₦airaland Forum

Its not like the OP didn't see all these traits before marriage. She did, but decided that well, he is rich, and he understands how to pay all my bills, so lets get married. The man is totally wrong to call you names but if you observe, most abusive husbands are usually rich and pay all the wife's bills, hence the woman remains in the marriage. Most men hardly respect their wives who have no financial input to the marriage, especially after the initial lovey-dovey years have waned off .

ReneeNuttall:
This story is not complete, you didn't tell us why u refused going with ur hubby and his mum,since u are the one that initiated the idea of going to check the land....it seems u are not in good terms with ur mother in-law...pls am not justifying what ur husband said,in fact he was very wrong to av used dat word.

But then again,u ought to have know that men are emotionally attached to their mothers,while women to their dad,hence u shouldn't have denied going since the mom is going too.Also the way u replied him,wen u told him u are not going since the mom is accompanying him,might have made him get angry....just my thought though...keep praying and hoping for the best.

correct....my own question to d op..madam are u a vegab***

You just discussed the flesh of the matter. OP is obviously not happy that her husband told his mum about the land. I don't know why women usually just want to be enemies with their MIL. She used her own mouth to say her mother in law is interested in buying land and she is annoyed that the guy told his mum. Madam, calm down, your mother Inlaw cannot drag your husband with you. Even if she does, she cannot enter the oda room with him. Instead learn to understand your husband and communicate with him.

ReneeNuttall:
This story is not complete, you didn't tell us why u refused going with ur hubby and his mum,since u are the one that initiated the idea of going to check the land....it seems u are not in good terms with ur mother in-law...pls am not justifying what ur husband said,in fact he was very wrong to av used dat word.

But then again,u ought to have know that men are emotionally attached to their mothers,while women to their dad,hence u shouldn't have denied going since the mom is going too.Also the way u replied him,wen u told him u are not going since the mom is accompanying him,might have made him get angry....just my thought though...keep praying and hoping for the best.

Truelies2017:
You all have spoken well. And yes the story isn't complete. But I didn't bother breaking it down cause I feel there is still no reason whatsoever to annoy you to the point of calling me a vagabond. It killed the love I have for him instantly at that moment. The fact an a wife makes my husband talk to me anyhow. If I made a mistake by calling him back a vagabond (I wouldn't have being able to call him that cause that word is just too heavy) but if I did. He would have called me a disrespectful wife. He is the kind of man who believes you must hold him in high esteem and with all manly respect, don't talk while am talking kind of man, the kind of man who wants you to give him a fatherly kind of respect. The kind of man who wouldnt talk to you for more than a day if you wake up in the morning forgetting to say goodmorning, the kind of man who doesn't believe a woman deserve to be respected, (hubby, if you see this correct me if am wrong) But how do you treat me?. Do i I have issues with his mum. Well that's personal, and i dont but he thinks i do. But was it because I refused to go check out the land with them he called me a vagabond? NO. He called me that because I didn't tell him his mum said she would be going to check out the land with us. I thought it was a decision they both made. So I decided I wasn't gonna interfere, and since it's not.like I have any money of my own yet to acquire a land, let him and his mum who really needs it more than I do go together. However I don't want to be there while she is making land decisions for her other kids. so his annoyance was why did i conclude that he asked his mum to go and check out the land with us and not discuss it with him first. That was what led to the name calling, but shpuld it warrant vagabond, calling me a FOOL almost 10times and topped it with vagabond. I can't deal. Too much for me. Dear hubby, if it happens you eventually find this post. I am not happy I was called that. That am smiling with you is because if i don't let go of grudge it's me that will still suffer but every time I i remember being called a vagabond. All I feel like doing is keeping to myself and not talking to you again you didn't kill my self esteem in anyway cause no man has the right to do that. But you have given me something to live with for a longgg time. No one has ever ever called me the kind of names you use on me many times you are angry not even my strict dad, and my keeping quiet is just because i don want you to call me a disrespectful wife again. Piece of my mind. A man, father and husband should live the life and say the kind of words you would want to hear your daughter's husband's say in future. I respect you and will always do but if I don't let you know how i feel now you will keep calling me names and I don't want. Let's bless each other more while angry than cause. Cause with time it will unconciously be depicted in our ways and we won't remember it was our mouth that caused it.

omomo sorry ooo...kuma just tell us say u and mama no dey rub mind with each oda..u knw d kind of person he is n yet try to provoke him...aunty just tek am easy with am u knw we no dey there when u marry am.

