Blissquare:
If u condemn urself to this extent, why should ur husband not condemn u? You both have the same mind set. As a woman, u knw what it is to carry a baby for 9 months and both mother and child survive. Still, u are disatisfied cos u love a useless man more than ur offspring. Take ur time b4 the people praying for just one would come after u!

God bless you.

I was about to say same.OP How you see yourself already defeats you.
Work on your mindset.This is 2017 please.I hope you are financially independent and have something you are doing.Show your children the utmost love and live your life.
Please don't stress yourself over this.I have a girl and even my demeanour alone is enough tp stop people from talking trash.Only ignoramuses still think gender is an indices for success.
And please you already have 4 kids, don't "keep trying" just because you are looking for a boy.
We married women have really suffered in the hands of these naija husbands..I just can't.

Acidosis:


It isn't arrant nonsense bro... It is arrant fu.ckery


All you've said is a bitter FACT.

What is "bitter" about that fact? Are all the men in the society suddenly useful because they are men?

I was about saying exactly the same thing really nansense. I was really shocked reading some of the replies as they want her to keep trying until she has a boy because some of the posters kept trying and they eventually had a boy. That just shows the sort of mentality that humans have regarding female children. Some even say she should go for sex selection and if it happens to be a female egg what would happen to it? I guess it would be discarded as that is not the one they want all in the name of seeking for a male egg; utter gibberish. I hope the OP wouldn’t have more children than she can cater for all in the name of trying for a male child.

MrBrownJay1:
Why are all these people on here saying that she will eventually get a male child and/or that she should pray?!

What arrant nonsense is this?!

There are couples out there that will NEVER have a male child, that's a FACT, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Though i am aware that the baby's sex is not totally dependent on the man's sperm, as factors within the females body can suppress the y chromosome in preference to the x chromosome, i think it is stup1d the way Africans put male children above their female counterparts.

Many women of substance have since proven that what a man can do a woman can as well do, yet some people still cry about having male children.

Op, if you really desire to birth male child, i'll advise you to ignore all these people telling you that the man's sperm alone determines the sex of a child because that's not true and is capable of misleading you. Men release both X and Y chromosomes during ejaculation. The Y chromosome,though a fast swimmer, is destroyed before the release of eggs, while the X swims slowly and is more likely t fertilize the egg.

So op, see a good gynaecologist to guide you on the sex selection strategies. Good luck.

Mrs Murphy u re really very funny. So you actually want to have more kids for a man from the look of things might eventually try to start another family. It has been proving time and time again that nothing you do to a man or a woman will make them stay unless they want too. So what if you try 5,6. No girl I guess you will keep trying till you get male kidsm wehdone ma. Better face this beautiful girls of yours and make them grow into amazing women. Shior man that is already out the door. Women better wise up, men like will meet sharp babe that will give him another man's kid since she knows that na him pain.

StevensJojo:

What is "bitter" about that fact? Are all the men in the society suddenly useful because they are men?

You're right

MrsMurphy:
It was with joy that I was expecting my 4th child till the moment I gave birth and found out that I have given birth to yet another daughter. Immediately they showed me my daughter instead of being happy, I started crying. I asked God why has he forsaken me? But looking at my daughter's beautiful face I told her that even though I prayed for a son and got a daughter that I will love her with all my heart.
My husband has changed since then, in the sense that he is emotionally abusing me. He shouts at me even all the time that my daughter has to tell him to stop shouting at me, he no longer tells me anything I just hear it from outsiders, he always travels a lot and whenever he travels he doesn't call and when I do he won't pick mine.
This has made me to sometimes look at my little bundle of joy and ask her why she didn't come as a son. I've prayed, questioned God. And now it's like I'm developing low self esteem because I'm not longer proud to tell people that I have given birth to yet another daughter because of the pity you will see in their eyes.
I don't know what to do anymore.

Biologically, it is the man's 'fault'. Even this claim is rubbish, it is nobody's fault just God's will. Madam, keep your head up, raise your daughters in the best way possible.

Don't allow the tantrums of your husband kill your joy.

