₦airaland Forum

Afonjanightmare:
Mehn, the pillar of any home is the father, only stupid children would hate their DAD, my DAD trained us well, he had and still has an iron fist, barks orders, yells at everyone at home including the tables and chairs, do we love him?? Yes.

Your Dad must be a serving or retired military personnel. Exactly like my Dad, even at old age, he still dish out orders.

While the OP has made a lot of sense, i'd like to point out something that's maybe peculiar to a few, perhaps more..

You see, many grow up to love one parent more, and that's a function of how well they showed up for their kids and tried to infuse as much joy, guidance and comfort as humanly possible,

In my case, We are more attached to Father , He's everywhere in our lives, he wants to know what's up and how he can help, He's not perfect, But he's done a really good job as a parent. Sadly, it's not quite the same with Mom.

A father can provide, show up for the kids, make them happy, but when his wife, your supposed mother, is doing the exact opposite, you will grow up with a lot of sadness and confusion, especially when she goes out of her way to do for other people, what she never does for you and your siblings,


Even then, She's still our Mother and we try to love, respect and treat her right always, even as she ages. But We are closer to him, we love HIM more, Always will.


Fathers will every now and then try to love and care for the Kids, But I think it's arguably different with Mothers, perhaps it's something with nature, it's quite unique for Mothers because they are like the nut in the middle that holds the family together,

They have this intimate bond with both the Man and the Kids, and what they make of that bond is what beautifies or destroys a home.

nghozie:
Nice piece

Thanks

KevinDein:
I've long accepted that fatherhood is a thankless job. I'm prepared for that. However, I'd still give my all to see that my offsprings turn out great.

They can save the emotional stuffs for the mom; I don't need that. I just want them to be the best scientists, sportmen etc. That's enough for me.

Fatherhood is not a thankless job! Most fathers I know are just plain stupid, they never lead! You don't have to share their emotional affairs for their mother to do, you can do that also. We have super dads and we have silly mothers vice versa. Love their mother so the children would love you too

it's a good write up, let me tell my fellow men what goes around will definitely comes around! what u sow is what u'll reap,how can u tell me that full fledged man will abandon the father and expect his own children to remember him when the chips are down.

.

danidon08:
Op so on point! Even to speak with my dad is problem. Barking orders at everyone till date.

He once asked why everyone was to closer to mum than him,
Ans: Most childhood memories we have of you is koboko in your hands

Your children will do same to you fool! I was lucky to understand this at a young age and always stood with my father while trying as much as possible not to annoy my mother. Result? I was my father's closest confidant till he passed on and he blessed me abundantly. I hope to get the same treatment from my kids.

Donjazzy12:
Your children will do same to you fool! I was lucky to understand this at a young age and always stood with my father while trying as much as possible not to annoy my mother. Result? I was my father's closest confidant till he passed on and he blessed me abundantly. I hope to get the same treatment from my kids.

Easy bro . awwwwwchhhh

obikirinoni:
Guys please read carefully


WHY FATHERS ARE NEGLECTED IN OLD AGE.
-ITS A MUST READ FOR ALL FATHERS! (and mothers too!)

Take ur time and read through.

1. In the lifetime of most Nigerian family settings, there are 3 Dispensations of Power.

2. The 1st is the first 25 years in the life of the family (father, mother, children) where power indisputably rest with the father.

3. The 2nd is after the kids have grown & started working when the power shifts to the mother.

4. The 3rd is when the kids move out of the family house or start their own families when the power moves to the children.

6. We'll start from the 1st Dispensation. Total dominance of the father. He is the Lion of the Tribe of his House. The boss.

7. During this dispensation, the father rules with an iron fist. He barks orders & determines what does or does not happen.

8. The father often mettes out corporal punishment to the recalcitrant children. They grow to fear him more than they love him.

10. The father is the provider for the family & everyone is aware of that fact with all attendant consequences.

11. Then the 2nd Dispensation sets in. The children have finished school and have started working. Power shifts to the mother.

12. When the children start earning their own money, for some reason, it's their mothers they decide to look after. They are closer to her.

13. While the father was in charge, he was busy with the business of providing. He didn't have much time to be a friend to the children.

14. They spent more time with their mum and invariably grew closer to her. They also see their mum as co-victims of the father's tyranny.

15. The mother takes centre stage at this point. She is the first to know what's happening with the children & she has advantage.

16. Should any of the daughters give birth, she is the one that goes for babysitting and the children spoil her with gifts.

