₦airaland Forum

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

brother advice from mature minds will not only be helpful to you alone but me..I face similar attitude and character at home with my wife..u can't believe through me she's now the bread winner of her family but stil keep misbehaving..her other sister who also are married are suffering in their Hubby's huz but Shea always nagging..I feel ur pain CU's I HV b dear and still there..the only antidote that is working for my wife right now is my avoidance and ignoring her..she feel pains.

Jeffobinna1:
[b][/b][i][/i]THIS PERSON HAS THE SAME CHARACTER AS YOUR WIFE IF YOU LOOK INTO HER LIFE VERY WELL. BY THEIR ACTS WE SHALL KNOW THEM. PLEASE NEGLECT THIS HER COMMENT AND LISTEN TO OTHER'S.
QUOTE ME AND I WILL RELEASE 11 PICTURES THAT PROVES WHAT I SAID. THANKS

Nice one brov don't mind that @evaberry she's clearly among the women that thinks pussy is everything, just have pussy, don't worry about character, supporting, or anything the man would do all.
People are supporting with reasonable advice you're talking about Bleep

Vasilias:
[b]When you're in courtship for short period a woman can pretend to be heavenly, when u're in courtship with them for long a year/over &see bad behaviors eventually, u're hooked for life the world would say u wanna run stay & tolerate, [/b]meanwhile there are some attitudes that can be tolerated but some u just have to run from.

##poster Look for someone she respects a married elderly person so both of u can communicate. Make sure it's someone who wont pick sides

well, at the end of the day, people should take the time to get to know one another and make the best decision for themselves.

goingape1:
so he should go and kidnap or do ritual to solve the money issue

why are ya all women self-centered?

so you are indirectly telling us that you can't love someone without money?

black women , black women black women mentality!


I only pity those who keep marrying ya!

If we are all this and more, why do you care so much that you go around insulting black women? Except you are angry that you can't get a black woman. We all have a way of showing our frustrations and yours is an example of a child throwing tantrums because that which he desires will never be his.

just shattap you HOE

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

@Poster,

First of all, I must admit that I appreciate your openness and somewhat display of honesty in this writeup however, I feel there are things that you and your wife need to do about you guy's marriage effective immediately.

Without sounding harsh, I guess you obviously caused your problem from the onset by accepting and tolerating what you could not accommodate on a long run. I see some discipline from your post despite I haven't heard your wife version of the issue.

Please sit your wife down and discuss the future of the marriage with her. You must be open-minded and let her know both of you can't continue the way both of you are going. I, as a person, don't believe dirovce is the best way out of marriage and fighting isn't either.

Make her understand what you don't cherish about her attitude and have her confirm what she doesn't like about your attitude too. Both of you would have to make adjustments and see your relationship bounce back.

Bros I am wishing you and your wife the very best in your marriage life and pls just be open-minded and see the beauty and strength you saw in her before marriage.

Benita27:
Just two years marriage with all this drama?. I thought she's been relived of her duty, what job does her father keep referring to?. Your marriage is too young for all this, and you've been holding on to a lot against your wife. Instead of involving a third party which she may or may not take their advice, seat her down when she's in her right senses and have a heart to heart talk with her as regards her attitude. I don't think her parents did a good job in training her.

Having to date for that long is not even a solution to issues like op is experiencing.

I think he sold out himself to the lady by certain issues he was doing without taking into consideration about what the outcome would turn out to be.

I have seen couples who never dated and they have been living peacefully. When you want to get married, better spell the dos and don'ts to her and watch her for sometime b4 you say, I do.

To manage her is a problem because it is hard to change some adults. A woman who goes out to reveal her family secret to outsiders cannot make any form of a good home.

For me, I will quit the marriage no matter how many kids we have.When a woman you married start telling neighbors about her family, the family cannot be the same again. Marriage is not a Do or Die affair. I will walk out of such marriage.

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

Do you even have since atal....

