₦airaland Forum

refiner:
Good evening nairalanders...everyones advice will be greatly appreciated...

I've been attending this particular church for three years now,he's been there before i came,he's newly married too and his wife attends same church too...it all started around march last year,he started getting close to me,at first i took it as nothing but as days pass by,he comes more closer to me...

He loves talking to me more,he sometimes keeps chair for me which i always decline and when i sit somewhere else,he tries sitting there too,he touches me whenever he laughs...

The other day we attend a youth conference,he was one of the cordinator,he openly said that i am his best friend,good thing his wife was not present.

Caught his wife staring at me most times,pleading with me seriously with her eyes,i felt sorry for her,she has noticed the unusual closeness between i and her husband,tho she has not approached me about it.

I have tried all my best to distance myself from him but he ain't succumbing so i have decided to leave the church,i don't know if i have taken the right decision,leaving the church because of a man.

I've also told the pastor but after warning him,he still continued after a week or two...
Please your advice will be appreciated...

HarunaWest:
dont leave ur place of worship.
Explicitly tell him that you are not comfortable with him around you that if he keeps that up, you might ave to report him to the pastor and your folks.. trust me he will pick race. chao

refiner:
Good evening nairalanders...everyones advice will be greatly appreciated...

I've been attending this particular church for three years now,he's been there before i came,he's newly married too and his wife attends same church too...it all started around march last year,he started getting close to me,at first i took it as nothing but as days pass by,he comes more closer to me...

He loves talking to me more,he sometimes keeps chair for me which i always decline and when i sit somewhere else,he tries sitting there too,he touches me whenever he laughs...

The other day we attend a youth conference,he was one of the cordinator,he openly said that i am his best friend,good thing his wife was not present.

Caught his wife staring at me most times,pleading with me seriously with her eyes,i felt sorry for her,she has noticed the unusual closeness between i and her husband,tho she has not approached me about it.

I have tried all my best to distance myself from him but he ain't succumbing so i have decided to leave the church,i don't know if i have taken the right decision,leaving the church because of a man.

I've also told the pastor but after warning him,he still continued after a week or two...
Please your advice will be appreciated...

robosky02:
@ refiner

its very simple

straight forward answer

1. don't leave the church

2. make his wife your best friend. be more close to her than he can imagine

3. distance him or ignore him when ever he is alone, act as if you don't see him.

4. when ever he comes to you, put his wife before him, example when ever he comes close ask him how is your wife MORE

5. if possible when he gets close, tell him your fiancée is calling you fake the call and leave

alexialin:
refiner, you have fallen for the guy ,damn!. And your feelings is suffocating you.. Hahahahahahahah jeez!
The murderous look your getting from his wife is sending shivers down your spine. Lol .

Mehn! The guy na bad guy.
He knows your weak already for him.. Lol.

Better stay put in that church and sort your racy heart beats when he gists with u.
The guy is fucvking married. Put a firm stop to the series of gists. U do have with him. Ain't worth the stress.
And try have a boyfriend or a single guy as a bestie that u really like and can gist with every time It helps.

Best of luck

becca4216:
u dont have to leave d church cause of him report him to the pastor and even his wife no be person go tel am mk im pac well #trytalkintohim#

SmartyPants:
Didn't you read through her opening post?

Primary evidence:

1. She stated that the guy likes talking to her. This implies she was doing some talking back.
2. The man called her his best friend openly, which ordinarily a man would only do if he has enough reason to believe that he enjoys at least a close friendship with the lady in question. Interestingly, in her OP, she never denies this friendship.
3. She never makes mention of having any issues with this man's closeness to her. Actually form her write up, her only problem is the look the woman gives her.
4. She mentioned that the guy keeps a seat for her. Which she voluntarily used to occcupy ostensibly until the noticed the uncomfortable look from the wife.
5. The wife was begging her "with her eyes", which means to the wife, the young lady is complicit, which implies that she may have behaved in a way that demonstrated some form of reciprocity.

Secondary evidence:

1. Young girls are impressionable and easily attracted to leaders. Especially charismatic young leaders.
2. Further, the easiest way to make a woman fall for you and stay fallen for you, is to show her emotional affection. This guy has done that to the point where he considers her his best friend.
3. I have discovered by practical experience, that women very easily cross emotional lines without admitting it. I have had my friends girlfriends saying funny things to me, i have had my girlfriend's friends saying funny things to me, and even observed my some of my girlfriends behave in funny ways to other guys.

To reach that level of friendship, where the man's wife became uncomfortable and the man could openly do the things he was doing, it takes two to tango. Fact.

