₦airaland Forum

[color=#006600][/color]u are a fool my brother if you still allow her to be staying with you.Bleep her pekus send her out,nigeria girls are nothing but olosho demons

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nkemdi89:
Look at the way most of the ladies are quick to blame him but it's common, having two men in which the one you love doesn't really love you much, while the one you don't love is madly in loving with you. Ladies pray and fast for the former to propose( which will never work) while the latter will. The bottom line is that they accept the latter proposal out of the refusal of the former to propose. She will grow to love you, just continue to remain good, with time she will find out the other man will only be her ex and nothing more.

hahahahahahaha....I laugh in Hispanic.madam u funny ooh especially ur last sentence

check below

My brother let me advice you firstly you did the first mistake... By making love cover your face but since you have permitted it Is your cross you have to carry it firstly for your soul spirit and body and your kids and family.... Just forgive her....[color=#990000][/color]

She exhibited the same character traits before marriage but you didnt care to investigate her then. Usually women who dont love their partner but are desperate for marriage still pretend they do, they do however show their true self after marriage. But in your case, she revealed herself to you every step of the relationship but you ignored it because the sex was good? Or she was the first? Or you thought you'll never find anyone? Apologies to ladies, but men have all the advantage in the dating game, use it for your own peace of mind. For one thing, we dont have the pressure of biological clock ticking, so, take all the time you need to choose the partner that'll give you the most happiness.

This could've been me too. My ex would act this way too, had zero regard for me, she'd even tell me guys she's been with, while still claiming born again in the same sentence! We drifted apart but still friends, and up until the week I got married, we were on talking terms and she would suggest we were a possibility even though I was in another country. Long story short, she found out about my marriage on facebook and stopped all communications. Six years on, she's still single, according to mutual friends.

ThatIgboBoy:
Was ur husband the reason u were confiding and seeking comfort in another mans arms?

yes and we talked about it den it was settled

ademola2017:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am in a state of dilemma as my marriage is shaking.

Before we got married, my wife treated me like a piece of shit and never gave me any regards or attention. Any little quarrel would be blown out of proportion and wouldn't talk to me for days. I did the calling always and each time I ask her why she doesn't call, she would say I should get used to it. There was a day when a baseless quarrel occurred, she accused me falsely and we didn't talk for more than two months. I stayed single and was already moving on until her friend came begging on her behalf. I wondered why she didn't come herself but all the same I accepted her back. She changed like she was doing me favor but I still persisted because I loved her genuinely.

Fast forward, we got married and I was hoping for a good future with her. As usual I was very open to her and discussed every issues with her. At a point, I found out the marriage was one sided. I gave more but got little or nothing from her. I never burden her with house chores or cooking at all. We sat always to talk about her attitude but she would say things are fine while I will be grieving and having sleepless nights. She will wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone to know if i was cheating. I swear I have never cheated on my wife... She knows my password and never hid anything from her.
As we went on in the marriage, her behavior became worse and couldn't condone it again. She never saw anything wrong with her attitude and would say her apologizes are expensive.

I decided to do a background check on her and found out she double dated all through when we started dating and gave the guy more attention for 2years of our relationship. When things went bad between them, she fell back to me and unknown to me, I accepted her back. She and her ex were still in good communication till the night I confronted her. She would rather confide in her ex than confide in me (Now husband) Now, I feel so hurt, betrayed and used and can’t trust her again.

She has been very apologetic and says she is ready to change. So if had not found out about her double ways, I will still be condoning her insolent ways. I am seriously finding it hard in my heart to forgive her. Even if I do, I can never ever forget because I do not trust her again.

What will you guys advice?

my advice for you bro is to forget her and move on if there are no kids yet ,she once said her apology is expensive,maybe she's apologizing now because her other guy dropped her,she may go back to her old ways if the guy picks her up again,besides,u forced yourself into this shit! ur just a second option to her.

Kick her out!
Simples, she will never change!!!!

Correct Bro!