U perversed bitch!!

Is it by force to comment?!

Papiikush:
Bro, you opened pandora's box! You married the devil

I don't even know where to start from? Were you not in any form of relationship/courtship with her before marriage?

How come you never saw traits of a walking time bomb? This is scary. I had so appropriately to read this "50 shades of problem" carefully. Lord help me never to marry a woman like this I will dump her and flee the country I swear.

Bad news for you is; you signed a "for better for worse" contract which lasts forever (divorce is not the case here Cuz you will have to face the law if you did a court wedding).

You will get so many advices here (the good, bad and ugly) but the right step to take is seeing a Marriage counselor.

You need to take a bold step and hold this lion by the tail

This your type of comment is immature and unhelpful.

Thank God the marriage is young and liability {child} few, such women will never change, for ur safety and future of ur child run as fast as ur leg can carry u, never listen to any pastor or councellor that advice u to the contrary, if u think u can manage the situation, u might remain unhappy for the rest of ur life. She is a wrong choice, restragize and replan ur life.
U too endured her insolence, my ideology in marriage is "what u can not endure for life, never endure for a while".
Experience is the best teacher.

Please invite her pastor then explain everything in her presence to the pastor you will see their must be changes

I hope you will take your time and read this!

Please do not divorce now
Please know that your wife is not evil as people said

First of all, you need to know that Money is very powerful, if a woman can kill her own child because of money, tell me if nagging is higher

This is the best advice from me

Separation!!! Or should I say "gap" you really need it to safe the marriage and also to act rightly.

How do you go about it?
Make peace with her first, give her a treat with the little you have, and tell her you need to go hustle for the family, make it a place far from home, another state for sure, either she agree or she did not, make sure you leave her with a shelter while you go out to struggle. Within few weeks her brain will go back to factory settings and you can meet your luck as well

The only problem I see here is lack of money, cut her left breast and do blood money then shower the money on her and her family and both of you will live happily ever after

There's always more than one side to a story. Just as you've told us your wife's fault, I'm sure you have yours. I think it's wrong for anyone to draw conclusion about someone based on one person's submission. This don't mean I'm calling you a liar.

I'll tell you from my experience, the first thing you need to do is to talk to your wife. You may need to take her to a quiet place where it's just two of you. Open your mind to her and also you try to listen to her. Listen to what she says and what she doesn't say.

Sometimes this talk may need to happen more than once.

If there's no improvement then you move to the next step, like someone said find someone she respects or is close to and ask them to mediate. It may also involve bringing in elders. Mind you, only bring in third party if you have tried to talk it between yourselves and it fails.

Don't rush into separation or talk of divorce. Exhaust all other options first. Finally you need a lot of patience in marriage and two years is still too short.

Regards

@ OP... I understand ur struggle. Women can be so frustrating at tyms... No matter what, u shld hv avoid slapping her. Dat shld b d last tin. Wat u need here is jst break.. Go back to ur normal life style, settle wit ur neighbors and gv her breathing space, her brain wil soon reset automatically. Dnt argue wit her. For ur baby's sake, wen she is ready to amend, soft pedals for her. Women wil always be women. Buh dnt dare hit her again.

All d best

You can talk to a marriage counselor from Intimate solutions 08035037992

Your plight cause is plain simple: You didnt take your time to know her before marriage.
Continue dialog and prayers things might eventually get better.
PS: a lesson for the un-married.

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

just take a look at urself and what u wrote....I'm having doubt if u read what OP wrote

Dear Op, I can relate 100% with your situation. All I can say is this, it can only get better. My advice is this, never invite a third party to your marriage. No matter what. An anonymous forum such as this is better if you can seive the sand from the grains.