Pataricatering:
Your husband has absolutely no right to call you a vagabond , fool , idiot or any other abusive word ! That is verbal abuse and I'm amazed at the comments on this issue. Your mother in law does not seem to know her boundaries - husband and wife make plans for their future not husband , mom and wife. Your mother in law has to respect the relationship you have with your husband as you must respect his relationship with his mom. As for your husband the next time he calls you fool or vagabond - tell him very clearly without mincing words - to NEVER EVER call you that ever again ! And walk off. If you respect him then he must respect you!

Hahaha... clown!!!

alexialin:
It's not that I have lot of anger bottled up.. But the issue is this, I place myself in the mother's shoes.
I have a son and he is married.. Then out of the blues, he came excitedly to my house saying mama, guess what? My wife saw a cheap land, the price is unbelievable and I honestly want to buy it.. Wow! This is a good deal.
If am close to my son, which I know I will definitely be and with all my children by God's grace. I will love to follow him and see the land with my own two eyes. My son is about to own a land.. Forget maybe I want to buy for his other siblings. But the issue is am going with my son to see the first land he's about to buy. That's a great joy for some parents to hear, I don't know of other parents o.. But their son is progressing. It's a good news.
And if his wife kick against me coming along?? . I will be very hurt. Cause have taken her as part of the family. But it seems she sees me as a stranger or the third wheel.
That's if am the MIL of the op.
That's why am angry


Little things like this cause discord and suspicions towards the wife. If she doesn't know.


Anyways all my kids whether grown or babies will be close to me and confide in me. Cause what an old woman is seeing sitting down, an adult will not be able to see it, even climbing ontop a roof.

One crate of Guinness extra stout for you...

Gloryfox:
from ur two topics u married him cos hes rich and u say the signs and overlooked. so why bother us

exactly what m about to say they want to eat their cake & have it.

mctowel01:
Its not like the OP didn't see all these traits before marriage. She did, but decided that well, he is rich, and he understands how to pay all my bills, so lets get married. The man is totally wrong to call you names but if you observe, most abusive husbands are usually rich and pay all the wife's bills, hence the woman remains in the marriage. Most men hardly respect their wives who have no financial input to the marriage, especially after the initial lovey-dovey years have waned off .

They will never accept this fact but when it happens they will come to NL & start wailing.

dvine2020:
[left][/left]that is Op's silent pain though she has not stated that fact. if MIL disapproves of the land, that might be the end of it. for such men it's 'mother has the last say ' especially as the DIL has nothing to contribute financially. Marriage in Africa is quite challenging.

Seriously, God will save African women.

I must marry .. Now u don marry.. U don enta one chance..

@op, you need to check this out.
https://www.nairaland.com/3707896/four-signs-marriage-not-last#55011480

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

he called you a vagabond and you're vexed to the core?
some ladies receive much more insults, the thing is that you guys have to settle your score and understand your differences.

my sis married her boyfriend from secondary school, attended the same polytechnic earning their ND n HND together, and married in 2012 after dating for 14years. in fact you'll enjoy watching them act drama, they can insult them self from morning to night, and it doesn't change anything between them. Understand your husband.

This world would have been a far better place for women and marriages will last till forever if only women sees their mothers in-law as their very own mother and much more.

sbashir10:
he called you a vagabond and you're vexed to the core?
some ladies receive much more insults, the thing is that you guys have to settle your score and understand your differences.

my sis married her boyfriend from secondary school, attended the same polytechnic earning their ND n HND together, and married in 2012 after dating for 14years. in fact you'll enjoy watching them act drama, they can insult them self from morning to night, and it doesn't change anything between them. Understand your husband.

My dear you are indeed referring to me and my hubby, its just that we didn't attend the same university together. Pls help me ask her if her hubby no abuse her, se na me go abuse her.

thorpido:
Your husband is very wrong for using those words.If he felt offended about anything,he should have discussed it.
I think the major problem here is communication.You both need to improve on it.

The foundation of the marriage also matters.........finding partners in a club or bar,a school environment,Oshodi market etc determines how words will be used.

Judging on one side story huh? When it comes to word i give it to women, They can say anything to you when they are angry but just one from you they gonna explode..

