₦airaland Forum

Acidosis:
This thing always happen when women marry money.

Your wife married your money, not you. You were only there as a portfolio; fact is the wedding was between your wife and your money. Like a teller, your main duty is to dispense cash.

It is highly unreasonable for one who has neither managed any reasonable business, nor make profit from an existing shop that cost over N2m to go further to request for a whooping N2m on rent.

I sha hope you harvest money from a tree, else you will soon become broke.

I'd advise you to invest as much as possible on your immediate family. I'm sure someone needs your assistance. Establish a sibling now that you can, they will support you later in life.

I don't know your monetary worth, but please don't go 'forming' a made careless spender. N2m is still a huge money in the current day Nigeria. That's the average yearly earning of a Banker in UBA. Imagine setting ablaze a banker's yearly salary because of an unreasonable spouse!

An average Nigerian based Professor would need to work tirelessly for 4 months to earn that.. Be wise now that your sanity has not been ruined.

That one yeyebrity opened a shop for a slay queen doesn't mean you should do same. Like their marriages, we all know those shops don't stay 3 years. Its all meant to oppress their followers on Instagram.

The aim of business is to make money and if and when your wife proves to be unreasonable with finance, get her to sit indoors or get her trained somewhere.


I've decided to ignore allegations regarding her cheating tendencies.. I believe you're man enough to handle that aspect.

You're great!

More grace to your reasoning. #Epic #Sharp

I'm a very busy person VULCAN.

VULCAN:
After starting with you "don't like one sided stories" you dragged on with advice based on your crystal ball.

If I said anything contrary to what you said why did you not point it out.

That was what I was expecting.

Unlike you, I don't advise people who have not presented at least 90% of the facts. Nor do I assume to know what a person I have never met nor studied would do.

As i said previously, whether she is cheating or not cannot be deduced from the original post

adam500hr:
From all what I stated, why did u say i should leave her?

I've followed your story and all I can say is you are a strong man. Many people advicing you here can't manage the situation as much as you have done. Well done. Your wife messed up big time, but don't throw in the towel yet. I believe there is still hope as long as you stand your ground and insist she changes her ways. Truth is, if the roles were reversed, you'll want her to forgive and manage the situation better.

DukeNija:
I've followed your story and all I can say is you are a strong man. Many people advicing you here can't manage the situation as much as you have done. Well done. Your wife messed up big time, but don't throw in the towel yet. I believe there is still hope as long as you stand your ground and insist she changes her ways. Truth is, if the roles were reversed, you'll want her to forgive and manage the situation better.

Yea but we all know a womans case is always worse and different.

adam500hr:
I really want to thank you all for your comments. Whatever happens to a man and he brings it over to social media, in the end, the wisdom he has inclusive of some positive comments here will actually be the outcome of what I'll decide to do. In the end, my decision is what matters.

I'll like to address some misinformation here, and the first is the repeated quote from hungerbad where praises for his intelligent post is seen on here. It was not a shop she was gonna rent, its a space for creche, which she is running at the other place I rented a year plus now. Also, I have to the realization that even if your guts feelings tell u that ur wife is cheating, without evidence, one needs to chill, and if need be you want to uncover the truth take your time and investigate. Trust me yall, its not easy to observe things that would tell u ur woman is cheating and you'll sit still and be looking like lukmon, there are many reasons I have observed that I wont have time to share here.

Also, I would like to address the issue of paternity test, truly when trust is not fully established, and you see further reasons to doubt the paternity of your child, then a DNS isnt a bad idea. I'm actually 100% sure of my first born, apart from the sparkling resemblance, which in most cases is not an asssurance of ownership, the bloodily bond is there, I can feel it deep down, I wont even need to do DNA, and the same goes with my second as well. I dont want to go into that, even if on eof them arent mine, they already call me daddy, where do I want to land the fate of whichever isnt mine if discovery is made?

I loved my wife when we started courting, the plan for pregnancy was mutual, the love making was mutuall and real, it was just a mistake on my path that you dont sleep with who you dont know if by knowing that u guys arent compatible you wont be able to marry her. However within the last 5 and half years, We both have tried as much as possible to make things work, though she still seem to be the one lagging behind with issues of respect, obedience and loyalty and signs of infidelity.

