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Re: Solved by Nobody: 8:54am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Acheron: So because you cloth and shelter. You deserve Sex? Until you change your mentality towards Sex most of you will keep doing it wrong. Sex is not a reward for taking care of your woman. It is your duty to take care of your family, did your parents ask you for Sex for feeding, clothing and providing shelter? No. That's because you are family and the did their duties. It is your duty to do that to your wife who is your new family and not expect Sex as a reward for doing that. Where you forced to marry her? Sex is an act of love between married couple, it should be enjoyed by both parties, it should be consensual. 10 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Solved by adviseseeker: 9:09am On Sep 27, 2016 |
My breakfast was ready before 9am. And it is one of my favorites breakfast. Fried yam and egg. That's big improvement. The only complaint is it was prepared by her sister but I don't mind provided it is ready before 9am. |
Re: Solved by adviseseeker: 9:15am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Felicity2:Sex should be consensual truly but there comes a time you have to make a sacrifice. It doesn't have to be when you are in the mood at all time. And to be fair even GOD EXPECTS something from us for all he has done for us. And our parents when feeding us, they expect us to feed them when they can no longer do it. If I don't expect sex from my wife, a wife that I have not abandoned, that I have not turned to my punching bag then from who should I expect it? It is not a reward but it is a reward as well. People underestimate the importance of sex in a marriage. It is not the be it all but it is important too. Or why do some of you women complain of the inability of men to satisfy you? 6 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 9:23am On Sep 27, 2016 |
7 Likes |
Re: Solved by Acheron: 9:32am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Felicity2:Trash. Women like you make me puke. 5 Likes |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 9:33am On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker: So this one is still here whining . .. I suggest you get a REAL job! 3 Likes |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 9:37am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Felicity2: This guy is a complete fraud . . . His posts are just contradictory. I think he's tailoring it to get as much sympathy as he can . . . and he's a man ooh . . SMH. He can come here and call people's husbands and wives 'Idiots' yet he can't put his own wife in check? He appears as if he's trying really hard to make himself loom helpless, but a closer look will tell you that he's not. HE knows just how to handle himself. That's why I wonder what he's gaining from this whole pity party . . . Weirdos everywhere . . . 3 Likes |
Re: Solved by toyeem(f): 9:40am On Sep 27, 2016 |
@op, pls be patient with your wife as regards the issue of Sex. A lot of women lose interest in sex after giving birth for at least some months. Hormones, breastfeeding, stress of being a new mother, fear of whether her body will ever come back to shape, anxiety of taking care of a child successfully...I can go on and on. These are things a woman going thru dem will not want to share with anybody, they are her inner fears,dat is why you see her with her phone always. I've been there, so I understand perfectly. Telling her how wonderful she is,how lovely her body is now and how excellent she is doing caring for your baby would go a long way in bringing back that woman you married. |
Re: Solved by battleaxe: 9:40am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Felicity2: Really? @adviceseeker, please ignore this posters advice. Nothing could be further from the truth and WILL damage your marriage. As in knock out punch type. If there is no crack, you stand a better chance of restoring your marriage. Don't put yourself in places where your will against temptations is easier to break. You will only widen the gap between you more with this posters approach. Many frustrated married people are looking for company... Pls separate the chaff from the wheat and dispose of intelligently. 2 Likes |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 9:41am On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker: That reply wasn't for you. My point is stop seeing Sex as a reward for taking care of wife. See it as an act of enjoyment between the two of you. So if the other party doesn't enjoy it, why not find ways to make her enjoy it or find out what's wrong? 5 Likes |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 9:45am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Acheron: We know your type. So no need having a conversation with you. 1 Like |
Re: Solved by Acheron: 9:49am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Felicity2:Trashy trash. Pray tell what you know about my type. 1 Like |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 9:52am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Ujoan: I thought about this too. Very wierd. Dunno what he is looking for if it's advice or sympathy. I just gave him one out of the confusion I got from the story. |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 9:54am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Acheron: Your type is exactly what you have been typing. Trash! It's pointless reasoning with your type. Bye Felicia 5 Likes |