Be patient and prayerful.

Let people with wisdom speak to your husband. I was told the story of one man like that beating wife because she had daughters until she eventually bore a son. I just wonder if he was going to beat her continually if she did not have a boy?

Caveman mentality.

Jman06:
Though i am aware that the baby's sex is not totally dependent on the man's sperm, as factors within the females body can suppress the y chromosome in preference to the x chromosome, i think it is stup1d the way Africans put male children above their female counterparts.

Many women of substance have since proven that what a man can do a woman can as well do, yet some people still cry about having male children.

Op, if you really desire to birth male child, i'll advise you to ignore all these people telling you that the man's sperm alone determines the sex of a child because that's not true and is capable of misleading you. Men release both X and Y chromosomes during ejaculation. The Y chromosome,though a fast swimmer, is destroyed before the release of eggs, while the X swims slowly and is more likely t fertilize the egg.

So op, see a good gynaecologist to guide you on the sex selection strategies. Good luck.

She should show her husband your advice, at least he can go and look for money for advanced effort at conceiving a boy.

If God wants to show him even that might not work but make im no beat madam to pulp or worse.

I Hope you and your husband are not emotionally abusing those angels. They can read your behavior even if you say nothing.

So if y'all treat them like they are not special because they are female, you will see the results in how they carry themselves soon enough.

Don't contribute to the cycle of raising women who have low self esteem due to internalized inferiority.

I'd advice that you guys adopt a male child if you want one so badly. Having more and more kids isn't good for your health as a woman. Stay alive and be a mother to your beautiful baby girls.

MrsMurphy:
It was with joy that I was expecting my 4th child till the moment I gave birth and found out that I have given birth to yet another daughter. Immediately they showed me my daughter instead of being happy, I started crying. I asked God why has he forsaken me? But looking at my daughter's beautiful face I told her that even though I prayed for a son and got a daughter that I will love her with all my heart.
My husband has changed since then, in the sense that he is emotionally abusing me. He shouts at me even all the time that my daughter has to tell him to stop shouting at me, he no longer tells me anything I just hear it from outsiders, he always travels a lot and whenever he travels he doesn't call and when I do he won't pick mine.
This has made me to sometimes look at my little bundle of joy and ask her why she didn't come as a son. I've prayed, questioned God. And now it's like I'm developing low self esteem because I'm not longer proud to tell people that I have given birth to yet another daughter because of the pity you will see in their eyes.
I don't know what to do anymore.

see madam be happy with what they lord has offered you now,imagine if he had not given you non those girls may turn out to be more of the quality that is expected of a man,my Aunt has 5sons and she later got a son about something aroung 8 to 10year's later,but urs not going to be like that,my mum use to tell me and my sis who's married that interns of hard times that women are strong that they can control their feelings,you are strong just have faith,imgine some ladies who go sleeping around just to have a child,so you got every reason to be happy remember Gods time is the best!!!!

cococandy:
I Hope you and your husband are not emotionally abusing those angels. They can read your behavior even if you say nothing.

So if y'all treat them like they are not special because they are female, you will see the results in how they carry themselves soon enough.

Don't contribute to the cycle of raising women who have low self esteem due to internalized inferiority.

I'd advice that you guys adopt a male child if you want one so badly. Having more and more kids isn't good for your health as a woman. Stay alive and be a mother to your beautiful baby girls.

No he over pampers them, it's just that my relationship with him is strained

Dearest Mrs Murphy,

Please be encouraged, what a man can do a woman can do also. Is Theresa May a man, what about Hillary Clinton?? Person wey have head no have cap, person wey have cap no have head... Like soo many people said there are people out there who are wishing for just one healthy baby... But we human being sha.... May God help us ooo....we are never grateful or satisfied. Meanwhile @Chy4luv are you able to disclose this clinic to us... Make I go do me I just want healthy multiple birth that's all... Please share if you are willing.

But Madam you can lie small sha, how come your children are now four, was it not you that posted this in 2016, this is 2017 and it's not like you had twins buy suddenly your kids are now four?

