₦airaland Forum

unclezuma:
I'd just finished a stressful meeting and on the way home I'd farted in an elevator at the top floor...and stepped out immediately afterwards to catch another one.

I cannot come and kii myself...I heard the story at the reception that something died inside the elevator.

https://i.imgur.com/bD02rmI.gif

trinity11:
Yea I still can't forget that moment, in Jss3, as I manage to come out 3rd out of 23 my dad was so proud of me and he decided to get me some nice clothes and shoes, just to boast my morale.

Oh my Lawd, I felt like ja Rule that I decided to use the opportunity to show of and woo a very young and pretty lady of my age group in my area.

I wrote so many letters until this faithful day the girl has agreed to gv me a chance, my head got swollen that I couldn't wait to visit her in her place.
standing beside their window filling her head with those small small love rhymes I got from titanic and other movies, unknown to me that her mother was in the house listening...

Chaiiii the next thing I notice was a whole bucket of water on my body as I am completely drenched. and then she broke my head with the stainless bucket, asking me to go and call my mother.

I kept love aside I went straight to call my mum for the last fight, but my mum asked me what happened. after telling her she and my dad laughed endlessly on top of my pains.

that was the very day I knew that the lady in question was my own "COUSIN"

trinity11:
Yea I still can't forget that moment, in Jss3, as I manage to come out 3rd out of 23 my dad was so proud of me and he decided to get me some nice clothes and shoes, just to boast my morale.

Oh my Lawd, I felt like ja Rule that I decided to use the opportunity to show of and woo a very young and pretty lady of my age group in my area.

I wrote so many letters until this faithful day the girl has agreed to gv me a chance, my head got swollen that I couldn't wait to visit her in her place.
standing beside their window filling her head with those small small love rhymes I got from titanic and other movies, unknown to me that her mother was in the house listening...

Chaiiii the next thing I notice was a whole bucket of water on my body as I am completely drenched. and then she broke my head with the stainless bucket, asking me to go and call my mother.

I kept love aside I went straight to call my mum for the last fight, but my mum asked me what happened. after telling her she and my dad laughed endlessly on top of my pains.

that was the very day I knew that the lady in question was my own "COUSIN"

PhilAmadeus:
Lolz...mine was in SS3 or so ESGC Efon Alaaye Ekiti state....on one very cold harmatan(Monday morning to be precise)dis Fog thick sotay u no go see person we dey few meters away from u....nah so our teachers call all d prefects say school dirty say Dem go flog all d Prefects on d Assembly(N.B no person with Human feeling will tell his enemy to pick d dirts in school that day cos of Cold)...Yeeepaaa I don dey think say if 1 cane touch me I don Die be that,naso our teachers load cane come dey flog prefects like 2moro no dey Luckily for me nah back of Tosin(senior girl)I dey...Mr Ojo Ade give Tosin one naso she run(u knw all dis girls stuffs nah,Dem no go wait chop cane jeje)as a sharp Boy wey I Be I just wise up,dey rub all my body like say I don chop 16...Mr Moyo said Theophilus who beat you(ye I don Die)na so I look back just point to d rest busy flogging without talking nah so d man free me(Lolz)....Whenever I remember that day I Go just bust into Laughter say Gee u be Crook...

passyhansome:
When I dashed my Ex these mulla for birthday

Smart41:
Seriously oh

holatimmy:
Two ladies back then in SS1,Best Friends to the core

So one of them hit the jackpot of one fine guy and they started dating,she was an Alhaja but she would sneak to snap pictures with her friend's bumshorts and crop tops and send them to this guy.She will call the guy with her Best friend's phone and have a lengthy conversation.

