What prompted this article would be enough to prompt a national disaster. I am fed up with this system and whoever started this should be boiled in hot oil. Sitting on my make shift bed in my room [yes you read right “makeshift” bed, in my own room] I am forced to pen down or rather like my posh friends would say ‘hit the boards’. Why would someone come to your house and stay for more than a month? No this isn’t squatting, it’s meant to be a courtesy visit. Sadly, I have had enough of the courtesy. I used to think overstaying for visits always ended with that village uncle or aunty we all got rid of after leaving our parents house, I regret the fact that this insane plague followed me to my own tiny room where I commute from for my daily bread.


Let me give you a run down of my current predicament, I need a kind
Nigerian who would ask for my account details and send me enough to get another place and leave my current abode for my room space thief with whom I am currently having a silent beef with. Gawd, to think I have to smile with him in the morning after writing this. It all started a month ago when I got a call from a childhood friend [p.s I think childhood friendship should be abolished because of this] he sounded all mushy and chubby on the phone, he asked how I was and was very pleasant until he dropped the bomb “ I am in Owerri, make I come around so we go hang out small na” my long throat self at the sound of ‘hang out’ immediately imagined he was coming with a lot of money and we would just groove all weekend. So I sent him my address, now I wish I can turn back the hands of time. I have decided to lay down certain principles or signs whichever one you choose to call them, this tidbits are timeless and would help you in avoiding discomforting situations like the one I found myself in.



1) They come prepared: The first sign of trouble was his arrival, who comes ‘around’ with an extra large echolac box? I overlooked it, maybe he was on his way to somewhere else and this was just a stop by. The next morning , my guy had already emptied the whole bag, his clothes were in my wardrobe and his toiletries in my toilet. The real trouble did not start then, I didn’t know I had gotten a roommate for myself. First, he started making calls informing mutual friends and non mutual friends alike of his current location. He didn’t fail to tell them what a good host I was and how nice my room is [I deserved the good host title sha, since he single handedly finished my stock of spaghetti]. If someone comes for a sleepover with a large box or Ghana must go, be alarmed, tell him your house rent expired that evening and you have been asked to vacate. Or tell him you borrowed your bed and the owner says you should return it. Just do whatever it takes, make sure they don’t sleep over. If they do, congrats, I think you would share your things from then on. I am currently mortified.





2) They are funny: you think being funny is a good thing? I hear people say that a lot, now? I think its sacrilegious, I think people should always be serious and only funny in exclusively required cases. Guests who tend to overstay are generally social and funny. My guy is. He immediately started warming up to my neighbors the following morning and before I knew it, Amaka [the hard to get girl] was already calling him sweetheart. Even the caretaker of our estate got used to him and automatically and assumed he was my younger brother hence he had no qualms with him staying. At a point I got jealous because within weeks of co habiting with me he had gained the love of all my neighbors and even managed to start dating my girl next door crush, talk about betrayal huh?





3) Pretense: OK, this is the part I find annoying, my guy didn’t tell me he was going to stay for months, no. They never do. They keep saying they would leave by weekend or the following Monday or something similar. They would pretend it wasn’t really their fault that they are overstaying, every once in a while he would sit you down and tell you stories of how he is expecting some money which once he gets, he would leave. Or they might say they are waiting for rainy season to pass, something crazy like that. These guys are wicked I tell ya.






4) No limits: guests who overstay don’t understand the term privacy, they literally step into your private life. They use your soap, clothes, bed, wardrobe, phone, girlfriend, underwear, and even your ATM, if accessible. Everything I buy now, I bear in mind the fact that I am buying it for two people. Whatever it is. He has shared everything with me. I pray he uses my cream and it itches him..




5) They have history: yes, history. They stayed with anyone stay-able. Name them, john, Anthony, Kingsley, Emmanuel. They are serial over-stayers. They tell you stories of people they've stayed with and it makes you wonder how they live their lives, in people’s houses maybe. When your turn has passed and they move to another person’s house, they tell your stories too.





6) Add yours

That's your star enjoy it while it last

Tell him to leave your house.

Introverts be like...I need my personal space.

If it was a rich kid now, u will not be here ranting, isn't he your friend? Why can't u bear with him.

Ehya, tell him you are relocating, lol

ireneony:
Tell him to leave your house.

I will look bad. Won't I?

hehehe you didn't write like someone frustrated yet, you still funny

had to use common sense to send one away 2weeks ago, I am very accommodating just don't like inconsiderate people.
someone else is coming next week this one made it clear she needs a place to stay and for a very long time, I don't mind as long as she is understanding. I just hope we don't make enemies trying to help a friend. some people can be very strange

xendra:
hehehe you didn't write like someone frustrated yet, you still funny

had to use common sense to send one away 2weeks ago, I am very accommodating just don't like inconsiderate people.
someone else is coming next week this one made it clear she needs a place to stay and for a very long time, I don't mind as long as she is understanding. I just hope we don't make enemies trying to help a friend. some people can be very strange

Lol. I am pissed. I just needed the humor to hide my anger.

