₦airaland Forum

pcguru1:
OP go to reddit and join this sub reddit DeadBedroom they have good feedbacks, this is a common thing, sadly I can't give you any advice because am not married which is one and two because am not married sleeping around is not foreign for me. Maybe you might wanna let her know sex is lacking or you guys might wanna plan a night where you guys have sex. Or find something to occupy your mind, alot of marriage get sexless pretty quick.

MadCow1:
Talk to her..

Then once in a while, play away match wey you know say second leg no dey.. #YesISaidIt.. #WithPPE..

Then try and be dominant during sex.. Tell her to turn around, talk dirty to her and make her respond.. Ask her 'Who is your Daddy?' Hopefully She does not call her Fathers name..


Basically have a talk and get dominate in the bedroom.. Buy her lingeries and stuff. But you must take the lead and hopefully she will follow.

freshvine:
That ugly husband of yours with tattoos all over his body, you married him for America. Gold digger!

Part time wife. Keep living the life you ever wish for on nairaland while loneliness kills you.

I won't abuse you but I'll be dropping subtle punchline that will kill you

chinnyonwu:
You are high.
Did you read that they have 2househelps., he works his arse off and is the sole provider., and that the woman works 4hours a day averagely? What exactly is draining her?

cococandy:
How did those ladies calling you get your number? You're married and still distributing your number everywhere and have the guts to brag about it.
If you want to smoothen things over with your wife, talk to her about it not us. We can't say anything that will make her change Except you're going to show her this thread. And stop giving ladies your number.

eyinjuege:
1. Maybe the sex has become boring. She doesn't enjoy it anymore with you.

2. Or maybe she's really tired as she says she is.
Does she work? What time does she get home from work? Who picks up the kids from school? Who takes care of them after school? Who takes care of the cooking?, cleaning, washing?
If she does all these alone, she will be genuinely tired everyday. The traffic situation alone can cause a headache on its own. Having young children screaming I want this, I want that can cause another headache. Cooking different meals for the children, and then for the older ones too everyday can stress you out too.

3. Also, women do think about money issues too.
So if she's broke and there are some expenses pending in the home like house rent, school fees, changing her car because the old one keeps giving her trouble, sex would be far from her mind.

Some men find sex as a stress reliever, and when stressed they want sex.
Its not the same for most women, who when stressed see sex as more stress or even a stress inducer.

LynnPetra:
In as much as our men sabi carry prick share outside, sometimes the fault comes from the wife herself . Just like what one female pastor said one day, "Woman if your husband still sleeps with you be happy!Tell him after the whole kwokirikwo, dim thank you".Because he get some women wey their husband no dey fiyck again. They now drill the holes if their numerous girlfriends. You women don't realise you have power . As a wife, you have to be creative and calculating. Let's take for example, men are moved by what they see, whether it is imagined first or not. I don't see the reason why a woman will just tie wrapper and Sit at home till evening. Why?? Some of you who are "lucky to be housewives, after the whole lagos traffic ,oga go enter house say make him rest ,na so him go see woman for sitting room with wrapper tied to her waist, she fit dey lose her hair sef, or her hair is messed up. She go come stand up, pant sef she no wear. If I be man sef i will feel to run out back to work. Kilode?

As a wife you must always be in the mood except of cause you are tired or exhausted. Some women go fast for one month, yamsh sef dem no go give oga. Once you're married, your toto is no longer ya own. Like I was saying, you know sey oga go enter house by 5pm, why not take a clean bath, look clean, presentable amd alluring, wear your short skirt with white pant inside. Food wey them wrap dey attract pass . You fit just lay down "carelessly" for bedroom untop Africa Magic or WWF and pretend of course after greeting him, that you are engrossed with the TV. If you notice say oga Don dey u use style look that side as him dey comot suit, you can "carelessly" adjust the position to reveal more whites".Even if he is tired he will be confused, by the time you carelessly stand up and ask him,"Obim what will yo love to eat?".He will be like,"Em. ..what did I want to eat *carry eyes up like say the food dey ceiling fan*. ..haa!*sits down on the bed*you know what, let me just lie down and make that decision. ...."Know mind oga, na Bleep dey hungry am . join him in that bed and see if he won't pound you like yam.

freshvine:
She was sounding she will come down on me and gave excuse she was headed to the market. Guess what? Less than 30 minutes she was back to nairaland. One jobless lady that depends on her 3 times a year husband for her meal ticket. Pathetic liar!

innovestor:
Why Is This Common With Most Wives? They Need To CHANGE!

Hello NLers.

I am here basically to sample thoughts and opinions on this matter from matured minds. No insults or names calling. Just address the issue with suggestions.

There is a saying (by me ) that goes thus: Learn to appreciate what you have now. Don't wait till it's gone to find out its value. There is also another saying (not by me ) that goes thus: Wives don't suck dick; only girlfriends do.

So to the matter. I am married to this lovely lady. She is good by good standards (details will be given later if need be). I am also good by good standards (details will be given later if need be ). However when it comes to making love, this is where the "matters arising" comes to play; yes sex.

