₦airaland Forum

Then call him a vagabond too.

What are you waiting for?

.

what is wrong in ur MIL going with u

Until your hubby give his own side of the story, till then, I reserve my comments

I disagree with you. You can meet your partner anywhere.

thorpido:
The foundation of the marriage also matters.........finding partners in a club or bar,a school environment,Oshodi market etc determines how words will be used.

Truelies2017:
NAiRALAND ooo!!! So that is hpw the whole lots of you deviated from the vagabond topic to MIL. I stated in my post he didn't call me that because unsaid his mum shouldn't go with us to check the land. He called me that cause I refused to tell him his mum has asked to go check the land without the consent. The question here is should a HUSBAND call his wife a vagabond. Besides i dont have any issues woth my mother in law at all. I love her like my mother. Deviating from the topic won't bring the answer.tw us. TRULY sometimes nairaland isn't the place to.pour out your mind. They will only nicely compound your issues spicing it up with joy pepper sauce.

Lesson 1: THIS IS NAIRALAND, THEM NO DEY USE EYE SEE MIL/DIL IN ONE POST. MIL CAN NEVER BE WRONG.
DIL IS ALWAYS WRONG

You've learnt the hard way...sorry. Leave out the MIL part next time...they have left the topic, and are focused on your MIL matter.

What's vagabond. Did u two court before getting married and for how long?, you should have known Lol these before saying and do and be ready to accept these acts as part of your cross. Marriages last because one of the two concerned is ready to soft pedalled in any circumstances. Hope you are not part of those who want their mother in law dead so you can have full control of your husband. BTW how old is your husband self.

we can say anything wen we are angry

#kpele

First of all let's understand the meaning of the word "vagabond"

Vagabond;
1. n. A person with no fixed home
2. n. An idle wandering beggar of thief

Madam does any of these meanings of that word have any correlation with you? If none has then please disregard hubby's rant as gibberish and move on.

vagabond
ˈvaɡəbɒnd/
noun
1.
a person who wanders from place to place without a home or job.

adjective
1.
having no settled home.

verb archaic
1.
wander about as or like a vagabond.

There is no more love in this union, only they respect and understand each other atimes

Divorce him.

Because he will do it in public soon

You have said much but unfortunately you have missed the most vital point.

You should have asked her what is the beef with her MIL?

alexialin:
True words

Even if I were the husband I will be very angry she doesn't want my Mother to come..
But I won't call her names.. I will tell her to her face she's very wicked.. And next time she shouldn't bother looking for cheap lands.. I will do it with my mum myself. And build My not Our dream house without her input. Maybe her brain will reset and she will start loving my mum. She can stay at home all day if she wants. Her choice.
It's annoying.. Her own MIL? some wives? I just don't understand their beef with MIL.

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I f

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

Hope you learnt your lesson! This is not the right place to seek for marital advise. Only 5% gave you good advise because they know where you coming from while the rest were young men with no experience. They asked why you wouldn't allow your mother in-law to accompany you & husband.
My dear, you are right to feel the way you do. It should be between you two. Pray and I hope your man will grow up with time. Make sure you empower yourself because that will make him to respect you as a human being.

You have said so much but not given us the reason for changing your mind on hearing your MIL was coming along

