There are still some things u need to be thought about marriage.

1. Men are wired to love being respected. U shouldn't expect him to respect u while u are not fully respecting him. With d way I see it, u are still not mature enough as a wife because I don't see any reason why u should bring ur family issue here ( it should be personal). Definitely u will be a woman who finds it hard to be totally submissive. Work on that.

2. He can't just open his mouth and begin to call u names, pple will think he's mad, u definitely provoked him to d point of saying such. Not every man can handle woman's wahala. U really nid to watch urself very well in d area of response to ur husband.

3. We men love 2 be bossy either in relationship or marriage. Our heads swell when we are taken like a king by our wives.... I can say u find it hard to do dse things....

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

Hmmm... queshin please... out of all d names he called you, its d vagabond that got to you? I cant help but wonder why... is it that vagabond sounds like a terrible word in your mother tongue?
Cos in my place eh, if pesin tell you sorry, he ll say "ka'ashi"; but the problem is ka'ashi in hausa means shit! Lol

But seriously... ur hubby really went low...as in eh, very bloody low-game of thrones bloody o...Django bloody kinda low
Sowi ko. Ka'ashi

Erm....erm.... sorry, is ur husband patrick?

looks like mummy's boy no sabi d meaning of that word...


coz hw does not going to somewhere relate to a person who wanders from place to place without a settled home??
and u saying back to sender, dat got me ROTFL

U know wot, u are not a wanderer coz u are in ur husby house, so dont let dat word bother u...okay.

and please, ur MIL is also ur mum, try and settle any dispute wey dey between una sef..
avoiding her wont solve anything...

AreaFada2:


Dude you jumped to conclusion too soon.

OP has no beef about MIL going. The land decision involves the MIL, her hubby and MIL's other children. OP felt it was inappropriate for her to be involved in land matter involving the entire family.

Since whatever becomes her hubby's at the end will also be hers. If anything she showed too much respect/courtesy towards her inlaws. Remember also that since she herself might not be contributing financially (depending on family dynamics), she might have little or no say anyway.

Her hubby's main grouse was that OP discussed going to see the land with MIL without discussing it with him first.

It rather shows that OP has a good enough rapport to feel free discussing land with MIL. Even if the usual MIL-DIL tension might be there hibernating.

If hubby badly needed OP to come along, all he needed to do was convince her. After all he managed to woo her and got her to marry him.

If u read what op said. She said she told her husband about a cheap land, the husband in return told his mother and the mother was like its a good idea for her husband to buy and it seems she as well will buy plots of lands for her other children.

Mind you, there are parents like the MIL who buys lands and even build houses ontop and will to their children. My late mum bought lands behind our backs her children and willed the lands with built houses ontop to each one of us, before her Demise. So it's very possible all the mil wants is to buy lands for the rest of her children.

But op thought the mil wants to snoop on them and possibly, only God what she was thinking is behind the mil motives of coming along. Everybody knows what belongs to the man belongs to the wife.. Lets all pray we live long to inherit properties.

But at the end, the MIL is way older than the wife, definitely she will be the one that will leave this earth peaceful through old-age before the wife..
So why the insecurities?
Doesn't she know the way she acted? The mil will hear about it and resent her for it. Where MIL mind no dey, someone like the wife has thought way ahead of her.
Why all these scheming thoughts..
My dear.. Thank God my eyes no dey husband or fiance property.. Whatever he has is for the children and whatever I have is for our kids. Next of kin are the kids.
So what's the big deal mil wants to come along and see the lands herself.

For me I don't have time to start thinking what's not there.

And inbetween am a lady

You need to grow a thick skin. Some men just like throwing around insulting words that can get to you,so just try not to let it get to you.

...Or maybe next time ask him what he is since he is the husband of a vagabond..... maybe he is a hooligan also? Lol!

