thorpido:
I think you should calm down.
There must have been a reason why you both decided to marry even when the odds were against you.Think back on those times and ask yourself what went wrong.It seems you and your wife grew apart and that is the reason why she is getting attention from another man.
Do you still love your wife and want the marriage?Why don't you find a convenient time to sit with your wife and have a deep talk?Ask each other where you've gone wrong and try to make amends.Make commitment to re-ignite the spark and love at the beginning.

Cheating women don't think,neither do they have any remorseful feelings and they can never change because it's in their blood.

I dont feel pity for the op at all... When they are dating all sorts of girls when they are single with the good and bad girls inclusive.
Na the bad girl dey go stick with like super glue..
Nothing anybody says, will make the man change his mind and go for a good girl..
Bad babes attract men these days like flies
When the bad woman starts displaying in marriage, then their eyes will become clear, having sleepless nights and crying inwardly.

I dont pity for men who drops a good girl and end up with a bad woman.. Either because of ikebe, or booobs or because she looks naive... Not knowing , they are signing their peace of mind away.

Sorry op, u created the bed yourself .... Try and preserve, hopefully she may change for good or become
She was your choice.. Deal with it..

loveisblind:
Greetings to all NLs.....i think solution to my problem will come from good people of this forum and such will safe me from doing the wrong thing.

It all started wen i was dating my wife of which my fam did not want her as they want me to marry someone else, though they could not tell me to my face why.....Also my wife families did not want her to marry me base on xtian vs Muslim stuff, but we both insisted....after some years we have kids and later we did our wedding witot any assistance from both families i.e. we shoulder it alone......recently, in the night, while she was in her room, PHCN brought light and i was helping her to charge her fon and i saw a guy's number whom they ve been calling each other almost on daily basis, on a normal ground i dont check her fon and she doesnt check mine....but wen i noticed this number, i went straight to chat with d guy, only for the guy to be responding romantically, i pretended as if its my wife behold....d guy was saying ........If i handle you again......I cant belief myself reading such, i quietly dropped the fon, and went to bed, the next morning I confronted her and she said the guy is her friend that nothing attached.....I did not want to escalate the matter for children's record, i went to work, wen i came back i asked her younger one staying with us if she is aware of the guy, she said yes is just a friend to her elder sister......I called my wife again and she was so bold and bragging that whats the big deal in having male friend.........

I noticed he had called the guy wen i was away to work, i dont know what they discussed anyway. I told her not to cook for me anymore and nothing like sex in between us....for some weeks now it has been like this......Now my pains are these:-

I cant report to my family
I cant report to her family too cos the father never attended our wedding he only sent delegates
I dont want to take laws into my own hand cos i feel like pulling down mountain
We married legally and I feel like filing for divorce cos have told her in the beginning that such act is what i cannot forgive in my life
If i divorce, what about my little kids, who will take kia of them cos I know she doesnt have what it take to ?
before i discovered this she told me if she does such i can never find out and i told her if she try it i will surely know

Am totally fed up with the marriage cos there are lots have been enduring, believing its subject to change but for the past 10years no changes.

Please what do you think?

op..some people that don't even know about marriage or av not been in it I giving advice ...am not married oooo and am not u it ur choice any decision u make just know itz for your own good ....

oodua1stson:
Oga, never forgive a woman that sleeps with another man .




Just send her away before you find yourself in the news for killing her





Imi kekere l'eti awo gbegiri



Things can never return to normal between you again

Hmmm otito oro

wasak:

Oga, having a cheating spouse is worse than having children without a mother. Forget about that love, save yourself from emotions distress, there are millions of good women out there who ll be willing to be with you. Make sure you get that divorce, be bold, be courageous, confront your fears, I did too and I have no regrets.

Seconded

I greet you OP. I sympathize with you in this ugly situation. It is very heart breaking to discover that your trusted wife is cheating on you.

However, I still believe that two wrongs cannot make a right. You don't pay violence to violence because if you do, it will result to a greater violence. Having said that, I still want you to carry out further investigations on this matter, consult very wide before taking any drastic decision.

The truth is that we are Africans and our tradition and culture is very potent in various areas especially marriage. From where I hail from, if a man have any premonition that his wife is cheating and went ahead to cover it, with time that man will die mysteriously or his kids will continue to die mysteriously except they perform certain tradition. All these tradition are only valid when the man had validly paid the bride price and perform the traditional marriage rites on the woman. I wouldn't know the part of the country you come from because tradition varies.

Howbeit, if such tradition is potent in your part of the world and you did perform the traditional rites on her and ascertain your fact that she is actually cheating, I would therefore counsel that you escalate this matter even if you are still going to forgive her after the whole thing. This measure is to save your life and that of your kids.

It is not our fault that as the Africa culture appears, it tend to favour men in matters like this. Men are naturally immuned and when they cheat on their wives there is no adverse effect on the family but women are not so immuned by African culture thus the act of cheating by women adversely affects the family that is why you see some men die or fall ill mysteriously and in other cases, their fortune begin to dwindle because of the singular act of cheating by their wives. This is a serious matter that must be handle with all care and seriousness.