Family / Re: Mention One Person Who Made
Your 2016 Worthwhile by MrsMurphy (f ): 9:17am
On Dec 07, 2016
Shout out to my darling hussy Murphy and my 2
cute little babies.
They are d reason my 2016 was worthwhile.
And finally God who is the only person I go to
whenever I'm hurting, he has been my Rock.


Also reread your statement "I asked God, why has he forgotten me?" chai, God has forgotten you by giving you a female child abi? I use you as a point of contact for all those women seeking even one child after years of bareness, by God's grace you will know the true meaning of what it means for God to forget someone.

Pidgin2:
The culture of the Igbos, the OP must be Igbo I'm 99.9% sure .Women are nothing but furniture in igboland. It is the custom that makes men far more important than women and male children more valued than females by giving males everything and cheating females by viewing them as sub standard yet people are still holding unto such an evil culture and still clamoring for Biafra. FYI Biafra will definitely be worst than Yemen for females.

See people spending money abroad for sex selection, well done when others can't eat 3 square meal.

Useless culture.

Your comment is totally out of place and it shows your level of education and reasoning. You are not better than the people you seek to condemn. Such sweeping stereotypes are a refection of either a primitive mind or a diseased mind. I choose to go with the former until you prove otherwise. Holding one culture superior to another or one race superior to another has no place in today's world.

BTW, I'm not igbo.

GoldCircle:

Your comment is totally out of place and it shows your level of education and reasoning. You are not better than the people you seek to condemn. Such sweeping stereotypes are a refection of either a primitive mind or a diseased mind. I choose to go with the former until you prove otherwise. Holding one culture superior to another or one race superior to another has no place in today's world.

BTW, I'm not igbo.

Okay, after rereading the OPs post, I discovered that she's the one to blame for her own feelings. She said this "I asked God why has he forgotten me?" smh

God has forgotten her for making her a mother, for giving her descendants that will remember her when she is gone, he has forgotten her for giving her children that will take care of her in her old age and give her financial assistance when she can no longer work, yes He has forgotten her indeed

This just goes to show how ungrateful people can be. For those cheering her on and praying for her to keep going until she births a male child (una wehdone for nothing ) for those giving her directions for sex selection (let God judge you)

Finally the OP is a liar, she has three not four kids but regardless may God show her what it means to forget someone, good luck

You have to be strong for your daughters, the sex of a baby is determined by a man.
Stop focusing on his behavior because it's only going to hurt you and make you feel somewhat incomplete as a woman, instead focus on your job or business and your children.

And don't forget to remain a good wife that you are, don't pay him in his own coin; he will definitely come around.

*sigh*

If you don't have a child, people will talk, now that God has blessed you with healthy children, you are still complaining.

Pele. My kinsman has 19 daughters and 2 sons, from five women. There are rumours he may have more because we stopped counting after the 16th daughter.

Guess what position the boys fall?

Yep, your guess is as good as mine...

Madam first of all if your marriage is damaged,giving birth to 10 boys won't fix it.

Normally when cracks appear,we tend to look for one part that's lacking and hold on to it believing that once it's fixed,peace and harmony will be restored.

How many kids will you stop at? There's always that lure that one more will bring the magic boy.Thats how people have ended up having 5-7 daughters chasing the mythical son.Some people no matter what they do will NOT have sons.,that is life.

The issue is how you deal.with it .You have been gifted with beautiful daughters,why don't you invest your energy in raising them to be women of substance? Women that can stand on equal footing with their male counterparts in every way??Women that will break boundaries and have no fear.The girl child is gaining momentum,the girl child is achieving ,the girl child is now heard,her struggles are now more publicised.The girl child can be whomever she wants to be!!

I'm not seeking to belittle the way you feel,the pain is real especially living in the culture you do,but you have to be brave! Yes some may laugh and back chat but you are a mother to women who will rule the world.

Maybe you will have the boy ,maybe you won't.Be strong but NEVER EVER look at your daughters as less worthy.

