₦airaland Forum

Honestly i dont like how some people criticises the op,

I dont think he did wrong by trying to make his wife useful and a better person to the family.

Some women just think marriage is an employment opportunity, just be producing children only and no effort to assist your hubby.

Pls make sure she learns the trade before giving her the capital, such women can even squander the money blc she seems like she isnt the industrious type.

For this buhari period all hands must be on deck, not just open and close.

You didnt marry her cos you love her, you married her cos of what you thought she was then, you married for your selfish intrest so dont complain just deal with what over comes out of the marriage.

You are not the only man in such a predicament.

There is nothing u can do.If u go for divorce,u will lose more.Reduce ur house expenses and establish the food business for her whether she learn it or not.

The way it is currently,she will not change easily,she appears to be the type that struggled through school and was so happy she finally graduated,so her decision to stop further education happened then not now,she has metamorphosed into what she knows,obviously that's how her mother functioned,for you to be able to make any meaningful change here then you have to raise serious dust for she to be able to pay attention,i mean a very serious dust that resets her reasoning and induces fear of loosing you in her,that is just the trick.

Kellibae:
Naturally Shez not d school type.
I dnt know where to start ooo.

I can feel ur pain... sorry op
But ill be back.

*Modifed*.. but op education aint everythin.
Pls accept her d way she is i wont advice divorce...
As for her poor dressing u can always do somethin abt.
U can employ a fashionista or if u dnt hav d money u can consult any of ur relative who
Has better dress sense to stay with u guys for few months to help her..
bliv she would be better.

As for her business i think she has to learn it as u rightly said..before venturing into it.
Your wife aint cheatin on u no quarelling u.
So dnt divorce her...U can polish her.
Accept her the d way she is cox the way u goin about could affect her esteem and make her feel shez a worthless numbskull.

BETTER THE ANGEL U KNOW THAN THE DEVIL U DONT.

you are a nice lady are you married?..

Quintessential1:
There's a way you put your write up that touched me. I feel like I love you...

thank you very much. I sincerely appreciate your comment. welcome to nairaland

Sir, there are worse things for which divorce is appropriate, so divorce is out of the question.

You agreed on 2 children b4 marriage, then why r u still riding on skin or ejaculating into her? You are making ur problems worse bro, being the sole breadwinner.

It appears your wife is trying to live her dream, but u want her to be something she doesnt want 4 herself. You want her looking like J-Lo, then take her measurements, find a female friend/relative and send them to buy bum shorts and tank tops and such. But if wife wont do it, and hubby wont do it, THEN NO ONE SHOULD COMPLAIN! Start that food store business small. "(s)he who is faithful in little, shall be faithful in much." - Jesus Christ.

I dont think ur wife has the discipline to become everything u envision she should be, it doesnt work like that at her age. Now you must know what it is you can change, and focus on changing that, and accept the rest as part of your cross. after all, when Jesus gave us the koko about marriage, didnt someone reply, "then it is better not to marry." And Jesus agreed, sort of.

The truth is the OP is tired of the marriage and that's why he is seeing all these faults now.

kerryjossy:
The truth of the matter is that the poster has actually seen some other woman that he loves and wants to be with. Thats the only explanation i can give for a man that has lived with a woman for 10yrs and suddenly wants a divorce for the qualities he has seen in that same woman all through those years!.

Men and lies are like 5&6

I don't lie. I'm brutally honest.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

U don expand her pussy,come dey yan rubish.

see u must marry her.Na4beta and 4wost

alizma:
thank you very much. I sincerely appreciate your comment. welcome to nairaland

Thanks...

You have a serious problem. Your wife has told you what she wants to do....ure insisting on her getting paper certificate as "upgrading". All u need to do Is to agree to release the 1.5 and then tell her she will also compromise to learn the trade under someone before moving on on her own....

2. You are afraid to take her out because she may embarrass you with her English....this is a problem of your own ego...

3. Oga Na tiredness dey worry you....im sure your wife has a different side to the story....

4. So you did not notice all these easy flaws such as her bad grammar since when you were dating??

5. Enrol ur wife in a business school or under someone to learn the trade...with the promise to give her the 1.5 once she s done..