BTW, OP, why didn't you want to go with your MAIL.... You were the one who told your hubby bout the place, so why did you decide not to go?

adepeter26:

Your head correct. 20 bottles of orijin

AceSkillz01:




You have a lot of anger bottled up

It's not that I have lot of anger bottled up.. But the issue is this, I place myself in the mother's shoes.
I have a son and he is married.. Then out of the blues, he came excitedly to my house saying mama, guess what? My wife saw a cheap land, the price is unbelievable and I honestly want to buy it.. Wow! This is a good deal.
If am close to my son, which I know I will definitely be and with all my children by God's grace. I will love to follow him and see the land with my own two eyes. My son is about to own a land.. Forget maybe I want to buy for his other siblings. But the issue is am going with my son to see the first land he's about to buy. That's a great joy for some parents to hear, I don't know of other parents o.. But their son is progressing. It's a good news.
And if his wife kick against me coming along?? . I will be very hurt. Cause have taken her as part of the family. But it seems she sees me as a stranger or the third wheel.
That's if am the MIL of the op.
That's why am angry


Little things like this cause discord and suspicions towards the wife. If she doesn't know.


Anyways all my kids whether grown or babies will be close to me and confide in me. Cause what an old woman is seeing sitting down, an adult will not be able to see it, even climbing ontop a roof.

PaperLace:


Lesson 1: THIS IS NAIRALAND, THEM NO DEY USE EYE SEE MIL/DIL IN ONE POST. MIL CAN NEVER BE WRONG.
DIL IS ALWAYS WRONG

You've learnt the hard way...sorry. Leave out the MIL part next time...they have left the topic, and are focused on your MIL matter.

The philosophy of Nairaland. Exonerate or justify the mother-in-law, implicate and condemn the voiceless daughter-in-law.

End Times Wives!! Smh. Please use google translate " Asepamo Lowa Kosi Asegbe Rara". You have issue with Mother-In-Law, By the grace of God Your Daughter-In-law will have problem with you too.

Nairaland Women and Family/Mother-In-Law Issue!!


Yoruba people say " Abani gbe ma mo iwa eni, Ota eni ni" I'm very sure, You know that your husband doesn't like anyone ( even You) disrespecting his mother, not for ANY Reason.


My Piece :- Respect His Mother, In Other To Get The Respect You Deserve And Always Wanted From You Man..



Abo oro lan so fun Omoluabi!!

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

yes and my mother calls me "idiot" everytime. listen madam, what is d meaning of vagabond sef.. what does it marra.. ? here in nigeria our marriages are rugged o.. different abuses fly through the air in the home but e no mean jack.. idiot..fool.. animal.. bich.. poor man.. beast... all na vexing tins o.. e no pass d mouth.. shebi na him still dey marry d vagabond.. tommorrow now e go won make love with the vagabond sef.. mtcheeewww.. women killing diasef since 1945.. u sef u neva curse am before?.. abeg love ya husband .. i guess you never loved your husband because true love has no condition.. love is forgiving..forbearing.. common relax, talk to him about it with love and respect and i am sure he will apologize.. see ya

Very immature attitude!
You shout 'back to sender' to an angry husband?
Whatever happened to keeping quiet and walking away? Whatever happened to coming to him when emotions have come down to gently explain to him?
He doesn't need to be your husband to deserve a soft answer. Will you shout back to sender to your colleague at work? Won't you lose your job?
We are all civil and polite to outsiders and then very nasty to the people we claim to love.

Did you control your temper or walk out and he shouted 'vagabond' after you ten times?

When I read posts like yours, I pray for my two sons. May God deliver them from foolish wives who don't know that the best way to handle an angry person is to say nothing

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

Before I post this, I narrated the scenario to my hubby and his response was, if he were to be in that shoe, he wouldn't have told his Mum about it until the house is completed. He love his family members and also love his immediate family.
Well, his response is who he is. I.e individual difference. I have come to understand that third party involvement in marriage is what breaks marriage. When we bought our land, No member of our family knew that we were building until when we wanted to pack in. They were happy and we are happy. Marriage is between two people with common purpose.

nabegibeg:


why are you reporting your husband to children that are born in the 90s and 00s

AND YOU WERE BORN, IN 40'S,WELL,
AND IS THAT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY? AS AN ADVICE,....

he want you around him, for you to say "since mother inlaw is going,you are not going"he feels u are less concerned about his affairs and your his mother is not a good woman..

