This is terrible.
how can she still be married to such a man?

Better tell her to seek divorce before he gives her terrible disease

Ask her stay, the truth is, there is no valid reason to leave the marriage.

The guy has not changed, he was cheating when they were in courtship, she knew it, but went ahead with the marriage.

During the wedding, she must have pat herself on her shoulder for being the lucky one among all the other ladies. Why quit now and allow the other ladies to have the last laugh?

EVILFOREST:
Please, what's CHEATING...??

carrying expo in exams hall!

Ok, now summary of all the advise;

She should leave, she should endure, choose one

She should start business with 1.5 or 3.5, she should wait and save more, choose one

She should look for job, she should take care of her 6 month old. Choose one

She should look for another husband, she should just be by herself for now, choose one

She should pray and hope she won't get HIV or she should count her loss and run, choose one

She should go for her masters, she should just dust her degree and start her career again, choose one

In conclusion, it is your choice to make!

[quote author=chizzy4love post=53626028]
1.5 million can't start a proper boutique.it can't even cover her upkeep alone for 6 months.we are from a middle class background.Even I, as a single working class girl right now have way more than that in my account now and it's no money to me.after renting won't she furnish,feed herself and the baby.she already has a high standard of living.we are from middle class family .we live a comfortable life.so to me,1.5m is really nothing.trust me.
besides,she was earning about 150k every month before she resigned her job and lived in a 2 bedroom flat as a single girl.hope you understand now.[/quote[color=#006600][/color]




See me see wahala.MIDDLE CLASS.RECEIVE SENSE NOW.Haba since you have enough why all the noise.Help am na no be your sister?

A cheat will always remain a cheat, 1.5m is a whole lot of money to start up a business. All that you require is thinking critically. We already have a handfull of boutiques in Nigeria.

TheABOMINATION:
Well duh, a man that cheats during courtship will surely cheat after marriage. What was your sister thinking when she decided to marry that man after signs of his cheating acts, even though she knows that she won't be ok with a cheating husband.

As for her moving forward, she currently depend on the man for financial support so she can't easily seperate from him. I don't believe the man can be made to change, so just have to decide whether she can put up with a man who cheats.

If she can't put up with a cheat, she should try to become financially independent of the man and separate from him.

good advice...


foolish woman..what was she thinking

musabayokanu:

u call someone earning 150k a month in her previous job a well paid job?? Smh

LOL. Imagine if you don't have to touch that salary for 10 months. That's a cool 1.5 million. Lots of money.

Sorry is her case!

chizzy4love:

Thunder fire you and your entire family and generations, you demented baboon and a sentimental fool.Is it by force to comment on "my post"?, you first class i.m.b.e.cile.150k job is a well paid job in this Nigerian economy because I know how much teller staff and C.S.Os earn in banks right now and that her pay was from 2 years ago idiot.
You cant even talk when my driver or gate man is talking or even stand me one on one.i don't
blame all these China companys that made Android phones very cheap thereby making scamps to hide under faceless forums and insult just anyone they feel like and also free data from service providers.
Sentimental fools like you are the reason I kept reading as a guest and not sign up all these while.
You can't even spell ordinary "hungry" correctly,how can you pass WAEC you scamp,bastard and a colossal idiot.
I won't dignify you with my response again and don't ever comment on my post next time because you are not one of the matured readers I asked for.

You are so arrogant. Such shortcoming won't bring good suitors

blazer234:
Your sister has no job I guess. She saw a man that is financially OK and married him. Your sister never knew what attracted her to the man will also attract other girls to the man.

Who is paying the bills? Your sister or the husband? How much is your sister contributing to home upkeep? Maybe nothing. So why is she complaining? Is the man collecting money from her to sleep with those girls? Is he not meeting your sister's needs? Oh, your sister wants to have the man and all his money to herself, right?


.

Exactly what I wanted to type....
She knew and saw everything before getting married

musabayokanu:


If you think giving a 2.1 graduate, who knows economic and statistics well 2m naira which is not a problem to you to add to her 1.5m making it 3.5m as a start up capital and you feel your sister who is a graduate of economic won't sustain it then hide her 2.1 and her being a graduate part of it.

See at one time or the other we face challenges in life, all we do is take a step 5x5, readjust ourselves and move on.
Being from middle family with all those exposure crap does not hold waters here. When you have small money, you cut your coat according to your size, but when you don't money to buy that coat, which ever one u have u cut it according to the available material.

