₦airaland Forum

alexialin:
If u read what op said. She said she told her husband about a cheap land, the husband in return told his mother and the mother was like its a good idea for her husband to buy and it seems she as well will buy plots of lands for her other children.

Mind you, there are parents like the MIL who buys lands and even build houses ontop and will to their children. My late mum bought lands behind our backs her children and willed the lands with built houses ontop to each one of us, before her Demise. So it's very possible all the mil wants is to buy lands for the rest of her children.

But op thought the mil wants to snoop on them and possibly, only God what she was thinking is behind the mil motives of coming along. Everybody knows what belongs to the man belongs to the wife.. Lets all pray we live long to inherit properties.

But at the end, the MIL is way older than the wife, definitely she will be the one that will leave this earth peaceful through old-age before the wife..
So why the insecurities?
Doesn't she know the way she acted? The mil will hear about it and resent her for it. Where MIL mind no dey, someone like the wife has thought way ahead of her.
Why all these scheming thoughts..
My dear.. Thank God my eyes no dey husband or fiance property.. Whatever he has is for the children and whatever I have is for our kids. Next of kin are the kids.
So what's the big deal mil wants to come along and see the lands herself.

For me I don't have time to start thinking what's not there.

And inbetween am a lady

You did not understand op fully. OP explained further on the thread. I think you read OP's first post and commented. I read through the thread for her further posts answering questions raised before I commented. OP was the one who told her MIL that there were cheap plots of land for sale and invited her MIL to come along. So why would she think of her MIL snooping?

We do not know how her SILs and BILs would react if they knew OP played a role in land matter that concerns all her inlaws. We do not know their family dynamics.

ReneeNuttall:
This story is not complete, you didn't tell us why u refused going with ur hubby and his mum,since u are the one that initiated the idea of going to check the land....it seems u are not in good terms with ur mother in-law...pls am not justifying what ur husband said,in fact he was very wrong to av used dat word.

But then again,u ought to have know that men are emotionally attached to their mothers,while women to their dad,hence u shouldn't have denied going since the mom is going too.Also the way u replied him,wen u told him u are not going since the mom is accompanying him,might have made him get angry....just my thought though...keep praying and hoping for the best.

GOD bless you for the way you addressed this.

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

Are u a vagabond? Then no reason to bring it to nairaland

Truelies2017:
NAiRALAND ooo!!! So that is hpw the whole lots of you deviated from the vagabond topic to MIL. I stated in my post he didn't call me that because unsaid his mum shouldn't go with us to check the land. He called me that cause I refused to tell him his mum has asked to go check the land without the consent. The question here is should a HUSBAND call his wife a vagabond. Besides i dont have any issues woth my mother in law at all. I love her like my mother. Deviating from the topic won't bring the answer. It will only casue more problems btw us. TRULY sometimes nairaland isn't the place to.pour out your mind. They will only nicely compound your issues spicing it up with joy pepper sauce.

so u want to add nairaland to the list of people u are have issues with.. Ok, now i see, it seems u are the kinda wife that pick a fight with anyone who is telling u the truth u don't wanna hear...... Go ahead n fight ur MIL, fight ur HUBBY, n fight nairaland too, in short, fight everybody, u hear me madam no nonsense. U too get strength

gnykelly:
no matter the angle you view it from. it wrong to have suggested bringing his mother. things like this should be discreet between couples. a man should let loose from his mama wrapper when he gets married. I guess the man in question was given everything on a platter of gold. even job. he exhibit someone over pampered. mind you I'm a male.

I totally understand ur point sir,but I don't see anything wrong with his mum accompanying them,after all she was the one that intimated her MIL about the land.And from what she said,she said her MIL has been looking for land to buy for her children. so why did she refused her accompanying them? Also u know that we women know how to run our mouth a lot,probably she said something that didn't go down well with her hubby ,aside the reason she stated earlier. ....pls note that am not in support of what her husband said.

