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Family Issues!!! - Family - Nairaland

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Family Issues (advice Needed) / How Do I Get My Act Together Again. Family Issues / Family Issues..... Please Help (2) (3) (4)

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Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 7:12am On Nov 07, 2017
Few months ago, I was here asking for ideas on how to reduce the crowd in my house. A situation that saw my sister in law, her son, as well as my brother in law all camping in my house.

Currently, sister in law left 2 weeks ago, after insulting both me, her mother and my wife. Just because we addressed her ill characters.

The current issue now is my brother in law. He's been with us for 3 years plus and not talking of moving or starting his life.
Every morning while leaving for work he takes food along with him as well as enough water(3 or 4 bottles of water). He has been working for almost a year now, and at least changes his phones every 2 months which even baffles wifey. I initially said he should leave after December. But the young man is not showing signs of leaving.

Please how do I handle this without raising bad blood?
Re: Family Issues!!! by Marvel1206: 7:20am On Nov 07, 2017
Your wife is in the best position to handle it

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 7:54am On Nov 07, 2017
Marvel1206:
Your wife is in the best position to handle it

Wifey is so attached to her family that she can't even talk to them. Always wanting to show sympathy for them.
Re: Family Issues!!! by Marvel1206: 8:28am On Nov 07, 2017
AFONAMARO:


Wifey is so attached to her family that she can't even talk to them. Always wanting to show sympathy for them.
Tell him yourself then, not plainly though.

You can just ask how far has he gone with his accomodation plans.. In your way

Then if his sixth sense doesn't come in.

You have to tell him point blank. You've tried

10 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 8:53am On Nov 07, 2017
Marvel1206:

Tell him yourself then, not plainly though.

You can just ask how far has he gone with his accomodation plans.. In your way

Then if his sixth sense doesn't come in.

You have to tell him point blank. You've tried

Thanks. Will try talking to him. The problem is that he is so laid back. Maybe because he is seeing free food, water, and a comfortable room to sleep in.
Re: Family Issues!!! by blank(f): 11:12am On Nov 07, 2017
Tell him that you want to talk to him man to man.

That he has started working for some time, has now reached the point he should be talking of settling down and getting married. To aid this, he needs to now get his own apartment so that he can bring home visitors freely and generally start life. If you are generous, you can tell him that you would support him in this endeavour by giving him a certain amount. You would be expecting that by xxxx (mention the month), he will be able to get an apartment.

If the month you mentioned comes and goes and he doesn't move, you have to give him an ultimatum. That you have given him accommodation until he got on his feet, it is now his time to do same for others. He has xx months to leave your house and be firm on it.

4 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by Heebah: 11:31am On Nov 07, 2017
Forget about bad blood and push dis young man out!! Who bad blood epp,na today??. Isnt it obvious dat dis man is using u guys. Na so e go dey una house build him own mansion with his savins while u pple keep feeding him.
Funny enough,its people like him dat would always talk bad about u pple in d future,even wen u supported him all thru. Oga,stop being sentimental n do d needful!!!! Ur brother inlaw is very selfish

12 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by babythug(f): 12:51pm On Nov 07, 2017
Like you were told on the former thread quit worrying about the unpleasantness that will come after you tell him to move out! It will be unpleasant either way you decide to do it so..............Just tell him!!!!


instruct your Mrs to also stop providing food for him to take to work- he should buy with his own money!

3 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 1:35pm On Nov 07, 2017
blank:
Tell him that you want to talk to him man to man.

That he has started working for some time, has now reached the point he should be talking of settling down and getting married. To aid this, he needs to now get his own apartment so that he can bring home visitors freely and generally start life. If you are generous, you can tell him that you would support him in this endeavour by giving him a certain amount. You would be expecting that by xxxx (mention the month), he will be able to get an apartment.

If the month you mentioned comes and goes and he doesn't move, you have to give him an ultimatum. That you have given him accommodation until he got on his feet, it is now his time to do same for others. He has xx months to leave your house and be firm on it.

The guy is something else. Not even behaving like he has plans to start a life. Someone that will soon be 34
__
Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 1:37pm On Nov 07, 2017
babythug:
Like you were told on the former thread quit worrying about the unpleasantness that will come after you tell him to move out! It will be unpleasant either way you decide to do it so..............Just tell him!!!!


instruct your Mrs to also stop providing food for him to take to work- he should buy with his own money!

Nobody dishes food for him to take to work. He will wake by 5am to microwave soup and make garri he will take to work.
Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 1:38pm On Nov 07, 2017
Heebah:
Forget about bad blood and push dis young man out!! Who bad blood epp,na today??. Isnt it obvious dat dis man is using u guys. Na so e go dey una house build him own mansion with his savins while u pple keep feeding him.
Funny enough,its people like him dat would always talk bad about u pple in d future,even wen u supported him all thru. Oga,stop being sentimental n do d needful!!!! Ur brother inlaw is very selfish

I weak my brother. A complete man living off his fellow man
Re: Family Issues!!! by KanwuliaExtra: 1:40pm On Nov 07, 2017
Over to those who deal with such “messes”! kiss

Not in a marriage that deals with in-laws.
I don’t interact with any of my husband’s folk and vice versa! I don’t interact with my siblings spouses. We have PEACE!