Truelies2017:
You all have spoken well. And yes the story isn't complete. But I didn't bother breaking it down cause I feel there is still no reason whatsoever to annoy you to the point of calling me a vagabond. It killed the love I have for him instantly at that moment. The fact an a wife makes my husband talk to me anyhow. If I made a mistake by calling him back a vagabond (I wouldn't have being able to call him that cause that word is just too heavy) but if I did. He would have called me a disrespectful wife. He is the kind of man who believes you must hold him in high esteem and with all manly respect, don't talk while am talking kind of man, the kind of man who wants you to give him a fatherly kind of respect. The kind of man who wouldnt talk to you for more than a day if you wake up in the morning forgetting to say goodmorning, the kind of man who doesn't believe a woman deserve to be respected, (hubby, if you see this correct me if am wrong) But how do you treat me?. Do i I have issues with his mum. Well that's personal, and i dont but he thinks i do. But was it because I refused to go check out the land with them he called me a vagabond? NO. He called me that because I didn't tell him his mum said she would be going to check out the land with us. I thought it was a decision they both made. So I decided I wasn't gonna interfere, and since it's not.like I have any money of my own yet to acquire a land, let him and his mum who really needs it more than I do go together. However I don't want to be there while she is making land decisions for her other kids. so his annoyance was why did i conclude that he asked his mum to go and check out the land with us and not discuss it with him first. That was what led to the name calling, but shpuld it warrant vagabond, calling me a FOOL almost 10times and topped it with vagabond. I can't deal. Too much for me. Dear hubby, if it happens you eventually find this post. I am not happy I was called that. That am smiling with you is because if i don't let go of grudge it's me that will still suffer but every time I i remember being called a vagabond. All I feel like doing is keeping to myself and not talking to you again you didn't kill my self esteem in anyway cause no man has the right to do that. But you have given me something to live with for a longgg time. No one has ever ever called me the kind of names you use on me many times you are angry not even my strict dad, and my keeping quiet is just because i don want you to call me a disrespectful wife again. Piece of my mind. A man, father and husband should live the life and say the kind of words you would want to hear your daughter's husband's say in future. I respect you and will always do but if I don't let you know how i feel now you will keep calling me names and I don't want. Let's bless each other more while angry than cause. Cause with time it will unconciously be depicted in our ways and we won't remember it was our mouth that caused it.

nnamdibig:
You saw a land you want him to buy, he told her mum about it, you became uninterested, WHY?
He is wrong calling you such name but the root cause of the problem was the sudden change of mind when her mother was involved.
I always say that married couple should never allow argument get to the point of name calling or fight. One of you should just take a walk.

By the way, wetin your mother in law do you?

What is the business of the mother in law on the plot of land that the new couple want for themselves. I mean some of these mothers in law do not know where their boundaries end. It is not love, to allow your mom to intrude into your private dealings with your own wife, it is actually a mental disorder. It is a possessive disorder. Parents should learn to give their children space once they are married. They had their time with their husbands, it is time for their kids to have their own moment. Times have changed, so traditions and customs need updates.

Truelies2017:
You all have spoken well. And yes the story isn't complete. But I didn't bother breaking it down cause I feel there is still no reason whatsoever to annoy you to the point of calling me a vagabond. It killed the love I have for him instantly at that moment. The fact an a wife makes my husband talk to me anyhow.... Cause with time it will unconsciously be depicted in our ways and we won't remember it was our mouth that caused it.

Hubby was dead wrong to call you a vagabond, but there's a lot more to this story.

I can sense the pungent passive-aggression in you from your posts, and (i) menfolk hate that with a passion (ii) most decent men who can't raise their hands against their wives find their different ways to vent when pushed to their limit. Using harsh language seems to be your hubby's (granted, it's unbecoming of him).

Rather than focus on the language, I'd ask you to focus on the passive-aggression and other things that are getting his temper boiling. After you take care of your own issues, tactfully point out his. I assume of course that you're more interested in having a happy union than in being reassured that you are right...

thorpido:
The foundation of the marriage also matters.........finding partners in a club or bar,a school environment,Oshodi market etc determines how words will be used.

I disagree with you on this. I meet my wife at the market place and I have never for 1ce in our mre than 10years relationship use a foul language on her. Not even the commonly used "ori e o pe (you are mad)". Like you have said, its communication issue. ops, the way you try to pass your message to your husband by rejecting his mum is nt right. No man will not feel wrong by this. Please you need to study each other and learn a good ways of communication. Wish u mre conjugal bliss.

Billyonaire:
What is the business of the mother in law on the plot of land that the new couple want for themselves. I mean some of these mothers in law do not know where their boundaries end. It is not love, to allow your mom to intrude into your private dealings with your own wife, it is actually a mental disorder. It is a possessive disorder. Parents should learn to give their children space once they are married. They had their time with their husbands, it is time for their kids to have their own moment. Times have changed, so traditions and customs need updates.

Someone with sense!!!!
Oh, OP's problem isn't even her MIL following. Even if it is, she has a point.

alexialin:
True words

Even if I were the husband I will be very angry she doesn't want my Mother to come..
But I won't call her names.. I will tell her to her face she's very wicked.. And next time she shouldn't bother looking for cheap lands.. I will do it with my mum myself. And build My not Our dream house without her input. Maybe her brain will reset and she will start loving my mum. She can stay at home all day if she wants. Her choice.
It's annoying.. Her own MIL? some wives? I just don't understand their beef with MIL.

Dude you jumped to conclusion too soon.