If you are a Christian and do not want to escalate too much, I still advice that you both meet your pastor where she must be made to confess her sins and a serious deliverance be conducted on her and your family.

Thank you very much.

sinceraconcept:
that gender equality bullshit is what's making you women think you have the same right with men. A cheating man can be forgiven,a cheating woman can not be forgiven. Stop comparing yourself to men,both are different genders

What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

henryadex:

You you no dey read paper don't you read last week a man fathering four children of his neighbour revealed by DNA test
a stich in time saves nine

I'm not against the idea of carrying out a DNA test on the kids; I would if I were in his shoes.

And upon discovering that just one isn't my kid, she is out of my house.

On the contrary, if they are all my kids, I would try sorting things out with her.

Trust77:
which be to err is human forgiveness is devine... Rubbish tslk

Calm down, calm down!

Like I tols sm1, if I were in his shoes, I wld conduct a DNA test on those kids, upon discovering they are not my bloodshe is out of my house immediately.

But if she didnt deceive me, we would still work things out.

OneManLegion:


There was a discourse between the OP's author and his wife - or there could have been if his wife hadn't prematurely killed it.

She denied all wrongdoing while subtly stating that nothing can stop her from continuing with her infidelity. That's where the lack of remorse comes in. She evidently doesn't accept that her infidelity is a grave error. How do you see reasons with that kind of recalcitrant woman?

Truth is, the woman's actions are unjustifiable. Heaven knows I won't dilly-dally this long if I were the man.

If the bolded is the situation,then the Op has every right to dissolve the marriage.

nyben4eva:


Cheating women don't think,neither do they have any remorseful feelings and they can never change because it's in their blood.

The same applies to men and you know men are more guilty.

Hmmmm

what u saw isn't enuf evidence to nail her?if only u knew u would have continue with the chart for more evidence. for real she may not be dating the guy. Adultery is not cox one is in a marriage is a thing of self discipline. don't lose a marriage of 10yrs to a strange man out there. better still call her and u both talk things over. is one thing for NL to advice u bit another thing for u to take de advice. above all follow ur heart

sinceraconcept:
If a wife slaps me,spits on me,disses me,insults me,even talks bad about me to people,all that I can forgive her,but cheating,NEVER. It's straight divorce. I hate cheating than anything. I can't lay thunderbolt for anyone though cos the man might not know she's married

You are right man...but saying the man might not know if she is married,I dnt bliv dt...the person they sleep with in secrete, cnt come to her house...no freedom in calling....my friend,dey know jare...some just have pleasure in doing it hurting their fellow man

sinceraconcept:
why compare yourself to a man? Men are naturally polygamous. If a man cheats,then? Afterall he provides for his family. If a woman leaves a man cos he cheats she's screwed the more cos a nigga will always get more and more wifies but once a woman is after one or after 2,no man would want to marry her. I'm a man,i know how we're created

You just succeeded in making no sense whatsoever.

loveisblind:


Thanks a lot EfemenaXY.....I never want this to get to any of my families, i purposely moved away from them cos of my wife becos they cant withstand her characters and i dont want any one to complain her to me with the hope that with time she will change and we'll understand each other better.....One thing i love doing is to call her in the mid night and let her realize how i felt with her behavious, she will knee down and say am sorry but after 48hrs, same will repeat itself, then wen I take it hot as in shout and threaten to send her away, of cus neighbours will come in and start begging for her, then she will also beg after they must have told her where she is getting it wrong....Then the angel in her will manifest for like a week or 2 thereafter another dimension of same bad character will show up.....I told her one day that is it not better we continue to quarrel so i can get the best out of you, cos that is the only time you behave well........I always ask her to call my attention to any area where am getting it wrong but she has never, not that am perfect but I always ensure i do my best when it comes to my responsibility to her and the kids........There was a time she complain of my poor s3x performance which i made her to realize that am not happy about it too but i guess it was due to the challenges facing at work which she is aware of it....I had to let go of those challenges as soon as i close for work and i started performing beyond her expectation........so calling her again to negotiate is what i dont think i can do cos i cant withstand a cheating partner....not at all...am praying that God should eraze this from my mind o

please do paternity test to determine the true father of the kids. my 1naira

op
talk the talk but ultimately take steps that will compell better behavior.

establishing the identity of the competition is one. next is relocation to a very different environment, different in demographics and general ambience. the problem can be situational. another state or local government is preferred.


the other is to occupy your wife with an acivity that will take her mind from her recreational drive

ciwi:
OP, I'm a bit confused. I don't see any where you wrote that you confirmed she is cheating. She only said there's nothing wrong with having a male friend. Is that the basis for your conclusion that she is cheating?