Middle class and all ur exposure in life keep it aside and forge on. If na self contained she can rent, if na simple cheap one bedroom flat she can also rent. Knowing too well that she wants to pick up her life again.

Spare us some details in all this ur bug girl talk, u call someone earning 150k a month in her previous job a well paid job?? Smh

Bottom line is if you want her quit her husband, be ready to fix and stop all this big girl talk. When you marry you will realise how difficult it is to quit ur matrimonial home......I'm sure you are Igbo and u know is a big Haram in Igbo land according to my igbo friends

I agree with you. I think she and her sister aren't ready to think out of the box yet. That's why she's giving excuses. I don't know why anybody who wants to run a successful business in this recession, would be thinking of going to open a boutique(a biz that deals with wants), when she can successfully run a fmcg biz(that deal with daily needs). A lot of people fail in business cos they don't do feasibility studies... It isn't just enough for a person to be a graduate. You must be innovative and think what others aren't thinking. But most women like to get involved with the lazy man kind of business idea and that's what makes them fail. When the economy was good, by now most of my clients would have been thinking of changing cars for their spouses but hey, that isn't the case now as people are beginning to manage a lot. Yes, people need clothes but trust me, it won't be an immediate need to them as such. With the 3.5m(her 2m and sister's 1.5m),she can comfortably start a business that deals with fmcg (soap, foods, food stuffs, etc). Children must eat, babies must change diapers, people must wash clothes, etc. Items that people consume on a daily basis, are things she should venture in, that can bring steady turnover. Not some lousy boutique business.

It's unfortunate she married a dog who can't keep his sick in one place. My younger sister was almost married to her fiance last year and the moment she started talking about his cheating tendency, I lost interest in the relationship and when she broke up with the dude(after introduction) and my parents were trying to talk me into making efforts to get them back, I vehemently refused. If a full grown adult cannot use his head in a relationship, the person should better stay single. It's one thing to make a mistake, and it's another thing to continually be irresponsible. I take the issue of infidelity in marriage/relationship, very personal.

I like new technology

chizzy4love:

my dad is the only one that can support her but he is not happy with her cos he warned her not to marry a man from his tribe and finish her masters first but she refused.

please forgive me this once. Can you tell us his tribe so that i too can warn my sisters...

my kindly advice...let her remain faithful,and be prayin alwayz..dea s notin like walkaway,once u are married u re maried..dt is wy u must pray hard before u enter any marriage..dea s notin God can not do

DarkRebel101:


Such coagulation of vile stupidity!

If idiocy were muscle power then the amount contained in this comment of yours is more than is required to bench press a third world nation.

prof prof....pls don't vex too much. we both know what happens after the veins in your forehead starts swelling. just drink small water, and calm down. biko

your sister also has PHD in cheater.

chizzy4love:

You totally understood my write up.Thanks

As for people asking me to give her some of my money,even if I give her 2m to add to her 1.5, it still won't do because after setting up a business you still need to fund it with your reserve for about 2 to 3 more years before it stands firm.Many people are just commenting without even thinking.

She can't cope with 3.5million? She be real mumu then. One of those dull girls that always look up to a man to think for them. We know their type, unmerited 2.1.
Get ur behind and work, middle class family my foot. We don see women wey their rich husbands die, they sold tomatoes to train their kids. Una be real mumu abeg.

blazer234:
Your sister has no job I guess. She saw a man that is financially OK and married him. Your sister never knew what attracted her to the man will also attract other girls to the man.

Who is paying the bills? Your sister or the husband? How much is your sister contributing to home upkeep? Maybe nothing. So why is she complaining? Is the man collecting money from her to sleep with those girls? Is he not meeting your sister's needs? Oh, your sister wants to have the man and all his money to herself, right?

This is one of the challenges of being a full dependant on your husband. It renders you incapacitated and you will have no say since you can't even feed yourself until your husband gives you money. She should allow the man to enjoy his money.

A women who depends on husband for virtually everything has lost respect and she should take whatever comes her way. Marrying a financially sound man has got its price.

Cheating in marriage is not the way to go, but what you have stated seems like a rational fact.
Come into marriage as a liability, take anything you see.