Another thing is first business is successful, infact there isnt enough space to contain more children, but the major problem is accountability and management, shes 0% in those aspect, meaning no savings to pay rent, profit is spent without proper accounting, thought I understand most parents dont pay their wards fees at the appropriate time which causes imbalance in trying to accurately account for what comes in and whats going out. The only reason why she stated she wanted to move is because the baby's moving from age 3 are heading to a proper school, and she'll lose them, meaning she would start over by sourcing for new babys', so if she can secure the other side, she'll just move them to the new nursery and preschool without having to lose them to other schools. I told her i dont have the cash now, she needs to exercise patience, and she should be hopeful that kids will leave and new ones will come, at least thats how she started.

I just didnt call her a hoe from the secret calls and the mistaken statement of "blw job" It was based on the phone conversation I overheard from the bug i placed on her phone, where I found out that she was seductively talking to the dude in a sexy tone that I never heard her talk with, after confronting her and advised her to cut ties, she had another convo with him where I was being slandered and my wife refered to me as guy in the convo, thats what made me bad and resorted to calling her names, the scope of having her confesss to what I dont know is because if a woman ,talkless of a wife can discuss you with another male, it could probably mean they have had sex, or they are about to, whichever way round, out of anger, such woman might be called a hoe.

I had provided the evidence of the call, she cried and apologized that the dude was a old friend that she didnt want to make him feel bad while trying to cut ties with him, reason why he had to say such things about me, I asked if she respected his feelings more than the man that chose to marry you out of all that i have met, she said she was sorry. I tabled down a whole lot that I never thought would come off my mind, but due to the fact that I have sat her down to thrash issues out b4,, and nothing ever changes, I decided to have her embark on some strict rules which she quickly accepted, because I will not tolerate any more of this same instance or any other related as I want to live long.

Well done. Na you see am marry, whether she be good or otherwise is really your cup of akamu. The best we could hope for is that all goes well and you live long. It is well.

Boss13:
This is a pathetic case of mistrust and lack of communication. There is so much mistrust amongst men and women these days. It's such a shame. Everybody is considering the easy way out and shockingly divorce is not as easy as presumed. The people who say it is do so because they don't want to be laughed at and told they have made a mistake.

Adams, I'm sad you brought your issue to a public forum and at the same time, you might have been in a huge distressed. So it's quite understandable. However, if you read the comments posted on your issue, it should give you the chills and a rethink to never do it again. Strangers insulting your wife, asking you to carry out paternity test on your kids, recommending you flog your wife or get a side chick to make her mellow. Some calling your wife an ingrate. These are people who don't know you, your wife or your family. Others saying the root cause to your marital problems is because you got her pregnant 3 weeks into your relationship. Man, I feel terrible for you.

First, you insulted your wife. You called her unprintable names. You also accused her of cheating without verifiable evidence - for these reasons, you MUST apologize to you wife. Please note that I stressed "must". Whether your wife is cheating or not, you have no proof for now. I also understand you were furious emotional, it happens. Now, you have to apologize.

Second, you are NOW a family with two lovely kids who needs both of you to survive in this tough world. Nobody, I repeat, nobody will ever love or treat your kids better than you and get the same satisfaction from seeing them thrive. Not even the side chick you may be considering bringing in. Adams, most marriages go through tough times, even on a consistent trend. So this is your moment to dig in and remove the friction.

Probably in your mind, you keep wondering if you had not gotten her pregnant in this first place. You know what every man, in marital distress, think the same too. That you married your wife 3 weeks into courtship after she got pregnant, proves you are a better man and one who listens to sound advice. Many men will bail and even ignore the baby.

Third, there is mistrust in your home. You don't trust your wife's business judgement and she doesn't trust you in being with her still the end. Both of you need to sort that out. You must also understand that people fail and that your wife wants to push ahead shows she wants to succeed. Her success should also be your success. You MUST help her succeed. Also, note that I stressed the must again. If you don't have the money let her know, if you can help with the loan, please do. Don't shove her aside. Support her dream and she will be grateful. Also, on the gift stuff, I think she has a point on the name issue. If you are not comfortable with that, buy all properties in the family name. It's not a gift when it's in your name - it's a loan.

It's also sad that your wife is belittling you to her friends, whether male or female. It's very sad indeed. Maybe because she lacks support and encouragement from you. Remember both of you are partners and should be on the same team. Eradicate this mistrust and bring your wife closer, encourage her, praise her and love her even when she is wrong. I bet you will do the same for your kids, so why not for the woman who gave you those children.

