Wasiu!! Father shouted my name from his rickety space wagon.
Sah!! I answered, father called me to come and untie the ram he bought from the boot of his car. With joy and speed Usain Bolt will be jealous of, i dashed off to meet my father who was struggling to open the door of the car.
Open the boot and carry the ram, he ordered. I opened the boot and saw something that looked like something straight from a horror movie. I recoiled with fear because looking at the thing father called ram gives me goose bumps. I don't really know how to describe the ram, its four legs are bent in way that makes it look the way our girls take pictures now. The legs are so thin i wondered if they would be able to move an inch. Mucus is dripping from its nose and with its bulging eyes that seems to remind of Arinze. Its horn, i dont know what to call that thing but it gats to be horn, stood straight but so thin like the toothpick father uses even if he has only drank water. I starred at it wondering how father could have made mistake of buying such a horrible ram.
You like am? Father's voice brought me back from my thought
Yes na, na fine ram o. Truth is, in my house, you dare not condemn what father liked or like what he condemned. Don't ask me why please.
Na the best ram for there i buy o you no see meat for him body, i go tell your mama make she use the head prepare isi-ewu for me. Father exclaimed happily. I look at the ram again to be sure it is the same ram i am looking at father is talking about, i looked at father to see if he has started using glasses. This ram is so thin you could count the remaining bones in its body, infact i wonder if we need to kill it before butchering it.
Oya bring am down and look for a good place to tie it, make sure u tie it well o. He stressed the last part, pulling his ear to let me know what is in it for me if i don't tie it well.
No way in hell i am touching this thing, i said within myself. Infact let me go and call mama. I dashed off again with another usain bolt speed to call mama to come and see the scary thing father called ram.
Mama was happy father bought a ram especially in this Buhari's era, like a flash, mama caught up with me and we both stood before the cause of my nightmare.
Allah Akbar!!! What is this? Mama asked
Ileya ram, i replied!!
Is this what your father bought, why is it looking like the thing alfa asked us to pray against, are you sure this is a ram or someone changed into this....? Mama asked so many questions i dont know which to answer first.
There is no way you are bringing this into this house, look for a way to make this thing leave here before i come back. She ordered
But father said i should tie it behind your stall, i replied
What!!! You will do no such thing, she said and went away.
Scared to touch the ram, i went inside the car and found a way to release the ram without touching it. It fell with a thud i thought would kill it. I led the ram with a stick like the fulani would do to a place i can tie it down. The ram walked as if it will die if it take just one step but it got to where i am to tie it down successfully with just a breath left in it. I tied it down the way one would tie a shoe lace, careful not to let my hand touch it and bounced off to play.
Una don buy ram? Sadiq my friend asked.
No, papa just go buy am. How will i tell my friend father came home with an HIV infected ram? The jests and mocking no go ever finish.
I got home to meet father and mama arguing about the ram, with mama telling father her pots won't be used in cooking the ram.
Oya Wasiu come and show me where you tie the ram, father ordered.
I took father to the backyard where i led the ram to show father.
Where the ram now, father asked
E dey here o, i blinked refusing to believe that the ram i tied just a few hours ago is gone.
Show me now, father said. Grabbing my shirt incase i decided to make a run for it. The slap from father hardened hand didn't let me finish my statement.
But i tied it here, i said weakly while i continue to block father's slap, mama did not even come to my rescue like she always does, i guess the ram gives her nightmare or eveningmare too. I managed to escape father's grip and dashed off immediately. I can hear father telling me not to return home unless i found his beloved ram. What will i use to entertain our Asalatu group if they come and visit me, he ranted on and on.

So please if you find a ram with four bent legs and a toothpick horn with its bones so visible you dont need an xray, please contact the nearest police station, army barracks and OPC station, forget about how it will get to me. We are resuming next week and father has decided not to pay my fees unless i bring back his ileya ram. Pls help a brother.

you go dull for class well well the way I dey look you so.......

Guy, when is your show coming up abeg, that was epic. Just wanna know would there be a concluding part

I SWEAR. THIS IS THE BEST JOKE I'VE READ THIS MONTH. KUDOS OP.

NevetsIbot:
I SWEAR. THIS IS THE BEST JOKE I'VE READ THIS MONTH. KUDOS OP.