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

yeye woman and u expect solution from nairaland. Mind u no reasonable man would tolerate any form of competition from his wife in respect of his mum. Win his mum and u have him all to urself. Why r u trying to put ur husband in a difficult position ? U expect him to prove that he Loves u more than his mum right? Well the good news is that u mayb a mother in law too someday and let's hope u find urself in this situation. I must tell u the truth u r not a good wife to start with. I believe the man is even linient for calling u vagabond. I can't imagine that u trying to dissociate urself from d family as if to say u are not a member. The man is getting irritated by u and soon he may b forced to start hitting u. My advice to u is that if ur mother in law is bad then b good to her that way ur husband will realize u r a jewel rather than putting up this nollywood show of shame.

ReneeNuttall:
This story is not complete, you didn't tell us why u refused going with ur hubby and his mum,since u are the one that initiated the idea of going to check the land....it seems u are not in good terms with ur mother in-law...pls am not justifying what ur husband said,in fact he was very wrong to av used dat word.

But then again,u ought to have know that men are emotionally attached to their mothers,while women to their dad,hence u shouldn't have denied going since the mom is going too.Also the way u replied him,wen u told him u are not going since the mom is accompanying him,might have made him get angry....just my thought though...keep praying and hoping for the best.

God bless you jare, If money inlaw is not going she will go with her hubby but as mother inlaw is going she refuse to go with them why if i may ask?

I don't know why most wife always want to be in control, I believe she might have ask her hubby not to tell his mother about it..

Some women will be saying can't you just be a man and not tell you mother about it? But they wil tell all their friends and family about it..

Truelies2017:
I don't think some men understands that no matter how angry you are there is power in the tongue and their are some you should never alter or declare on your patner. Correct me if am wrong.

Now this was what happened and I felt i didn't warrant being called that name.

I found out about a cheap land out for sale in lekki. Called hubby to inform him that we should go check it out and might just become land owners. So I think he also discussed it with his mum cause she also planned to buy land for her kids as gift..

So mother in law called me this morning and said she would like to go with us whenever we intend checking the land. I wanted to pour my heart out to my hubby immediately after the conversation but I thought it wasn't the right time.

So later that evening he raised an issue about us going to the land. Then I said i I won't be going since mother in law would be going. I think that got him angry. I tried explaining to him why I won't be going.

To cut the long story short. He started calling me all sort of names. The next word i heard was VAGABOND!!!! In my heart I thought too much. I cried bitterly. It would have hurt if it was just anyone but not the man you are married to who should be the one blessing you. I feel sometimes some men take their power for granted and don't even know the words to refrain from. He repeated this word almost 3times, then it dawned on me he didn't even see anything wrong. So many times he has used other hurtful words and while am trying to make him take back the words or even return the words back to sender am termed as a disrespectful wife. So I thought I seek others opinion.

Are our husbands allowed to use any word on us just because they can and if not this is the medium to let those who doesn't know.

From the little I can denote, you are at fault.... Calm down and overlook things ma'am.... That way, relationships/marriages last longer

iPopAlomo:
Aunty do you think we're illiterates... You said you didn't want to interfere with mother and son... now you're saying he called you a vagabond because you refused to tell him his mum has asked to go and check the land with you guys without his consent...

e be like say English dey worry you... Mstcheeeeeew!!!

You are a smart dude. You're the only one who identified the discrepancy. She's a little dodgy. However, her husband was wrong on all fronts to be verbally abusive.

Truelies2017:
NAiRALAND ooo!!! So that is hpw the whole lots of you deviated from the vagabond topic to MIL. I stated in my post he didn't call me that because unsaid his mum shouldn't go with us to check the land. He called me that cause I refused to tell him his mum has asked to go check the land without the consent. The question here is should a HUSBAND call his wife a vagabond. Besides i dont have any issues woth my mother in law at all. I love her like my mother. Deviating from the topic won't bring the answer. It will only casue more problems btw us. TRULY sometimes nairaland isn't the place to.pour out your mind. They will only nicely compound your issues spicing it up with joy pepper sauce.

I agree with u , u are in d shoes and u know where it pinches there are alot of children and too young(old but nothing upst...) at heart. Y im still here to learn from others and correct myself. I most time come here to laff too but 80% of comments I weed away because they lack substance , there are lot of children of hate out there. I also note names to watch out for on both sides. My sister call him when he is cool and tell him what you dont like and continuously u will see he will change. I have temper too but consistently my wife changed me.

Elle277:
Its good to learn,,I am here to learn!

You appear to be a woman who's meticulous in handling marital issues and more likely to take corrections. Kudos!