Sorry, not into “communal living” or PEPPER SOUP GATHERINGS OF FRENEMIES.

Life is tough enough being married. The issues within the marriage are more than enough.

We only see when it is a “common” gathering.
No visiting or communicating unnecessarily.

If I need money, I go to the bank and BORROW at 2000% interest rate then PAY TILL I DIE!!!! kiss

9 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by LadySarah(f): 1:48pm On Nov 07, 2017
wow.34 and still livig comfortably in the sis home.bros abeg we are squatting with uooo.he has no shame sef.
call the man and tell him its time to go,what fuckery.he may even be one of those nairalanders that claim i'm my own man and mind my business.

3 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by CircleOfWilis: 1:55pm On Nov 07, 2017
KanwuliaExtra:
Over to those who deal with such “messes”! kiss

Not in a marriage that deals with in-laws.
I don’t interact with any of my husband’s folk and vice versa! I don’t interact with my siblings spouses. We have PEACE!

Sorry, not into “communal living” or PEPPER SOUP GATHERINGS OF FRENEMIES

Life is tough enough being married. The issues within the marriage are more than enough.

We only see when it is a “common” gathering.
No visiting or communicating unnecessarily.

If I need money, I go to the bank and BORROW at 2000% interest rate then PAY TILL I DIE!!!! kiss

grin Kanwulia!!

3 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 1:57pm On Nov 07, 2017
LadySarah:
wow.34 and still livig comfortably in the sis home.bros abeg we are squatting with uooo.he has no shame sef.
call the man and tell him its time to go,what fuckery.he may even be one of those nairalanders that claim i'm my own man and mind my business.

The thing tire me. Personally, I have made up my mind and equally inform wifey, that he isn't staying beyond December.
Someone that moved in 3 years ago. I fed him, cloth him, provide transportation and some pocket change to feel cool. At least he has gotten a job for the past 8 or 9 months.

Seriously wondering if he has plans of growing up
Re: Family Issues!!! by KanwuliaExtra: 1:59pm On Nov 07, 2017
CircleOfWilis:
grin Kanwulia!!

Muhehehehe

There are SOOOOOO many reasons I can NEVER live ANYWHERE but the WESTERN WORLD.
Dealing with PHOCKING BUSY BODIES AND NEVER DO WELLS? All in the name of in-laws and “friends”? undecided

Meeeeeeee? Going to camp in someone’s house or spending a day at a “friend’s” house? shocked
I’d rather go to a ZOO and observe animals or DRINK HEMLOCK AND DIE!!!!! cry


Just imagine? IN-LAWS camping in MY HOUSE? grin
Or some YEYE friends coming to visit? shocked

WITCHES and WIZARDS fall ON THEM!

7 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by Heebah: 2:00pm On Nov 07, 2017
AFONAMARO:


I weak my brother. A complete man living off his fellow man
My guy do the needful. When next i see ur post i want to read dat u have taken necessary actions. I dey vex!!!

5 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 2:17pm On Nov 07, 2017
Heebah:
My guy do the needful. When next i see ur post i want to read dat u have taken necessary actions. I dey vex!!!

He won't exceed next month. I have seriously tried.

At first I kept mute about him taking meals to work because he just started working and might not have been paid. But after 9 months he is still doing same.
Re: Family Issues!!! by CircleOfWilis: 3:52pm On Nov 07, 2017
KanwuliaExtra:


Muhehehehe

There are SOOOOOO many reasons I can NEVER live ANYWHERE but the WESTERN WORLD.
Dealing with PHOCKING BUSY BODIES AND NEVER DO WELLS? All in the name of in-laws and “friends”? undecided

Meeeeeeee? Going to camp in someone’s house or spending a day at a “friend’s” house? shocked
I’d rather go to a ZOO and observe animals or DRINK HEMLOCK AND DIE!!!!! cry


Just imagine? IN-LAWS camping in MY HOUSE? grin
Or some YEYE friends coming to visit? shocked

WITCHES and WIZARDS fall ON THEM!
Funny bt true...however living that kind of life is only obtainable in western world ....You dear not try isolating yourself from ur husband's relations, u will tagged a witch....U will even bcme a prayer point at homes and In church/masallaci
Re: Family Issues!!! by frostylook: 7:50pm On Nov 07, 2017
If you think this guy will leave without a shove, you are on a long thing. Family members are the worst when it comes to overstepping and entitlement mentality. As far as he's concerned, it's his right. There's no how you will make him leave without looking evil. Why not just get it over with already?

