₦airaland Forum

Why I’m Absolutely an Angry Black Woman

by Dominique Matti

Because when I was five, my kindergarten classmate told me I couldn’t be the princess in the game we were playing because black girls couldn’t be princesses. Because I was in third grade the first time a teacher seemed shocked at how “well-spoken” I was. Because in fourth grade I was told my crush didn’t like black girls.

Because in sixth grade a different crush told me I was pretty  —  for a black girl. Because in 7th grade my predominantly black suburban neighborhood was nicknamed “Spring Ghettos” instead of calling it its name (Spring Meadows). Because I was in 8th grade the first time I was called an Oreo and told that I “wasn’t really black” like it was a compliment.

Because in 9th grade when I switched schools a boy told me he knew I had to be mixed with something to be so pretty. Because in 10th grade my group of friends and I were called into an office and asked if we were a gang, or if we had father figures. Because in 11th grade my AP English teacher told me that I didn’t write like a college-bound student (though I later scored perfectly on the exam).

Because when I volunteered in Costa Rica that summer, I was whistled at and called Negrita. Because when I asked my host father if that was like being called nigger, he said, no, it was a compliment because black women are perceived to be very good in bed. Because I was a kid.

Because I watched from the bleachers while the school resource officer didn’t let my brother into a football game after mistaking him for another black boy who was banned. Because the school resource officer maced him for insisting he was wrong. Because I was suspended for telling the school resource officer he didn’t deserve respect. Because my senior year boyfriend said nigger.

Because I was one of two black girls in the freshman class at my college. Because at meetings to talk about how to attract more black students, someone suggested that the school attracted a certain demographic (sustainable living, farming, general hippiness) and that maybe black people “just weren’t interested in things like that.” Because my college boyfriend called me a “fiery negress” as a joke when he ordered for me at a restaurant. Because the boyfriend after that cut me off for saying he was privileged. Because I can’t return to my hometown without getting pulled over.

Because when I got married people assumed I was pregnant. Because people who know I’m married call my husband my “baby daddy.” Because my pregnancy with my son was plagued with videos of black lives being taken in cold blood. Because their murderers still walk the streets.

Because the nation sent me a message that my son’s life didn’t matter. Because when Tamir Rice was murdered I curled up on the bed and sobbed, cupping my belly. Because my son heard me sobbing from the inside. Because they don’t care about us. Because when I was 7 months pregnant my neighbor asked me to help him move a dresser up a flight of stairs.

Because I am not seen as a woman. Because I am not allowed to be fragile. Because the nurse that checked me in at the hospital to deliver wouldn’t look my husband in the eye. Because the vast majority of people won’t look my husband in the eye. Because when the doctors put my son in my arms and I saw that he was as dark as his father, I knew life would be even harder for him.

Because he will be regarded the same way I was. Because he will be forced to grow up before he is grown. Because strangers at the store think it’s okay to reach into my son’s stroller and touch him without a word to me. Because we aren’t entitled to boundaries. Because they think we are here for their enjoyment. Because people don’t think we are people.

Because my nephew told me he couldn’t be Spider Man like he wants to because Spider Man is white. Because when he was four he said that he wants to be white so that he can go on a boat like the people on TV. Because I couldn’t save him from that. Because I can’t protect my son. Because I can’t protect myself.

Because my stomach sinks whenever I see a police car. Because when my husband leaves the house at night I am afraid he’ll be killed for looking like somebody. Because I worry that if I went missing like the 64,000 other black women in this nation, the authorities wouldn’t try hard to find me. Because I am disposable. Because I am hated. Because we keep dying. Because they justify our deaths. Because no one is held accountable. Because I am gas lighted.

Because I have been told that by speaking about being oppressed I am victimizing myself. Because our murders are filmed and still pardoned. Because I don’t know what it means to let loose. Because doing the things that my white peers do with ease could cost me my life  — trespassing in abandoned buildings, smoking joints, wearing a hoodie, looking an officer in the eye, playing music loudly, existing. Because I am afraid to relax. Because I am traumatized.

Because there isn’t a place in the world white supremacy hasn’t touched.

Because I am trapped here. Because the playing field isn’t leveled. Because I love my skin. Because I love being a woman. Because not hating myself is considered radical. Because I’ve been called racist for defending myself. Because all the major protests are for cis black men. Because I’ve been told that talking about the women who’ve died is taking away from the real issue.