If you are desperate go for se x selection but believe me when I say that will not make a shaky marriage more solid.

Viking007:
And my neighbor is looking for just one child. Funny world we live in.

real funny.

I am sorry to say this,but your husband is archaic. Gone are the days when male children are seen as a sign of wealth and being complete(these days, female children do as much as their male counterparts and even more) . Please cheer up and take care of your babies,if you allow yourself slide into depression/HBP/stroke,the chances are high that you might become a vegetable and that same husband who you are worrying yourself about will marry another woman who may treat your children badly.#bittertruth. Be happy and strong for your children. Train them well academically,socially,spiritually...and you'd suprised at the end results.

And please,dont provoke the wrath of God, "your joy is complete."

Juliearth:
And please,dont provoke the wrath of God, "your joy is complete."

My joy is complete but what I meant was when circumstances like" tradition, society " won't allow your Joy to be complete

Jman06:
Though i am aware that the baby's sex is not totally dependent on the man's sperm, as factors within the females body can suppress the y chromosome in preference to the x chromosome, i think it is stup1d the way Africans put male children above their female counterparts.

Many women of substance have since proven that what a man can do a woman can as well do, yet some people still cry about having male children.

Op, if you really desire to birth male child, i'll advise you to ignore all these people telling you that the man's sperm alone determines the sex of a child because that's not true and is capable of misleading you. Men release both X and Y chromosomes during ejaculation. The Y chromosome,though a fast swimmer, is destroyed before the release of eggs, while the X swims slowly and is more likely t fertilize the egg.

So op, see a good gynaecologist to guide you on the sex selection strategies. Good luck.

@bold,just a little correction.The Y chromosomes do not last long and may die off before the egg is released depending on the timing of sex.
Not that they always die before the egg is released.

donigspain:
I am quoting you because I want you to read this true life story of mine.

My immediate elder sister, who is also a Nairalander, got married in the early months of year 2000.

For the next 16 years [2000 - 2016] she had six pregnancies in the following order:

- Girl
- Girl
- Girl [still birth]
- Girl
- Girl
- Girl

All through these years, the husband and his family [my inlaws] never for once showed any sign of frustration neither did they mount unnecessary pressures on my sister. In fact, he loved her the more.

We [my family] were actually the ones creating unwarranted pressures for ourselves. I remember discussing with my sister about several conception techniques that improves the chances of male conception. My sister always believed she will birth a male child at the right time.

Last year, my sister took in. We were all praying for a miracle. God should bless us this time with a boy. On April 1st 2017, I got a call very early in the morning that my sister put to bed a set of twin boys. At first, I thought it was April Fool prank not until I confirmed from my dad and our family pastor. Today my sister is blessed with 5 beautiful girls and 2 handsome sons.

So my dear OP, be calm. Don't panic! Your joy will be complete.

At your request I can give you my sister's number. She's learned and a great counsellor. Her experience will help you pull through.

PS:
- This is in no way suggesting that any gender is superior or more valuable than the other. Male or female; a child is a child.
- My family [including my sister] understands that the male sperm determines the gender of the child but we all know the prevailing rate of ignorance in the society and how people will always blame the woman. You might also want to share this thread with your husband.

Children come become seven.
While I congratulate your sister,I think it was unnecessary to keep trying.It's not just about the financial implications but the health of your sister.

donigspain:
I am quoting you because I want you to read this true life story of mine.

My immediate elder sister, who is also a Nairalander, got married in the early months of year 2000.

For the next 16 years [2000 - 2016] she had six pregnancies in the following order:

- Girl
- Girl
- Girl [still birth]
- Girl
- Girl
- Girl

All through these years, the husband and his family [my inlaws] never for once showed any sign of frustration neither did they mount unnecessary pressures on my sister. In fact, he loved her the more.

We [my family] were actually the ones creating unwarranted pressures for ourselves. I remember discussing with my sister about several conception techniques that improves the chances of male conception. My sister always believed she will birth a male child at the right time.