If you have a friend, look for her trouble on purpose, don't let her see it coming. During the heat of the argument, take some cloths and leave the house to your friends or your family.
Let her leave by her self for 2-10 days. Ensure she has money to live on.
Just your presence will be missing from the house. Let her miss your presence and ensure its done when the sub is expired.
The fact she has not heeded her fathers advice means she loves you but naive and slow as you have made her become.
You never really engaged her. You left her to watch tv. While washing and cooking. She should be there and you are to assist her, so it sinks that you are assisting the cos you love and care for her.
Like I said, she will look for you and miss you and that will reset her mind set. Cos no woman wanna lose her husband no matter how useless he is.
Now to you. You have lost your respect cos you can hold your house together. It's not all about the money, its about taking control of your house bro. You set the ground rules and you lead by example. Since she likes to talk and say her mind, engage her, take the blame cos you married her to provide, protect and care for her and not give excuses.
You are giving excuses. You won't kill your self I understand but make her see you are doing your best. And lastly engage her. Let her make her own money , after two months, she will appreciate your effort. If she starts talking ignore her. Leave the house or go straight to bed with plug in in your ear.
Never beat a woman physically and never exchange words with a woman. Use psychology to treat her Bleep up. When she expects you to be angry, be cool. When she expects you to be cool, be angry. When she expects you will talk be silent and when she expects silence , talk.
She can predict your next move so no surprises and no respect even if she loves you.
Become unpredictable and she will respect you. And above all. Step up your game. At least there should be food, water , shelter and clothing.
Kitchen is not your department, spend more time in your department and less time in hers.
Spend less time at home with her for now. Let her see you leave early and come back late. Even saturdays and Sundays after church.
Let her miss your presence a little.
Like I said,take control of your house. Don't run to your parents or hers, and don't let them control your house. If she can't cope, you leave. Never send her away.

Prognose:
I read the whole thing.
You're not alone bro. The problems you're having is the same kind of problems married people have at this stage of their marriage. This is the setting limits stage. This is where you both draw the line on things you can tolerate and things you won't allow no matter what. This is the stage where you show the kind of man you are and your wife will likewise adapt as a woman. Your problem is nothing out of the ordinary that others in these phase of marriage have experienced.


You didn't see all these flaws in her initially because you were deeply in love with her then. You may have even noticed some of these things but pushed them aside. But now the euphoria of love have gone and both of you are seeing yourselves live and direct. It's not a new thing bros, trust me.

So she nags. Almost all women nag, some nag worse than others. It is kind of your job to be patient with her as the man. Pls try and control your temper, this is what will make you matured and will separate u from being a boy. When she shouts and talks ceaselessly find a way to leave the environment or ignore her, depending on the type u can do. Over time she will learn to control herself.
Her controlling herself and reducing her nagging and your not getting enraged to be slapping her shows that you are both coming of age in the marriage and are understanding each other and becoming mature.


Do you want her to go back to her job? Remember she is pregnant (for the first time) and in a delicate and scared state. She is quite vulnerable right now with the changes going on in her body. Your job at this time is to be as supportive as you can. I don't mean you should become her slave but try and give her more rope when she misbehaves. It gets worse at three to six months of age and then she should start returning back to normal.

Set a boundary for her father. The fact that he has cut the phone on you once is enough to piss you off. He's not married to her, you are. If he calls again tell him politely that this is your family and you have your own plans for your wife. If you don't have the mind to do this then u can just ignore him instead. This is your wife now, he should stop butting in.

Find a job for her to do, no matter how little. Also don't give up on yourself. Every married couple went through this stage, it is those that come out of it that last. If you break up now, what's to say in your next marriage u won't break up again at the first sign of difficulty. Your a postgraduate man, you should be more mature and patient bro.

Find an older married couple you can talk to for advice. Not online o. A respectable married couple or couples preferably from the generation before ours let them tell you what they've been through themselves. Marriage is hard work and the more work you put into it the sweeter it becomes.

Cheers bro.

Best advise

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

We know your type when we see one.

Better hustle well for any man to come your way.

See the Good girl calling another man selfish and wicked.