17. At this stage, the father is wishing for some bond with the children like they have with their mother but that boat has sailed.

18. Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.

19. Then the 3rd and last dispensation. Power has shifted to the children. They are self-sufficient, live on their own & have own families.

20. More often than not, whenever there is a quarrel between father & mother, the children side the mother.Years of joint-victimhood at play

21. Children have been known to come to the house to warn their father not to 'disturb' their mother. Next thing, extended visitations.

22. Woe betide the father if his finances are precarious at this stage. You will be humble by force. The gang-up is real.

23. This causes most men to fall ill & develop different complications. By the time the forces are arrayed against you, you will think well.

24. Stroke, Hypertension, High-Blood Pressure. The man has a large family but no relationship with them in later life. Troubling thought.

25. Moral, dear men, while the power lies with us, let us wield it with posterity in mind. It won't be with us forever.

26. With the way you are treating your wife now, how will she treat you when power shifts to her?

27. What relationship do you have with your family? Loving dad or despotic, tyrannical provider?

28. Remember, the children always side with their mother. Aim to do enough to at least get a fair hearing in future moments of family strife

30. Invest wisely for the future so that you won't have to beg to be taken care of if despite your best efforts, you find yourself alone.

ADVISE TO CHILDREN:- IT IS NOT GOOD TO ABANDON YOUR FATHER WHO DENIED HIMSELF TO GET YOU PREPARED FOR LIFE & WHO SACRIFICIALLY SOWED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE. HONOUR YOUR BOTH PARENTS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM IN THEIR OLD AGE. THAT IS HOW YOU TOO WILL SOW INTO YOUR FUTURE. DONT LET NEGLECTING YOUR FATHER (PARENTS ) BE A CURSE ON YOU INTO YOUR FUTURE.

ADVISE TO MOTHERS :- DON'T INCITE YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST THEIR FATHER.

*Parenthood is not easy despite its joys. There is no manual on how it works. May God help us

Any male child who disrespects his father will suffer the exact same thing when he becomes a father. Karma is real. Till today I cry when I remember my father's death but I am happy that he blessed me abundantly before he died. It makes my day. Anyway.

My thread is at the headquarters!!!!

Yepeeee

Objectives:
While the OP has made a lot of sense, i'd like to point out something that's maybe peculiar to a few, perhaps more..

You see, many grow up to love one parent more, and that's a function of how well they showed up for their kids and tried to infuse as much joy, guidance and comfort as humanly possible,

In my case, We are more attached to Father , He's everywhere in our lives, he wants to know what's up and how he can help, He's not perfect, But he's done a really good job as a parent. Sadly, it's not quite the same with Mom.


It's like this, We know she gave birth to us, but the connection that a human being feels towards his mother has never been there,

She's always prioritised other people over 'Us' and we grew up watching this happen, it's like she never gave a damn about our future, that bad!

She nags, complains, and puts no effort to see that the house is a home, when she's away, there's a lot of peace.

We've all grown up with 'bad memories' of how tough it was living in a house where the very woman who brought us to life was the source of our pain, depression and unhappiness as kids.

As adults, we are responsible for our own happiness, and we 've over the years developed thick skin over her actions, Even then, it's occasionally painful to watch her further destroy what could have been a very beautiful home.

She never believes she's Wrong, You cannot hold a decent productive conversation with her to help her see how much she's neglecting the family...

..it's completely pointless, she'd end up interpreting it wrongly as always and try to make you or any other person who's not on the same page with her, the bad one(s)

Back then, as a student (Boarding School and University) going home was worse than staying back in school, not because there was no comfort, but comfort without peace of mind and the joy of belonging to a home is insignificant,

It was difficult having friends around because of her constant complaining and quarreling,

There's just no guarantee that you'd go home and leave with fun holiday memories; she'd always find a way to make your stay at home miserable

A father can provide, show up for the kids, make them happy, but when his wife, your supposed mother, is doing the exact opposite, you will grow up with a lot of sadness and confusion, especially when she goes out of her way to do for other people, what she never does for you and your siblings,

Every time I look at her and wish she could see the pain in our eyes and make a turn for good, Perhaps some things are just meant to be, and however much we hope and push for Change, it's never going to come.

Yet, we wish he had ended up with a wiser woman, Or that She was a better Mother, but life is life, and the picture wont always be perfect.

I do not think that any of us till this day, understand what it means to have a Mother (Here I speak of the love, care, sacrifice, and natural affection that exists between a Mother and her Children)

Even then, She's still our Mother and we try to love, respect and treat her right always, even as she ages. But We are closer to him, we love HIM more, Always will.