Last year, my sister took in. We were all praying for a miracle. God should bless us this time with a boy. On April 1st 2017, I got a call very early in the morning that my sister put to bed a set of twin boys. At first, I thought it was April Fool prank not until I confirmed from my dad and our family pastor. Today my sister is blessed with 5 beautiful girls and 2 handsome sons.

So my dear OP, be calm. Don't panic! Your joy will be complete.

At your request I can give you my sister's number. She's learned and a great counsellor. Her experience will help you pull through.

PS:
- This is in no way suggesting that any gender is superior or more valuable than the other. Male or female; a child is a child.
- My family [including my sister] understands that the male sperm determines the gender of the child but we all know the prevailing rate of ignorance in the society and how people will always blame the woman. You might also want to share this thread with your husband.

Unfortunately this isn't something anyone should aspire to.The implications on your sisters health and wellbeing will be multifold.Chances of kids with genetic issues are higher in older mothers.
Seven is not a joke,each time a risk to her life and worst part is that it is people who are closest to her who put her under a lot of pressure to keep going.

I'm not even thinking of the financial implications and sheer stress of starting from scratch to care for babies as an older mum.

Congratulations to her but I cannot with clear conscience encourage this route to anyone.

Jahblessme:


Unfortunately this isn't something anyone should aspire to.The implications on your sisters health and wellbeing will be multifold.Chances of kids with genetic issues are higher in older mothers.
Seven is not a joke,each time a risk to her life and worst part is that it is people who are closest to her who put her under a lot of pressure to keep going.

I'm not even thinking of the financial implications and sheer stress of starting from scratch to care for babies as an older mum.

Congratulations to her but I cannot with clear conscience encourage this route to anyone.

Worry not. Money ain't a problem.
Older? Na, she's just 36. Married at the age of 19. Eats healthy, hits the gymn regularly. It's all about choices.

thorpido:
Children come become seven.
While I congratulate your sister,I think it was unnecessary to keep trying.It's not just about the financial implications but the health of your sister.

That's in check. Sis would pass as a healthy, in-shape lady anytime. Thanks for your concern.

chy4luv:
@op I understand what you are going through. My sister has 5girls. She got married in 2000 and has her first daughter in 2001. She was so sad also through the years of her marriage because of societal pressure. People were saying all sorts of things.

Anytime she drivers a baby, their response was mmhh she has delivered another girl as usual. It got to a point, out of my young mind I was praying that when I get married and have a son I will give the child to my sister while she fakes her own pregnancy . When her fifth girl arrived one of her youngest daughter questions why she kept coming back with girls that they want a brother.
But my sister was lucky her husband showered her with love and there was no pressure from our in laws. My family had a meeting that my sister should not go through any pregnancy anymore without being sure that the next child will be a boy as we have bought so many books, monitors and things to enhance her chances yet she continued having girls. We didn't want to loose our sister just because of mere pursuit of a male child. Besides she has been on this journey for the past 13yrs of her marriage.
We made enquiries and she went abroad to do sex selection which she described was an emotional roller coaster. The stress alone, injections, lifestyle changes inclusive of diets and living in the hotel all through the course of treatment. The first attempt failed as no there was no healthy male sperm to insert. We had to pay again and extended her Visa and glory be to God the second one was successful. The boy is over 1year now and healthy as well.
I also recommendEd it to my friend that has four girls and she went to the same clinic. She was successful at first. They both complained the journey was not an easy one. We don't know what we have getting pregnant easily. They also met so many Nigerians at the clinic.
@op
If you and ur hubby are financially alright you can go for the sex selection. Otherwise economy is very bad to continue having babies just to get a male child. I wish you a baby boy. Blue dust all over u.

Abeg, what's the name of the sex balancing clinic?
I learnt that Assisted Reproductive Technology centre at Ikeja has the highest success rate for gender balance in Nigeria.

@topic, I don't think the op is unreasonable. Everybody loves variety. I had two daughters first and I was naturally yearning for a son. It didn't have to do with societal or family pressure or who will or will not take care of me, or inherit anything.

I wanted a son. Period!