Pieromania:
Bro u forced urself into an unwanted union,the signs were there bt u blindedly ignored it.She never loved u bt only using u to while away time,unfortunately for her the guy she loved jilted her and she used u as an option.Mature and experience ppl should knw whn they are wanted and loved bt in ur own case u sheepishly allowed urself to be fooled.
I dnt waste time dumping women at every slightest suspicion and provocation,if she doesn't treat me the way i do for her i dump them and move on.
Sori bro,u married the wrong person

she's unappologetic

ademola2017:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am in a state of dilemma as my marriage is shaking.

Before we got married, my wife treated me like a piece of shit and never gave me any regards or attention. Any little quarrel would be blown out of proportion and wouldn't talk to me for days. I did the calling always and each time I ask her why she doesn't call, she would say I should get used to it. There was a day when a baseless quarrel occurred, she accused me falsely and we didn't talk for more than two months. I stayed single and was already moving on until her friend came begging on her behalf. I wondered why she didn't come herself but all the same I accepted her back. She changed like she was doing me favor but I still persisted because I loved her genuinely.

Fast forward, we got married and I was hoping for a good future with her. As usual I was very open to her and discussed every issues with her. At a point, I found out the marriage was one sided. I gave more but got little or nothing from her. I never burden her with house chores or cooking at all. We sat always to talk about her attitude but she would say things are fine while I will be grieving and having sleepless nights. She will wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone to know if i was cheating. I swear I have never cheated on my wife... She knows my password and never hid anything from her.
As we went on in the marriage, her behavior became worse and couldn't condone it again. She never saw anything wrong with her attitude and would say her apologizes are expensive.

I decided to do a background check on her and found out she double dated all through when we started dating and gave the guy more attention for 2years of our relationship. When things went bad between them, she fell back to me and unknown to me, I accepted her back. She and her ex were still in good communication till the night I confronted her. She would rather confide in her ex than confide in me (Now husband) Now, I feel so hurt, betrayed and used and can’t trust her again.

She has been very apologetic and says she is ready to change. So if had not found out about her double ways, I will still be condoning her insolent ways. I am seriously finding it hard in my heart to forgive her. Even if I do, I can never ever forget because I do not trust her again.

What will you guys advice?

Divorce her bro, she ain't worth keeping. They hardly change except u are willing to live the rest of ur life like this. And except if there's issue BTW you two, dats d only thing dat can keep u in dat marriage. If not Abeg divorce straight.

Benignasweety:
What if itz a man doing d opposite to his wife and she has just a child, watz ur advice? Am going tru somethinh very similar and it hurts...

either its a man or a woman,its bad!! nobody should be subjected to pains and constant heartbreaks all cuz one partner feels he or she is doing you a favour, it would have been easier if you don't have a kid between you yet, but as it stands your husband went through something similar with the ops probably before u guys met, he got hurt and then became a shadow of himself,or he was a player and never cared about you,but why go into the marriage? guys ain't that desperate for marriage so I'd say something changed your man along the way,divorce is out of it for now,as it won't be easy raising your kid alone,getting another man to love and adore you,so the thing is pray to whatever deity you believe in,backtrack your affairs and see where you lost him,sit him down and talk to him,ask him questions, BUT if he ever gets violent! take your kid and get out of the relationship,you"l definitely meet someone else who will adore you and your kid,even if difficult!,its better than losing your life to. a man who wouldn't give two f*cks bout your existence,PS: I really wish he comes around though.

dear op,I believe you've found your answers by now, just ignore all the negative words and insults nairalanders gave you, look at their messages, you won't get any piece of advice better!!! it ain't really your fault, its the way you were made,a times I wish/hope am someone else's too,but mistakes like this tends to reshape our being,make us stronger or meaner, either ways don't get broken!!!! its never too late to make your stand,just tell her you need space, don't see her or communicate with her,think deeply,take control of your life, thereafter serve her the papers!!!! she should go meet the man she loves and adores, your ideal wife is out there waiting for you.......