OP has no beef about MIL going. The land decision involves the MIL, her hubby and MIL's other children. OP felt it was inappropriate for her to be involved in land matter involving the entire family.

Since whatever becomes her hubby's at the end will also be hers. If anything she showed too much respect/courtesy towards her inlaws. Remember also that since she herself might not be contributing financially (depending on family dynamics), she might have little or no say anyway.

Her hubby's main grouse was that OP discussed going to see the land with MIL without discussing it with him first.

It rather shows that OP has a good enough rapport to feel free discussing land with MIL. Even if the usual MIL-DIL tension might be there hibernating.

If hubby badly needed OP to come along, all he needed to do was convince her. After all he managed to woo her and got her to marry him.

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

Nawaoo this girl you too dey complain about your hubby if you're tired of him just get a divorce hiaan

Dis kind of story na only gals fit give advice wey go enter

thorpido:
Your husband is very wrong for using those words.If he felt offended about anything,he should have discussed it.
I think the major problem here is communication.You both need to improve on it.

The foundation of the marriage also matters.........finding partners in a club or bar,a school environment,Oshodi market etc determines how words will be used.

I respectfully disagree with that last bit of your response! The hook up points isn't necessarily a determining factor in behavior of the couple if you get me!

I personally know two husbands of good pedigree and in respectable careers and are typically what we* would term decent fellows who call thier wives nasty names like vagabond! And no they didn't hook up in night clubs!

People will meet and have met in the most unlikely places and the relationship still turns out great

It's an individual and unsavory habit!

Truelies2017:
NAiRALAND ooo!!! So that is hpw the whole lots of you deviated from the vagabond topic to MIL. I stated in my post he didn't call me that because unsaid his mum shouldn't go with us to check the land. He called me that cause I refused to tell him his mum has asked to go check the land without the consent. The question here is should a HUSBAND call his wife a vagabond. Besides i dont have any issues woth my mother in law at all. I love her like my mother. Deviating from the topic won't bring the answer. It will only casue more problems btw us. TRULY sometimes nairaland isn't the place to.pour out your mind. They will only nicely compound your issues spicing it up with joy pepper sauce.

Watch out, most of the commentaries comes from people who hurt loved ones that way. Hence, will find a way of blaming you and exonerate the verbally abusive man

metrosexual:
First of all let's understand the meaning of the world "vagabond"

Vagabond;
1. n. A person with no fixed home
2. n. An idle wandering beggar of thief

Madam does any of these meanings of that word have any correlation with you? If none has then please disregard hubby's rant as gibberish and move on.

No mind her na ordinary insult the gentleman gave her then she wants to kill herself mtcheeew!

Joavid:
My dear sister, the bolded shows you knew his character before you married him. because a person cannot plant yam and harvest cocoyam.

he happens to be the verbally abusive type and honestly, this is a cross you have to bare in your marriage.


However, the only way I see is - talk to him about your feelings on the issue, and hope he changes.

All the best!

I do see some parents calling their kids all sort of names when the kids misbehave... my point to them it's normal to them, they are just trying to express themselves.

Solution is talk about it and how it's affecting you. When you endure it and do nothing, he may act same towards your unborn kids.

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think no also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

This outburst of insulting words, is it a new development or was happening pre marriage?

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

You got it wrong when you decided not to accompany your hubby because of your mother in-law. It means you are not in good terms with your mother in-law. your action may caused the name calling.

My desr, you ar just like d typical new generatn wives.U contest leadership position with husbsnd.U hav no money to buy,you find one cheap land & he agrees to work with u.But d moment MLL is involved u back out making him a fool.He complains u fire back,he looses it and u are selling sentiment.U ar gradually driving him into his mothers arns thro which he ends up with another woman.Ur type will desperately bcling to your son when the time comes while u expect him to discard his own mother because of you. Solution, learn to put urself under ur family head as ordained by God.Calling u named during crisis should not be put to heart because u may hav acted like one.

metrosexual:
First of all let's understand the meaning of the word "vagabond"

Vagabond;
1. n. A person with no fixed home
2. n. An idle wandering beggar of thief

Madam does any of these meanings of that word have any correlation with you? If none has then please disregard hubby's rant as gibberish and move on.

sensible comment so far.

@ op, your hubby may have referred to you as a vagabond without knowing its true meaning.

And for the fact that it does not apply to you, please pay no heed to it.