Fathers will every now and then try to love and care for the Kids, But I think it's arguably different with Mothers, perhaps it's something with nature, it's quite unique for Mothers because they are like the nut in the middle that holds the family together,

They have this intimate bond with both the Man and the Kids, and what they make of that bond is what beautifies or destroys a home.

the description of your mom will be one hell of a mother in-law.if she can do that to you guys I can only imagine what She'll do to her daughter in-law

tensazangetsu20:
As for me, my own dad can go to hell. Once I get enough money am convincing my mom to get a divorce and am disowning him and his part of the family. Very useless hopeless people.

haba.is it that bad?

obikirinoni:
Guys please read carefully


WHY FATHERS ARE NEGLECTED IN OLD AGE.
-ITS A MUST READ FOR ALL FATHERS! (and mothers too!)

Take ur time and read through.

1. In the lifetime of most Nigerian family settings, there are 3 Dispensations of Power.

2. The 1st is the first 25 years in the life of the family (father, mother, children) where power indisputably rest with the father.

3. The 2nd is after the kids have grown & started working when the power shifts to the mother.

4. The 3rd is when the kids move out of the family house or start their own families when the power moves to the children.

6. We'll start from the 1st Dispensation. Total dominance of the father. He is the Lion of the Tribe of his House. The boss.

7. During this dispensation, the father rules with an iron fist. He barks orders & determines what does or does not happen.

8. The father often mettes out corporal punishment to the recalcitrant children. They grow to fear him more than they love him.

10. The father is the provider for the family & everyone is aware of that fact with all attendant consequences.

11. Then the 2nd Dispensation sets in. The children have finished school and have started working. Power shifts to the mother.

12. When the children start earning their own money, for some reason, it's their mothers they decide to look after. They are closer to her.

13. While the father was in charge, he was busy with the business of providing. He didn't have much time to be a friend to the children.

14. They spent more time with their mum and invariably grew closer to her. They also see their mum as co-victims of the father's tyranny.

15. The mother takes centre stage at this point. She is the first to know what's happening with the children & she has advantage.

16. Should any of the daughters give birth, she is the one that goes for babysitting and the children spoil her with gifts.

17. At this stage, the father is wishing for some bond with the children like they have with their mother but that boat has sailed.

18. Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.

19. Then the 3rd and last dispensation. Power has shifted to the children. They are self-sufficient, live on their own & have own families.

20. More often than not, whenever there is a quarrel between father & mother, the children side the mother.Years of joint-victimhood at play

21. Children have been known to come to the house to warn their father not to 'disturb' their mother. Next thing, extended visitations.

22. Woe betide the father if his finances are precarious at this stage. You will be humble by force. The gang-up is real.

23. This causes most men to fall ill & develop different complications. By the time the forces are arrayed against you, you will think well.

24. Stroke, Hypertension, High-Blood Pressure. The man has a large family but no relationship with them in later life. Troubling thought.

25. Moral, dear men, while the power lies with us, let us wield it with posterity in mind. It won't be with us forever.

26. With the way you are treating your wife now, how will she treat you when power shifts to her?

27. What relationship do you have with your family? Loving dad or despotic, tyrannical provider?

28. Remember, the children always side with their mother. Aim to do enough to at least get a fair hearing in future moments of family strife

30. Invest wisely for the future so that you won't have to beg to be taken care of if despite your best efforts, you find yourself alone.

ADVISE TO CHILDREN:- IT IS NOT GOOD TO ABANDON YOUR FATHER WHO DENIED HIMSELF TO GET YOU PREPARED FOR LIFE & WHO SACRIFICIALLY SOWED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE. HONOUR YOUR BOTH PARENTS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM IN THEIR OLD AGE. THAT IS HOW YOU TOO WILL SOW INTO YOUR FUTURE. DONT LET NEGLECTING YOUR FATHER (PARENTS ) BE A CURSE ON YOU INTO YOUR FUTURE.

ADVISE TO MOTHERS :- DON'T INCITE YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST THEIR FATHER.

*Parenthood is not easy despite its joys. There is no manual on how it works. May God help us

This is an insightful piece. Nice one OP.

obikirinoni:
Guys please read carefully


WHY FATHERS ARE NEGLECTED IN OLD AGE.
-ITS A MUST READ FOR ALL FATHERS! (and mothers too!)

Take ur time and read through.