Re: Solved by Acheron: 10:01am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Felicity2:Bye. 2 Likes |
Re: Solved by Eddodoh(m): 10:22am On Sep 27, 2016 |
shortgun:U can do that to women with soft heart & extent of love she have for U If not you are making the situation worst. |
Re: Solved by Dyt(f): 10:44am On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker: So what does she do aside ojuju make over, YouTube and Africa magic? 3 Likes |
Re: Solved by homerac7: 10:59am On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker: I was feeling sorry for you earlier, but after reading this St.upid post of yours i quoted above, then I conclude that you are done for. Why did I say that? Firstly, I want to ASSUME what you wrote is true (-which is not always), in such case, you have a big problem in your hands you need to tackle head on as head of the house by making fundamental decisions and changes. But here you are gloating and feeling pacified for price of "porridge". Clap for yourself Esau. Obviously your wife isn't too busy for IG, AM, and LIB, yet relegates her wifely duties to her sister. If you don't see the anomaly in that then something is wrong with your head. If your wife doesn't know, then tell her and enforce it! Its one thing to delegate it to her sister occasionally, or part of the chore, but the " madam" thing is sickening. Secondly, you are too available. Organize activities for yourself outside home. If you're a football person, start supporting Barcelona or Real Madrid, and go watch their matches at bars. If 1 & 2 above still don't work, then it's finished. No pretence about it. Start winding down/exit process. Yea, your daughter, abi?...don't worry, she won't die or necessarily come out bad for it. In fact, it'd be worse for her ro grow up in a home where dad is unhappy and mum is selfish. While at it, postpone further baby making until you're convinced you can live with the situation. MOST IMPORTANTLY, it's your life and home. Run it the way that pleases you. Goodluck bro! 4 Likes |
Re: Solved by adviseseeker: 11:22am On Sep 27, 2016 |
Felicity2: Maybe you want me to say what she did not do? I will praise when she deserves praise. What's insensitive? Wanting to meet with my wife at least 3 times a week? Is that insensitive? Or expecting an apology from my wife whenever she does something not good enough? Like you rightly noted, her siblings are with us for a while. My siblings were with us while we were in Lagos but I chose to relocate us because she was complaining too much. Way too much. I am absolutely okay with her siblings being with us as they make it easier for her. If I didn't like it, I won't have allowed it. It is for me better than getting a maid especially considering the Africa way and the many horror stories I have read about maids. I won't bother discussing what the other so called mother is saying but let me give you an example; I have complained jillion of times that there is no longer spark in our marriage. Last week we had to attend a family function. Rather than stay at my family's or at hers ( which I will not do due to my own customary beliefs ) I chose for us to be at the hotel together without the baby ( who had enough people to take care of her for just about 7 hours that we would be away for ) my wife said no, I pushed and pushed and pushed until I stood my ground before she agreed and getting to the hotel was busy with her phone, argued with me and then slept off. I had to let her know the next morning she needed the help of another lady which got to her and calm her nerves. Yesterday I refused her food because it came by 11am. When her sister and the others that were with us chose to go out with the baby and only me and her left in the house, what I expected from a woman who values her home is for her to come to me and ask why I have been cold to her all day. But even though I was in the room lying down on the bed, she chose to do make ups...when she wasn't going out oo.. So I am still insensitive? Or what can be more annoying than this... We recently got duped by an agent, who to be honest she warned me against, we got a place with a lot of repairs to be done which the landlord or the agent has refused to repair. We had to practically pay two times as the first agent who knows the agent that knows the land ran away with our money. When repairs wasn't being told to the new house, We asked for a refund which we are getting from the landlord, I decided I won't wait for the refund before we get another place. I asked her to start house hunting. My wife won't go. I only managed to force her to go once. Then when I found a place that I felt was good enough for us, I asked her to go check it out, she refused telling me it is okay if I like it. After I paid, she went to check it on Sunday only for her to be complaining the parlour is too small. This is someone who I begged and begged to go and check the house even way before I paid and refused. So I am insensitive to get angry in this case right? There is still yet no apology or explanation for this madness even as I am