₦airaland Forum

gemini35:
i,was dating a girl of 24,and she is always talking about marriage,i decided to let my people know,they asked were she hail from i explained ,,and every body rejected her,reason my uncle married from that side,which i knew,she divided the family,,and sowed a seed of discord,as i,m talking my grand mother died the woman could not allow my uncle to attend the burial from usa,so the hatred was much,i told the girl that my people will not support our marriage,she asked me if she is going to live with my people,some times i beat her because she is sturbon and domineering,,i even asked her to live my house she said i,m the one to live the house for her,she eventually got pregnant,,and born baby girl, my uncle personally put a call to the parents,that i will not marry from their side, then she was with her parent,,after six months with her parents,they still sent her to my house as if marriage is by force ,,,this girl came back to my house,i,could not send her away because of the baby, I left her gradually she lured me to start making love to her and now she is pregnant and refuse to abort it, the parents are now inviting me so we can discuss,i,m traped in the middle,how do i handle this matter i need an advice from matured men,in the house,one the people that are suppose follow me to go and pay are against the marriage,and the the first baby is still in the curstody of her parents,and the way i see the girl she like,s to be in charge, should i ignore my people and go ahead and marry her she might also bring discord in our family,i,need not only advice but spiritual guide line,on the step to follow,i,m just like a prodigal son to my peoples ,every body is puting blame on me and i acept my mistake.and flaws.

Gosh!!! The bolded shows you ain't man enough(no insults intended), you so much rely on your family for strength, you never loved the girl from the beginning because if you did, you would have done everything to support her. And from what I could bring out from your posts, you are pushing all the blame on the lady, I wouldn't heap any blame on the girl, because from your post the girl hasn't done anything significant that you can hold against, her only crime is because she is from the tribe or village(as the case maybe) that your family doesn't like, for crying out loud, you are punishing the girl for a crime your uncle's wife committed. And then you made me laugh when you said she lured you into impregnating her , did she hold you at gun point to have sex with her? When you know you didn't want to marry her, why have sex with her? Oh you want to do chop and go because you have seen a free borehole to drill. Be man enough! Own up to the fact that you were both careless to have made two babies from a union that you both know isn't leading anywhere due to the fact that you both aren't matured, the lady is matured and dignified enough to leave a man who can't defend her from the hatred of his family because he is a baby and you aren't matured enough to know what you want. I just pity the poor innocent babies that you have brought into this mess. You even mentioned abortion, gosh! Can you create life? And then you dissapointed me when you said you beat her up because she is stubborn and domineering, really? Who gave you the right to beat her? Are you her father? (it's even possible that her father hasn't even beat her). Na wa ooooooooo, who you be sef? I just pity you, pick up your life and free yourself from the clutch of your family (before some nairalanders will eat me up, I am not asking him to disrespect or disregard them ooooooooo, but he should have a mind of his own). I believe you should know what you want and your family isn't gonna be the one sleeping and living with her.
Ps: Your use of English and punctuation marks is quite pathetic, you need to work on that. Good luck

misspicy:
LMAO

Werey reee ooo
LOL

What? Am being serious

gemini35:
I was dating a girl of 24,and she is always talking about marriage,i decided to let my people know,they asked were she hail from i explained ,,and every body rejected her,reason my uncle married from that side,which i knew,she divided the family,,and sowed a seed of discord,as i,m talking my grand mother died the woman could not allow my uncle to attend the burial from usa,so the hatred was much,,i,told the girl that my people will not support our marriage,she asked me if she is going to live with my people,some times i beat her because she is sturbon and domineering,,i even asked her to live my house she said i,m the one to live the house for her,she eventually got pregnant,,and born baby girl,my uncle personally put a call to the parents,that i will not marry from their side,,then she was with her parent,,after six months with her parents,they still sent her to my house as if marriage is by force ,,,this girl came back to my house,i,could not send her away because of the baby,i,left her gradually she lured me to start making love to her and now she is pregnant and refuse to abort it,the parents are now inviting me so we can discuss,i,m traped in the middle,how do i handle this matter i need an advice from matured men,in the house,one the people that are suppose follow me to go and pay are against the marriage,and the the first baby is still in the curstody of her parents,and the way i see the girl she like,s to be in charge,should i ignore my people and go ahead and marry her she might also bring discord in our family,i,need not only advice but spiritual guide line,on the step to follow,i,m just like a prodigal son to my peoples ,every body is puting blame on me and i acept my mistake.and flaws.

Next time, when your entire family and lineage is against you marrying a particular person, listen to them.

I like to deal with problems from the root...and with you, your problem started when you decided to go against the wishes of your entire family - every other thing is a consequence that would have been avoided if you listened.