5 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 10:41am On Nov 08, 2017
frostylook:
If you think this guy will leave without a shove, you are on a long thing. Family members are the worst when it comes to overstepping and entitlement mentality. As far as he's concerned, it's his right. There's no how you will make him leave without looking evil. Why not just get it over with already?

I quite agree with you. Will stand firm about him leaving after December
Re: Family Issues!!! by babythug(f): 4:43pm On Nov 08, 2017
AFONAMARO:


Nobody dishes food for him to take to work. He will wake by 5am to microwave soup and make garri he will take to work.

If you have a fridge in your room better ask you wife to pack up the soups into that fridge! Or better still she should make enough soup to last each meal so he doesn't have any to take to work!

Shameless man, living off an inlaw! His younger one's spouse mcheeewwww

3 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by ifyalways(f): 4:53pm On Nov 08, 2017
AFONAMARO:


Nobody dishes food for him to take to work. He will wake by 5am to microwave soup and make garri he will take to work.
This is wickedly hilarious.
Pele, follow @ Blanks suggestions

3 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by ifyalways(f): 4:55pm On Nov 08, 2017
KanwuliaExtra:


Muhehehehe

There are SOOOOOO many reasons I can NEVER live ANYWHERE but the WESTERN WORLD.
Dealing with PHOCKING BUSY BODIES AND NEVER DO WELLS? All in the name of in-laws and “friends”? undecided

Meeeeeeee? Going to camp in someone’s house or spending a day at a “friend’s” house? shocked
I’d rather go to a ZOO and observe animals or DRINK HEMLOCK AND DIE!!!!! cry


Just imagine? IN-LAWS camping in MY HOUSE? grin
Or some YEYE friends coming to visit? shocked

WITCHES and WIZARDS fall ON THEM!
AJ cheesy cheesy cheesy

1 Like

Re: Family Issues!!! by babythug(f): 5:21pm On Nov 08, 2017
AFONAMARO:


I quite agree with you. Will stand firm about him leaving after December

Stop hammering on this after December matter get it done now!

So by December he would have left!!!!

2 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by mrphysics(m): 5:23pm On Nov 08, 2017
The problem is always the beginning. Things you allowed at the beginning of things will always affect you at the long run.
You should speak up like a man in your home and set boundaries. No one have the right to go to the kitchen save your wife or anyone she sends there

It seems to me that your wife is in their plan and do not really want to end it. If you are the one buying the foods, then you must speak up like a man. There comes a time you don't care what any one does to you or how anyone looks. Its a time you speak sharply and take decisions that will change your life.

You don't love people more than you love yourself.

6 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by mrphysics(m): 5:29pm On Nov 08, 2017
babythug:


Stop hammering on this after December matter get it done now!

So by December he would have left!!!!
Simple, but he will allow it till December then the man will tell him to give him 3 months to sort himself out. At the end of the third month, he might have forgotten himself. Then by November next year, he will come back here singing same song.

2 Likes

Re: Family Issues!!! by babythug(f): 5:36pm On Nov 08, 2017
mrphysics:

Simple but he will allow it till december then the man will tell him to give him 3 months to sort himself out. At the end of the third months, he might have forgotten himself. Then by November next year, he will come back here singing the same song.

Indeed you get my point!!!!
Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 6:34pm On Nov 08, 2017
babythug:


Stop hammering on this after December matter get it done now!

So by December he would have left!!!!

Is well. Will work on that.

Wifey cried the day I asked the sister to leave. Imagine staying for 3 months after gradually moving in
Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 6:41pm On Nov 08, 2017
mrphysics:
The problem is always the beginning. Things you allowed at the beginning of things will always affect you at the long run.
You should speak up like a man in your home and set boundaries. No one have the right to go to the kitchen save your wife or anyone she sends there

It seems to me that your wife is in their plan and do not really want to end it. If you are the one buying the foods, then you must speak up like a man. There comes a time you don't care what any one does to you or how anyone looks. Its a time you speak sharply and take decisions that will change your life.

You don't love people more than you love yourself.

I clearly get your point. From the get I was in the picture of him coming to put up with us to look for something doing.

My mom in law pleaded with me, which I consented to. But I guess the young man is just lazy.

Not that I can't ask him out right now, but considering that he came through my mom in law who has done so much for my kids(raising them single handedly while I and wifey works). I always want to consider her.

But in all, he has to go as he has decided to forget he is a man
Re: Family Issues!!! by AFONAMARO: 6:43pm On Nov 08, 2017
ifyalways:

This is wickedly hilarious.
Pele, follow @ Blanks suggestions

The young man is just lazy
Re: Family Issues!!! by blank(f): 7:30am On Nov 09, 2017
Inasmuch as you want him out, tty as much as possible to do it without creating bad blood. Before being aggressive about it, try and have a nice talk with him. Don't assume that he would react negatively.

I am sure after seeing his sister being asked to leave, he would have already started making plans but just saving up money to move.

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