Thank you sir

freesinzu:
Guy, when is your show coming up abeg, that was epic. Just wanna know would there be a concluding part

Maybe if i can find the ram sir. Or did u happen to come across it?

Anugod Bibijay123 Girl360 Ros5 Ychris Sammy0two Ramwab94 Sashishalom Ichommy
Our ram is missing o

lool your ram is in my house oo. u will pay ransome first.
colik Mrsexplorer jacy67 Olatex25 Laveda skarlett Mhiz vandops10 jaguguli88

johnwizey:
Maybe if i can find the ram sir. Or did u happen to come across it?

I pray u don't find it o, popsy go scata your head. Give me concluding part abeg

Hahaha....So funny.

johnwizey:
Thank you sir

you're welcome bro.. You did a great job.

Johnwizey funny you
Please come and continue

freesinzu:

I pray u don't find it o, popsy go scata your head. Give me concluding part abeg

Its just a short story sir

Girl360:
Johnwizey funny you
Please come and continue

Its just a short story ma

bibijay123:
lool your ram is in my house oo. u will pay ransome first.

colik
Mrsexplorer
jacy67
Olatex25
Laveda
skarlett
Mhiz
vandops10
jaguguli88

How much am i paying for my toothpick ram

johnwizey:
Its just a short story ma

But that's not the end
Is it?

Girl360:
But that's not the end
Is it?

Sadly it is

johnwizey:
Sadly it is

I still think there must be a concluding part... This can't be the end...

I thought it would be mysterious in the sense that it could change into something else or it could disappear and reappear or it had some significance....anything

Girl360:

I still think there must be a concluding part... This can't be the end...

I thought it would be mysterious in the sense that it could change into something else or it could disappear and reappear or it had some significance....anything

In my own small pikin sense, for the ram barely able to move to where i will tie it down, to it disappearing makes it mysterious to me.

johnwizey:
In my own small pikin sense, for the ram barely able to move to where i will tie it down, to it disappearing makes it mysterious to me.

Lol I guess

bibijay123:
lool your ram is in my house oo. u will pay ransome first.

colik
Mrsexplorer
jacy67
Olatex25
Laveda
skarlett
Mhiz
vandops10
jaguguli88

lol, which kind ransom

so funny. lalasticlala show us love na.

Lol.....Funny

johnwizey:
Anugod
Bibijay123
Girl360
Ros5
Ychris
Sammy0two
Ramwab94
Sashishalom
Ichommy

Our ram is missing o

. Make we go find am nah

bibijay123:
lool your ram is in my house oo. u will pay ransome first.

colik
Mrsexplorer
jacy67
Olatex25
Laveda
skarlett
Mhiz
vandops10
jaguguli88

hmm.... Ransome.... Hmm...

bibijay123:
lool your ram is in my house oo. u will pay ransome first.

colik
Mrsexplorer
jacy67
Olatex25
Laveda
skarlett
Mhiz
vandops10
jaguguli88

hmm.... Ransome.... Hmm...

bibijay123:
lool your ram is in my house oo. u will pay ransome first.

colik
Mrsexplorer
jacy67
Olatex25
Laveda
skarlett
Mhiz
vandops10
jaguguli88

hmm.... Ransome.... Hmm...

bibijay123:
lool your ram is in my house oo. u will pay ransome first.

colik
Mrsexplorer
jacy67
Olatex25
Laveda
skarlett
Mhiz
vandops10
jaguguli88

hmm.... Ransome.... Hmm...

bibijay123:
lool your ram is in my house oo. u will pay ransome first.

colik
Mrsexplorer
jacy67
Olatex25
Laveda
skarlett
Mhiz
vandops10
jaguguli88

You will not kill me with laff, I repeat. YOU WILL NOT

Nice one johnwizey

SOME UNCLE CAN BE WICKED SHA!

musa was working in the farm when a
scorpion bit his finger. He came home
crying and told his uncle about it. The
neighbor advised that musa should
put his finger inside his uncle wife vagina
to neutralise the pioson. indeed it
worked.after 3 days musa was healed.
A week later he came home again
crying that a scorpion has bitten his
pen!s. His uncle watched him
angrily and shouted ,"NONSENSE! you are
mad! This time you will die!!!

pls is the uncle not wicked and heartless?

nice piece

So hilarious. I love your great sense of humour