streetzdreamz:
either its a man or a woman,its bad!! nobody should be subjected to pains and constant heartbreaks all cuz one partner feels he or she is doing you a favour, it would have been easier if you don't have a kid between you yet, but as it stands your husband went through something similar with the ops probably before u guys met, he got hurt and then became a shadow of himself,or he was a player and never cared about you,but why go into the marriage? guys ain't that desperate for marriage so I'd say something changed your man along the way,divorce is out of it for now,as it won't be easy raising your kid alone,getting another man to love and adore you,so the thing is pray to whatever deity you believe in,backtrack your affairs and see where you lost him,sit him down and talk to him,ask him questions, BUT if he ever gets violent! take your kid and get out of the relationship,you"l definitely meet someone else who will adore you and your kid,even if difficult!,its better than losing your life to. a man who wouldn't give two f*cks bout your existence,PS: I really wish he comes around though.

Thanks dear I appreciate...

You need to break her completely. she dosent worth been care for and she is not wise because what make the other guy not marry her is because of such attitude, such baby girl need to be teach lesson of her life. you can not divorce her. but you can deal with her with care. then she will know that life is not for deception.

MisterGrace:
Forgive and move on?
How old are you?
Are you married?

So married men don't forgive?
Oya tell him to kill her.

Firstcitizen:
Ademola2017,

Going by the comments, I hope you have learnt your lesson for bringing your relationship issues to Nairaland. You have been hurt and in pain but coming here will lead you to depression with such brutal comments from imbec.iles and minors who hover round this thread like bees.

You have done nothing wrong by falling in love and following your heart. Even those that use their heads rather than hearts miscalculate a lot hence the marital social media drama we witness from our role models daily.

You are bold for following your heart. You are a man. The man. A strong man and you will handle this like.....a real man.

We all had past relationships and some are friendly with their exes even overly friendly. Some people tolerate it some don't. It does not mean something is going on but it can hurt a man's pride which is the case here. First thing is to take advantage of the present situation and put a total end to that.

Now the issue of past cheating before marriage and discovered after signing the dotted lines have been a controversial issue with divergent views from even relationship experts. I will break it down to the Nigerian context. Even the holier than thou in Nigeria does so especially among the ladies who are competitive with peers when it comes to getting the 'perfect' suitor. I will try not to be politically correct. The average Nigerian lady has one or two backup relationships in case things go pear shaped. It's now our way of life and somehow become acceptable. Marriage is the start of a new type of relationship and not a continuation of the other. That is why you are asked to forsake others when making your vows.

Do you forgive such?. Yes absolutely. As young adults we all follow the trend, want what is acceptable to others who sniff us and wish us to fail and want to show off. We make mistakes in the process but there is always time for redemption. This is it. Forgive this and move on.

Now the most tricky part which is her attitude towards you. You both share the blame. The greatest love is the one that is learnt. Her attitude does not mean she does not love you. It's just a bad habit you guys allowed to fester. Having 2 relationships means one treats you good and the other is a bad boy. All women are drawn to the one with a little bit of danger. So she gives all the bu.llsh.it she gets to the good guy to ease up her strain or to keep the relationship at a level it does not get too serious and spoil both. It's a hard job and some play it well while others mess it up. When you got married you should have helped her correct her habits She acquired to manage both relationships but you ignored it. Now She chose to marry you. Forget all what your mind tells you about being second choice. If she did not love you she will keep hoping for another Mr perfect. Respect that and move on.

Your wife made mistakes like we all do. This is an opportunity to correct all the faults in your marriage and enjoy it. Punish her a little, read out loud that riot act but still pamper her with moderation and forgive her. I think you just got presented with all the opportunity in world to have a blissful marriage.

Caveat: Take relationship advice on the internet at your own risk

The ONLY sensible post in the thread. @Ademola2017, take note.

testimonyobaoyin:
Honestly if you ask me i will say give her the chance to prove herself forgive her see how it goes.You knw y? cus i ones confide in my ex too and my husband finds out i appologize and since then we are good. So call ur wife sit her down settle it,Comminication is very essential in any marriage.
Check yourself hope u are not the reason why she is seeking for comfort in another man's arm

Are u sure u read and understood the guy's post properly? This is not about her confiding in her ex alone,its her attitude 2wards the guy even after getting married 2 him. Read the post again madam.