Because I get no break from fighting. Because everything is a struggle. Because my anger isn’t validated. Because they don’t care about my pain. Because they don’t believe in my pain. Because they forgive themselves without atoning. Because I’m not free. Because the awareness of it permeates everything. Because it’s not ending. Because they teach the children that it’s already ended. Because someone will assert their supremacy over me today. Because they’ll do it tomorrow.

Because I want more. Because I deserve better.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dominique-matti/why-im-absolutely-an-angry-black-woman_b_8398228.html

You see, black women are angry because a good amount have been given the shorter end of the stick in life. Either they aren't listened to by men of a larger social stature, they aren't listened to by their own men, they have to face the same sexual obligations they did back in their slave days...(For example, wherever there was a black woman getting made fun of for having a fat ass, now there are ones getting made fun of because they don't have it. Also, their pussy is seen in the same light as a black man's penis. That forbidden fruit that people want a big bite of before putting it down and giving another man a bite.)

They are angry because they grew up thinking that it is a curse to be themselves. Every magazine tells them they are ugly or that their fashion sense is bleeped. Every TV show reminds them that they will never have the apartment that people in FRIENDS have. Every article in the newspaper doesn't cover their death. If it does, it's in the hands of white people who try to cover up such a death.

They are angry because society tells them their lips are only good for sucking off their oppressors, their walk is that of a succubus, and that their life, in the hierarchy of things, means as much as a black man's: less than everyone else's. You'd be angry, too, if you were reminded roundabout of your worthlessness as a person, be it openly or in a subliminal manner, no matter how hard you try and play the game right. Not only that, but that everything you do is much more attractive on another person (which is why people are angry at Kylie Jenner right now).
Those that aren't angry are ones who learned to play the hand that they're dealt at the right time. Not all black women are angry. Some are trying to make the best of their lives, which is all we can do, but it's important to remind yourself that constantly angry people are that way because it's the norm for some. Anything less would have felt like a parallel universe. After all, you get what you put in, and that is true whether you are an adult or a little baby. If you put nothing but negativity and stupidity in someone's mind, that's what they'll be accustomed to, and positivity will be like an alien concept or like winning the lottery.

http://www.afropunk.com/profiles/blogs/why-are-black-women-angry?xg_source=activity

Why am I angry? Lots of reasons. The aforementioned racism and sexism. The way that our culture perpetuates racism and sexism then lies about what it’s doing. The fact that minorities, poor people, immigrants (both illegal and legal), and other marginalized parties are still treated like the gum on the shoe of the white, male power structure in this country and yet we’re all told that things are getting better. Things are not getting better.

It’s true that the Angry Black Woman is a negative stereotype. Black men don’t like us, white people fear us, and non-angry black women wish we would stop being so loud. Anger isn’t going to solve all of the world’s problems, true. Anger is sometimes an unhealthy emotion. Sometimes it’s not. We sometimes need to get angry to propel us toward positive change or to stop injustice and oppression. We can’t stop being angry until the fight is over. And the fight is far from over, kids.

https://theangryblackwoman./about/

The way in which Black women’s bodies are treated should disgust people way more than it does. The way in which Black women’s lives are marginalized should anger people way more than it does. The hypersexualization of Black women’s bodies should terrify people way more than it does. But it doesn’t. I never fully understood why no one has responded to the cries of Black women until this year.

The experiences of Black women do not concern and draw a reaction from others in the same way experiences of other disenfranchised peoples do because of the standard Black women are held to. Black women are not allowed to be depressed, to have anxiety, to be afraid, to make noise, or to fight for herself.

But again, Black women aren’t allowed to hurt. This is engrained so deeply into our society that this girl forgets that people do want to hear her. She has spent years being told she does not matter and shown that her body is an object for sexual attraction and not respect.

Black women have birthed revolutions, broken barriers, and fought for our people. Our people need to fight for us. This girl and every other Black woman are told that we are not allowed to raise our voice. Once we do, we’re angry and we’re bitchy. Well, in my opinion that girl has every right to be angry. Black women have every right to be angry. We have centuries of reasons to be angry.

http://myblackmatters.com/why-are-black-women-so-damn-angry/

geez18:
deep! the truth sucks!

This summer Amandla Stenberg, a 15-year-old actor, requested that we “end the angry black girl narrative”. Stenberg had been criticised for calling out Kylie Jenner’s culturally appropriated cornrows, but did not stay silent. “It’s just another attempt to undermine certain perspectives,” Amandla continued. “I have strong opinions. I am not angry.”