Truelies2017:
So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife.

take back the words? Sends back to sender?
my dear no offense but you sound childish in this regard.
its true that words have power like you said, do you know what else has power?...
you.

words spoken to you are as powerful as you let it, the fact you let it get to you to this extent means you need to address your self esteem and spirituality.
yes, what he said was wrong, but it accomplished what he wanted, because you let it hurt you.

ADVICE

make up with him and stop any resentment you may feel,be the grown one cuz you both are children.later tell him you have decided you are no longer going to be hurt by his words, that you love and admire him and never found it funny nor was it helpful when ever he insults you.tell him you would let it if he corrects you in a more mature manner, with love and not spite when you are wrong.

give things time

Op, sent u a mail.. Kindly check and do the needful

Sankabson:
End Times Wives!! Smh. Please use google translate " Asepamo Lowa Kosi Asegbe Rara". You have issue with Mother-In-Law, By the grace of God Your Daughter-In-law will have problem with you too.

Nairaland Women and Family/Mother-In-Law Issue!!


Yoruba people say " Abani gbe ma mo iwa eni, Ota eni ni" I'm very sure, You know that your husband doesn't like anyone ( even You) disrespecting his mother, not for ANY Reason.


My Piece :- Respect His Mother, In Other To Get The Respect You Deserve And Always Wanted From You Man..



Abo oro lan so fun Omoluabi!!

Take it easy na. Why all this proverb. Planning to build a house is for the betterment of their lives and marriage. Marriage is between two people, third party involvement is what breaks marriage. Extended family has their roles to play but not in planning your marriage. For the hubby to tell the MIL, to me, is COUNTING YOUR EGG BEFORE THEY ARE HATCHED. I wouldn't do it. When I succeed I can now tell my mum, not when am still trying. I will do the same thing she did if I were to be in her shoes. Avoidance is better than confrontation. They will go alone.

Your husband has absolutely no right to call you a vagabond , fool , idiot or any other abusive word ! That is verbal abuse and I'm amazed at the comments on this issue. Your mother in law does not seem to know her boundaries - husband and wife make plans for their future not husband , mom and wife. Your mother in law has to respect the relationship you have with your husband as you must respect his relationship with his mom. As for your husband the next time he calls you fool or vagabond - tell him very clearly without mincing words - to NEVER EVER call you that ever again ! And walk off. If you respect him then he must respect you!

ReneeNuttall:
This story is not complete, you didn't tell us why u refused going with ur hubby and his mum,since u are the one that initiated the idea of going to check the land....it seems u are not in good terms with ur mother in-law...pls am not justifying what ur husband said,in fact he was very wrong to av used dat word.

But then again,u ought to have know that men are emotionally attached to their mothers,while women to their dad,hence u shouldn't have denied going since the mom is going too.Also the way u replied him,wen u told him u are not going since the mom is accompanying him,might have made him get angry....just my thought though...keep praying and hoping for the best.

You are a very sensible woman. God bless you

I don't know exactly what you said to him or the derogation about his mom to have caused that, however, every married man should learn how to argue lovingly and respectful even if the disagreement is strong. But you also need to put yourself in his mother's shoes: if your boys grow up and marry, how would you feel if it sounds as if their wives are trying to 'measure' between the level of their influence and yours on your children? Why would you not let your mother in-law buy the land if she insists? Why do you think she wants to drag it with you to the point that you have made it seem to your husband as if you are looking down on his mother? Do you know what his mother had to go through to make him the man he is today? Finally, you need to have a calm discussion with your husband probably in the middle of the night. Pray before that so you can subdue your flesh and ego. Then start by asking him to forgive you if you had sounded wrongly or had spoken in a bad manner. This will calm him. Then tell him you were hurt when he called you a vagabond. Ask him how he felt before using that word against you. THEN LEARN AND RESOLVE THE ISSUE. GO CHECK THE LAND WITH THEM AND LET HER TAKE IT IS SHE WANTS. NEVER CONSCIOUSLY PUT YOUR HUSBAND IN ANY SITUATION WHERE HE WILL HAVE TO CHOOSE. GOOD LUCK AND MAY YOUR MARRIAGE PROSPER.