Here is what to do... tell your SIster to move in with you temporarily just to shakara the husband, he will definitely come begging, so that's when she gives the condition of opening the boutique b4 she can move back in or to just transfer like 5m to her account. If he refuses, you now have to come in and help your SIster with part of your savings for her to start her biz on a smaller scale and be ready to work hard .

chronique:




I agree with you. I think she and her sister aren't ready to think out of the box yet. That's why she's giving excuses. I don't know why anybody who wants to run a successful business in this recession, would be thinking of going to open a boutique(a biz that deals with wants), when she can successfully run a fmcg biz(that deal with daily needs). A lot of people fail in business cos they don't do feasibility studies... It isn't just enough for a person to be a graduate. You must be innovative and think what others aren't thinking. But most women like to get involved with the lazy man kind of business idea and that's what makes them fail. When the economy was good, by now most of my clients would have been thinking of changing cars for their spouses but hey, that isn't the case now as people are beginning to manage a lot. Yes, people need clothes but trust me, it won't be an immediate need to them as such. With the 3.5m(her 2m and sister's 1.5m),she can comfortably start a business that deals with fmcg (soap, foods, food stuffs, etc). Children must eat, babies must change diapers, people must wash clothes, etc. Items that people consume on a daily basis, are things she should venture in, that can bring steady turnover. Not some lousy boutique business.

It's unfortunate she married a dog who can't keep his sick in one place. My younger sister was almost married to her fiance last year and the moment she started talking about his cheating tendency, I lost interest in the relationship and when she broke up with the dude(after introduction) and my parents were trying to talk me into making efforts to get them back, I vehemently refused. If a full grown adult cannot use his head in a relationship, the person should better stay single. It's one thing to make a mistake, and it's another thing to continually be irresponsible. I take the issue of infidelity in marriage/relationship, very personal.

You made a valid point.Thanks.

venai:
please forgive me this once. Can you tell us his tribe so that i too can warn my sisters...

chizzy4love:

Dear,you have totally missed the point here.the man said the reason he married my sis was because they started dating when he dint have even one car.family wise we are richer but he has made money for himself now.My sister dated him for 9 years.she dint have proof of his cheating then.So you see,she dint plunge in Headon into problem,she just married the wrong guy.
All these things I see is the reason I am being very careful before saying I do.I don't have strength for wahala.I am single now by choice not that I don't have suitors.

I feel for you and your sister! Do not encourage her to divorce; the consequences on the young child will be much and it will bring embarrassment to your parents and the guys family as well. Besides, God is against divorce and the society sees divorced ladies/men with the shades of shame.

Going into business in a hurry because of this predicament without conducting due diligence and risk analysis could worsen her woes and cause untold losses. Do not bring your money into it at the moment, seek for peaceful resolution. The husband loved her and she still loves the man as well but the man clearly has a problem and needs help!!

My suggestions
:
1. Prayer works - to repossess back your man and dispossess him from the ladies with whom he cheats on her.

2. Ask Your Sister to confront him with those proofs. She does not need to involve a third party (from the in-laws) as this will damage his reputation and bring back biting against her matrimonial home. Who knows, if any of the in-laws may even have a hand secretly in the man's problem.

3. Your sister should take her husband for a medical test before she can sleep with him or insist on protecting herself with the use of condoms.

4. She must beg your father for forgiveness if needs be! Your father can talk to the man and perhaps restore back his sanity.

Finally, you do not need to be scared of getting married. Avoid the delay and pray believing God. God can never be wrong!! In any of your suitors, if you see anything that you cannot reconcile with as a single lady, please run because when you get married, it may be a thorn in your flesh.

Gazilion

skillzbae:
Two things:
1. She should pray if she believes In it.
2. She will be very wise if she walks away, even the in-laws can't help her.

What is she still praying about? A Man who cheats before marriage, she goes ahead because no proofs, if no proofs before marriage, how did she suspect he was probably cheating? Okay now she has more than enough proofs, over to her.

She better leaves before he gives her HIV, because clearly the man has no respect for marriage, his vows under God and his wife. A married man sleeping around unprotected, serial abortionist, secret marriage and she's asking what she should do?