You alrdy know what she wants....u have to use it to get what you want.

Its simple....

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Are you a football fan? Do you know chesea coach, Antonio Conte ? Then here is a lesson I want you to learn from him...

No matter how bad the other person is, you have the master key with you.

To change her, kindly first change how you look at her. Change your orientation about her and burry within you a dogma that whatever she becomes is your responsibility - you are the man.

Work on yourself, make her happy, talk to her to know how she feels/thinks. You need her to be happy if you want to be happy.

Trust her with that business. She chooses it herself, don't meddle in her business. Just give her the money if you have it.

The best way to change others is to first change.

Learn from Boss Conte, that's what you should do.

even me bros I confuse pass u any way jus dey nack her dey go make she dey produce at list she is not barren

While you dated her did you hear her grammatical blunders? Did you see her dressing then? Then you ask her about her long term and short term goals? How come it took after 3 kids to see all these errors. I always say people ignore the signs they should focus on before marriage and while dating and later come out to cry foul.
My guy, you wanted only two kids. You divoirce your wife now, and bring another woman in as wife, she herself go wan born her own children to solidify herself and position of a wife, so you end up with half a football team as opposed to your initial dream team family. Abi na widow or divorcee you wan take replace her?

Deseo:
I'm sorry for your pain.
I don't know what else to say.

For the unmarried ones, let's not rush into marriage or marry for the wrong reasons.

hahahaha......no mind dos once DAT rush into marriage after seeing dia frnd pre-weddin pix

He obviously saw the signs. He thought he was superman enough to change her.
My guy, gba kámú!

Martinez19:
I sense great foolishness and carelessness in the nature of the op. How could he not have seen any of these signs before marriage?

Either this story is a lie or the OP is a mumu of the first rank.

lofty900:
If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

This is d best comment eva. Its the perfect example, He is managing his and we love her.

So what did you see in her in the first place when you married her?

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

OP, I feel your struggles, as my friend is going through a similar though lesser scale of it. Their is nothing worse than being in the wrong marriage, especially court marriage with kids.
The pros and cons of divorce, far as I know;
1. Kids have to pick sides; this is never a good thing, ever!
2. Yes, you finally get to X that wife you can't seem to love anymore, but are you planning to go back to your bachelorhood?
3. Bring in new wife who you "think" is right, but remember you once thought present wife is also right.
4. New wife comes, happy new year! She's the model wife doing everything right, the kids love her too. You're thinking you made the right choice.
5. You think now it is time to court marriage her, again. Then package changes, kids are turned to maids/butlers.

I'm tired of typing. Just go and see a marriage counsellor. I know that's still the best thing to do in any case. Please don't pay heed to all the insults NLers without maturity are hauling. Do not hit your wife!

PLEASE TAKE THE BOTH OF YOU FOR MARRIAGE COUNSELLING

Modified
Do not give her the 1.5million naira if she doesn't make any effort to go and learn that trade. Think about your kids. She may run you to the ground when she starts struggling to keep it up then comes asking for extra capital to block shock waves of looming collapse. Be realistic! If you refuse to give her the extra capital, she may go and start borrowing from friends of the family or even family, putting you in an embarrassing position where you have no choice but to pay for the debt. Remember, realism is a life saver. Your income may not always be as it is, you can only hope it gets better but....
Do not give her that money until she goes and learn under someone you have approved and then she comes and draws you a feasible business plan.
Think about your kids, give them a good life.
God bless you.

I'm sure u didn't court her for long before marrying her, if u did, u wld Av noticed all this

MasterRahl:
Honestly, this is an eye opener. And people will say that EDUCATION is not a factor to be considered when choosing a life-partner. Marry an illiterate and see how well your marriage will go. Sorry OP.

Is she not educated in Nigerian terms? lool

what I think you should have said is that having a degree doesn't mean you are enlightened/educated .we place too much emphasis on certificate in naija.