[quote author=Prognose post=58525244]I read the whole thing.
You're not alone bro. The problems you're having is the same kind of problems married people have at this stage of their marriage. This is the setting limits stage. This is where you both draw the line on things you can tolerate and things you won't allow no matter what. This is the stage where you show the kind of man you are and your wife will likewise adapt as a woman. Your problem is nothing out of the ordinary that others in these phase of marriage have experienced.


You didn't see all these flaws in her initially because you were deeply in love with her then. You may have even noticed some of these things but pushed them aside. But now the euphoria of love have gone and both of you are seeing yourselves live and direct. It's not a new thing bros, trust me.

So she nags. Almost all women nag, some nag worse than others. It is kind of your job to be patient with her as the man. Pls try and control your temper, this is what will make you matured and will separate u from being a boy. When she shouts and talks ceaselessly find a way to leave the environment or ignore her, depending on the type u can do. Over time she will learn to control herself.
Her controlling herself and reducing her nagging and your not getting enraged to be slapping her shows that you are both coming of age in the marriage and are understanding each other and becoming mature.


Do you want her to go back to her job? Remember she is pregnant (for the first time) and in a delicate and scared state. She is quite vulnerable right now with the changes going on in her body. Your job at this time is to be as supportive as you can. I don't mean you should become her slave but try and give her more rope when she misbehaves. It gets worse at three to six months of age and then she should start returning back to normal.

Set a boundary for her father. The fact that he has cut the phone on you once is enough to piss you off. He's not married to her, you are. If he calls again tell him politely that this is your family and you have your own plans for your wife. If you don't have the mind to do this then u can just ignore him instead. This is your wife now, he should stop butting in.

Find a job for her to do, no matter how little. Also don't give up on yourself. Every married couple went through this stage, it is those that come out of it that last. If you break up now, what's to say in your next marriage u won't break up again at the first sign of difficulty. Your a postgraduate man, you should be more mature and patient bro.

Find an older married couple you can talk to for advice. Not online o. A respectable married couple or couples preferably from the generation before ours let them tell you what they've been through themselves. Marriage is hard work and the more work you put into it the sweeter it becomes.

Cheers bro.

Bro urs is better i am in the worst pot of soup for 8yrs now i ve ran to france, norway, sweden, switzerland and usa thinking she ll get better with time just be praying like me

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

i knw hw had it wil b bt my advice is dont stop being a carin husband u said u wil be u get married while u aviod her words

Evaberry:
you are a MAn who is wicked and selfish

just because she refused to become your slave you tag her lazy.. you don't deserve her.
you even slapped her yet she didn't leave you.



you complain too much!!!!

your marriage palava is not our business or wahala.
.
we didn't fuvk her with you!!!!

This post is dripping with estrogen and lack of sense.
Must be a really young girl...

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

Bros,you have a lot to do. Marriage is another world. It is when you are the in world of marriage you will know if you are truly a man. As a married I understand you completely. Marriage can be frustrating,in a moment you can feel like ending it.
Woman can be heaven-sent in a minute,next minute she can be the devil you've got to rebuke. Living with a woman can be hell. My advice for you is that you need to work on yourselves more. Take total control of yourself. The key words here is that you should be more tolerating. Women are the greatest problem we can never avoid. Day by day,we keep learning how to live with them. So don't stop learning how to live with your wife.
Financial problem is the root cause of marriage crisis. Both of you are still young,there is hope that with time things are going be better. Don't ruin home because of the financial predicament that won't last long. What you are passing through is just for a moment. 2 Corinthians 4 vs 17 -For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. The moment now depends on how prayerful you are.
Stay blessed.

It's only God that can help you save this marriage. Just call on Him, He will answer you. I wish you all the best.