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. [size=18] Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry.™[/size] I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

Did you expect him to clap for you after your hateful comment about his mother ?

You find trouble dey cry foul. You know what you did. He only wanted getting back at you.

sshalom:
GOD bless you for the way you addressed this.

Amen,and u too

ReneeNuttall:
This story is not complete, you didn't tell us why u refused going with ur hubby and his mum,since u are the one that initiated the idea of going to check the land....it seems u are not in good terms with ur mother in-law...pls am not justifying what ur husband said,in fact he was very wrong to av used dat word.

But then again,u ought to have know that men are emotionally attached to their mothers,while women to their dad,hence u shouldn't have denied going since the mom is going too.Also the way u replied him,wen u told him u are not going since the mom is accompanying him,might have made him get angry....just my thought though...keep praying and hoping for the best.

She wanted it to be between herself and her husband and not his mother, why are you blaming her or didn't the bible say "A MAN must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife" why should she be blamed when the man refuses to grow up

If you like attach yourself to your son and expect your daughter in law to understand, you will only be destroying your child's marriage.

nnamdibig:
You saw a land you want him to buy, he told her mum about it, you became uninterested, WHY?
He is wrong calling you such name but the root cause of the problem was the sudden change of mind when her mother was involved.
I always say that married couple should never allow argument get to the point of name calling or fight. One of you should just take a walk.

By the way, wetin your mother in law do you?

This couple are not close enough to eachother.

The woman is hurt her husband couldn't tell her that MIL would be informed or tagged along.

Pidgin2:
She wanted it to be between herself and her husband and not his mother, why are you blaming her or didn't the bible say "A MAN must leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife" why should she be blamed when the man refuses to grow up

If you like attach yourself to your son and expect your daughter in law to understand, you will only be destroying your child's marriage.

I didn't and never blamed her,I was only stating the obvious. why did she break the news about the land to her mother in-law before her husband?why didn't she keep it confidential btwn her and her hubby knowing fully well that her mother in-law is also looking fr land to buy too?.

eniwhy:
You are the cause of the insult! Do you have idea how we men feel when our women don't like to hear about our mum? There must be hidden agenda why you refuse to go with your hubby's mum.Did he call you vagabond before land issue? Just apologise to him.

Grow up, your wife might have a mother and father and I'm sure you will not like them intruding in your business so does your wife.

ReneeNuttall:
I totally understand ur point sir,but I don't see anything wrong with his mum accompanying them,after all she was the one that intimated her MIL about the land.And from what she said,she said her MIL has been looking for land to buy for her children. so why did she refused her accompanying them? Also u know that we women know how to run our mouth a lot,probably she said something that didn't go down well with her hubby ,aside the reason she stated earlier. ....pls note that am not in support of what her husband said.

You run your mouth a lot, not WE WOMEN, thanks.

mastermaestro:
Anyway why did you steal a Bible?

I no get na. Is it a sin?

ReneeNuttall:
I didn't and never blamed her,I was only stating the obvious. why did she break the news about the land to her mother in-law before her husband?why didn't she keep it confidential btwn her and her hubby knowing fully well that her mother in-law is also looking fr land to buy too?.

Her husband involved his mother too, she knew he would but she didn't expect him to invite her MIL on the day they had scheduled to check the land, maybe she thought her MIL might go there with someone else since she also wants to purchase land for her kids.

Take it easy, you just keep acting as if you are not female, try to empathize a bit na, it's not easy coping with MILs

PaperLace:
You run your mouth a lot, not WE WOMEN, thans.

U inclusive, am in the barracks coman beat me

If this name calling hurts you this badly, what happened to your own mouth? You are too emotional and people like you will hurt a lot in this life. Toughen up, it will do you good. In case you don't know, no one has a right to abuse you verbally or physically in the name of husband or horseband and you have no right to abuse anyone too except in self defense . Better wear your big girl's pant and drop this whinny baby attitude for your own sake.