Mypeople2:
Mrs sorry about that .He said it when he was angry .I want to plead on his behalf. Sorry eh ..Ndo Sorry eh ..You be sweet wife na .You are a sweet baby .Your husband know say u make sense die ..Your food make sense die ..Sorry na ..Don't worry ,you have a big portion in the land.Nor vex ..But respect he mumsy sha and go with him to check the land .He needs the support of a sweetheart like you. Nor vex o

Na this kind guy go dey tell their friends wey dey do anyhow with their wives "guy, you dey f*ck up". Correct!

ISTANDWITHBUHAR:
Judging on one side story huh? When it comes to word i give it to women, They can say anything to you when they are angry but just one from you they gonna explode..

No doubt when it comes to verbal abuse,women top but when men run their mouths it's worth news.
You will always hear of a dog biting a man but when you hear a man bit a dog,it's news.

ISTANDWITHBUHAR:
God bless you jare, If money inlaw is not going she will go with her hubby but as mother inlaw is going she refuse to go with them why if i may ask?

I don't know why most wife always want to be in control, I believe she might have ask her hubby not to tell his mother about it..

Some women will be saying can't you just be a man and not tell you mother about it? But they wil tell all their friends and family about it..

What more can I say? God bless u too.Have a nice day.

Pidgin2:
I foresee problems in your marriage if you continue like this and you will have yourself to blame for it, this one is an authentic mama's boy

Ladies, if your sons lack male role models in their lives, send them to boarding school(all boys), most of our guys are pure women wrapper, too weak and emotional, Lord have mercy.

I wont have problems in my marriage, trust me. A mother who is not close to her children is not a real mother.. She's just for show. And I believe that's where u belong.
My sons will never meet a woman like you God forbid. They will marry good women who believes in unity not discord.

My sons will have conscience, they will know how to treat good women right and flee from bad women. They will handle family wisely and properly. They will take after me and their father,perfect combo whom someone like u will say he's woman wrapper.. But he's not. He's one of the best men out there. With a heart of gold.

Am close to his mum. And his sisters. He's so close to his parents. And he checks on them by calling every week. Which I know u can never understand what family is. He's family oriented likewise me too.. I don't believe in scheming here and there. Or thinking that my fiancé's mother wants to take over everything he owns.

Such mentality is a sick mentality. OK he has 3 houses already inherited from his dad.. Will I then start isolating his mum ,dad and siblings, because I want him to place all his properties in my name abi? Women like u? Wickedness is an understatement.

Some women and wives are very foolishhh..all these una he is my husband and he should forget his family is purely devlish.
The earlier u appreciate the role of a mother in someones life, The better for u.. Oresle your marriage will fall right infront of your eyes like a pack of cards.
It's your choice.

And stop disturbing my mentions with your twisted mentality.

iPopAlomo:
One crate of Guinness extra stout for you...

Thanks jare.. Unlike some peeps here who do not appreciate the role of a good mother in their lives and feeling to confide in her is wrong.

alexialin:
I wont have problems in my marriage, trust me. A mother who is not close to her children is not a real mother.. She's just for show. And I believe that's where u belong.
My sons will never meet a woman like you God forbid. They will marry good women who believes in unity not discord.

My sons will have conscience, they will know how to treat good women right and flee from bad women. They will handle family wisely and properly. They will take after me and their father,perfect combo whom someone like u will say he's woman wrapper.. But he's not. He's one of the best men out there. With a heart of gold.

Am close to his mum. And his sisters. He's so close to his parents. And he checks on them by calling every week. Which I know u can never understand what family is. He's family oriented likewise me too.. I don't believe in scheming here and there. Or thinking that my fiancé's mother wants to take over everything he owns.

Such mentality is a sick mentality. OK he has 3 houses already inherited from his dad.. Will I then start isolating his mum ,dad and siblings, because I want him to place all his properties in my name abi? Women like u? Wickedness is an understatement.

Some women and wives are very foolishhh..all these una he is my husband and he should forget his family is purely devlish.
The earlier u appreciate the role of a mother in someones life, The better for u.. Oresle your marriage will fall right infront of your eyes like a pack of cards.
It's your choice.

And stop disturbing my mentions with your twisted mentality.

I hope when your wife places her parents and relatives as her priority , you won't complain? Because I'm wondering if you think she would be without parents or relatives that she might be responsible for, hope you are ready to cater for both parents because no woman from a good home will watch you take care of yours while abandoning hers

You wrote all this epistle in response to a very short message? lol I pity your future spouse sha, I hope she studies your character fully before marriage because it wouldn't be easy living with someone like you

alexialin:
What's the insult for?
Did I call your name?
If u can't express yourself maturedly? Then get the fucvk off my mentions
When people are talking.. Goats like you shouldn't even breathe a word.

