Bros I have taken time to read your story. Firstly divorce is not the solution. Have you thought of your children that they will be at the receiving side here? Get her the type of clothes you like. Don't force her back to school. Give her the benefit of doubt and give her a small money to start the biz if she handle it well you then expand it. There is family planning for men. If she doesn't want to do it. You do it your self to save you the stress. Think about the first time you met her. That thing that attracted you. Work on it again. Pls don't take any harsh decision think of your children. Meet someone she listens to in her family to help talk to her. It is well

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

leave beauty alone you people will not hear. I am sure your wife hasn't changed but you have. you can't tell me your wife pretended to be brilliant or smart while you were dating her, abi she borrowed the English she was speaking while you were dating her?
secondly you are a little selfish, you are more concerned about what you want her to be and not what she wants to be. if you must change her, you must giver listening ears first. she wants to start a business in a little way and grow but you just want it boom at once. why not agree to her term and give her 500k to start with?

wonukwuru:

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

maybe you should start by getting a vasectomy
also, from what you've written you wife is not a trouble maker (and you are lucky) she's just not gifted upstairs
but clearly you are (and in some way you're not). you may have to come down to her level (i'm talking intellectually)when trying to talk about those topics that she avoids, because i think it could be the way you approach the subject matter that makes her turn down your offer to help

JustOzito:
what/who did you think she was before you married her?

see question

Chei God help me oo... all this things wey I dey see and Hear.. de make me fear to marry oo

Hmm
U are comparing her with Angela in the office.

Sit her down and let her know ur pains.

Leave her alone on the school thing. Somebody escape school with 3rd class you are proposing school to her again..

Look for a low capital, low stress exciting venture and encourage her to go into it

Fashion design, beads making. Something she can do and watch TV and as well take care of the children.

We as men easily assume the woman sat at home doing nothing.

Give her a weekend holiday and handle the house and your children on just Saturday and Sunday, you will understand what she goes through.

Not every woman will be a career woman, as the husband you just have to learn to use their strength wisely.

I will give you some bits of advice later. I have no time to type now.

/
For better or worse, till death do us part...

OP: you don enter.

\

All these marriage counsellors

My bro @ wonukwuru

Its too late bro, divorce will be the worst decision you ever take, dont place your children in a difficult famiky situation, i speak from experience.

As for your wife, i'd advice u sit her down, calm down and speak to her with a low masculine purr.

From the way u speak, she already irritates you and i say that id the reason these problems linger on. Pls, your wife is special, she didnt become what she is now in ur home, it has been with her even before you married her. Its not her fault that you were too involved that u coudnt make out time to study her.

Treat her well, make her understand why u want all u want for her.

From 1st class experience, devorce will only create more problems for you and your children.

Maybe you should buy her those clothes you want her to wear and see if she refuses to wear them.

Good luck Bro, may God restore love in your marriage again.

ahahnow:
you are stu.pid you want to divorce her because her breasts are now sagging and her bolehole is too wide. usless man love is for better or worse

Use your head for once, must you insult to comment. Common be matured at least.

Honestly, this is an eye opener. And people will say that EDUCATION is not a factor to be considered when choosing a life-partner. Marry an illiterate and see how well your marriage will go. Sorry OP.

So u want divorce your wife that have three kids for you, and when you were dating her you did not see all these erors, tell people the truth that you have found another intelligent and atractive girl. Not that she is even cheating on you, God always punish men like you nagging man.

I'm sorry for your pain.
I don't know what else to say.

For the unmarried ones, let's not rush into marriage or marry for the wrong reasons.

Amelian:



Extremely foolish.. I swear!

The gentleman sought your opinion but you prefer to call him names. If you can't advise him, then keep mute. Even if you see his faults, there are other humane, civil and polite ways to point those out to him. You don't just call people foolish without prior provocation. Nawa o

I sincerely do not understand threads like these. i simply do not understand this. What exactly does the Op want here, advice on his wife or advise on how to go about a divorce?

How can you court a woman without realizing that her grammar and etiquette are not up to par? Even the 3rd class degree did not provide a clue?
Didn't you have any conversations together?

And if it is divorce you want and you need advice on how to go about it, is it nairaland that you need? Surely you can afford to pay the consultation fee to speak with a lawyer?

I smell lies.

carammel:
This year makes it ten years that you have been married to her,why did it take you this long?

You just realised she is not intelligent and cannot compose a good text message after ten years right?

Anyways,your wife is the type that is contented with being a full time housewife,you cant force her to be what she doesnt want to be,you just need to work harder and harsher so you can have more to spend on your family.

African men love to be the breadwinner and the Lord of the house so keep bearing it.

give ten bottle of origin to dis lady. to the OP, didn't u know all dis b4 marriage. There is absolutely nothing u can do now after 3 kids, believe u me if u divorce her those kid will hate u for it. The best u can do is to sit her down and talk to her.

Love is not blind guys, don't rush into marriage and don't ever think u can change yr partner after marriage. Choose with wisdom.

Ehyah. . . sorry ehn

Lol Marriage. Op for starters, u might just stop telling her what to do, so that she'll stop"taking in" deliberately, before you turn to Baba Abraham. From the tone of your post, u r obviously fed up with the marriage, but you need to consider the kids, take her for counselling, since it appears u have the money, find a good center fir the two of you, her problem appears be psychological, and u sound a little bit domineering, if u divorce her now, you'll definitely marry again, and the woman you'll marry, will also want her kids, responsibility goan increase bro. Find a good counsellor, but be careful when telling her before she takes in again

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Have you forgotten that marriage is for better for worse? Till death do you path? My brother put her in prayers o cuz you getting a divorce simply means you'll be the one at loss. Try loving her with the love of christ and you will see that all her flaws will be overlooked.

Divorce K? No try am oooo who u want divorce fairly used wife for in this present economy.

From what i read from you, all you do is complain and point our her flaws. Have you too of applauding her gifts rather than down talking her all the time? Have you thought of understanding why sje acts the way she does? Perhaps you should not try and tell her what to do, rather suggest. What i do is that i tell you the outcome of if you do something and if you dont and then i let you chose your path.

maxti:
i confuse pass u bro.

The truth of the matter is that the poster has actually seen some other woman that he loves and wants to be with. Thats the only explanation i can give for a man that has lived with a woman for 10yrs and suddenly wants a divorce for the qualities he has seen in that same woman all through those years!.

Men and lies are like 5&6

Akuko

.

OP, there are 3 sides to a story.
Your side, Her side, The truth.
Only a foolish man would offer marital advice after listening to only one party.

For singles...

Take time to know her.
It's not an overnight thing.
Don't rush into it.


Respect.

what about your children, how will the divorce affect them? It's actually not the best. Just learn to overlook things. The more u look at the bad she does, the more it irritates you. So just overlook them.



By the way, brethren, this is what u get when u marry a woman whose sole purpose in life is to be married and start making babies.