Firstly, I am not necessarily the over demanding type, however i am not sexually satisfied completely in my home. I am very understanding when she actually is not in the right frame of conditions to make love, however for me making the moves every time for us to make love is tiring (and yes ladies you should make the moves sometimes, if not more).

Secondly, i am the type with a conscience. I have not raped and will never rape any one even my wife because this is practically impossible for me as my man-hood (which lives on) will suddenly slump in such situation (that's why i said practically impossible). So what am i driving at? Once my wife tells me she is a bit tired, she has a slight waist pain, head-ache, leg ache etc. i practically refrain from making love to her. It has happened most times that i am all up and doing and ready to hit the road and then she says she has a head-ache (unconsciously i must admit most times) i just pack-up and hit the bed to dream world.

Now the challenge is this. Being sort of sexually deprived by my wife, being a hardworking good citizen of Nigeria that makes an average earning (at least i dey drive motor and can comfortably take care of my family and one or two more outsiders despite the harsh economy) I am exposed to falling into countless number of temptations. In order not to brag, i have ladies calling me almost on a daily basis now and literally begging me to "shine their congo". Yes they know i am married with kids but don't care. Na me dey dodge them sef and avoid picking some calls.

Now the question is this: what can i do to solve this issue? What can i do to make my wife get off her relaxed state to make the moves for us to be more sexually engaged (and i am not talking of just missionary alone, i love adventure)? Should i just ignore her talks of head aches and find a means of forcing myself to do it with her ( I have actually asked her if this is what she wants - no response received). What can i do?

I am asking as we have had this sex talk twice and i have told her what i felt about the whole thing (of course she shed tears na). The third time we had the discussion, i told her categorically that this would be the last time for such discussion because if there is not improvement, i will not talk to her about it anymore and would seek other means to "help myself out". This is where i am at the moment.

So you ideas are welcome ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. Wow! So the write up long reach like this? be patient to read through.

AfroKnight:
Look at them advising the man to move mountains just because he wants to have sex with his wife. Wife! Not one girlfriend o. That's rubbish.

Why must the man beg or threaten you before you have sex? Are you doing him a favour? . . . take her on a date, hold her hands, buy gifts, play with her... Nonsense talk.

Is sex enjoyed only by the man? Of course not. Ladies will be using sex as a tool to "control" their husbands. Are we animals that you lure us with carrots and birdseed? "Do this for me and I promise you a steamy session tonight"... Rubbish.

Many single girls are eager to sleep with married men. So you wives had better sit up and stop forcing celibacy on men who were designed to enjoy intimacy. If you hoard your official merchandise, there is black market out there.

The sexual health of a couple is not dependent on the man alone. Stop bargaining with sex. Stop "forming" tired.

Chillisauce:
Wey your own dream N'a. Abi your existence on Earth is to follow married woman upandan like where fly see sh1t. You well so?

innovestor:
Thanks so much for your mature candid opinions and questions. I will answer you accordingly (my answers will amaze you).

Ans 1. She enjoys it with me and is always fully satisfied when we engage in it. My concern if frequency and adventure.
Ans 2. She does a small business which does not take most of her time (4hrs in a day averagely). Kids are not in school yet as they have not reached the age (note: 2 house helps on ground to help out). Cooking prep done by maids, cooking done by her. Washing machine available. Cleaning by all. So u see, no excessive stress on any one. I am the one to even complain of stress as i work very hard.
Ans 3. She has no business thinking of money. I provide for all needs for the family. trust me.

innovestor:
Why Is This Common With Most Wives? They Need To CHANGE!

Hello NLers.

I am here basically to sample thoughts and opinions on this matter from matured minds. No insults or names calling. Just address the issue with suggestions.

There is a saying (by me ) that goes thus: Learn to appreciate what you have now. Don't wait till it's gone to find out its value. There is also another saying (not by me ) that goes thus: Wives don't suck dick; only girlfriends do.

So to the matter. I am married to this lovely lady. She is good by good standards (details will be given later if need be). I am also good by good standards (details will be given later if need be ). However when it comes to making love, this is where the "matters arising" comes to play; yes sex.

Firstly, I am not necessarily the over demanding type, however i am not sexually satisfied completely in my home. I am very understanding when she actually is not in the right frame of conditions to make love, however for me making the moves every time for us to make love is tiring (and yes ladies you should make the moves sometimes, if not more).

Secondly, i am the type with a conscience. I have not raped and will never rape any one even my wife because this is practically impossible for me as my man-hood (which lives on) will suddenly slump in such situation (that's why i said practically impossible). So what am i driving at? Once my wife tells me she is a bit tired, she has a slight waist pain, head-ache, leg ache etc. i practically refrain from making love to her. It has happened most times that i am all up and doing and ready to hit the road and then she says she has a head-ache (unconsciously i must admit most times) i just pack-up and hit the bed to dream world.

Now the challenge is this. Being sort of sexually deprived by my wife, being a hardworking good citizen of Nigeria that makes an average earning (at least i dey drive motor and can comfortably take care of my family and one or two more outsiders despite the harsh economy) I am exposed to falling into countless number of temptations. In order not to brag, i have ladies calling me almost on a daily basis now and literally begging me to "shine their congo". Yes they know i am married with kids but don't care. Na me dey dodge them sef and avoid picking some calls.