1. In the lifetime of most Nigerian family settings, there are 3 Dispensations of Power.

2. The 1st is the first 25 years in the life of the family (father, mother, children) where power indisputably rest with the father.

3. The 2nd is after the kids have grown & started working when the power shifts to the mother.

4. The 3rd is when the kids move out of the family house or start their own families when the power moves to the children.

6. We'll start from the 1st Dispensation. Total dominance of the father. He is the Lion of the Tribe of his House. The boss.

7. During this dispensation, the father rules with an iron fist. He barks orders & determines what does or does not happen.

8. The father often mettes out corporal punishment to the recalcitrant children. They grow to fear him more than they love him.

10. The father is the provider for the family & everyone is aware of that fact with all attendant consequences.

11. Then the 2nd Dispensation sets in. The children have finished school and have started working. Power shifts to the mother.

12. When the children start earning their own money, for some reason, it's their mothers they decide to look after. They are closer to her.

13. While the father was in charge, he was busy with the business of providing. He didn't have much time to be a friend to the children.

14. They spent more time with their mum and invariably grew closer to her. They also see their mum as co-victims of the father's tyranny.

15. The mother takes centre stage at this point. She is the first to know what's happening with the children & she has advantage.

16. Should any of the daughters give birth, she is the one that goes for babysitting and the children spoil her with gifts.

17. At this stage, the father is wishing for some bond with the children like they have with their mother but that boat has sailed.

18. Because the mother doesn't rely much on the father for her needs at this stage, she is less likely to tolerate his lordship. Friction.

19. Then the 3rd and last dispensation. Power has shifted to the children. They are self-sufficient, live on their own & have own families.

20. More often than not, whenever there is a quarrel between father & mother, the children side the mother.Years of joint-victimhood at play

21. Children have been known to come to the house to warn their father not to 'disturb' their mother. Next thing, extended visitations.

22. Woe betide the father if his finances are precarious at this stage. You will be humble by force. The gang-up is real.

23. This causes most men to fall ill & develop different complications. By the time the forces are arrayed against you, you will think well.

24. Stroke, Hypertension, High-Blood Pressure. The man has a large family but no relationship with them in later life. Troubling thought.

25. Moral, dear men, while the power lies with us, let us wield it with posterity in mind. It won't be with us forever.

26. With the way you are treating your wife now, how will she treat you when power shifts to her?

27. What relationship do you have with your family? Loving dad or despotic, tyrannical provider?

28. Remember, the children always side with their mother. Aim to do enough to at least get a fair hearing in future moments of family strife

30. Invest wisely for the future so that you won't have to beg to be taken care of if despite your best efforts, you find yourself alone.

ADVISE TO CHILDREN:- IT IS NOT GOOD TO ABANDON YOUR FATHER WHO DENIED HIMSELF TO GET YOU PREPARED FOR LIFE & WHO SACRIFICIALLY SOWED TO MAKE YOU WHO YOU ARE. HONOUR YOUR BOTH PARENTS AND TAKE GOOD CARE OF THEM IN THEIR OLD AGE. THAT IS HOW YOU TOO WILL SOW INTO YOUR FUTURE. DONT LET NEGLECTING YOUR FATHER (PARENTS ) BE A CURSE ON YOU INTO YOUR FUTURE.

ADVISE TO MOTHERS :- DON'T INCITE YOUR CHILDREN AGAINST THEIR FATHER.

*Parenthood is not easy despite its joys. There is no manual on how it works. May God help us

nice

most of our fathers of the older generation were gangstars..no love..believed in shouting,screaming,beating ,divorcing..why wont ur kids abandon you..i see the newer generations carrying their kids along..

limamintruth:
This is an insightful piece. Nice one OP.

Thanks

Lalasticlala, this is an insightful and enlightening topic

Push it up to front page. Thanks

It's a good thing we have a reformed pension scheme now. Even if you don't have capacity to invest for the future, your pension will go a long way in minimalizing the impact of what the OP described.

lol. my dad doesn't instill fear in me. I love him so much than I love my mom..I share secrets with my dad. only my dad knew my first boyfriend. then when I was younger, my mom wouldn't hear me mention a guy's name..lord! she'd kill me. God bless u daddy. I pray you live long so I can pamper you just the way you've done to me

Objectives:
While the OP has made a lot of sense, i'd like to point out something that's maybe peculiar to a few, perhaps more..