typing this. Okay here is another one I have stomach ulcer and she knows it is a big battle for me. I ensure I eat my breakfast as early as possible. She has the sister, myself and their family friend ( a young girl ) to help with the baby, yet my break fast can't be ready before 9am? Yesterday was almost 11am. I am insensitive to get angry there right? What if she was working? She won't bath the baby before going to work? How do those women who have to nurse their babies and still go to work manage to get to work before 8am? Or you try to make move for romance and you get PUSHED away. Or when you are not pushed away, you are told NO in the most offensive way. I am insensitive to get angry there too? Am I asking for too much by expecting my wife to at least be considerate even when she is not in the mood for romance? Do you push your husband away? If she says I offend her in anyway ( I have to consider this when the idiot, yes she is an idiot, you were responding to brought it up ) then it would be about 6 weeks back when we had an argument the very first time I actually spoke my mind. I invited my mom over to ours for a discussion, a very important discussion ( and I explained to her before hand ) my mom got in my wife was lying down on the couch and said " welcome ma", while still lying down on the couch. Her sister came greeted my mom the prosper way a yoruba lady should greet her in laws ( and the way my own wife greets her own parents ). I was angry but my mom had noticed my annoyance over the way she greets her before this particular day and had called me to give her time hence I did not talk on this particular ocassion then I was expecting her to at least offer my mom water or food, I waited for 2 hours before I called her own sister to ask her if what her elder sister has done was right. She, GOD be my witness, confirmed she herself was shocked. When I questioned her, she started playing one Tiwa Savage song " If start to talk" and some other rubbish. This got very serious and I was going to leave the house for her. She didn't apologise but said my mom coming to ours weeks after she left ( she first came to help with the nursing ) was choking her. This is even when I already told her we were relocating out of Lagos in order to have time on our own oo. To be fair on her, my mom didn't cover herself in glory by wanting ( and actually sleeping ) to sleep over but I myself already called her and told her the solution ( my siblings do the same thing ) was for us to relocate which we did. The least you would expect from a reasonable girl is ... after all we will leave this place in few weeks ( about 4 weeks at that point ). And must you be rude to my family? How about my little brother coming to ours and wanting to carry the baby and when my mom was about to hand over the baby to him she telling my mom not to give her baby to the boy. My own brother. Oh, I am looking for sympathy right. You want another one? On the day of the baby was christened, an indicent happened which she misunderstood. Her mom asked my cousin to help her take the shoe rack she bought and that was just delivered upstairs but because it was the day our daughter was christened, my cousin couldn't take it immediately and told her mom he will take it upstairs after serving people. Her own in law ( her brother's wife ) went telling her it was my mom who stopped my cousin from taking the rack. I over heard them but wasn't sure if I heard correct and forced my wife to talk. And when she told me what happened, I swear on the bible, I immediately told her my mom can do that ( of which she can do, it is her person ) and I immediately told her to calm down that it is absolute madness and I am not going to accept it in my house. I went straight to meet my father where her own father was. I called him upstairs and told him what I had. He also told me my mom can do such a thing but I should not conclude and investigate. He went as far as telling me this is the time for me to prove I decide my manhood ( he said my manhood in yoruba which was somewhat funny ). I took it up, I asked my cousin who explained exactly what happened. He, I swear on the bible once again, told me point blank that I should accept the fact that my mom could be making signals to him but that he did not see any and if he had seen, he won't have obeyed. I went to my wife to explain what I have done and that I will find out the truth and that she should give me the chance to sort it out. The next day my wife refused to greet my mom nor come out of the room or allow her bath the child...I am insenstive here too right? Her father who I respect so much did worst to me which even her wasn't happy with but rather than be rebellious to him, I postrated and begged for an offense he THOUGHT I committed but I never did. I can go on and on. But like many have said here, it is my fault. She knows exactly what I can do, when I will do it and the limit I can go. 1 Like |
Re: Solved by adviseseeker: 11:28am On Sep 27, 2016 |