Odilafta1:
My opinion,stop taking his name calling personal cos I believe you were aware of that trait before you married him.
Some marriages last not because there were no quarrels and name calling but because some things were overlooked.
Secondly,stop trying to make him take back his words while the tension is still up as it would only fuel things further.

I should take you out for lunch sometime for this comment.Op...you should take heed.

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

Yes ur husband has no ryt whatsoever to use derogatory words on u because both oof u share something peculiar but l think u too have a lot of issues urself. How do u respond to ur hubby when u have misunderstanding? Do u argue with him? Or make him understand, I want to believe cos he told his mum thats why u refused going, subconsciously u feel threaten cos he spoke to his mum though he is wrong but he understands why y refused going & he used that against u, u shoulld have followed him and discussed the issue on your return with a tune of affection and love. Husbands can be annoying at times: I know cos I am one

Nweike1:
You are a very sensible woman. God bless you

Amen and u too.

ReneeNuttall:
This story is not complete, you didn't tell us why u refused going with ur hubby and his mum,since u are the one that initiated the idea of going to check the land....it seems u are not in good terms with ur mother in-law...pls am not justifying what ur husband said,in fact he was very wrong to av used dat word.

But then again,u ought to have know that men are emotionally attached to their mothers,while women to their dad,hence u shouldn't have denied going since the mom is going too.Also the way u replied him,wen u told him u are not going since the mom is accompanying him,might have made him get angry....just my thought though...keep praying and hoping for the best.

The only wise woman here. The rest are fools!

Only Vagabond? You are not serious, belittling his mom sounds very stupid, we men know the tone and facial expression when you disrespect us. If the mom refused you initially can you reject her not to see her sons property? Listen, your story sef no straight, he should buy a land as gift for kids meaning you already have a good home and proposing to purchase a land in Lekki then you are now deciding who to see the land as if you are the one to provide the money. You better sit your arse and head down and respect your husband then tell him when he's calm you are sorry for DISRESPECTING his mom and stylishly tell him the word sounds harsh. SIMPLE!!!

All these modern women with equality attitude is irritating me, I swear. Women everywhere wants to prove they are like men. Make yanga na for your eyes another woman go collect your husband. Yeye

ur husband don cast ...... so u guys can't take a decision on ur own witout a 3rd party? d day my wife call me any name out Nehemiah she b leaving for Gambia immediately

nnamdibig:
You saw a land you want him to buy, he told her mum about it, you became uninterested, WHY?
He is wrong calling you such name but the root cause of the problem was the sudden change of mind when her mother was involved.
I always say that married couple should never allow argument get to the point of name calling or fight. One of you should just take a walk.

By the way, wetin your mother in law do you?

When you write English, pay attention. It's HIS not HER. Stop the lexical Impropriety!

Donjazzy12:
The only wise woman here. The rest are fools!

That's huge!

How does vagabond describe the wife behaviour or outbursts? Is vagabonds not those that roam aimlessly about, without direction, focus and positive action?

mastermaestro:


The philosophy of Nairaland. Exonerate or justify the mother-in-law, implicate and condemn the voiceless daughter-in-law.

Na their way. If I want to open such a thread, I will claim to be a guy _my wife brought her father (my FIL) to follow us. Only then would you get plenty 'realistic' comments.

alexialin:




True words

Even if I were the husband I will be very angry she doesn't want my Mother to come..
But I won't call her names.. I will tell her to her face she's very wicked.. And next time she shouldn't bother looking for cheap lands.. I will do it with my mum myself. And build My not Our dream house without her input. Maybe her brain will reset and she will start loving my mum. She can stay at home all day if she wants. Her choice.
It's annoying.. Her own MIL? some wives? I just don't understand their beef with MIL.

Ode jatijati. Why would you be very angry? Na your type dey always mess up.