Finally, remove the notion that your wife is cheating and you want to seek separation. My brother, that divorce grass is not sweet at all. It will destroy your children's confidence, increase your mistrust for women, destroy your home because the other woman is more likely to mistreat your kids, degrade your wife, reduce the happiness in your family, increase the chances of you dying on time from stress. Only selfish people divorce and trust me, selfish people are never happy. Go and make up with your wife. Don't start another family because you ALREADY have a family.

I leave you with this - if you seek happiness, you must be happy. If you seek love, you must love. Love your wife no matter what.

I saw this late but having gone most of the responses here, I have concluded you have a very good head on your shoulders. Thank you for putting it this way. I wish the OP will read your post again and convince himself that you are giving sound advice.

Social media has become the death of many relationships because folks who have no business giving advice will be trumpeting lopsided opinions.

Funnily enough, I do suspect the wife is not cheating on him. It's a mind game he is yet to comprehend.

megareal:
I saw this late but having gone most of the responses here, I have concluded you have a very good head on your shoulders. Thank you for putting it this way. I wish the OP will read your post again and convince himself that you are giving sound advice.

Social media has become the death of many relationships because folks who have no business giving advice will be trumpeting lopsided opinions.

Funnily enough, I do suspect the wife is not cheating on him. It's a mind game he is yet to comprehend.

Mind game? Are you kidding or you just want to sound ridiculous. A woman who insults her husband and belittles him while chatting with another man is playing mind games? A woman who refers to her husband as that guy while speaking to another man is playing mind games? I have no further word for you woman.

Boss13:
This is a pathetic case of mistrust and lack of communication. There is so much mistrust amongst men and women these days. It's such a shame. Everybody is considering the easy way out and shockingly divorce is not as easy as presumed. The people who say it is do so because they don't want to be laughed at and told they have made a mistake.

Adams, I'm sad you brought your issue to a public forum and at the same time, you might have been in a huge distressed. So it's quite understandable. However, if you read the comments posted on your issue, it should give you the chills and a rethink to never do it again. Strangers insulting your wife, asking you to carry out paternity test on your kids, recommending you flog your wife or get a side chick to make her mellow. Some calling your wife an ingrate. These are people who don't know you, your wife or your family. Others saying the root cause to your marital problems is because you got her pregnant 3 weeks into your relationship. Man, I feel terrible for you.

First, you insulted your wife. You called her unprintable names. You also accused her of cheating without verifiable evidence - for these reasons, you MUST apologize to you wife. Please note that I stressed "must". Whether your wife is cheating or not, you have no proof for now. I also understand you were furious emotional, it happens. Now, you have to apologize.

Second, you are NOW a family with two lovely kids who needs both of you to survive in this tough world. Nobody, I repeat, nobody will ever love or treat your kids better than you and get the same satisfaction from seeing them thrive. Not even the side chick you may be considering bringing in. Adams, most marriages go through tough times, even on a consistent trend. So this is your moment to dig in and remove the friction.

Probably in your mind, you keep wondering if you had not gotten her pregnant in this first place. You know what every man, in marital distress, think the same too. That you married your wife 3 weeks into courtship after she got pregnant, proves you are a better man and one who listens to sound advice. Many men will bail and even ignore the baby.

Third, there is mistrust in your home. You don't trust your wife's business judgement and she doesn't trust you in being with her still the end. Both of you need to sort that out. You must also understand that people fail and that your wife wants to push ahead shows she wants to succeed. Her success should also be your success. You MUST help her succeed. Also, note that I stressed the must again. If you don't have the money let her know, if you can help with the loan, please do. Don't shove her aside. Support her dream and she will be grateful. Also, on the gift stuff, I think she has a point on the name issue. If you are not comfortable with that, buy all properties in the family name. It's not a gift when it's in your name - it's a loan.

It's also sad that your wife is belittling you to her friends, whether male or female. It's very sad indeed. Maybe because she lacks support and encouragement from you. Remember both of you are partners and should be on the same team. Eradicate this mistrust and bring your wife closer, encourage her, praise her and love her even when she is wrong. I bet you will do the same for your kids, so why not for the woman who gave you those children.

Finally, remove the notion that your wife is cheating and you want to seek separation. My brother, that divorce grass is not sweet at all. It will destroy your children's confidence, increase your mistrust for women, destroy your home because the other woman is more likely to mistreat your kids, degrade your wife, reduce the happiness in your family, increase the chances of you dying on time from stress. Only selfish people divorce and trust me, selfish people are never happy. Go and make up with your wife. Don't start another family because you ALREADY have a family.

I leave you with this - if you seek happiness, you must be happy. If you seek love, you must love. Love your wife no matter what.