You see, many grow up to love one parent more, and that's a function of how well they showed up for their kids and tried to infuse as much joy, guidance and comfort as humanly possible,

In my case, We are more attached to Father , He's everywhere in our lives, he wants to know what's up and how he can help, He's not perfect, But he's done a really good job as a parent. Sadly, it's not quite the same with Mom.


It's like this, We know she gave birth to us, but the connection that a human being feels towards his mother has never been there,

She's always prioritised other people over 'Us' and we grew up watching this happen, it's like she never gave a damn about our future, that bad!

She nags, complains, and puts no effort to see that the house is a home, when she's away, there's a lot of peace.

We've all grown up with 'bad memories' of how tough it was living in a house where the very woman who brought us to life was the source of our pain, depression and unhappiness as kids.

As adults, we are responsible for our own happiness, and we 've over the years developed thick skin over her actions, Even then, it's occasionally painful to watch her further destroy what could have been a very beautiful home.

She never believes she's Wrong, You cannot hold a decent productive conversation with her to help her see how much she's neglecting the family...

..it's completely pointless, she'd end up interpreting it wrongly as always and try to make you or any other person who's not on the same page with her, the bad one(s)

Back then, as a student (Boarding School and University) going home was worse than staying back in school, not because there was no comfort, but comfort without peace of mind and the joy of belonging to a home is insignificant,

It was difficult having friends around because of her constant complaining and quarreling,

There's just no guarantee that you'd go home and leave with fun holiday memories; she'd always find a way to make your stay at home miserable

A father can provide, show up for the kids, make them happy, but when his wife, your supposed mother, is doing the exact opposite, you will grow up with a lot of sadness and confusion, especially when she goes out of her way to do for other people, what she never does for you and your siblings,

Every time I look at her and wish she could see the pain in our eyes and make a turn for good, Perhaps some things are just meant to be, and however much we hope and push for Change, it's never going to come.

Yet, we wish he had ended up with a wiser woman, Or that She was a better Mother, but life is life, and the picture wont always be perfect.

I do not think that any of us till this day, understand what it means to have a Mother (Here I speak of the love, care, sacrifice, and natural affection that exists between a Mother and her Children)

Even then, She's still our Mother and we try to love, respect and treat her right always, even as she ages. But We are closer to him, we love HIM more, Always will.


Fathers will every now and then try to love and care for the Kids, But I think it's arguably different with Mothers, perhaps it's something with nature, it's quite unique for Mothers because they are like the nut in the middle that holds the family together,

They have this intimate bond with both the Man and the Kids, and what they make of that bond is what beautifies or destroys a home.

Nice one.

When u maltreat ur wife constantly in front of you kids how do u expect then to take care of u in old age??


There is a solid 24years between my husband and I. He treats me like an absolute Queen, apart from the fact that he is very loving respectful and caring, I'm sure he has prosterity in mind... what goes around comes around!

limamintruth:
This is an insightful piece. Nice one OP.

Thanks

YelloweWest:
When u maltreat ur wife constantly in front of you kids how do u expect then to take care of u in old age??

Many Men are so so so so guilty of this.


Children never forget

SirVintageCock:
Lalasticlala, this is an insightful and enlightening topic

Push it up to front page. Thanks

Thanks bro

Lovely lovely post,this is exactly what happens in most home in Nigeria. When I was a kid my dad beat hell out of us,I grew up to fear him,now I am matured he is trying to form bond with us but I am like kolework

Jesus this op is so true. I love my mummy now, stage 2 tins

obikirinoni:
I grew up in two different families.

I am experiencing this EXACT scenario.

Even to call my dads is a big issue.

God help me

Pls call him see him and forgive him.

If not subconsciously u may turn out just like him. It's important to deal with our past so it does not creep into our future.

My dad though a loving father made so many mistakes in life. I've forgiven but my sister still resents him... unknown to her she is exactly like him, making almost the same mistakes...

I thank God Almighty and everyone who contributed and still contributing to this post.

After so many years on Nairaland, FRONT PAGE is finally mine.

Twale guys.

True.
All Nigerian father's do is bark orders, make kids scared, force respect.
I and my siblings are drawn to our mom, my brothers are the one plotting for dad, my hand no dey.

Let's not kid ourselves, the most important factor is the financial muscle. Once this is intact, the father rules his entire life.

Even when the kids are all grown and doing well, they dare not mess up with him because they still need his goodwill and contacts. If and when the mother messes up, the father (a typical African man) marries another wife and moves on with his life.

Dear men, let's do everything possible to build our financial muscle so as to continue to wield the big stick our entire life!

Power resides where money is.

Very interesting and yet so true.