lacapine:
Hello people and happy Sunday. please I need urgent advice. would make it as brief as possible.

Istly I have been married for six years now with two children. Hubby is the type that wants his decision to be final. Whatever he says, he doesn't want you to object even if you know better or think his decision may fail. If you tell him, he feels he is being criticised, if I don't and something goes wrong, I hurt badly but can't say it.

A times he would say I should just mention it once and stop embellishing it and most times I embellish if I have said it severally and he isn't taking action, then the next time I say it, I start giving him reasons why his actions or inactions is not the best, before I finish, he would cut me and say that he has told me severally to stop embellishing stuffs. It hurts me deeply cause I am one who loves to converse. But hubby shuts me up a lot of times. Except if its just fun gist.

I presently don't have a good job though still searching, I am beginning to be frustrated and seriously looking for jobs or opportunities that would take me away from the home a lot of times so I am not forced to be looking out for him. If I was financially strong, I would have cushioned most of his lapses.


Its eating me up and I have told him severally and he would say I am the problem, that I don't know how to talk. I am not even allowed to be angry if he disapoints me, he picks offense and forgets there were times I didn't mind.

How do I come out of this hole?

lacapine:
He also thinks that when we have issues, let's take for instance that I am wrong or reacted wrongly, I should apologize and leave it there. Me on the other hand, atimes, if he is the one who offended me and I reacted or over reacted, I believe, yes, I have to apologize and I like to let him know that see what and what that made me react this way. He would say that's not apology. He doesn't want to hear what he did wrong that caused me to react. He just wants an apology. He would say, what's more important to me, being a wife or being right? No matter how I try to make him see reasons, he won't.

phabulous88:
A closed mouth don't get fed, so you must talk.

But then the timing has to be right.

If he shuts you up during a conversation, it's maybe because the argument is getting hot, adrenaline is rushing or he wants the final say. Some men think having the final say gives them control over their family. Not true

Try texting him your opinion once in a while and see how that works

phabulous88:


And really there's no biggie in apologising, even if you're wrong. Shows you're more interested in peace than who /what is right. Apologising even makes you the mature partner

lacapine:
. Yes. I agree absolutely. I try to give reasons so we don't go back there again. The apology is not an issue at all for me. Not hearing me out is.

SirVintageCock:
How old are you?
What's the age gap between you too?
Was the marriage an arranged marriage?
Did you people even court at all?

From what you wrote, he doesn't want a wife rather a footstool.
What's wrong in airing your view to your married partner?
What sort of master slave relationship is that?

lacapine:
He also thinks that when we have issues, let's take for instance that I am wrong or reacted wrongly, I should apologize and leave it there. Me on the other hand, atimes, if he is the one who offended me and I reacted or over reacted, I believe, yes, I have to apologize and I like to let him know that see what and what that made me react this way. He would say that's not apology. He doesn't want to hear what he did wrong that caused me to react. He just wants an apology. He would say, what's more important to me, being a wife or being right? No matter how I try to make him see reasons, he won't.

proudafrogal:


what are you saying? she is a good wife. theirs is an ideal godly Christian marriage. the husband is the head and a wife should be submissive to him.

proudafrogal:


what are you saying? she is a good wife. [s]theirs is an ideal godly Christian marriage[/s]. the husband is the head and a wife should be submissive to him.

That,my dear is not a godly Christian marriage

A man who is always expecting an apology, never accepts his wrongs and always want to show he is in charge by cutting he short when he speaks,is and arrogant and prideful man

Jesus never admonished us to be that way.


@OP, You just have to keep praying for a job. From your writeup,you still love him. Just pray for a job so you can breathe a little fresh air

SirVintageCock:
WHAT

I, The Rt Hon Sir Vintage Cock obviously ain't referring to you. Comprende Unless you are the OP

izzou:


That,my dear is not a godly Christian marriage

A man who is always expecting an apology, never accepts his wrongs and always want to show he is in charge by cutting he short when he speaks,is and arrogant and prideful man

Jesus never admonished us to be that way.


@OP, You just have to keep praying for a job. From your writeup,you still love him. Just pray for a job so you can breathe a little fresh air

proudafrogal:


oh really? I thought Christians say even if the husband is an ass hole the wife should continue to be submissive pray to God to change him anyway we learn everyday.

secondly here you are telling her to pray for a job instead of searching for one isn't faith without work dead?

Prognose:


This right here.

I know your type. Sorry to say but you're a nag. You may not notice it but its true. The problem with nags is even if you're right, you have so irritated the man with your talking that he goes ahead to do the wrong thing just to make a point.

Solution? I think its a habit that cant be stopped. He's enduring your behaviour just as you're enduring his 'always right' and 'straight to the point' way of doing things. You both will have to sit yourselves down, probably with a mediator so that he cant order you to shut up, and really let your feelings out. And really listen to each other. This will help a lot knowing how each other feels. He sounds impatient and insensitive.

It may look like waste of money but trust me, it will help a lot if u get counsellor's couple therapy.

baby124:
How people marry people they cannot talk to baffles me. If you acted like someone that depends on him to make all decisions without your input before marriage, then you have no choice than to continue. You have to leave him to make a very big mistake before he will ever come to his senses. Sadly. When he makes mistakes, don't cover his lapses. Let him deal with it himself. Next time before he makes a decision he will ask your opinion so as not to be on his own if yawa gas.

izzou:


That,my dear is not a godly Christian marriage

A man who is always expecting an apology, never accepts his wrongs and always want to show he is in charge by cutting he short when he speaks,is and arrogant and prideful man

Jesus never admonished us to be that way.


@OP, You just have to keep praying for a job. From your writeup,you still love him. Just pray for a job so you can breathe a little fresh air

Blissquare:
2 kids and no job yet? The bitter truth is u wld always be miserable with him. It is too late to put ur foot down. When u start work, he wld lure u to spend ur money in his own way and still not appreciate u. Don't be deceived that he can change. Chose one, live in misery but appear happy outside or appear sad but live in happiness all by urself. Only an independent woman can have a say.

Acidosis:
Did you marry your uncle's mate, ma'am?

thorpido:
Like baby124 said,how people marry who they can't talk to and who won't listen to them or take their advice baffles me too.That's the place for courtship.

Op,your husband is arrogant and full of pride.He may think he is being the head of the home acting that way but he is not being a good leader.

Hope to get a job that will keep you busy but try to work on the relationship between you.Reach out as much as you can but don't force it so you don't get frustrated.

Pray without ceasing that God should touch his heart.I hope you both have a spiritual foundation .