, i quietly dropped the fon, and went to bed, the next morning I confronted her and she said the guy is her friend that nothing attached.....I did not want to escalate the matter for children's record, i went to work, wen i came back i asked her younger one staying with us if she is aware of the guy, she said yes is just a friend to her elder sister......I called my wife again and she was so bold and bragging that whats the big deal in having male friend.........

I noticed he had called the guy wen i was away to work, i dont know what they discussed anyway. I told her not to cook for me anymore and nothing like sex in between us....for some weeks now it has been like this......Now my pains are these:-

I cant report to my family
I cant report to her family too cos the father never attended our wedding he only sent delegates
I dont want to take laws into my own hand cos i feel like pulling down mountain
We married legally and I feel like filing for divorce cos have told her in the beginning that such act is what i cannot forgive in my life
If i divorce, what about my little kids, who will take kia of them cos I know she doesnt have what it take to ?
before i discovered this she told me if she does such i can never find out and i told her if she try it i will surely know

Am totally fed up with the marriage cos there are lots have been enduring, believing its subject to change but for the past 10years no changes.

Please what do you think?

get a lawyer sharply. it will set her brain. stop supporting her financially and emotionally.

My dad use to say any woman that cheats, if she doesn't kill herself, she will kill her husband. My Brother pls let her go.

patani:
You said it all..if OP is sure of the cheating allegation. It's better to let her go. Cheating wife can kill you one day. Thats the truth..

Hmmm

hedonistic:
Don't mind these small girls who are Internet feminists talking nonsense here. Society confers different privileges, responsibilities, expectations, and standards on males and females respectively, and that's the fact in the real world.

Imagine one's daughter coming back home to say that she's done with her marriage to her correct husband (nice guy who you know treats her well), simply because she caught him cheating. 95% of parents would scoff at her 'flimsy' excuse, scold her for her naivety, and chase her back to her husband's house. That's the fact. Same cannot be said for a cheating wife; she will attract scorn, contempt and disgrace. That's the fact. That's life and the way society is structured. It is ridiculous to overstretch this gender equality nonsense.

What makes you think you are better of than a female? Wake up man your delusional. You mention responsibilities like a female can't afford to cather for her family and her extended family. Your a typical African man with a usless ethic mentality. The most powerful person in the world will soon be a female, this is the 21st century where you don't think your better than a woman and applaud yourself for infidelity. If you cheat on your wife and she decides to leave she made no mistake. It's people like you that give rights to men abusing their wives and see themselves as demi gods. This is the main reason African men are not comfortable with their wife's earning more money than they do. Wake up man.

I don't understand the part with . "We did our wedding without any assistance from both families...we shoulder it alone".

Awkward statement.

I will advice you, go and apologize to you parents so they can bless your marriage if not, hmmmm.

thorpido:
I think you should calm down.
There must have been a reason why you both decided to marry even when the odds were against you.Think back on those times and ask yourself what went wrong.It seems you and your wife grew apart and that is the reason why she is getting attention from another man.
Do you still love your wife and want the marriage?Why don't you find a convenient time to sit with your wife and have a deep talk?Ask each other where you've gone wrong and try to make amends.Make commitment to re-ignite the spark and love at the beginning.

Your comment lacks common sense. Someone says he found incontrovertible evidence of his wife's infidelity you're there yapping about spark. What nonsense spark?

Loveisblind, get a lawyer and speak to him. Intimate him on your stance.

Adultery is one of the factors that can qualify a person to dissolution of marriage.

If you waste time, when the matter gets to court eventually, she'll raise a defense of "condoning" on your part. This will defeat your prayers.

Act fast and send the unfaithful _bitch out of your house.

am so sure about this bae. Even make d guy go add join his d!ck, she won't leave the guy

sbabimbola:
You can't be so sure oga!

Don't be deceived,she will do it again,unless you.let her see you detest her action,move out of the house or ask her to leave for a while,you need time to think and stop living for others,you seem to care more about what people will say more than your happiness and peace of mind,see you see high bp and stroke o!

Which one be, because of kids. Bro dat woman na ash**wo, drive her away. God will take care of your kids

KenModi:
Op, heart-to-heart converstaion would save you alot; but seems you are tired of doing it over and over again.

Cheating I know is exteremely difficult to forgive but would tell you one thing, for the sake of your kids, don't give up on her. They need their mum and they deserve to grow up in a united home.

To err is human but to forgive is divine.

which be to err is human forgiveness is devine... Rubbish tslk

loveisblind:
Am trying but the more am seeing her the more am getting angry cos she believe its normal thing to have male friend. Am still wondering where I went wrong to deserve such.....am paying my bills as normal.

.
Did she grow up in PH? Just asking ooo. Cos that is a norm in that city.