SmartyPants:
Refiner tell us the full story. The real reason you want to leave is not just because the man won't stop, it is because you actually have feelings for him. Not judging or trying to shame you here, but a problem correctly identified is a problem half solved.

You have correctly identified distance as the solution, however it is not necessarily physical distance but rather emotional distance that will work.

Or will you go through life leaving every church or quitting every job because a married man likes you?
You are still emotionally vested in him, so for as much as you might ask him to stay away with your words, your body language is probably saying something else. Deal with your feelings for him and the problem is solved.

elantraceey:
Why do I have this feeling that you're actually enjoying the attention?


Your heart is not with that church if you're going to leave just because of a man.

legalalien:
You enjoy and ntertain his company. If you rebuke him, he would never try coming close in his life. There is no man in his right sense rebuked that continues. It has not reached acid or even much talk. Just rebuke him with seriousness.
Note: you are not the only one he does this too, he has others he has dealt with, your not the first.
Watch and pray....... and slap yourself very hard 3times or more. And pray for strength.

It happens to us all. Are you single, if yes. God would send you someone soon. Hold on.

Pass:if your married turn the slap to 5slaps, 5heavy knock that can mke you faint

davidif:
Wow! Typical Naija mentality. No matter What it's always the woman's fault.

Even if it's her fault at least she has left the church so how is she at fault? Why not blame the fact that a guy who said till death do us part to someone else is seeking to be close to a single girl.

dingbang:
Tell his wife u don't like d way he is coming too closer to u. Problem solved

SmartyPants:
Hey faggott!! Get off my mentions!

davidif:
Wrong! She should flee from the church. There is many churches around.

heartofstone:
Help her 2 tell d wife nau..

davidif:
Wrong! She should run. In fact she should flee.

alexialin:
She shouldn't flee.

How many times will she continue to flee if married men keeps wooing her.

A married man was disturbing. My life where I work.
I told him subtly to please leave me alone. He thought maybe I was playing hard to get.. Am. I not a woman!? I bet that's he's thoughts and he's one Alhaji like that. Middle age, slim and tall dude and he drives a Hummer and with an X5.
So in his mind, I will fall. And am playing hard to get. This guy pursued me for. 4years! Every time. I clamly rebuff him, he becomes more determined. And me? Am not relocating my biz anywhere for any Randy married man. Instead he will leave for me.
So. On the 4the year, he became nasty, and unruly. Even in public and snaps at me as if am his worker. The last time he provoked me with his nasty attitude cos I know he's already frustrated and loosing it as he never taste the kpomo.
That day I was just fuming. I looked at him and I warned him in public don't ever talk me that way ever again or else! Then I walked away with anger. I was like shey, I should call one of my army friends to beat this alhaji ruthlessly in broad daylight and they will warn him to stay off me.. Or I should report him to police for sexual harassment.

My mind then said I should report to the landlord of our business building before taking such steps. So I went to meet Landlord and I told landlord angrily that am. Bn sexualy harassed here! Because am single does not mean I don't have any man backing me. That he should warn the Alhaji. That next time he harrasses me again. Army men will come here, drag him out and give him the beating of his life with koboko. So he should be warned enough is enough! Have had it!
I won't pack out of here because of him.

Throughout that week up til now it's going to 2years nw he ignores me like plague.

Which is what I like!

So refiner is not relocating to another branch. How long will she keep running..

You face a problem head on.
No retreat No surrender

davidif:
First of all, you it was your work place not a house of worship. Big difference as there are no abundance of jobs in naija unlike churches wey full everywhere.

Secondly, you most likely has zero feelings for the Alhaji while from what she is saying it looks like she is beginning to fall for the guy thats why she had to leave. She knew she probablh did not have tge strength for more battles so she fled.

Thirdly, have you ever asked yourself why the bible says be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might and fight the good fight of faith but when it comes to lust it says we should flee (not run but FLEE). That's because lust is not something you fight (go ask the strongest man who ever lived: Samson). It's something you flee from. She has made a good choice to leave the situation before exhausting her last ounce of willpower and resistance and she should be strongly commended for doing that. In fact I awishm happy for her and I even wish i had that same inner strength that she possesses. Good for you refiner.

alexialin:
Well the only one I agree here is: I don't have feelings for the Alhaji. And moreover I get angry when supposedly married men with wife and kids at home will come and be disturbing someones life non stop for sexx. No iota of remorse on cheating on their wives at home. No guilty conscience? All they just want is the pussvy and by tabling all goodies they will give a babe of their choice. Not all babes money, gifts, cars and sweet mouh can buy. Someone like me am very stubborn With issues like this..