Jelal0007:
Are u sure u read and understood the guy's post properly? This is not about her confiding in her ex alone,its her attitude 2wards the guy even after getting married 2 him. Read the post again madam.

yea i understand everything,she might not be cheating but i will keep the rest story

Olubee22:
Ehn nah, na that one sure pass this weekend

special somebody stays in another state .

Omo, dem don move my phones yesterday oo. Please inbox me your digit.

Olubee22:
That's nice,may God bless our hustles .

A good lady isn't hard to find. Just pray to God to guide you on the right path.

Mine is Nagro and we haven't done much sef.
Lol,the faaji nah to dey sleep,chop and watch movies o

hello, please send your number to 090 three four five 87640, my phone was stolen on Friday.

robotix:
hello, please send your number to 090 three four five 87640, my phone was stolen on Friday.

ewooooo,i thought as much .

Olubee22:
ewooooo,i thought as much .

how far? did you send the number?

robotix:
how far? did you send the number?

No vex boss, check your mail.

sayittome:
Exactly my thought too. However, i think he needs like six months (may be more or less) to reflect, pray, plan, get counselling from well-informed pple and strategise. And i suggest your wife should go away for those period. The essence is for her to appreciate the seriousness of her wrong ways and repent of them and appreciate you as her husband.
Dont be desperate and dont go begging for her.
People change, sometimes, when they know what is at stake. So you need to be sure that she has really changed.
The six months is long but it serves as a discipline to her and a test of her repentance, faithfullness and loyalty to you.
If she is a changed person (and a wise woman too) she and her family should come begging.
But dont accept her just like that. You should give conditions for accepting her. Moreso, i reckon she needs counselling too. She needs to undertand the value of a family and the dignity/holiness/blessedness of its purpose.
Essentially, you need to take back control of your marriage, and, the time is NOW.
Try not to be emotional now but let your actions be based on grand rational sense.
Also be guilded by God's words which discourages divorce.
Taking back control of you marriage is possible but i reckon you need expert counselling to succeed.
Anyway, dont hesitate to contact me if you need more advice. Obviously you do need more as this piece is insufficient and will require clarification. GOD BLESS YOU.

Best advice so far.

After coming here to share my deep concerns in 2017, i gave the marriage another chance but yielded nothing. Things went from bad to worse and we eventually separated.

8years of no kids, no peace and nothing to show for the marriage.

Love is really a crime!!

You both should get medical help or spiritual help concerning the childlessness issue, the problem might even be from you. It is not too late to have children.

LilMissFavvy:
You both should get medical help or spiritual help concerning the childlessness issue, the problem might even be from you. It is not too late to have children.

She left home last year March. I begged her to come back but she refused. Her and her family thought i could not impregnate. I never cheated! Never!!!

On one trial with a young girl after months of being celibate, the young girl got pregnant!!!

For your peace of mind and old age. Get another wife ASAP. If not you would poo on your body at old age.

ademola2017:
After coming here to share my deep concerns in 2017, i gave the marriage another chance but yielded nothing. Things went from bad to worse and we eventually separated.

8years of no kids, no peace and nothing to show for the marriage.

Love is really a crime!!

Too bad bro! I just read your old 2017 post and was wondering how things turned out.

Just try and move on but if you do, continue to be the reasonable human that I think you are. Don't make your new woman pay for the sins of your ex wife.

We4all:
Too bad bro! I just read your old 2017 post and was wondering how things turned out.

Just try and move on but if you do, continue to be the reasonable human that I think you are. Don't make your new woman pay for the sins of your ex wife.

When people say this[b] "Don't make your new woman pay for the sins of your ex wife"[/b] i always think they dont know what they are saying.

I am hoping for the best. Relationship/marriage is not meant for me...