So vilifying the husband or accusing the op of ingratitude doesn't cut it for me. Her disappointment and reactions are legitimate and her feelings should be affirmed. But let her carefully consider her options.

I tried the sympto- thermal ( using thermometer to predict my ovulation) and prayers. That was how I got two boys. God granted my dream of having two daughters and two sons

Pidgin2:
But Madam you can lie small sha, how come your children are now four, was it not you that posted this in 2016, this is 2017 and it's not like you had twins buy suddenly your kids are now four?

Family / Re: Mention One Person Who Made
Your 2016 Worthwhile by MrsMurphy (f ): 9:17am
On Dec 07, 2016
Shout out to my darling hussy Murphy and my 2
cute little babies.
They are d reason my 2016 was worthwhile.
And finally God who is the only person I go to
whenever I'm hurting, he has been my Rock.


Also reread your statement "I asked God, why has he forgotten me?" chai, God has forgotten you by giving you a female child abi? I use you as a point of contact for all those women seeking even one child after years of bareness, by God's grace you will know the true meaning of what it means for God to forget someone.

one is late

MrsMurphy:

one is late

Sorry about that. That means you have three daughters and not four as you made us to believe

I'm shocked that you know what it is to lose a child, yet you still question God when He gave you a living child in good health without any form of handicap.

I have two distant relatives both are in menopause stage, both were married young but never ever had their own children.

From your post it doesn't look like your husband is to blame for the way you feel, it's you that harbors those feelings and maybe your husband is not even happy with your reaction towards the birth of his child

Don't invite the wrath of God sister, nobody will stop you from having more kids since you have only three, so you can keep having more if you are not satisfied with what God has blessed you with

But sincerely you are lucky to have children, someone will take care of you in future, Good luck

Madam pls your joy is complete take good care of your lovely babies.

That said.

I am surprised that some are not talking about the root cause of all this insecurity. We all know (except we want to decieve ourselves) that the only reason why the OP is bothered is because there is a culture, tradition or even elders somewhere that will likely remind her one day in the future that her daughters have no place in a whole lot of things. And it doesn't even matter if the hubby and his parents dont have a problem with girls only, its about the culture , tradition, elders people in the village etc etc. In fact it is even your own people that will do the worrying for you.

Until we get rid of this "female does not have a place in fathers house" thing that is very predominant in some cultures . Women will continue going to the extremes to have a male child its just that simple. A lot of people can take a guess where the OPs husband is from and they most likely will be right.

There is a difference between desiring a male child or even a female if you have a male already (which is normal for everyone) and getting depressed hypertensive and even puting your life at risk to have one . I have seen a whole lot of this repeating itself over and over , women feel and fear that if they don't have a son they don't have a place in that family and sadly they are right.

Someone once told me "For where I come from if you never born boy you never start" I was a bit shocked but not too surprised because we see it everywhere. You hear things like " Na sos so girl e dey born e never born boy" from people who are not even related to the person.The discrimination is real and only those involved in such cultures can understand.

To even think all some people want is a healthy child , whether its a boy a girl.

This is the root cause and until its taken out scenarios like the OPs own will continue to occur.

MrsMurphy:
It was with joy that I was expecting my 4th child till the moment I gave birth and found out that I have given birth to yet another daughter. Immediately they showed me my daughter instead of being happy, I started crying. I asked God why has he forsaken me? But looking at my daughter's beautiful face I told her that even though I prayed for a son and got a daughter that I will love her with all my heart.
My husband has changed since then, in the sense that he is emotionally abusing me. He shouts at me even all the time that my daughter has to tell him to stop shouting at me, he no longer tells me anything I just hear it from outsiders, he always travels a lot and whenever he travels he doesn't call and when I do he won't pick mine.
This has made me to sometimes look at my little bundle of joy and ask her why she didn't come as a son. I've prayed, questioned God. And now it's like I'm developing low self esteem because I'm not longer proud to tell people that I have given birth to yet another daughter because of the pity you will see in their eyes.
I don't know what to do anymore.

poops this is serious.
Oh dear I'm sorry you're passing thru such trying times