Even if am attracted to a married man first instance? I will quickly nip it in the bud. I honestly don't need it.. When fine single comfortable intelligent guys full everywhere. And at the end all I need is just one! Kpere.. Which I have anyways. So what else again?
Refiner control your emotions. You can do it. Everything is of the mind.

refiner:
I've talked to him and i have also report him to the pastor but he still persisted!

refiner:
Good evening nairalanders...everyones advice will be greatly appreciated...

I've been attending this particular church for three years now,he's been there before i came,he's newly married too and his wife attends same church too...it all started around march last year,he started getting close to me,at first i took it as nothing but as days pass by,he comes more closer to me...

He loves talking to me more,he sometimes keeps chair for me which i always decline and when i sit somewhere else,he tries sitting there too,he touches me whenever he laughs...

The other day we attend a youth conference,he was one of the cordinator,he openly said that i am his best friend,good thing his wife was not present.

Caught his wife staring at me most times,pleading with me seriously with her eyes,i felt sorry for her,she has noticed the unusual closeness between i and her husband,tho she has not approached me about it.

I have tried all my best to distance myself from him but he ain't succumbing so i have decided to leave the church,i don't know if i have taken the right decision,leaving the church because of a man.

I've also told the pastor but after warning him,he still continued after a week or two...
Please your advice will be appreciated...

dingbang:
heartofstone... Are u d wife?

refiner:
Good evening nairalanders...everyones advice will be greatly appreciated...

I've been attending this particular church for three years now,he's been there before i came,he's newly married too and his wife attends same church too...it all started around march last year,he started getting close to me,at first i took it as nothing but as days pass by,he comes more closer to me...

He loves talking to me more,he sometimes keeps chair for me which i always decline and when i sit somewhere else,he tries sitting there too,he touches me whenever he laughs...

The other day we attend a youth conference,he was one of the cordinator,he openly said that i am his best friend,good thing his wife was not present.

Caught his wife staring at me most times,pleading with me seriously with her eyes,i felt sorry for her,she has noticed the unusual closeness between i and her husband,tho she has not approached me about it.

I have tried all my best to distance myself from him but he ain't succumbing so i have decided to leave the church,i don't know if i have taken the right decision,leaving the church because of a man.

I've also told the pastor but after warning him,he still continued after a week or two...
Please your advice will be appreciated...

greatnaija01:

New Living Translation Romans 14:23
But if you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it. For you are not following your convictions. If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning.


Matthew 5:29
New Living Translation
So if your eye--even your good eye--causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.


Those two scriptures above should help you tell anyone who cares to know why you have to leave that church... it is not a bad church but since the pastor can not be firm and disciplinary on misconducts then YOU ARE NOT SAFE. I KNOW HE MAY HAVE YOUR NUMBER orr YOUR HOUSE ADDRESS....
Kindly leave else you have sown a seed for someone else to destroy your own HOME. Its usually in men's undisciplined nature to CHEAT... do not be the tool of the devil.

refiner:
I have tried all my best to distance myself from him but he ain't succumbing so i have decided to leave the church, i don't know if i have taken the right decision, leaving the church because of a man.

refiner:
Good evening nairalanders...everyones advice will be greatly appreciated...

I've been attending this particular church for three years now,he's been there before i came,he's newly married too and his wife attends same church too...it all started around march last year,he started getting close to me,at first i took it as nothing but as days pass by,he comes more closer to me...

He loves talking to me more,he sometimes keeps chair for me which i always decline and when i sit somewhere else,he tries sitting there too,he touches me whenever he laughs...

The other day we attend a youth conference,he was one of the cordinator,he openly said that i am his best friend,good thing his wife was not present.

Caught his wife staring at me most times,pleading with me seriously with her eyes,i felt sorry for her,she has noticed the unusual closeness between i and her husband,tho she has not approached me about it.

I have tried all my best to distance myself from him but he ain't succumbing so i have decided to leave the church,i don't know if i have taken the right decision,leaving the church because of a man.

I've also told the pastor but after warning him,he still continued after a week or two...
Please your advice will be appreciated...

Blitz888:
You don't even know if the church she is planning on quitting is the Lord's Chosen.

Church doesn't guarantee salvation.. Whether you call it best or worst it's to everyone according to his/her faith.

#peace

refiner:
I've talked to him and i have also report him to the pastor but he still persisted!