What did you do to make the first one leave? share the secret...

lol op you cracked me up.

but really eh some people are so inconsiderate.

I had a similar situation just before I got married. I was searching for a new flat, I needed something bigger than my one bedroom self contained apartment.

Through an agent I met a guy who took me to the landlord of a beautiful 2bedroom flat. it was exactly what I wanted. But he(the guy) said that he has been living there and wants to move out in about 2or3 weeks. That after I paid I can move into the house while he would arrange himself and move out in 2or3wks.

I paid moved in while he put all his belongings into the second room. Nearly 2months after the guy was still there. As I was planning my wedding I let him know that he has to make arrangement and move out. The guy was like he wouldn't disturb me but keep to his room when I bring home my wife.

I had to give him a deadline and threaten to collect the balance of my rent from the landlord and abandon the house for him if he doesn't quit by the deadline. That was how he left and went to squat somewhere else.

haha..life isnt easy..ur guy is just surviving by force with his tactics...Im sure he himself doesnt like as he an inconvenience to frienz...Baba God plz bless youths with money to carter for selves

I no read am.

i know exactly how you feel...it can be really frustrating.

blackmantis:
lol op you cracked me up.

but really eh some people are so inconsiderate.

I had a similar situation just before I got married. I was searching for a new flat, I needed something bigger than my one bedroom self contained apartment.

Through an agent I met a guy who took me to the landlord of a beautiful 2bedroom flat. it was exactly what I wanted. But he(the guy) said that he has been living there and wants to move out in about 2or3 weeks. That after I paid I can move into the house while he would arrange himself and move out in 2or3wks.

I paid moved in while he put all his belongings into the second room. Nearly 2months after the guy was still there. As I was planning my wedding I let him know that he has to make arrangement and move out. The guy was like he wouldn't disturb me but keep to his room when I bring home my wife.

I had to give him a deadline and threaten to collect the balance of my rent from the landlord and abandon the house for him if he doesn't quit by the deadline. That was how he left and went to squat somewhere else.

Lol. I can so identify with this. I sometimes pity him though.

arimahoseloka:
If it was a rich kid now, u will not be here ranting, isn't he your friend? Why can't u bear with him.

obviously that friend did not tell him he was gonna be staying that long so he has d right to rant or whatever you call it....especially in this buhari economy

Lawlahdey:
obviously that friend did not tell him he was gonna be staying that long so he has d right to rant or whatever you call it....especially in this buhari economy

what are friends for then?

arimahoseloka:
what are friends for then?

Ever heard of fairweather friends?

Seun, Lalasticlala

Aww Why dont u tell him ur rent will expire in 3days time nd u hve no where to go. Uuch no, he'll prolly move to squat with one of ur neighbours.

Sorry bruh just carry ur cross to calvary.

Why don't you just ask when he would be leaving?

Being a friend doesn't mean you should be a pest

arimahoseloka:
what are friends for then?

A rich friend won't squat with you. A good friend would be upfront with you. He would make sure you are aware of his situation and would try as much s possible to contribute to the home.

arimahoseloka:
If it was a rich kid now, u will not be here ranting, isn't he your friend? Why can't u bear with him.

I read the part where he kept making excuses but to me, he didn't ASK when he would be leaving, if he did the guy world have left.

MrWhaley:

He did. Didn't you read the post??

Got one on my neck. I've run out of excuses why I can't accommodate her yet. Had to tell her I owe the landlord thus I dodge being home. She's still not swayed. Lied I'm in between jobs, whosai . Mbok, contri dey somehow ooooo

Op, I know he doesn't like being a sorta free-loader...you should have told him a while back, he gotta go. What with the 'Mr. Nice-guy though

daretodiffer:
Being a friend doesn't mean you should be a pest

so a man in need is a pest?

daretodiffer:
A rich friend won't squat with you. A good friend would be upfront with yoy. He would make sure you are aware of his situation and would try as much s possible to contribute to the home.

so u think because someone has money house will always be available any time he needs it. U think because they have money they can't have accommodation problem. Ok o continue

AuroraB:
Got one on my neck. I've run out of excuses why I can't accommodate her yet. Had to tell her I owe the landlord thus I dodge being home. She's still not swayed. Lied I'm in between jobs, whosai . Mbok, contri dey somehow ooooo

Op, I know he doesn't like being a sorta free-loader...you should have told him a while back, he gotta go. What with the 'Mr. Nice-guy though

The problem is, he doesn't want to come out plain. So he doesn't share in the expenses.

Chuksemi:


The problem is, he doesn't want to come out plain. So he doesn't share in the expenses.

I wouldn't accommodate someone, hoping he/she shares in the expenses. NO. Else, I loose my authority .

AuroraB:
I wouldn't accommodate someone, hoping he/she shares in the expenses. NO. Else, I loose my authority .

Lol. True. I haven't thought of it from that angle. Wahala.

Accommodation problem that would last a month?

I don't think so

arimahoseloka:
so u think because someone has money house will always be available any time he needs it. U think because they have money they can't have accommodation problem. Ok o continue