One day,the guy now called back on the best friend's phone and fell in love with her voice.Omo when Alhaja hear class scatter....she set up Hate committee for the Best Friend.
Who send them

*I had an experience of a guy I was crushing on hardly in Pry2 but dude no gree consider me,I hustled to become his seatmate make leg dey rub leg but mba...he wasn't interested.He had his eye on one Sickle Celled girl who I became friends with to see if he will notice me ...he did not o
Later the girl died,me thinking attention will shift on me...Boy was I devastated?
The guy jump my head to another invisible lady in the class.I was so hurt and betrayed
*what becomes of a broken hearted*

Articul8:
I used to have crush on my.mum's frnd. That woman fine no.be small. When ever she visited and take a drink i quickly go for the cup and drink in the same spot she drank.(trying to kiss her) i was about 10-11 yrs oo

trinity11:
Yea I still can't forget that moment, in Jss3, as I manage to come out 3rd out of 23 my dad was so proud of me and he decided to get me some nice clothes and shoes, just to boast my morale.

Oh my Lawd, I felt like ja Rule that I decided to use the opportunity to show of and woo a very young and pretty lady of my age group in my area.

I wrote so many letters until this faithful day the girl has agreed to gv me a chance, my head got swollen that I couldn't wait to visit her in her place.
standing beside their window filling her head with those small small love rhymes I got from titanic and other movies, unknown to me that her mother was in the house listening...

Chaiiii the next thing I notice was a whole bucket of water on my body as I am completely drenched. and then she broke my head with the stainless bucket, asking me to go and call my mother.

I kept love aside I went straight to call my mum for the last fight, but my mum asked me what happened. after telling her she and my dad laughed endlessly on top of my pains.

that was the very day I knew that the lady in question was my own "COUSIN"

holatimmy:
Two ladies back then in SS1,Best Friends to the core

So one of them hit the jackpot of one fine guy and they started dating,she was an Alhaja but she would sneak to snap pictures with her friend's bumshorts and crop tops and send them to this guy.She will call the guy with her Best friend's phone and have a lengthy conversation.

One day,the guy now called back on the best friend's phone and fell in love with her voice.Omo when Alhaja hear class scatter....she set up Hate committee for the Best Friend.
Who send them

*I had an experience of a guy I was crushing on hardly in Pry2 but dude no gree consider me,I hustled to become his seatmate make leg dey rub leg but mba...he wasn't interested.He had his eye on one Sickle Celled girl who I became friends with to see if he will notice me ...he did not o
Later the girl died,me thinking attention will shift on me...Boy was I devastated?
The guy jump my head to another invisible lady in the class.I was so hurt and betrayed
*what becomes of a broken hearted*

sisisioge:


Mine would be the day I got a love letter from a guy describing a one sided kiss with several embellishments and gory. He embarrassed me with the picture he painted...looking back, It makes me smile.

This dude came to my school in Ibadan all the way from Lagos. It was during the O-levels preparatory classes, so Seniors stayed back in school. Dude and I loved each when we wrote alone. On paper, he was the love of my life cos he could write me a novel as letters. When his letters come, me and my girls would spend several hours reading and rereading...he knew how to make a woman feel good( yeah, girl-woman ). In reality, he wasn't even my kind of guy...short and bowlegged

Anyways, he came to visit me and he was allowed in because I was a prefect. We had a whole class to ourselves and dude just sat there not saying any particular thing. We spent half of his visit being silent and talking about nothing in particular. Eventually, he was ready to go and I made to hug him. Oga drew me tightly and smacked my lips with a kiss! It was my first! Terribly inconsequential! I saw him off and decided I didn't want him anymore.

Imagine my surprise when he wrote describing the kiss. Remember the norm was to pass the letter round? I couldn't do it. I ran with the letter to escape my perceived shame. This was a guy I told all I didn't like. This same guy was smirked about after he left by all and sundry. Imagine me kissing him. I ran and they gave chase. It was as if the heavens would far if they read it. They were determined. Eventually, I fell into a gutter and some of them followed me in Had to remain there while tearing and chewing as fast as I could. Till today, I have an injury on my leg to show for my courageous secret keeping...them eediotic girls thought he wrote about us having se..x. Eventually, the scandal that followed was more than would have blown if they had read the letter.

As for the guy, I broke up with him brutally afterwards. When I look back, I can't help LOL.