A male friend that calls a married woman every night and u think the calls are harmless and without something extra. And with 'if i handle u the way i handled u last time' in her chat box. What other clue are u looking 4? Or u will wait untill the woman is caught wit the man on her matrimonial bed? Women can be sophisticated when they want to cheat. No offence pls.

op
talk the talk but ultimately take steps that will compell better behavior.

establishing the identity of the competition is one. next is relocation to a very different environment, different in demographics and general ambience. the problem can be situational. another state or local government is preferred.


the other is to occupy your wife with an activity that will take her mind from her recreational drive

thorpido:
I think you should calm down.
There must have been a reason why you both decided to marry even when the odds were against you.Think back on those times and ask yourself what went wrong.It seems you and your wife grew apart and that is the reason why she is getting attention from another man.
Do you still love your wife and want the marriage?Why don't you find a convenient time to sit with your wife and have a deep talk?Ask each other where you've gone wrong and try to make amends.Make commitment to re-ignite the spark and love at the beginning.

well said,

loveisblind:


Am trying but the more am seeing her the more am getting angry cos she believe its normal thing to have male friend. Am still wondering where I went wrong to deserve such.....am paying my bills as normal.

tell her both of u should fix it divorce is not your next step bro @ceo www.talkativenaija.com

Praktikals:

I quite agree with the rest of your advice but the bolded is wrong. The bible allows for divorce where adultery is concerned.

My brother, read that passage again! The bible is against Divorce

Op, i really feel for u. In the 1st place, the mariage had a wrong foundation (No parents blessing and radical change in faith, from muslim to christian).

Howbeit, extra marital affair is the only ground for a divorce in Christianity. But this can only be done if u are not guilty of same offense. Op, are also a cheat? If no, u have both legal and spiritual ground to divorce her. But if yes, see how u can work out things with ur wife and forgive each other and make amends.

Secondly, see what u can do to gain ur parents consent. Very important. Carry ur in-laws along. They are part of ur family

mokane28:
You are very stupid! Nigerians and church church god god every time chaii, people can't think out of the box for once, akways relying on a dumb god to do everything for them, lazy fools

MAY YOUR EVIL WORDS RETURN TO YOU!! WITHOUT GOD, YOU MOKANE IS [b][/b]NOTHING!! WITHOUT GOD TAPING UR BUTTON UP IN HEAVEN TO WAKE THIS MORNING, You Would BE A CORPSE! SO JUST SHUT UP YOUR MOUTH AND DEPEND ON GOD

My brother do not advise wrongly, the only permission given to a man to marry again by GOD is the death of a wife or husband. Any other reason is humans on their own

Austin234:
Op, i really feel for u. In the 1st place, the mariage had a wrong foundation (No parents blessing and radical change in faith, from muslim to christian).

Howbeit, extra marital affair is the only ground for a divorce in Christianity. But this can only be done if u are not guilty of same offense. Op, are also a cheat? If no, u have both legal and spiritual ground to divorce her. But if yes, see how u can work out things with ur wife and forgive each other and make amends.

Secondly, see what u can do to gain ur parents consent. Very important. Carry ur in-laws along. They are part of ur family

ubamfrank:


Please it's biblical to divorce a cheating wife. Read ur bible well

BROTHER ITS NOT BIBLICAL!! WHEN You READ THE BIBLE ASK THE HOLY SPIRIT FOR INDEPTH UNDERSTANDING!
Matthew 19
9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

can Fornication be Committed between Married couples ?? NO. Infidelity involving married person is Adultery not Fornication.

UNDER THIS DISPENSATION OF GRACE, THE NEW COVENANT IN WHICH WE ARE IN, DIVORCE IS NOT PERMITTED!

Nobody mentioned the fact the father never attended the wedding shows that the marriage had a faulty foundation.

I believe u know wat to do already as u r just looking for people to validate your point of action.
One thing dat got me thinking is how come u didn't continue the conversation on the chat with the guy so u can get all d necessary proof and den confront your wife with the facts dat u have gotten.
Something also tells me u saw cheating tendencies before u got married as u said u discussed it with her before u got married and from her response dat if she does u would never know is a lot to rethink.
Don't mind me because I know right now u r in pains. Take out time to think properly as I believe u know where the pain is as u r d one dat wears d shoe for me if I get my wife cheating den it just shows its over between us as dat very day she moves to her lovers place.

wasak:

Oga, having a cheating spouse is worse than having children without a mother. Forget about that love, save yourself from emotions distress, there are millions of good women out there who ll be willing to be with you. Make sure you get that divorce, be bold, be courageous, confront your fears, I did too and I have no regrets.

Life must continue

Read from the Holy Bible itself Matth 5 vs 32. Only on the ground of adultery or death can one remarry

Chosen1984:
My brother do not advise wrongly, the only permission given to a man to marry again by GOD is the death of a wife or husband. Any other reason is humans on their own

My brother,you have the answer. A married woman does not commit Fornication. Its adultery. The only reason a married man or woman is permitted to re-marry is death of a partner. Any other reason no matter who you are , is on your own

Austin234:
Read from the Holy Bible itself Matth 5 vs 32. Only on the ground of adultery or death can one remarry

Matthew 5
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

sinceraconcept:
why compare yourself to a man? Men are naturally polygamous. If a man cheats,then? Afterall he provides for his family. If a woman leaves a man cos he cheats she's screwed the more cos a nigga will always get more and more wifies but once a woman is after one or after 2,no man would want to marry her. I'm a man,i know how we're created

sweetcocoa:

You just succeeded in making no sense whatsoever.

And how has he succeeded in making no sense whichever