₦airaland Forum

Truelies2017:
You all have spoken well. And yes the story isn't complete. But I didn't bother breaking it down cause I feel there is still no reason whatsoever to annoy you to the point of calling me a vagabond. It killed the love I have for him instantly at that moment. The fact an a wife makes my husband talk to me anyhow. If I made a mistake by calling him back a vagabond (I wouldn't have being able to call him that cause that word is just too heavy) but if I did. He would have called me a disrespectful wife. He is the kind of man who believes you must hold him in high esteem and with all manly respect, don't talk while am talking kind of man, the kind of man who wants you to give him a fatherly kind of respect. The kind of man who wouldnt talk to you for more than a day if you wake up in the morning forgetting to say goodmorning, the kind of man who doesn't believe a woman deserve to be respected, (hubby, if you see this correct me if am wrong) But how do you treat me?. Do i I have issues with his mum. Well that's personal, and i dont but he thinks i do. But was it because I refused to go check out the land with them he called me a vagabond? NO. He called me that because I didn't tell him his mum said she would be going to check out the land with us. I thought it was a decision they both made. So I decided I wasn't gonna interfere, and since it's not.like I have any money of my own yet to acquire a land, let him and his mum who really needs it more than I do go together. However I don't want to be there while she is making land decisions for her other kids. so his annoyance was why did i conclude that he asked his mum to go and check out the land with us and not discuss it with him first. That was what led to the name calling, but shpuld it warrant vagabond, calling me a FOOL almost 10times and topped it with vagabond. I can't deal. Too much for me. Dear hubby, if it happens you eventually find this post. I am not happy I was called that. That am smiling with you is because if i don't let go of grudge it's me that will still suffer but every time I i remember being called a vagabond. All I feel like doing is keeping to myself and not talking to you again you didn't kill my self esteem in anyway cause no man has the right to do that. But you have given me something to live with for a longgg time. No one has ever ever called me the kind of names you use on me many times you are angry not even my strict dad, and my keeping quiet is just because i don want you to call me a disrespectful wife again. Piece of my mind. A man, father and husband should live the life and say the kind of words you would want to hear your daughter's husband's say in future. I respect you and will always do but if I don't let you know how i feel now you will keep calling me names and I don't want. Let's bless each other more while angry than cause. Cause with time it will unconciously be depicted in our ways and we won't remember it was our mouth that caused it.

Billyonaire:
There are many Prophets on this forum, here are few that you should follow their Gospel advise - Billyonaire, adatemi, ipobbigot7, Odilafta1, etc

What is the business of the mother in law on the plot of land that the new couple want for themselves. I mean some of these mothers in law do not know where their boundaries end. It is not love, to allow your mom to intrude into your private dealings with your own wife, it is actually a mental disorder. It is a possessive disorder. Parents should learn to give their children space once they are married. They had their time with their husbands, it is time for their kids to have their own moment. Times have changed, so traditions and customs need updates.

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.
[i][/i]
I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

Codyt:
Ode jatijati. Why would you be very angry? Na your type dey always mess up.

Lordkylie:
Are these the same people that were advising the guy on that other thread not to visit his father in law as requested? They were busy shouting "you're married, in-laws should butt out of your marriage...". See them here twisting issues and telling the op to be nice to MIL because she'll be one someday. Woe betide anyone who takes NL advice that serious. Dear op,please work out your issues with your husband off nairaland
It beats my imagination that some people are trying to justify name calling.Verbal abuse is wrong on all fronts.

zeb04:
you women have a problem. Even if your kids should do something wrong, is it okay to call them a vagabond?

And if she calls him back or even say back to sender. He thinks she is disrespectful what a hypocrite.

PaperLace:
The same people that say men beat their wives because they are verbally abusive. They suddenly see nothing wrong in verbal abuse. I pity people who take most nairalanders seriously.

PaperLace:
Na their way. If I want to open such a thread, I will claim to be a guy _my wife brought her father (my FIL) to follow us. Only then would you get plenty 'realistic' comments.

Billyonaire:
What is the business of the mother in law on the plot of land that the new couple want for themselves. I mean some of these mothers in law do not know where their boundaries end. It is not love, to allow your mom to intrude into your private dealings with your own wife, it is actually a mental disorder. It is a possessive disorder. Parents should learn to give their children space once they are married. They had their time with their husbands, it is time for their kids to have their own moment. Times have changed, so traditions and customs need updates.

eyinjuege:
Well, let him know you don't like the insults he heaps on you when you're arguing.
When he starts, just walk away.
If the insults and disparagement becomes persistent, regular over time, you may need to re-evaluate your marriage, and it's purpose in your life.
Regarding the cause of the argument, I don't see the big deal if you MIL goes with you guys. But I guess you don't like her, or you're angry your husband told his mom of you people's plans. Even if you're not happy he told his mum, that doesn't mean you should excuse yourself from the trip
Anyway, just try and work things out with your husband, and resolve the name calling

divinelove:
yawns

only vagabond, is dt y u are disturbed, u need to develop some thick skin. he was angry dts all, stop annoying him b4 he beats d hell out of u