Hernyolar:
Very funny experiences

unclezuma:
I'd just finished a stressful meeting and on the way home I'd farted in an elevator at the top floor...and stepped out immediately afterwards to catch another one.

I cannot come and kii myself...I heard the story at the reception that something died inside the elevator.

https://i.imgur.com/bD02rmI.gif

PhilAmadeus:
Lolz...mine was in SS3 or so ESGC Efon Alaaye Ekiti state....on one very cold harmatan(Monday morning to be precise)dis Fog thick sotay u no go see person we dey few meters away from u....nah so our teachers call all d prefects say school dirty say Dem go flog all d Prefects on d Assembly(N.B no person with Human feeling will tell his enemy to pick d dirts in school that day cos of Cold)...Yeeepaaa I don dey think say if 1 cane touch me I don Die be that,naso our teachers load cane come dey flog prefects like 2moro no dey Luckily for me nah back of Tosin(senior girl)I dey...Mr Ojo Ade give Tosin one naso she run(u knw all dis girls stuffs nah,Dem no go wait chop cane jeje)as a sharp Boy wey I Be I just wise up,dey rub all my body like say I don chop 16...Mr Moyo said Theophilus who beat you(ye I don Die)na so I look back just point to d rest busy flogging without talking nah so d man free me(Lolz)....Whenever I remember that day I Go just bust into Laughter say Gee u be Crook...

Articul8:
I used to have crush on my.mum's frnd. That woman fine no.be small. When ever she visited and take a drink i quickly go for the cup and drink in the same spot she drank.(trying to kiss her) i was about 10-11 yrs oo

tosyne2much:
Where do I even start from?

Rtopzy:
thumbs up celeb

luminouz:
Ever had dysentery or is it diarrhea before in a bus from oshodi to toll gate(Agbado ijaye) ......I had n it was brutally nasty.....here goes
I went to a conference @ Eko Hotel n towers.... Had a lotta drink n food...... I was feeling full when one of d servers ( a cute dark geh like DAT) offered me a whole plate of rice....2 big turkey pieces n some salad...instead of me to keep till later.. I wolfed it all down.....was on d bus from island to oshodi when my tummy(had been behaving funny since morning coz I ate beans) started playing me some tunes...I ignored n it was controllable till I got to oshodi @7pm( u know Lagos traffic)
From oshodi to ijaye na DIE.......my tummy revolted n I spent virtually all my energies compressing my ASS while poo rhythmically swore to find a way thru..d consequence.....abnormal sweating!!!!!
D Lady sitting close to me noticed n was concerned...kept asking if I was alright...couldn't speak just nodded...all my power focused on d gravity defying.....tummy compress ignoring....all purpose fvck up giving... POO....
d poor thing thought I had malaria n was busy using a hankie to pat my face.
DAT day I cursed all d drivers causing holdup in Lagos.....I was half dead with exhaustion by d time d bus drew at my bustop!!!! I practically flew out n started running like a mad man looking for any place to drop d poo......
It wasn't funny coz some peeps thought something happened n a few started running too!Lmao!!!!! I knew I couldn't hold it any longer when I called a bike man..offered him a thousand bucks to carry me anywia I can deposit poo......dude was a pro.....n rode like hell for an eatery way past my house.....I barged in straight to d Loo.....n VOILÀ!!! Emptied my load in there... Spent like 30 mins inside......I felt like I just gave birth or something!!!! Bike man carried me home(nice guy)
I never got a chance to thank DAT nice geh in d bus...my only regret!!!

TobidaVinci:
Mine was when I was in jss2 . Always calling a girl named Tokubo "second hand " na so these girl one day just stop and look into my eye and ask WHAT DO YOU WANT?

saaddiction:
It was SS2 and there was this very cute transfer guy in my class. I was a very shy girl and I was never able to look at him directly when we talk. One day he shook my hand, I thought I would melt, I melted. I kept my hand closed for hours and when no one was watching, I opened my hand and kissed my palm. I did that till I got home, I even vowed not to wash my hands. I eventually did (almost cried) when I had to prove wrong my sister who had noticed my behaviour and kept teasing me about kissing my palm because a boy shook my hand (still wonder till date how she knew).