Long attributed to black women who have dared to stand up for what they believe in, the “angry black girl” archetype Stenberg refers to is one that reduces having an informed opinion to having a plain ol’ attitude problem.

I too used to buy into the angry black girl narrative. You know, the one you see on TV: the lady who’s always yelling, hand gestures everywhere, neck rolling – the bubble-gum-popping black girl who always has plenty to say, usually something nagging, loud and confrontational. You’ll see her on “reality” TV shows such as Love & Hip Hop and Bad Girls Club, or go back to the 1930s and she was Sapphire on the radio (and later TV) show Amos ‘n’ Andy.

But it wasn’t until recently that I began to see that the popular “black girl with an attitude” trope was just a way to oppress and undermine black women and our ability to engage, connect and feel. These negative traits are consistently pinned on black women, depicting us as angry even as we calmly state an opinion, or as having an attitude when we are justifiably angry. Who cares if we are understandably angry about the countless black people murdered in the past year?

The stereotype has parallels in the “strong black woman” and the “strong independent woman” (of any race): all limit our ability as women to emote, as if the only emotion we can express is anger and our only quality is strength.

These images of black femininity are constantly force-fed to us through the media, and it’s time we started questioning why. The fact that we are consistently portrayed this way says a lot about society’s treatment of black people – the lack of respect and even kindness.

When black women are not being boxed into narrow roles, they are often pitted against white women. A recent headline from the Daily Mail describing Serena Williams as a “human volcano” while Maria Sharapova was labelled as the more favourable “ice queen”.

Or how about Nicki Minaj’s recent tweets addressing the latent racism within the music industry after her MTV VMA snub? Her comments were quickly dismissed by Miley Cyrus, which allowed the media to describe Minaj as just “going on a rant”.

The plight of black females continues: self-hate from our own, racism from others, sexism, constant critiques of our bodies, hair, skin tone, and a whole lot more. While many women of colour may relate to the issues black women face, these specific stereotypes of the angry black woman and black girls with attitude are directed specifically at us, originating from an institutionalised system that has historically demonised, criticised and mocked black women.

We have valid, complex emotions that we are entitled to feel and express. Do some of us have an attitude? Sure. But is that a problem or a valid excuse to dismiss black women’s opinions? No. I personally wear my so-called attitude with pride. I have confidence and conviction in what I believe in, and will express my opinion when I feel I need to. If that’s having an “attitude problem”, then, sweetie, you just have to deal with it.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/oct/08/stereotype-angry-black-girls-racial

Shymm3xx:
Black women/chics, let it out and tell us why you're angry.

Kaziblake and freecocoa, I want to know why the both of you are angry from a Nigerian perspective.

freecocoa:
I'm not angry but then the black man and his unending bullshit is more than enough to drive someone nuts.

Seriously eh, there's something wrong with the black man.

Shymm3xx:
Lol. Now you're in denial. I have seen a lot of your posts/opinions and I know you've the trait, albeit it's somewhat passive lol.

Let it out - so I can give the right prognosis and prescribe how you can suppress it lol.

freecocoa:
Lol, I just told you, the black man is the problem.

He's too 'misogynistic' and if that's not enough to provoke someone, I don't know what is.

Shymm3xx:
But black women thrive in self-hate and it's in how they bleach their skin and ditch everything about their blackness - for a more Eurocentric look.

So, why do you expect the black man to like you, if you don't like yourself?

freecocoa:
The black man is just too crude/shallow minded and a blawdy hypocrite.

freecocoa:
I don't see how bleaching one's skin translates to self hate, especially since not only black women(people) bleach their skin. What are we to say about the white woman and tanning? the one that goes under the knife for negro features?

The fact that I'd prefer a longer nose because, I mean obviously, my glasses would sit better on my face, if my nose was longer, doesn't mean I hate myself, it just means I can be better aesthetically.

People are always looking to look better, hence we all borrow certain things from each other, that's not self hate.

The black man is just too crude/shallow minded and a blawdy hypocrite.

daretodiffer:
Why are you always sounding frustrated and depressed? Does it have something to with the fact that you grew up with a bunch of angry black women?

Get well soon, apokunmeko!

KanwuliaExtra:
E.O.D.

Shymm3xx:
Lol. Freecocoa, it's either you're feigning ignorance, living in denial for argument sake, or you just don't know what self-hate lol.

Everything you listed there is the worst example of exhibiting self-hate. You have to be uncomfortable in ya own skin and body, to want to alter the way you look lol.

Black men just want you to be better - do better lol.