Its not normal for you married couple to be in this mess at this stage of your marriage. This is the best time to enjoy your marriage when the love that bind you together is still fresh. How will it be like in 7 years time when there are other children and more bills to pay. A good wife respects her husbandat at the early stages,money or no money. Naturally women pretend when they are courting but after wedding their true nature manifest .Money and stable income does not guarantee happy marriage.Its only MUTUAL RESPECT that does. Respect for yourself and for each other.If your wife goes to the extent of shouting you down in an argument,just after 2 years of marriage, it is outrageous.
In every marriage there are problems but a marriage is a project with sex as bonus and children compensation. If your wife does not consider your marriage as a project 2 of you entered into,then she is in need of drastic approach to whip her in line NOW not later.
First step,find a clever and peaceful reason to stay away from her for a while. Find work outside your base and send money to her as often as you can. Let her operate without your presence for a year. If she is still committed to the marriage, she is yours. But if any unpleasant incident happens along the line, move on, she never was yours. A talkative and nagging wife can drive you to an early grave trust me. Dont divorce her yet but let her decide the fate of the marriage with her actions when you are away..Whenever you return to her briefly observe her actions for any changes before you take off again.Am talking from about 30years experience of successful marriage with numerous incidents of crisis along the line.It is ONLY unexpected pleasant surprises that keep women in check.They are all the same..

Well,I have to drop one or two things here. Seriously I feel sorry for OP.some women are born to be like this while some are born to be opposite to your wife. I will say this with good example, and I this is real life experience I want to share with you. A close relative of mine Married someone like this are they are so identical that I might want to say are you talking about her.some.common attitude they have are 1)Talk too much (talkative) 2. Lazy they are slow they are lazy they want people to do things for them and arrogant. I know the type of your wife 100% trust me. I have lived with them and I know what you are going through. 9years into her marriage with three kids she hasn't change a bit from the first day. She threatens even after three kids to leave my relative. They don't change. Try your luck with her but I know she can't. A word is enough for a wise

EntMirror:
Now.. From the whole long epistle, it's evident that Op was never in any courtship with the said lady before taking her to the alter. That's the first mistake.

Second... You're weren't stable financially and yet, you decided to kick a ball you didn't know where it will land.

Third.. You're wife phlegmatic sanguine while you are melachonic.. These two personality traits are incompatible as long as marriage is concerned.

Fourth.. Your wife talks before she reason while you face each day without tomorrow in mind.. I have evidence for this purportion.

Fifth... The two of you were never in love. You barely know her ...

Sixth.. You're confused and sad.. Such state will never gear you into making the right decision.

Seventh.. You don't have money.. No matter how much a woman loves you. She won't be happy if you're a broke ass.. Check my signature for business ideas. Stop working for people when you can be your own boss..

how much are you earning oga... coz I keep seeing you and this your site

Tadeus:
@ OP... I understand ur struggle. Women can be so frustrating at tyms... No matter what, u shld hv avoid slapping her. Dat shld b d last tin. Wat u need here is jst break.. Go back to ur normal life style, settle wit ur neighbors and gv her breathing space, her brain wil soon reset automatically. Dnt argue wit her. For ur baby's sake, wen she is ready to amend, soft pedals for her. Women wil always be women. Buh dnt dare hit her again.

All d best

Women are not complicated bro. Women are like babies. They speak certain words you won't understand. I have had cos to talk my woman down like I would a kid and watch her cry and then pet her like a elder would.
I also have my flaws and she is allowed to speak her mind too but I a soft way. She has washed me clean and dry on several occassion with being insultive and bro.
I felt bad but could do nothing cos she was speaking the truth and she needs to tell her husband the truth as a mother would her kid.
We didn't get there by chance, it took work and encouragment. I always encouraged her to talk to me on how she feels. And believe me , we are having the best time. Always understand your woman as you would your kid and she will be forever loyal. But. above all, learn to manage manage your home as a man. You must defend, provide and care .

Bluestreams:
Profile: 10yrs old Nlander, Postgrad, 32yrs old, 2 yrs old in marriage with a 1yr old son.