At least she's a graduate now, people will now understand that you can be a graduate and be a staunch illiterate.

lofty900:
If I were in ur shoes, I won't marry such woman in the first place. Probably u married her when there was nothing and now that things are going well u want something better. My brother manage her o. Goodluck Jonathan is managing his own.

This guy's a pro, listen to him. And then how did you marry her without knowing these little things you claim not to like?- the text message stuff and her awesome writing skills? Book no be for everyone. O hoooo, now I get it, you just approached her and said 'the angel of the lord told me that'.. ... Marriage come set Saturday of the next week. Now which angel lead you into this? Gabby ehn?

hmmm, this is wat one get wen he/ she moves faster than d leading of God, d bible is against divorce, so please wateva is d problem, u need to settle it amicably with her, Goodluck bro.

For typing this nonsense about your wife, you are no adult at all...i really pity the poor woman, only God knows how you insult and maltreat the mother of your kids at home. You said she doesn't want to do anything but you also said you saw a document she wrote to apply for a teaching job...meaning that the woman is really trying her best to do something. You wrote about her dress sense which i strongly believe you contributed to making it worse by fustrating her; that's you complain about every little thing you gave her, how then can you buy good clothes for her. You compare your wife with other ladies and expect to see the good in her when you can't even encourage her but rather insult and blame her for everything including childbearing. Now you are seeing other ladies in the bank and can boldly open your mouth wide to insult her even in public. You are so full of pride that you can't even present your wife in public or open a retail store for her. You are the worst husband on planet earth. You changed her from who she use to be...

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

I will be very blunt with you bro. .you are your own problem.

Yes there are three sides to every story which is his version her version and the truth but I will advice you based on the version you just presented.

You seem to be very autocratic in your dealings with her...for Petes sake why force education on her?

If she says she is done with schooling then let her be...now she said she wants to start food stuff biz which I see as an excellent idea and you spoilt everything with your domineering attitude asking her to go learn pooh...for Petes sake START SMALL and stop your big man approach to business.

You don't need to learn businesses you love from jack but you learn from your own experience and I'm telling you this authoritatively as an entrepreneur.

Please follow her dream and support her.

as for spoken English just buy her materials to improve herself and tell her to be humble enough to apologize in public over her poor command before communicating and that does the magic. ..who Grammer epp?

As for the children part you have all the blame..there are many options of family planning even without the use of condom so explore one.

As for the dress sense that is a simple issue...just pack all the cloths you hate to see on her and give it out then take her to boutique and replace them with the type you want to see on her..shikenah.

Bro as I wrote..your wife no get wahala...you are your own problem so deal with it.

Sorry if I sound harsh but I just have to be blunt on this. Remain blessed.

yetseyi:
Is she not educated in Nigerian terms? lool

what I think you should have said is that having a degree doesn't mean you are enlightened/educated .we place too much emphasis on certificate in naija.

At least she's a graduate now, people will now understand that you can be a graduate and be a staunch illiterate.

dats nt true, one can marry an illiterate and she can be trained dats if d woman will be serious and perform better than those who went to sch, so dont always look for education background.

Catalin:
Sorry dear, I'm taken.

D gud 1s always r.

gemale:
D gud 1s always r.

hahahaha, dats serious, taken sharply?

OP i really pity you right now and feel your pain. my problem is why do grown up and experienced men keep making the same mistakes over and over again. The truth of the matter is that if you were observant during your courtship days you would have seen all the tell tale signs your wife is presently displaying in your marriage.

The problem with most men is that they choose to ignore obvious signs because of love only to come back and complain later when the going gets tough. The best time to change a woman's mindset over issues you are not comfortable with is during the courtship period because after marriage the deal has been sealed and your chances become slimmer because madam is now having all the rights and privileges attached to her status.