No common sense.

You're right. Now that I have your attention, can we close the chapter now?

Pidgin2:
I hope when your wife places her parents and relatives as her priority , you won't complain? Because I'm wondering if you think she would be without parents or relatives that she might be responsible for, hope you are ready to cater for both parents because no woman from a good home will watch you take care of yours while abandoning hers

You wrote all this epistle in response to a very short message? lol I pity your future spouse sha, I hope she studies your character fully before marriage because it wouldn't be easy living with someone like you

If UV read and truly understand what av been saying from day one till now. U will realise am a Lady and not a guy .
Please read and understand ..am not like most nigerian women out there . my orientation as a Lady is far off from what women these days think is obtainable. That's the main reason my fiance loves me so much .
I honestly don't have time to create bad blood between I and my in-laws .. No time . when I have businesses and projects of my own to complete successfully.
And yes ! my fiancé always place his family as a priority, as well as me too .cause they exist and without his parents giving birth to him and trained him to be who he is now..I won't see him to fall in love with ..
By Gods grace ,we will both have time for both of our parents and make them happy in old age ..so help me God. .I definitely will. Our children unborn will not forget me and fiance in old age ..amen

Always recognise and appreciate the efforts of parents ..be it yours or another ..it's goes a long way in life .

All these principles have been working for me .

alexialin:
If UV read and truly understand what av been saying from day one till now. U will realise am a Lady and not a guy .
Please read and understand ..am not like most nigerian women out there . my orientation as a Lady is far off from what women these days think is obtainable. That's the main reason my fiance loves me so much .
I honestly don't have time to create bad blood between I and my in-laws .. No time . when I have businesses and projects of my own to complete successful.
And my fiancé always place his family as a priority .cause they exist and without his parents giving birth to him and trained him to be who he is now..I won't see him to fall in love with ..

Always recognise and appreciate the efforts of parents ..be it yours or another ..it's goes a long way in life .

Okay, so your husband to be always places his family as his priority and you don't have parents to prioritize, they didn't feed you, clothe you, care for you and send you to school abi?

By the time you need money to care for your kids and he gives it to his people instead I hope you will begin to empathize with some women who are struggling with spouses like this. Or do you think anybody will purposely want to stop her husband from caring for his relatives? By the time both of you have a joint account and you see that nothing is being sent to your own parents but large sums are being transferred to his maybe you might learn to understand what some people are going through

I don't think anybody from a good home will hate his or her in laws but one must be balanced in handling such matters, if you have not been prioritizing your parents you better start because I don't think you fell from a coconut tree, someone was responsible for making you who you are now.

Pidgin2:
Okay, so your husband to be always places his family as his priority and you don't have parents to prioritize, they didn't feed you, clothe you, care for you and send you to school abi?

By the time you need money to care for your kids and he gives it to his people instead I hope you will begin to empathize with some women who are struggling with spouses like this. Or do you think anybody will purposely want to stop her husband from caring for his relatives? By the time both of you have a joint account and you see that nothing is being sent to your own parents but large sums are being transferred to his maybe you might learn to understand what some people are going through

I don't think anybody from a good home will hate his or her in laws but one must be balanced in handling such matters, if you have not been prioritizing your parents you better start because I don't think you fell from a coconut tree, someone was responsible for making you who you are now.

UV not read anything to understand simple English. He takes care of his family .I take care of mine .I don't not have time hating his family or his parents because he cares for them. If honestly u have a career or a bizness doing, which is flourishing .trust me u won't focus all your attention withdrawing his heart from his parents .
It will be joint effort between both of you.that both parents from bothe sides are taken care of and prioritized .

But because u don't have a job, so no source of income from your side ..u want your husband to side line his family. Especially his parents . and focus on only u abi? And possibly your own family too.. Because hes an automated robot abi?
Well since I became close to his family .. As also taking care of my family..my bizness has been booming even in this recession. Prayers I receive from both sides gladdens my heart so well..and my account is always receiving alert every week..I mean every week. So am happy with what am Doing

I honestly pity the unfortunate man that will marry you.
He Don enter one chance lol

What a pity

miredia:
You appear to be a woman who's meticulous in handling marital issues and more likely to take corrections. Kudos!

wow!,Thanks