Don't let anyone mock you with the cliché you're not man enough to choose your own spouse line, that's a cop out.
The opinion of a man's/woman's family is still very important when it comes to choosing a spouse whether we like to admit it or not.

For now, you owe it to your conscience to be a good father to those kids...but you do not owe it to anyone to marry that girl - you two will never be happy together, this much I know.

crackhaus:
Next time, when your entire family and lineage is against you marrying a particular person, listen to them.

I like to deal with problems from the root...and with you, your problem started when you decided to go against the wishes of your entire family - every other thing is a consequence that would have been avoided if you listened.

Don't let anyone mock you with the cliché you're not man enough to choose your own spouse line, that's a cop out.
The opinion of a man's/woman's family is still very important when it comes to choosing a spouse whether we like to admit it or not.

For now, you owe it to your conscience to be a good father to those kids...but you do not owe it to anyone to marry that girl - you two will never be happy together, this much I know.

thanks bro u hit the nail at the head

gemini35:
thanks bro u hit the nail at the head

You're welcome, all the best...

5minsmadness:
First thing you should know is that you are not looking for someone to discourage you from marrying the girl. You have had enough advice from your parents and relatives but instead of using that as a solid excuse to keep her out you let her be forced on you in your house this leading to another impregnation. Even the people that want to escort u to pay bride price are against the marriage but somehow u have convinced them to follow u. Op I put it to you that you like this girl, the only issue is that she is coming with too much wahala.

We all have crosses in our lives we have to bear. Crosses are not necessarily a bad thing, they mould character and make you a stronger, better, more patient person if u carry them well. This woman is your cross. You have two children from her (she won't abort this pregnancy either) and she has stayed with you for a while. What you are looking for is how to weather the storm of the marriage u are about to enter.

First of all, realise this lady is desperate to marry you else she would have run since from the beatings and ill treatment. She is more determined to marry you than you her, hence you have an advantage.

So start laying your boundaries without fear. Let her know the things you can and cannot tolerate. The things u like and the things you don't like. If she crosses those lines then deal with her severely. I have never advised anyone to beat a woman, far from it, but unfortunately you two have a rapport of fighting already and if with all the pummelling u have given her she still struggles to have her way then just talking won't do the trick here. I suggest u use more mature though still physical ways to punish her since this is the language both of u are used to, and let her learn u are the master of the house. I recommend holding her down and spanking her hard on her buttocks with the palm of your hands. It works for children, it will work for her. Do not strike her anywhere else and do not use ur fists. Spank her until she is tired and subdued then tell her the reason for your actions and that she shouldn't repeat out again. You will do this for a while until her stubbornness calms down a bit, then gradually you will move to sorting your issues out without physically fighting. This may sound bizzaire to some people but Op your case is not the normal type and needs some strong-arming.


Secondly, as soon as you guys are married try and move away from both families. They both have some venom between each other already and I assure u it will spill into your marriage if both of u continue to associate closely with them. Your elder has had a bad experience from that family in the past and will see everything the woman does through tainted glasses and bias. He will be the first to shout "didn't I tell you not to marry her " etc. Her own family that is forcing her on you are not any better. Find a way to move far from them and be the master of your own household.

Finally I strongly believe u like this woman and with time you will grow to love her and the kids, but you both have to find your own rhythm, your own way of doing things. Marriage has a way of calming women down, her attitude will definitely improve especially when she realises that you are ready to take charge like the man you are. You on the other hand should learn to not only like but love your wife. See her as your wayward daughter sort of. Anything u plan on doing in the future, do it with her benefit in mind even though she may not agree with some. I assure u she will see these acts of love and will not want to let u go. Stop being a coward and take responsibility for the kids. They are the fruit of your loins. Do your job and protect them and make sure they get the best out of life. I would advice u against having more kids until u can financially cater for the ones on ground now. There is something called condom. I insist u use it for your own good.

Finally finally, get to know Christ. Find a church that both of you will attend. I strongly suggest an orthodox church (Catholic, Anglican) as they seem more responsible than the new age churches we have today. I will also suggest Redeemed and Winners as they are matured as well. Others may disagree with this last point. They have a right to do so.

Even before u find a church, develop the habit of praying with your wife and kids. Pray aloud positive blessings for her to her hearing and let her do the same for u. Inculcate this habit into your daily lives. You will see that it will bring a deeper level of understanding between you two and keep you closer together.

That is my advice.
All the best.

thanks a lot for your advice,we got 4 kids now 2 boys 2 girls things are normal now,just that tinubu has made things hard for every one.