homerac7:Mate calm down. I believe in baby steps. I am not the most gentle guy out there but my wife isn't an outright evil. I honestly, I am convinced of it, that most of the problems is as a result of inexperience and her age and some idiots advising her ( her close friend, who is actually jealous, I won't say more ) behind this. And I am not an Esau but if she made breakfast 11am last yesterday and it is 8:58am ( I checked the time ) today, she deserves to be praised and NO, I WAS WRONG, IT WASN'T HER SISTER BUT HER. I found out when I was thanking her sister and she told me it was my wife not her who prepared and that she only peeled the yam. 2 Likes |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 11:42am On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker: You're a joker! She's a machine abi? 3 Likes |
Re: Solved by toyeem(f): 11:45am On Sep 27, 2016 |
@op, going over your wife's mistake and keeping them in your heart is not a good or healthy thing to do. Why don't you take this off here, call your wife and pour out your heart to her, let her also say what's on her mind, some argument might come up but you guys would be better off after. All I see you doing here is entertaining online peeps with your family matter and it won't take you anywhere 3 Likes |
Re: Solved by homerac7: 11:52am On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker: Bros, reading the long reply to @Felicity2 make fear catch me. You don buy market. Na ya hand e dey sha. I don talk finish. Good luck bro and happy married life. 1 Like |
Re: Solved by thorpido(m): 11:55am On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker:Your wife appears like an insolent lady and like tearoses said,it must be her person and she grew up that way.For a yoruba girl to treat her MIL that way speaks volumes. The signs were there while you were dating and for reasons best known to you,you chose to marry her. She needs professional counselling if she's going to change and a heart touched by God or else you will have to cope with it or quit. 1 Like |
Re: Solved by adviseseeker: 12:03pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
homerac7:I will win in the end. Matter of time. I have got useful advises here and I believe with her father firmly on my side, victory is only a matter of time. 1 Like |
Re: Solved by adviseseeker: 12:04pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
LadyMercedes:That was to be weekly not daily. How can I myself cope with that and still manage to work. I dey craze? 1 Like |
Re: Solved by homerac7: 12:13pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker: Correction: it's not about winning bro, I think it's more about coming to position reasonable compromise on both sides. But I get you sha... I wish you well. 1 Like |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 12:18pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker: Me sef don dey fear on your behalf. 1 Like |
Re: Solved by freshvine(f): 12:26pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Op, no long talk. Here's a reconnaissance therapy. From now till December, wash your wife cloths, prepare food for your self and the family, serve her dishes, go to the market to buy stuffs, clean the house particularly when she's around to see you do them. In summary, just become a slave of love to her. Do the unimaginable and she'll fully concentrate on your new posture imagining what have come over you. Don't get involved with her too much and when she tries to find out why you being too nice, simply shrug her off by telling her you love her. In fact that you are proving your love to her. On a particular day after three months, call her and inform her that you're leaving the marriage for good. Please no entreaties should make you hear her out. Pack some belonging and head to a hotel or an apartment you have already paid for and allow her do the chasing. She will call, beg, cry and plead to make all things right. Stay away for a month and come back home. The problem with her now is the reality of life. She has lost interest and love for you. You need to ignite it afresh or it may lead to divorce. It's a normal occurrence for partners. There's nothing called Love between two opposite people. It is infatuation built for cohabitation called marriage. What keeps marriage going is tolerance not love. |
Re: Solved by mrjojo: 12:51pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
Bros, it obvious you wife has no atom of respect and regard for you, and i think this is cause YOU ARE TOO AVAILABLE. So solution, get scarce and ignore her, simple and if she still doesn't change. Trust me, she doesn't love u one bit, and i will advice you to move on, Marriage is too long to be unhappy... 2 Likes |
Re: Solved by Nobody: 12:58pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
@ adviseseeker You don/t sound like an Action man. Are you slim or have a small stature or you have low mentality ? You wife seems smarter than you and she is controlling you anyhow. Dont mind those people telling you love love love..Sometimes nigeria women needs IRON HAND to correct them..Simple as ABC. meanwhile continue loving and leaving ur life miserable. I wonder what will happen if you lose your job..Meanwhile no food for you until 3pm..And non of your family must visit. I have never seen a Well to do Yoruba men complaining about this petty things ...Only WOMEN WRAPPER DOES ..Or are you one? 1 Like |
Re: Solved by bukatyne(f): 1:15pm On Sep 27, 2016 |
adviseseeker: Are you guys sure you won't switch spouses..... Na play I dey play o! |
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