Now the question is this: what can i do to solve this issue? What can i do to make my wife get off her relaxed state to make the moves for us to be more sexually engaged (and i am not talking of just missionary alone, i love adventure)? Should i just ignore her talks of head aches and find a means of forcing myself to do it with her ( I have actually asked her if this is what she wants - no response received). What can i do?

I am asking as we have had this sex talk twice and i have told her what i felt about the whole thing (of course she shed tears na). The third time we had the discussion, i told her categorically that this would be the last time for such discussion because if there is not improvement, i will not talk to her about it anymore and would seek other means to "help myself out". This is where i am at the moment.

So you ideas are welcome ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. Wow! So the write up long reach like this? be patient to read through.

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

Timbuktou:
Men too dey fûck up. You're discussing sex with your wife up to three times? My brother, you cannot negotiate attraction. If a woman wants to fúck you, she will fûck you. She will always be in the mood, or she will be in the mood way more times than she's not. You are suffering from see finish syndrome.

I advise you to spend less time than you used to with her, get a hobby and, of course, get a bloody side chick. And monitor her destiny codedly, if you're not chopping her ponmo, nobody else with be chopping the ponmo. When she ready, she go coordinate.

francis18:
WHAT YOUR OWN TOO?DEFENDER OF UNIVERSE.GO TAKE CARE OF YOUR OLD WHITE HUSBAND YOU MARRIED FOR FRANCE PAPER.OLODO

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

Chillisauce:
o

Lol. Old white husband?
Buhahahz.

Njokusboy , you think hiding behind this moniker will give a persona you so desired. Imagine this rat. Someone who even his parents gave up on after taking 33rd out of 34t position in school that you had to write a diary on it.

No let mé bring your suicidal note out. Coward hiding behind another moniker feeling high.

Al least I get "old white man" . Hang on heré dey wait for your yahoo victim njokusboy.

motherfucker:
When I read stuffs like this I laugh because my future wife has no idea of what she will have.

Those things listed by Onegai are things that should come naturally in this 21st century. We are not in the 60s, 70s, or 80s of our parent's days... come on.

Savigne:
This post had me in stitches for minutes....See finish syndrome kwa?

benjibabs:
1.) did you really tell your wife you will not discuss the subject again after trying twice? So, how would you resolve the issue na? Oh, you will grab one of your side chicks already inviting you, Shey? Wrong move! You will only end up destroying your home. Biko, don't do it.
2.) I don't completely agree with dumping your female friends just because you got married; some friends are worth keeping. However, those ones that are inviting you to bed, you need to get rid of them double fast. They are temptation and trouble waiting to happen. If you keep communicating with them, it will happen one day. Those ones with good heads on their shoulders, make them your family friends. Never keep female friends who your wife is not friend with. I'm talking of close friends and not acquaintances.
3.) I read a book where the author describes the mind of woman as a stack of books and the mind of man as a set of books in a shelf. If a woman desires to read the book at the bottom of the stack, she will have to remove all the books on top of it to reach it. For man, he can simply reach and pull any book to read any time. In a nutshell, if your wife has anything on her mind bothering her and se.x has been pushed to the bottom of the stack of issues, you will have to help her clear the issues before se.x can happen. We men can keep issues aside and enjoy good se.x and tackle issues later. So, open that channel of communication on the issue again and get to the bottom of the issue. Don't be too quick to say she has no issues because you provide everything she needs. A lot of times it is not about needs. You will be surprise what you will turn up. Most of the time, it is something simple but overlooked.
4.) Men are visual, while women are emotional. No matter how tired you are, if your wife walks around in se.xy lingerie, you will respond and perform. For women, visuals alone will not do it. You need to press your wife's emotional botton to get your desired response. It seems you have chores and other distractions under control, but are you engaging her? Do you guys spend time together before retiring to the bedroom after work ? Read Onegai's response again about spending time with your wife. Don't ask for se.x, create the atmosphere for it.
5.) Your wife's attention is divided when the kids start to roll in. It will only get "worse" with increasing number of children. Your alone time with your wife will be reduced to almost nothing; cuddling in front of TV while watching a good movie will disappear, se.x anytime and anywhere in the house will suddenly go extinct
etc. Onegai wrote about kids timeline and what to expect in her second response. Read it again and that will give you a good picture what your wife might be going through since you mentioned you have kids. Taking care of children is a FULL TIME job. I doff my hat to all mothers in the house; may God bless their efforts on their children. With children around, you have to make conscious effort to plan for se.x, otherwise it will be left in the back burner, either by one or both of you.

Now, go and put together a creative strategy to get enough of the "Wetin call" to your satisfaction. And, while at it, get rid of all those side chicks you are using as safety net.

innovestor:
[b]Why where i am at the moment.

So you ideas are welcome ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. Wow! So the write up long reach like this? be patient to read through.

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

truthsayer007:
Reddit? Seriously dude, hahaha, whenever i see reddit, only programmers come to my mind. Why would a normal guy go to reddit? For what na !