Wa anti fajazaakillahu khayran snapscore

busar:
As salaamu alaykum, getting a Saint as a Zawjah is a very rare thing. Even the brother searching for a Saint ain't close to be one at all. I think marriage is about compromising. You can't actually get all what you dream for in a woman as a wife. The most important feature that a woman should possess is the deen (coupled with the right aqeedah), ready to learn even if she is not close to being perfect. It could be disastrous if someone marries a wife who is not ready/accommodate new teaching (that might seem new to her) when such thing is presented
presented

evidence(s). Heard so many from married friends and brothers. wearing the right garment isn't enough (but it is definitely part of it),seeking the right knowledge should be put along side. This also goes to the brothers too(in fact they need it most).



NOTE: You can never get a perfect partner or let me say it is very rare to get a perfect partner with no ugly past. Majority of us get to understand Islam/Sunnah better after some ugly past..... Search for the one with the DEEN

Take it or leave it, the ugly past tends to be major destroyer of many marriages in this generation. Because such memory brings room for unnecessary comparison which will also have some negative impacts.
My own is that let the like minds marry each other, that is, let the brothers with ugly past go with sisters of such past and vice versa.
The Quran had laid the guidelines for such.

As for me, any sister with ugly past does not fits to be my zawjah.

^^

You actually have a point about ugly past destroying marriages.

niyi123:


Take it or leave it, the ugly past tends to be major destroyer of many marriages in this generation. Because such memory brings room for unnecessary comparison which will also have some negative impacts.
My own is that let the like minds marry each other, that is, let the brothers with ugly past go with sisters of such past and vice versa.
The Quran had laid the guidelines for such.

which is why you are told not to ask.....

lexiconkabir:


which is why you are told not to ask.....

What if one of the spouse is comparing the other spouse to their ex?

snapscore:


What if one of the spouse is comparing the other spouse to their ex?

A good point...

snapscore:


What if one of the spouse is comparing the other spouse to their ex?

what kind of spouse had an Ex? What kind of spouse would compare her/his spouse with the Ex..... A serious minded Muslim who turned a new leaf after having ugly pasts would detest thinking about his/her ugly past let alone comparing the spouse with an ex! It, the ugly past would definitely gonna hurt him/her if truly he/she changed for better.....

busar:
what kind of spouse had an Ex? What kind of spouse would compare her/his spouse with the Ex..... A serious minded Muslim who turned a new leaf after having ugly pasts would detest thinking about his/her ugly past let alone comparing the spouse with an ex! It, the ugly past would definitely gonna hurt him/her if truly he/she changed for better.....

Comparing a spouse to an ex is very possible. It doesn't necessarily have to do with not repenting.

I could give a common example I've read about but I'd rather not.

Alright then ....Go for what suits you

Ibn-ishaq Aboo Haneefah Inenemo

Don't just Marry any thing, marry something so that you won't desire to leave the marriage like it is nothing. Won't it be disheartening that you are filled with regrets just a week into the Marriage? Let me clear your doubts, if you marry a person who is not conscious of his or her religion (upon sunnah of course) , you will regret... Remember my words "you will regret". Marriage is one long term and boring commitment sustained by Fear of Allaah.

okay busar but I hope you understand where I stand.

I am not all for focusing on the past when someone has repented but I agree that past actions can negatively impact marriage.

busar:
what kind of spouse had an Ex? What kind of spouse would compare her/his spouse with the Ex..... A serious minded Muslim who turned a new leaf after having ugly pasts would detest thinking about his/her ugly past let alone comparing the spouse with an ex! It, the ugly past would definitely gonna hurt him/her if truly he/she changed for better.....

On point brother.

If we r in line with Kitab wa sunnah, we'll know past is past, and everyone has a past.

Why bring out issue of d past to ur spouse? Let's d bringer of the issue put him/herself in their spouses shoe and feel the HURT!

Got you snapscore

Apologies if the length of this post seems quite discouraging but I find a lot of inspiration in it.