Truelies2017:
You all have spoken well. And yes the story isn't complete. But I didn't bother breaking it down cause I feel there is still no reason whatsoever to annoy you to the point of calling me a vagabond. It killed the love I have for him instantly at that moment. The fact an a wife makes my husband talk to me anyhow. If I made a mistake by calling him back a vagabond (I wouldn't have being able to call him that cause that word is just too heavy) but if I did. He would have called me a disrespectful wife. He is the kind of man who believes you must hold him in high esteem and with all manly respect, don't talk while am talking kind of man, the kind of man who wants you to give him a fatherly kind of respect. The kind of man who wouldnt talk to you for more than a day if you wake up in the morning forgetting to say goodmorning, the kind of man who doesn't believe a woman deserve to be respected, (hubby, if you see this correct me if am wrong) But how do you treat me?. Do i I have issues with his mum. Well that's personal, and i dont but he thinks i do. But was it because I refused to go check out the land with them he called me a vagabond? NO. He called me that because I didn't tell him his mum said she would be going to check out the land with us. I thought it was a decision they both made. So I decided I wasn't gonna interfere, and since it's not.like I have any money of my own yet to acquire a land, let him and his mum who really needs it more than I do go together. However I don't want to be there while she is making land decisions for her other kids. so his annoyance was why did i conclude that he asked his mum to go and check out the land with us and not discuss it with him first. That was what led to the name calling, but shpuld it warrant vagabond, calling me a FOOL almost 10times and topped it with vagabond. I can't deal. Too much for me. Dear hubby, if it happens you eventually find this post. I am not happy I was called that. That am smiling with you is because if i don't let go of grudge it's me that will still suffer but every time I i remember being called a vagabond. All I feel like doing is keeping to myself and not talking to you again you didn't kill my self esteem in anyway cause no man has the right to do that. But you have given me something to live with for a longgg time. No one has ever ever called me the kind of names you use on me many times you are angry not even my strict dad, and my keeping quiet is just because i don want you to call me a disrespectful wife again. Piece of my mind. A man, father and husband should live the life and say the kind of words you would want to hear your daughter's husband's say in future. I respect you and will always do but if I don't let you know how i feel now you will keep calling me names and I don't want. Let's bless each other more while angry than cause. Cause with time it will unconciously be depicted in our ways and we won't remember it was our mouth that caused it.

Nazeren:
You're an animal. Ladies, pls don't marry animals!

AlphaT1:
Young lady go and learn how to respect your husband and his mother, ur story is too one-sided! I can see a sharp mouthed and an ''attitude'' kind of lady here. Try and make dat sharp mouth 'blunt' coz men hate nagging wives... Else very soon he will not only call you vagabond but also hit you... Even if u don't like his mum try and pretend like you do......The man is very wrong no doubt bt check yourself as well, even from dis ur half story, the root cause still points towards you....Dont expect ur partner to change first, be the first to change!

Truelies2017:
NAiRALAND ooo!!! So that is hpw the whole lots of you deviated from the vagabond topic to MIL. I stated in my post he didn't call me that because unsaid his mum shouldn't go with us to check the land. He called me that cause I refused to tell him his mum has asked to go check the land without the consent. The question here is should a HUSBAND call his wife a vagabond. Besides i dont have any issues woth my mother in law at all. I love her like my mother. Deviating from the topic won't bring the answer. It will only casue more problems btw us. TRULY sometimes nairaland isn't the place to.pour out your mind. They will only nicely compound your issues spicing it up with joy pepper sauce.

divinelove:
Who is this goat shld I even reply a goat like u

ReneeNuttall:
This story is not complete, you didn't tell us why u refused going with ur hubby and his mum,since u are the one that initiated the idea of going to check the land....it seems u are not in good terms with ur mother in-law...pls am not justifying what ur husband said,in fact he was very wrong to av used dat word.

But then again,u ought to have know that men are emotionally attached to their mothers,while women to their dad,hence u shouldn't have denied going since the mom is going too.Also the way u replied him,wen u told him u are not going since the mom is accompanying him,might have made him get angry....just my thought though...keep praying and hoping for the best.

babythug:
I respectfully disagree with that last bit of your response! The hook up points isn't necessarily a determining factor in behavior of the couple if you get me!

I personally know two husbands of good pedigree and in respectable careers and are typically what we* would term decent fellows who call thier wives nasty names like vagabond! And no they didn't hook up in night clubs!

People will meet and have met in the most unlikely places and the relationship still turns out great

It's an individual and unsavory habit!

morkaz:
I disagree with you on this. I meet my wife at the market place and I have never for 1ce in our mre than 10years relationship use a foul language on her. Not even the commonly used "ori e o pe (you are mad)". Like you have said, its communication issue. ops, the way you try to pass your message to your husband by rejecting his mum is nt right. No man will not feel wrong by this. Please you need to study each other and learn a good ways of communication. Wish u mre conjugal bliss.

Codyt:
When you write English, pay attention. It's HIS not HER. Stop the lexical Impropriety!

Billyonaire:
What is the business of the mother in law on the plot of land that the new couple want for themselves. I mean some of these mothers in law do not know where their boundaries end. It is not love, to allow your mom to intrude into your private dealings with your own wife, it is actually a mental disorder. It is a possessive disorder. Parents should learn to give their children space once they are married. They had their time with their husbands, it is time for their kids to have their own moment. Times have changed, so traditions and customs need updates.

madridguy:
I disagree with you. You can meet your partner anywhere.