She walked into it with her 5 senses, she will walk out also with those 5 senses when she's fed up.

seek the face of God in this matter,cos there is absolutely nothing he can't do

waow.. you go throughhis chat messages!! then there is no need to attempt recovering the relationship.. the key factor for a successful marriage is "TRUST" sort of like "FAITH" you don't believe in what you hear or see or know but what you have FAITH in.. Men Cheat. David did, Solomon did and a host of many throughout history. to expect a man to be loyal through and through is to believe in an ideal that is not sustainable no practicable. Until we reunite with God in perfection.. WE ARE NOT PERFECT.

If it has gotten to the point that you want to catch the cheat and make him admit or confess to his sins.. WHAT NEXT! have you asked yourself WHAT NEXT? Can you forgive (and forget)

Do the needful and re--access your priorities and either

1: Kick his ass to the curb or
2: Prepare for the inevitable and start building your foundations to be single and thriving. this is 2017 or
3: Stay in the relationship like a dummy

A woman that can't manage 1.5m or even 3.5m can't manage 15m even if we donate for her. Let her go back to daddy's house, that's the only hope she has of surviving outside her matrimonial home. She's a liability.

chizzy4love:

1.5 million can't start a proper boutique.it can't even cover her upkeep alone for 6 months.we are from a middle class background.Even I, as a single working class girl right now have way more than that in my account now and it's no money to me.after renting won't she furnish,feed herself and the baby.she already has a high standard of living.we are from middle class family .we live a comfortable life.so to me,1.5m is really nothing.trust me.
besides,she was earning about 150k every month before she resigned her job and lived in a 2 bedroom flat as a single girl.hope you understand now.

We trust you. But what you are also telling us is that you can't really do any business regardless of the amount of money you have. You are also telling us that material comfort is a lot more important to you than finding a sustainable solution. Now trust me, 1.5m is enough to start a business. Trust me, you don't need to rent a space. Trust me you need to ditch the "Middle class" idea and get realistic. Trust me a lot of us are from "middle class families". Trust me we built businesses from zero naira to multi million. Trust me a lot of us just completely placed u in the "lekki" zone. Trust me your sister's case is very clear to us now, the comfort is far more important than pragmatism. This is why she left her job in the first place. Trust me...we don't trust you anymore with our advice....it just won't work with this mind set.Trust me I'm done.

what shall I say fellow sis, for all the advises, you no wan pick any,still you need advice, maybe am the only thinking this or was taught in school like this, middle income families are average earners, but you are a millionaire, your sister is to the point that 3.5milliom naira is nothing to you.omogao(in Jennifer's voice), you ain't middle income,if 3.5million is nothing to you, you belong to the upper income class in Nigeria at as present.
My advice, for your sister to still be cool till now,Shes a cheater herself, 10girls ain't small. And to impregnate girls and promise them marriage, but later abort for them and dump them, am sure lots of curses is already on the man, he will surely die a miserable death(adding my own curses), karma will surely return to the ideot, and his children will surely be used like that. He has destroyed so many innocent girls, there's no redemption for him, even if he changes, so many curses will fire him now or later. your sister should run or else she will like to share the Calamity with him.And will want her daughter to inherit all the curses those girls have laid down. KARMA is real.
But for your sis to still be dulling by now, it means she too is a serial cheater

cococandy:
Then help her with your own money.
Since you're single and don't have as much responsibility as she does.
Hard times call for hard measures.
Reduce your standard of living and she reduce hers too until she is settled down.
I would do the same for my sister.
Unless she wants to die of STDs and you'll use your plenty money to buy fine lace and gele for her funeral.

100000000000000000000000 LIKES


YOU SAID EVERYTHING.


The Op is just busy running her mouth without thinking that she can be a solution

lotannad:
i hear u and all what u wrote are just excuses and signs of 'big girl' syndrome.what is 2.1?what is economics and statistics? i read maths&computer,graduated with 2.1 in 2007! so i know about all that.i think ur sis has 2 options,either d 1st one i said or she stays in d marriage,for now,she allows no sex btw them or insists she use condom.u can even help her with ur own money now.i just gave worst case scenario of teaching/clerical job but she doesnt hv to do dt.i still maintains dt 1.5m is enough to set up a biz.how did i know in my mind dt she was thinkin of a boutique/supermarket.women and stereotype!there r even enough of those.she shd think outside d box.

Gbamest. If i need advice i ll pm you. You have said it all. The Op is arrogant and doesn't want to climb down from where she put herself