Amazing Marriage
Saʿīd ibn Muṣayyab Rahimahullah was one of the greatest scholars of his time. He was not a Ṣaḥābī, but met many Ṣaḥābah f and narrated ḥadīth from them. He was married to the daughter of Abū Hurairah Radhi Allahu Anhu, the close companion of the Prophet of Allāh Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam. His knowledge and acceptance amongst his contemporaries can be gauged from the fact that he used to pass fatāwā (verdicts) while other Ṣaḥābah were still alive. Even ʿUmar ibn ʿAbdul ʿAzīz Rahimahullah , while he was Amīr al-Muʼminīn, would not make a decision without prior consultation with Saʿīd ibn Muṣayyab Rahimahullah .
Saʿīd ibn Muṣayyab Rahimahullah himself says that he never missed takbīr al-la for forty years. He never saw the backs of people in ṣalāh for fifty years, because he always managed to perform ṣalāh in the first row of the masjid.
He had a daughter of marriageable age, whose hand was sought by the ruler of the day, ʿAbdul-Malik, for his son Walīd. But, he refused the offer. This caused his relationship with ʿAbdul Malik to be soured and he was whipped a hundred lashes. Instead, Saʿīd ibn Muṣayyab Rahimahullah married his daughter to Abū Wadāʿah, one of his poor students.
Abū Wadāʿah explains, “I used to sit in the company of Saʿīd ibn Muṣāyyab and happened to be absent for a few days. When I came to him, he asked where I had been. I replied that my wife had passed away and I was occupied with her funeral arrangements.
He asked, ‘Why did you not inform us so that we could have attended her funeral.’
Then he asked, ‘Have you married again?’
I replied, ‘May Allāh have mercy upon you! Who would marry me when I have no more than two or three dirhams?’
He answered, ‘I will marry my daughter to you.’
I asked in doubt, ‘Will you?’
He replied, ‘Yes, I will.’
He then praised Allāh and sent durūd upon the Prophet of Allāh Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and married his daughter to me for a mahr of two dirhams. I left the gathering stunned and overjoyed. I came home and began to reflect from whom I could borrow some money. I performed Maghrib ṣalāh and returned home. I then broke my fast with some bread and olive oil. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
I asked, ‘Who is it?’
The reply came, ‘Saʿīd.’
I thought of everyone whose name was Saʿīd except Ibn Muṣayyab, because he had not been seen for forty years in any place except his home and the masjid. When I went out I was met by none other than Ibn Muṣayyab and thought that he had changed his mind.
I said to him, ‘Abū Muḥammad, why did you not send for me? I would have come to you.’
He replied, ‘No, you had a greater right that I should come to you. You were single, and have just married, and I disliked that you spend the night alone. Here is your wife.’
She was standing directly behind him. He took her hand and ushered her towards the door. He then left. She almost stumbled out of modesty and shyness but managed to hold onto the door.
I tried to hide the container of food in the shadows of the candle light so that she would not see it. I then climbed up the roof and called out to my neighbours.
They arrived and asked, ‘What is the matter?’
I explained to them what had just happened. Some of the women from the neighbourhood came to my house and my mother was also informed.
When my mother arrived she said, ‘I will not see your face again if you touch her before I have prepared her in three days.’
So, I waited for three days, after which I consummated the marriage with her. She was the most beautiful of women, the most knowledgeable regarding the Qurʼān and the Sunnah of the Prophet of Allāh Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and very well-acquainted with the rights of a husband.
I did not attend the gathering of Saʿīd ibn Muṣayyab for an entire month. When I finally went, I greeted and he replied. He did not say anything further until the gathering had dispersed and I was left behind.
He then asked, ‘How is she?’
I replied, ‘She is excellent, O Abū Muḥammad. She is one whom friends will love but foes will envy.’
He advised, ‘If the need arises you may discipline her.’
I returned home where I found that he had sent me a gift of twenty thousand dirhams. ”
Another narration of this incident states that when the nikāḥ had been performed Saʿīd ibn Muṣayyab Rahimahullah said to his daughter, “Gather your clothing and follow me. Perform two rakāts of ṣalāh.” She complied, and Saʿīd ibn Muṣayyab Rahimahullah also performed two rakāts of ṣalāh. He then handed her over to her husband.
Lessons
√ Both father and daughter did not object to marrying a poor man. Wealth and status meant little to them and rightly so. A good Muslim father is one brings up his daughter with the knowledge of Qurʼān and Sunnah and marries her daughter to a man who is religiously inclined.
√ Simplicity is the hallmark of an Islāmic marriage. Alien customs, formalities, false pretences, lengthy proposals and delays, pompous wedding celebrations and squandering of vast amounts of money are against Islāmic teachings.
√ Nikāh should not be unnecessarily delayed. Imām Ghazālī Rahimahullah after quoting this incident explains, “The haste of Saʿīd ibn Musāyyab with the nikāh that very night shows the importance Islām places upon making haste with nikāh, so that human passion is controlled.”
√ Ḥayā (shame and modesty) is a great virtue.
√ Homes of happiness are built on the fabric of knowledge, etiquette, modesty, simplicity and compliance with religious teachings. True happiness and marital bliss can only be achieved through a pious spouse.
COPIED

^^

Smiled all through, even though I have read it somewhere before.

May Allah make us from amongst the righteous and grant us righteous spouses that HE is pleased with and we would be please with as well.