Getting a divorce from Court on the grounds you have stated may be a bit difficult. My advice to you is to seek help from a professional marriage counselor and if need be involve the wife of your Pastor who may be in a better position to talk to your wife from the stand point of an experienced woman. you may also consider enrolling her in a finishing school where they would brush her up in terms of her dressing, composure, speech, attitude and manners but this is largely dependent on how much she is willing to go through with the training. sit her down and bare your mind, tell her you are frustrated in the marriage and you need her to change because you are dying inside. i trust God will change her mind for the better and above all always commit her in your prayers.

wonukwuru:
I am adult married to a lady of 35years. We have been married since 2007. God has blessed us with 3 wonderful children( 2 boys and 1 girl). Before we got married, i agreed with my wife that i only want to have 2 kids ( I wouldnt mind if they just boys or girls. That means, Im not particular of the sex of the kids). My wife is a B.sc Accounting graduate, while myself, I am a Chartered Accountant, with a well paid job. My wife had a 3rd class degree. On several occassions, i have told her to go back to school for Post Graduate Diploma (PGD) in order to upgrade, but she plainly told me that she cannot go back to school again. When i asked her why, she told me that her brain cannot withstand any academic stree again. I also suggested to her, since you studied accounting in the university, why not enroll for ICAN program? When i said that to her, she told me that she could not go for PGD, is it ICAN that she can do? I have been thinking, what will i do for her to be like others.

Luckly, was transferred to Benin. I went with my family to Benin. We stayed over 4years in Benin. While we were in Benin, I told my wife to go and enroll for a 6months diploma programm in computer (because she is not computer literate). I paid over N110,000 for the 6months programme. My wife only went for the programme for 1month and stopped. She refused to complete the program. When I asked her, she told me that she will go back after she had "put to bed"( Then she was pregnant). Guys, its over two years now and the baby is even in pre-nursery school, yet my wife has not reminded me of going back to complete the programme.

Last year, she asked me to open a store for her, that she want to go into trading. When I asked her the nature of the business, she said, she wants to deal on selling rice, beans, yams, groundnut oil, etc. I now suggested that it will not be a problem, but she has to look for somebody who is already in the business so as to understudy the person for atleast 1month. She refused, saying that without her understudying anybody, that she can still make it. I told her that my reason of suggesting to her to understudy somebody was that, i wanted her to be selling in wholesale. My plan was to give like N1.5million. I told her, i cannot just release N1.5million to her for a business that she did not learn. I told her that N1.5million is not a small money. Brethren, that was why up til now, i have not opened the business for her.

My children's school fees is over N650,00 per term for the 3 kids. I provide for feeding. My wife does not want to do anything as to assist me in the family. I give her money for her hair, cream, bathing soap, panties and clothing. Im really getting tired. My salary does not carry the family again because of too much expenses.

Another problem now is, my wife's dressing is nothing to write home about. She dresses as if she is in her late 60s. I have complained to her on several occasion that i dont like the way she dresses, but each time i bring up the issue, she will get angry. People around, have meeting my sisters to tell them that my wife does not dress well as somebody that has gone to the university. Even in my house, my wife only tires wrapper. Nothing in her again attracts me to her. Infact, for the past 3 months, i have not slept with her. I sleep in the parlour while she sleeps in the bed room.

Else, i forget, my wife delibrately "took in" again since July last year. This is after we agreed that the 3 kids that we already have is enough. Her method is, each time i remind her of what to do as to be assisting me in the family, she will delibrately "take in".

My wife, went to the university but she cannot speak simple and correct english. She cannot write application letter. She cannot teach my kids who are in primary 2 and 5 respectively. I pay a lesson teacher N30,000 monthly for my kids but my wife is at home doing nothing. Since we got married, my wife has not sent me text message on her phone more than 3times. The ones that she sent, my brothers, there are lots of gramatical blunders. When i confronted her with the text message, she could not say anything. I was checking for some documents in my room last week, and i came across an application that my wife wrote to submit to a private school where she wants to teach. When i saw the letter, believe me, my brothers, one of my kids that is in primary 5 cannot write such rubbish.

What i thought she was before i married her, is not what she is. I cannot take her out for an occassion because she may embarrase me by her conduct in the public. I need a divorce but the problem now is, i did i court wedding with her. What should i do? Im confused.

Divorcing her wont solve anything and dont even think of it Bros cos she might commit suicide. Concerning her Laziness,Maybe u shud first invest like 100K on her to c if she wud suceed or not.