₦airaland Forum

grossintel:
You speak with so much wisdom, Op should just read ur comment and leave this thread. All these jamb bite babies are the ones screeming leave her like it's that easy. If the Op can talk sense into her with prayers God will heal their marriage. It's only in Africa we spite females for infidelity and commend males for polygamy because that's what we are told " men are polygamous in nature" Sharap cheating is cheating if reverse was the case here you see pastors everywhere preaching forgiveness, hypocrits.

masterpix:
bros this your advice does not add up, once a cheat will remain one,remember old road no dey kill once she see the man call the affection will come back again and she will start doing the needful. Why on earth will you marry a women without the love and approval of any of the two families. Storburn fly follow the cobes to the grave

TheSunSon:
That is the disadvantage of asking serious matters up in here,teenagers will be giving marital advice. For those saying if its karma, a man can sleep with a woman and not even remember her name the next day,its just about the sex nothing more. I'm not saying its okay to cheat. But a woman will first have feelings for a guy for most instances before she cheats,her HEART must be involved,that is why her cheat partner will spend her husbands money,fvck her and may even convince her to kill her husband one day.
Op its better your kids grow up with separated parents than grow up fatherless. My piece.

OneManLegion:
I won't have a woman I call my wife cheat on me and show no remorse only for me to sit her down and start begging her to stay with style.

No, I'm not married; and no, I'm nowhere close to being a teenager.

sinceraconcept:
forgiveness koor,forgiveful nii. If you cry like to her and do all that dumb shit madcow typed up there,she'll just see you as a fool and effeminate man. Haba. If she cheats once,it would be so difficult to stop and she'll only try to perfect it and hide it from you the more and you would think shes no more cheating. So,think before you comment

EfemenaXY:
Couldn't have said it better.

@op: no union is without it's challenges. You don't throw in the trowel at the first major hurdle - especially not with kids involved. Besides, you both have coped thus far without family interference - not an easy task - kudos to you.

What you're facing right now are symptoms of existing issue(s) that have gradually cropped up over a period of time with or without your noticing. Your reactions so far are knee jerks. Like Thorpido mentioned, calm down, find a suitable time when you won't be interrupted, and have a deep heart to heart discussion with your wife to get to the root cause of the problem.

Make sure it's a two way discussion where you both LISTEN to each other. No cutting off the other in mid sentence, definitely no shouting. This isn't the time for point scoring and I'm pretty sure you'd be surprised at what might come out of the discussion. Things either of you probably took for granted.

Remember the saying men are from Mars and women from Venus? That's what happens when proper communication wanes or fizzles out in a union. You aren't mind readers so you do need to have this proper talk to iron things out.

Stay calm and all the best.

Teensway:
your moniker tells me more about you dear.

grossintel:
"Let he without no sin cast the first stone " you should like we men don't know ourselves. How many of us men are faithful to our spouse or even girlfriends? The Op hasn't even answered the question if he cheated or not. He probably did and is getting a bite of the action. Men should stop thinking they are superior to a woman because of that poo between their legs. If he gives her another chance and observe her and she doesn't change he can probably consider the trash ur talking here.

thorpido:
The question is why would she cheat on you in the first place;a gap was created between you or she is just not content?
Even if a wife cheats,you both still need to discuss it and decide if you will forgive or not.

sinceraconcept:
your wife obviously feeds you sissy man. You're so effeminate

saintmark88:
I don't have to be married to know what is acceptable and is not acceptable, I have a relationship, i know how my manage it, I can't b with my girl friend n one guy wud be calling her all the time, if he is just a friend what is he calling all the time for.... Not to talk bout chatting with a guy in marriage, is she mad..... I will smash the phone on the ground, u created the problem for urself cos u didn't correct these things from the beginning, no matter how educated a woman is, she respects a man that can stand his ground, take a decision that concerns both parties and stand by it no matter d situation, when u make her feel like she's too important that's when she begins to misbehave, y r u d only one thinking bout ur kids??, we have different ways of tackling issues, this is my way, I will certainly resolve to a very harsh way of treating this and it works for me in my relationship

grossintel:
Am not married so don't bother, you probably should never consider marrying a foreigner your ego will be shattered. Your ethical bigot mentality exists only in the four walls of some parts of Africa, created by people like you for people like you. " The society" Who the f*ck is the society? You mean the same society that kicked against women education in the early days, turned out that women could be useful as men in the society today. I mean it when I said your delusional, if your cheating on your wife you better stop before your busted. Don't justify it with the trash your typing here Gender iniquity .

patani:
You said it all..if OP is sure of the cheating allegation. It's better to let her go. Cheating wife can kill you one day. Thats the truth..

sinceraconcept:
always ask and stop concluding sir. Ask your daddy at home which is more tolerable between a cheating man and cheating woman. If a man cheats on his wife today,he might not even remember the lady's name tomorrow,might even be an olosho he has no iota of feelings for,but if a woman cheats,she must be emotionally attached to the boyfriend and when a woman is in love with another man,the man can easily convince her to put rat poison in her man's food but not the same for men. A man can cheat on his wife and still love her more than anything in this world. I know many rude boys like that. They cheat and still have so much respect for their wife. 
Stop equalizing yourself to a woman. The first 10 richest people are men. The richest people in the world are men,the most successful people in the world are men. There are reasons behind that. Inferiority complex is when a man thinks he's not superior to his woman. Even religion states that a man is a small god to his wife. Stop following the west. Can you go into gay marriage because the whites practice it?