What upsets you so about mother in law tagging along? If you married a mama's boy, you need to start getting comfy with mama in your face all the time. You are bit too emotional, work on that. If a pan of poo is thrown at you, just throw it right back and feel better. Life is too short to be all whinny and sore over irrelevants.

Pidgin2:
Her husband involved his mother too, she knew he would but she didn't expect him to invite her MIL on the day they had scheduled to check the land, maybe she thought her MIL might go there with someone else since she also wants to purchase land for her kids.

Take it easy, you just keep acting as if you are not female

The matta sef yaff tire me.Am begining to see this as a fiction not a real life experience,probably nollywood excerpt.

alexialin:
True words

Even if I were the husband I will be very angry she doesn't want my Mother to come..
But I won't call her names.. I will tell her to her face she's very wicked.. And next time she shouldn't bother looking for cheap lands.. I will do it with my mum myself. And build My not Our dream house without her input. Maybe her brain will reset and she will start loving my mum. She can stay at home all day if she wants. Her choice.
It's annoying.. Her own MIL? some wives? I just don't understand their beef with MIL.

I foresee problems in your marriage if you continue like this and you will have yourself to blame for it, this one is an authentic mama's boy

Ladies, if your sons lack male role models in their lives, send them to boarding school(all boys), most of our guys are pure women wrapper, too weak and emotional, Lord have mercy.

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

you hurt him and he looked for a way to hurt you back. nothing special

From the Ops submissions it seems her husband has very little respect for her which is so unfortunate, while calling you a vagabond was totally wrong.I imagine it didnt start recently .You obviously saw these abusive traits while courting before marriage and perhaps ignored them and shunned other interested guys who were probably much decent in this regard but likely less bouyant than your present partner.Well, You've made your choice, take responsibility for the outcome of the name calling character of his and pray God will change him.

Myopic, did u read the write up properly? Who wants to pay for the land?

Pidgin2:
Grow up, your wife might have a mother and father and I'm sure you will not like them intruding in your business so does your wife.

eniwhy:
Myopic, did u read the write up properly? Who wants to pay for the land?

Enjoy your bann

I always make sense, I think Mr Seun will look into the matter before I would get banned.

Pidgin2:
Enjoy your bann

PaperLace:
You run your mouth a lot, not WE WOMEN, thanks.


I no get na. Is it a sin?

Meet me in my office right now for further discussion. Don't be late.

Truelies2017:
NAiRALAND ooo!!! So that is hpw the whole lots of you deviated from the vagabond topic to MIL. I stated in my post he didn't call me that because unsaid his mum shouldn't go with us to check the land. He called me that cause I refused to tell him his mum has asked to go check the land without the consent. The question here is should a HUSBAND call his wife a vagabond. Besides i dont have any issues woth my mother in law at all. I love her like my mother. Deviating from the topic won't bring the answer. It will only casue more problems btw us. TRULY sometimes nairaland isn't the place to.pour out your mind. They will only nicely compound your issues spicing it up with joy pepper sauce.

The greatest form of deceit is self deceit. From the little you have shared, strangers feel you have an issue with your MIL, your hubby himself thinks you have an issue with MIL, the only person who thinks otherwise is yourself.

The amazing part is that this whole thing started based on your assumption that your MIL will snatch the land that you took the pains to find once she sees it.

As per the name calling, dont know how old you both are but i am guessing below 30 and probably less than a year of marriage...for him to have repeated "fool" ten times and top it up with vagabond...shows it was more of a contest of insults. It should never have gotten to that level.

You both have a lot to learn. On your part...learn to forgive...saying he has given you something negative to hold on to will make u bitter. You should have a talk with him and address the issue of name calling. Disagreements can be had as adults without resulting to name calling.

Then as regards MIL, free your mind, if you are going to assume anything, assume the best.

All the best with your marriage.

eniwhy:
I always make sense, I think Mr Seun will look into the matter before I would get banned.