May HE grant us spouses and offspring that are a source of pleasure and coolness of our eyes. Ameen

JazaakallAhu khayran Aideesheks..... Very nice

busar:
JazaakallAhu khayran Aideesheks..... Very nice

Wa antum fa jazakumullahu khayran.

Thought I would post this here.

Although I have watched this video before, it was a reminder to me and I hope it serves as a reminder to others as well.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9La8SA9Gxs

Quick summary of the lecture.

•A Muslim should understand that he has to get married.
•Marriage can only be successful in sha Allah if it is done accordance to the Qur’an and Sunnah
•A man should only marry if he is able to afford it. For example, has a job and able to pay for rent and food
•If parents are wealthy and their son is unable to afford it, they can help him in that regards.
•4 reasons of marriage- righteousness, lineage, wealth and beauty.
•Marrying someone for his or her piety is best but beauty has to be taken in consideration. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder- not beauty in magazines and such

•Modesty is a way of judging a woman’s righteousness
•Marriage is a time when you have to be firm- if you do not like her, leave. Don’t worry too much about her feeling to the extent that you take a decision you originally didn’t want to take because you’ll have to pay for it for the rest of your life.
•It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the person. After you are pleased with a person’s righteousness, find them attractive and have a connection (you feel like this is a person I can be with), then do isthikhara.

•After isthikhara – look for whether the situation is becoming easier or more difficult. Dreams don't matter
•The more you communicate with the opposite gender, the more you will find things in common and start developing feelings even after engagement. Keep relationship with the opposite gender professional
•Love all you want ONLY after getting married.
•Then he mentioned some innovations during the engagement, the proper nikkah and so on.
•Marriage without the woman’s guardian is NOT valid.

snapscore:
Quick summary of the lecture.

•A man should only marry if he is able to afford it. For example, has a job and able to pray for rent and food

•Marrying someone for his or her piety is best but beauty has to be taken in consideration. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder- not beauty in magazines and such

•Marriage is a time when you have to be firm- if you do not like her, leave. Don’t worry too much about her feeling to the extent that you take a decision you originally didn’t want to take because you’ll have to pay for it for the rest of your life.

•It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known the person. After you are pleased with a person’s righteousness, find them attractive and have a connection (you feel like this is a person I can be with), then do isthikhara.

These are very important especially @bold.

•The more you communicate with the opposite gender, the more you will find things in common and start develping feelings even after engagement. Keep relationship with the opposite gender professional
•Love all you want ONLY after getting married.

any unnecessary close discussions should be avoided, except after marriage for you are still non-mahrams.

snapscore:
Thought I would post this here.

Although I have watched this video before, it was a reminder to me and I hope it serves as a reminder to others as well.

https://ww.w.youtube.com/watch?v=e9La8SA9Gxs

will have to download this instead, cant wait for WiFi.

And what lexiconkabir added too.

lexiconkabir:


will have to download this instead, cant wait for WiFi.

Hmmm confirm uni____rite.

zarinaAin:


Hmmm confirm uni____rite.

abi na, we paid for the WiFi, so we must use it, use it anyhow sef....

do you still listen to the arabiyyah lectures?

busar:

lol, almost asked for nikkah date.

lexiconkabir:


lol, almost asked for nikkah date.

lexiconkabir:


abi na, we paid for the WiFi, so we must use it, use it anyhow sef....

do you still listen to the arabiyyah lectures?

No,
I've been busy lately, moving from one state to another
Even my ibadah is shaking
May Allaah assist
Make person no die in this unstable condition

zarinaAin:


No,
I've been busy lately, moving from one state to another

pele.

Even my ibadah is shaking

Ah! don't let it shake fah! do this dua

َﺍﻟﻠّﻬﻢ ﺣَﺒِّﺐُ ﺇﻟَﻴﻨَﺎ ﺍﻻٕﻳﻤَﺎﻥ , ﻭَ ﺯَﻳِّﻨﻪُ ﻓِﻲ ﻗُﻠُﻮﺑِﻨَﺎ , ﻭَ ﻛَﺮِّﻩِ ﺇﻟَﻴﻨَﺎ ﺍﻟﻜُﻔﺮ ﻭَﺍﻟﻔُﺴُﻮﻕَ ﻭَﺍﻟﻌِﺼﻴَﺎﻥ , ﻭَﺟَﻌَﻠﻨَﺎ ﻣِﻦَ اﻟﺮَّﺍﺷِﺪِﻳﻦ ,

‘O Allaah, make faith beloved to us and beautify it in our hearts. And make disbelief, transgression, and sins hateful to us and make us from amongst those that are rightly guided.’

May Allaah assist
Make person no die in this unstable condition

Ameen.