Total and utter BS!
Divorce is not the end of the world and believe me many kids thrive and do exceptionally well when their parents separate rather than turn the home into rumble in the jungle.
Secondly, you sound unbelievably sympathetic to the wife who was ready to move out of their home rather than stand and make it work. That decision alone reeks of guilt. No innocent woman will suggest moving out of her matrimonial home over a mere accusation.

Thirdly, you still found a way to blame the man for his wife's decision to belittle him and call him that 'guy' while talking to another man by insinuating, rather, by jumping into the conclusion that he does not support or encourage her enough. So lack of support should make a woman insult and belittle her husband in front of another man? Besides you intentionally skipped the part that said he set up the crèche for her?
Woman, please never ever advise anyone especially a man again. You lack good judgment. Your post is terribly irritating.

The most annoying part in all of the ludicrous gabbage you spewed is that fact that you blamed this man for every decision his wife made. You completely absolved her of any wrong doing.

DukeNija:
Total and utter BS!
Divorce is not the end of the world and believe me many kids thrive and do exceptionally well when their parents separate rather than turn the home into rumble in the jungle.
Secondly, you sound unbelievably sympathetic to the wife who was ready to move out of their home rather than stand and make it work. That decision alone reeks of guilt. No innocent woman will suggest moving out of her matrimonial home over a mere accusation.

Thirdly, you still found a way to blame the man for his wife's decision to belittle him and call him that 'guy' while talking to another man by insinuating, rather, by jumping into the conclusion that he does not support or encourage her enough. So lack of support should make a woman insult and belittle her husband in front of another man? Besides you intentionally skipped the part that said he set up the crèche for her?
Woman, please never ever advise anyone especially a man again. You lack good judgment. Your post is terribly irritating.

The most annoying part in all of the ludicrous gabbage you spewed is that fact that you blamed this man for every decision his wife made. You completely absolved her of any wrong doing.

He made some few, I mean very few points, the rest, its like encouraging what she did. I have said it, if not for my children. I am moving on. Plenty good woman dey out there. I just never thought I deserve the woman I got. Never ever.

Whatever we are saying here about money, unreasonable wife bla bla bla will only make sense for the intending ones. There is a bros here seeking help. Make una join hands help am. Courtship should atleast last for 1 or 2 years na. I will not say divorce, but think of other solutions, let divorce be the least option. Let her know the implications of her actions with respect to the kids should anything happen to the marriage since she is emotionally attached to them. Maybe that could help the situation. Lets see how it goes. Althesame tell it to God.

If she wants to leave, pls let her leave. I am sure her father can't invest 2mm without expecting returns. It takes a wicked, selfish woman to insist on another 2mm for another jamboree. I love family but that is way over the line. You will get rid of her, trust me, you will not regret it. Let leave.

sisisioge:
Well well well...make una take am easy biko.

I think she did something too or wanted to...just leave it be without plying too hard. What you don't know won't kill you. It is welly o.

You too can cheat on your husband and expect him not to ask questions, right? Some of you women are just disgusting

Poorboy:
I have a solution to knowing the kind of woman she is i don't want to post it here because it's a top secret and ladies here would get the information

Can I have your Watsapp contact please?

cruchenuti:
afam500hr

There is an app you can use to find out whatever happens on your wife's phone. Whatsapp chats, screenshots and everything.

Anyway, its always good to marry woman who has the fear of God and not like all this freethinker ladies and feminist wey full Nairaland. Lemme not call names. Let them not come for my head.

Pls what's the app's name?

tonytony208:
You too can cheat on your husband and expect him not to ask questions, right? Some of you women are just disgusting

Abi o...as some of you men are disgusting

sisisioge:
Abi o...as some of you men are disgusting

If you don't repent, I won't propose marriage to you

The new set of Nigerian men are weaklings. The comments on this thread by people who claim to be men are vomit-inducing.

tonytony208:
Can I have your Watsapp contact please?

yea i saw check ur mail

Mr Adam may God give u the heart to forgive but all I knw is dat things will never be the same again. My ex sexcapades were so much that I left for good with my girls, we settled later but my people to trust again became a problem, every word, every step he took is under suspicion. I prayed for God to give me the heart as I was recovering , another hit followed, my dear I had to dust my shoe and shared the grace with him. To build trust takes time but it takes a second to kill it. I wish u find happiness and understanding in ur marriage but no go die of marriage oo. Life no get duplicate. Man die go, woman nd children go live.