Seun, will indeed look into it and do the needful. You shouldn't call people fools for any reason.

Vagabond is one who wanders around, n I don't see d nexus with this story wen u refused to go see the land with him , cos a vagabond would even love to go. Or maybe ur husband don't even know the meaning of the word. But anyways, it's wrong to use vulgar words on people. But then again, it takes two to tangle.

ReneeNuttall:
This story is not complete, you didn't tell us why u refused going with ur hubby and his mum,since u are the one that initiated the idea of going to check the land....it seems u are not in good terms with ur mother in-law...pls am not justifying what ur husband said,in fact he was very wrong to av used dat word.

But then again,u ought to have know that men are emotionally attached to their mothers,while women to their dad,hence u shouldn't have denied going since the mom is going too.Also the way u replied him,wen u told him u are not going since the mom is accompanying him,might have made him get angry....just my thought though...keep praying and hoping for the best.

women, we are our own enemies. I love the men no matter what they do they will still support themselves. some one told you that the husband insulted her and you are here blaming her, why giving excuse for a grown man, its people like you that gave the men the kind of right they think they have in marriages today and also making women to be suffering enduring their marriages all in the name of what the society will say about them. just common "thankyou" a guy can not tell his mil and he still has support from the guys, God abeg in my next life let me be a man

ReneeNuttall:
U inclusive, am in the barracks coman beat me

You can't speak for me dear, you can only speak for yourself and the women in your life/family. If that's how you people run your mouth, please stop. Don't go thinking it's the norm.
I'm done on this.

cutediva87:
women, we are our own enemies. I love the men no matter what they do they will still support themselves. some one told you that the husband insulted her and you are here blaming her, why giving excuse for a grown man, its people like you that gave the men the kind of right they think they have in marriages today and also making women to be suffering enduring their marriages all in the name of what the society will say about them. just common "thankyou" a guy can not tell his mil and he still has support from the guys, God abeg in my next life let me be a woman

I have to agree with you on this. She spent more time addressing the misconstrued MIL issue than the verbal abuse. Would she go with her father on such a mission? I doubt so. If this thread was the reverse, you would have seen NL guys in action...

Guess,we shud come flog ur hubby abi....any small issue na social media,instead of u to look for ways to talk to him & let him know u re hurt by his words u re here asking yeye question.... Abeg

CheedyJ:
Guess,we shud come flog ur hubby abi....any small issue na social media,instead of u to look for ways to talk to him & let him know u re hurt by his words u re here asking yeye question.... Abeg

this is what I'm talking about.

[What do you mean by growing up? That was an insult to me!!!! I didnt mean to call you that but you caused it. Sorry about that.quote author=Pidgin2 post=55014751]

Seun, will indeed look into it and do the needful. You shouldn't call people fools for any reason.[/quote]

olureignforever:
Before I post this, I narrated the scenario to my hubby and his response was, if he were to be in that shoe, he wouldn't have told his Mum about it until the house is completed. He love his family members and also love his immediate family.
Well, his response is who he is. I.e individual difference. I have come to understand that third party involvement in marriage is what breaks marriage. When we bought our land, No member of our family knew that we were building until when we wanted to pack in. They were happy and we are happy. Marriage is between two people with common purpose.

olureignforever:
Before I post this, I narrated the scenario to my hubby and his response was, if he were to be in that shoe, he wouldn't have told his Mum about it until the house is completed. He love his family members and also love his immediate family.
Well, his response is who he is. I.e individual difference. I have come to understand that third party involvement in marriage is what breaks marriage. When we bought our land, No member of our family knew that we were building until when we wanted to pack in. They were happy and we are happy. Marriage is between two people with common purpose.

that is Op's silent pain though she has not stated that fact. if MIL disapproves of the land, that might be the end of it. for such men it's 'mother has the last say ' especially as the DIL has nothing to contribute financially. Marriage in Africa is quite challenging.