Tazdroid:


Had to use the toilet, informed the class teacher but he said "NO" in cemented block letters.

Returned to the seat but couldn't hold it and so "the battle was ultimately lost". Seatmate noticed it, begged her to keep mum while a way to clean up was found. She nodded in agreement, a sigh of relief.

As the fvcking teacher was about to step out, the unexpected voice called out.
"Uncle, uncle, he yav wee wee on his body"

Laughter followed... Damn! Wee weed the remaining right on the spot, shït join

Serious caning followed, was handed a girl's gown while them messed up uniforms were washed and dried.

Changed the seat

kelvinrhs:
Ok this is super funny, mine is just a bit similar lol... I was at the easter retreat and I had eaten the normal meal shared for everybody so I started going round the kitchen covetously with my stomach already full and my stomach has been rumbling since the day I got there, but anytime I enter the toilet, the shit will run away lol... I still collected food and ate and ate. At the end I still had a plate of rice with sliced cucumber in it. All due to greediness lol... I had to later put down the rice cause I eat it, I might die lol... It was very hard sleeping that day, cause my stomach was so big and the shit dey worry me.
I woke up the next day farting lol.
People go to camp and come back slim, I went to camp and back fat.
So here's how our story was similar, after dropping at my bus stop, its a norm for people to take keke napep of #40 to their respective bus stop or bike #100,150 to ur house, I'm very economical. I'll always trek lol, saying its a waste of money. That day I carry bike reach house and ran inside after greeting my mum sharply lol...

k9ine:
Mine, I got punished for making a proposal when I was in primary 3. Yes I mean it primary 3.

It happened I was the class monitor as it was called then and intelligent. There was this dark-skinned girl intelligent also whom I admired.
Then the unthinkable happened, just follow me.
I wrote a small note to her, she and her friends read the note together, then my sin was uncovered. They showed it to 'aunty'. Na so she flog me e no even respect my office as monitor, she tell me say I be spoilt boy. Na so dem laugh me die that day.

My people wetin be the note: "Ediri I like you and I want us to marry in 1999." Ask me why 1999. I didn't know what year comes after 1999, so I reasoned that's the last year on earth and that I would be grown up then. When I recall this I just smile and imagine what the heart conceives even at a young age.

Her friend who showed the note to teacher, she fell for a set-up I planned and got punished for it.

XaintJoel20:
Hope you are no longer the shy type?

poshestmina:
Reminds me of Nelson Mandela hostel boys in Uniport ,those boys were troublesoooome .they'll gather themselves in groups and wait 4 girls to cuss and bully .

prettyangel10:
So just this last week, I wanted to buy a stick glue (uhu) I searched all through the bookshops at oshodi market, I couldn't get, the only woman that has said it goes for N1200, so I bought it, though was thinking how can a glue go for that amount of money, on my way back, I met this my customer and asked him, he said he has the glue but not the uhu brand, and it costs N300, chai, I told him I'm coming, I'll see him in some seconds,

I went back to d woman I bought d glue from, I told her I was called not to get d glue again, she said she wount give me back my money, I begged this woman for 30 minutes but she refused, in fact she was using me to do so many things in her shop, eating, jisting and what have you, na so I vex o, drag all the exercise books wey dey outside, start to dey rake for vanacular/ broken English. If you drag gburu today, gburu go drag you, who you dey feel like boss for? I go show you say me sef get craze for head.

The woman no believe say this person wey dey beg now now don change am, I started saying things that even me my self don't believe I could say on top of my voice, so some other of her colleagues came around and appealed to her to return my money back. As desperate as this woman is, she said she was going to lay a curse on d money, I told her that if dem born four of you well, curse money make I dey look you, you go see today, it's with trembling she gave me the money o.

As I got into d bus even till now, I still dey laugh say e good make person get small craze o, otherwise, people will override you any how.

kelvinrhs:
What did you say lol?