sinceraconcept:
Foolishness of the highest order. So marriage among whites is the perfect marriage to you? Even everybody knows that whites divorce all the time,so that's a perfect marriage to you right? You're a slave to the white man and always remain a slave. Everything they do is right to you. You can even go ahead and marry a fellow man,afterall it's gay marriage. Dindinrin. Eru oyinbo

grossintel:
Okay firstly you started by saying always ask and stop concluding but you did exactly what you wrote. You concluded! Men and women cheating aren't the same thing who the hell said so? You want cases of men killing their wife's? Google is your friend. I better you will find more cases 100times than women. He doesn't need rat poison, his mistress can push him to kill his wife out of anger. Then you mentioned power in the world, what are you talking about? Hilary Clinton will probably be the president of the United States and she's a woman. The richest people in the world are men I see someone receiving a slap from the likes of Folorunsho Alaina, she's not just an African but a Nigerian. If gender iniquity pain you start by treating your spouse like you want her to treat you. Women are not weak genders and shouldn't be taken for granted.

sinceraconcept:
this transgendered,stop deceiving yourself. Is Dangote a woman? What number is Folorunsho? A man will always lead. Is Bill Gates a woman?number 2,3,4,5 richest in the world,which one of them is a woman? Put together the number of first class graduates in Nigeria and they'll surely be men. Stop questioning God for arranging it that way. The most successful musicians ever in Nigeria are men. Fela,Barrister,Dbanj, etc.

grossintel:
Firstly what kind of girlfriend won't pick a call from another guy because you are their with her she's not your wife and you have no right to determine who calls her even if you bought the phone. You sound abusive and I hope your not, smashing the phones and treating to rain hell is the beginning of your problem. Ask around an unhappy wife will give you the definition of hell on earth. Violence has never been the solution of anything on earth, If this is your solution well just keep using it as long as you don't try this in the West you will be arrested and charged for felony. Besides their is every possibility you end up killing her one day with your very harsh way that works for you. Certainly any woman that signs that paper with you knows what she signed up for.

loveisblind:
Greetings to all NLs.....i think solution to my problem will come from good people of this forum and such will safe me from doing the wrong thing.

It all started wen i was dating my wife of which my fam did not want her as they want me to marry someone else, though they could not tell me to my face why.....Also my wife families did not want her to marry me base on xtian vs Muslim stuff, but we both insisted....after some years we have kids and later we did our wedding witot any assistance from both families i.e. we shoulder it alone......recently, in the night, while she was in her room, PHCN brought light and i was helping her to charge her fon and i saw a guy's number whom they ve been calling each other almost on daily basis, on a normal ground i dont check her fon and she doesnt check mine....but wen i noticed this number, i went straight to chat with d guy, only for the guy to be responding romantically, i pretended as if its my wife behold....d guy was saying ........If i handle you again......I cant belief myself reading such, i quietly dropped the fon, and went to bed, the next morning I confronted her and she said the guy is her friend that nothing attached.....I did not want to escalate the matter for children's record, i went to work, wen i came back i asked her younger one staying with us if she is aware of the guy, she said yes is just a friend to her elder sister......I called my wife again and she was so bold and bragging that whats the big deal in having male friend.........

I noticed he had called the guy wen i was away to work, i dont know what they discussed anyway. I told her not to cook for me anymore and nothing like sex in between us....for some weeks now it has been like this......Now my pains are these:-

I cant report to my family
I cant report to her family too cos the father never attended our wedding he only sent delegates
I dont want to take laws into my own hand cos i feel like pulling down mountain
We married legally and I feel like filing for divorce cos have told her in the beginning that such act is what i cannot forgive in my life
If i divorce, what about my little kids, who will take kia of them cos I know she doesnt have what it take to ?
before i discovered this she told me if she does such i can never find out and i told her if she try it i will surely know

Am totally fed up with the marriage cos there are lots have been enduring, believing its subject to change but for the past 10years no changes.

Please what do you think?

humilitypays:
No! A cheating wife deserves no forgiveness brother! Yes, let everyone attack me! If I get married tomorrow, which I will soon, and I cheat, my wife can divorce me; it's her decision, but if she cheats, it's over! Women don't just have sex, they have sex with emotion attached!
Women are naturally created with strong self-control towards sex unlike men; take it or leave it. So for any lady to cheat on her man, she doesn't love him anymore.
If the op is sure he caught her cheating, he is free to walk away from the marriage....cheating from a wife is an abomination no matter how western culture try to cover it up...even most responsible white people can't stand it!
Hillary Clinton forgave Bill Clinton when he cheated on her, I am sure Bill wouldn't forgive her if she cheats....men are men all over the world...the only difference between Nigerian/African men and American/European men is government laws!
If not for the laws the Americans/Europeans made in the past to protect their daughters....i tell u that white men are more promiscuous and jealous than Nigerian men.
I have worked with English, American, Canadian and European men...and I can tell u that those men can kill their partner if she cheats on them....especially when they are not in their country where they know the law protects women. if u doubt me, make a little research!

loveisblind:
yes...10years but not on cheating level....I just discovered this extramarital stuff some weeks ago

thorpido:
The question is why would she cheat on you in the first place;a gap was created between you or she is just not content?
Even if a wife cheats,you both still need to discuss it and decide if you will forgive or not.