Pls kindly read patiently and advice me if I am wrong and also what to do if my spouse is the problem. Thanks.

I got married as the first child out of two and my family (mother) really supported me financially. At this time, I didnt have any salary job neither do I have any contracts running as I do pest control and landscaping services and other small legal hustles. I met my wife who is a civil servant and we fell inlove and I never hid my financial or employment status from her. Shortly before my wedding (I was also job hunting for a better job) I got an interview in a top oil and gas firm in the country by insider recommendation, and being the only one invited I felt I've gotten it. My fiancé started telling her sibs that I'm already a staff which I frowned at because I've not received any appointment letter. This she was doing in "faith" anyway. Subsequently, I was never called for that job again and by this time we were already married. Prior to this time, I got a slightly less than 50k job in a bank and after a few months my fiancé pressed me to resign athough that job was stressful and in another state where I neither had family nor friends.

We got married then the issues began.
I noticed my wife is the type of woman thats slow (I'll not use the word lazy). She cant keep up with my pace when we walk, she can't clean the house daily, she'll prefer I do the house chores while she watches tv and all. We were in honey moon so I didn't have a problem with that, and more over I enjoy such chores and I am a good cook. By this time her salary was dropping and we were living on it coupled with whatever income that comes from me from my business (my wife isn't stingy with her funds and neither am I).

Our problems started when she became pregnant just a months after wedding. She became super slow due to the preggy and I had to do like every every due to the initial sickness and all. Also, I noticed my wife doesn't know how to talk to people. She isnt rude or insolent but she can argue blindly and just keeps talking. She talks too much and doesn't know how to ignore things. She will say she likes speaking her mind, even though I adviced her that she will have lots of enemies by that lifestyle.

My parents live in the same town with me but hers are in the village. If things gets a bit rough I do visit the family shop and pick things on credit and pay later. This happens only when I'm low on budget.

After our honey moon, my wife refused to go back to work (her station is in another state) although she has been complaining that she doesn't like the job (her father helped secure it). Since she couldnt travel she kept calling the offixe and they were still paying her, only for some of her seniors whom she isn't in good terms with write against her and her salary stopped coming in. By this time I had to up my game and started husting harder. God another low paying job which didn't last and I continued with my biz. I lost the job because of lateness due to taking care of a pregnant wife and so on. In fact I lost 2 other jobs of same nature and wasn't bothered because they pay was very poor anyway.

When my wife put to birth, my mother (as hers is late) asked her to stay at our family house for a week,so she can look after her because I was still working at this time and my mother's business and other engagements is just around the house, my wife refused. Infact its not the refusal that touched me but the attitude she put up. Shortly after then I needed to relocate to a new aprtment and asked her to go over to the family house with the baby so I can move things which she did and the outcome of that visit was a heated quarrel with my mother. She accused her of telling my church members not to visit her after childbirth (my house is very far from the church) and even though it was a lie and I told her to shut up she kept on talking so many trash.

At home I cant talk to my wife and she keeps quiet. The will tell me to shut up to my face and one one occasion I landed her a small slap which left an eye bloodshot and this ended the shutup episode. Often times, if I talk she will raise her voice.

Four months after my wedding her father called me sounding angry and asking me why my wife is still with me, why she hadn't gone back to the state where she works, I overlooked. Some months back late last year, he repeated the same thing and even dropped the phone on me and just a week ago it happened again. My wife have refused to go back to work saying she will rather start a particular type of biz (which I'm trying to setup for her) but her family is talking behind my back all manner of absurd things.

My wife and I have been having our own bouts due to her attitude. I don't talk to neighbours again as she confided in one and laid bare exclusive family secrets and they had a quarrel and in front of my landlord, my neighbour spilled the beans and I felt so ashamed. My wife's salary has been stopped for over a year now and I have been solely the bread winner. I even got a car recently and uses it for transport to support other income.

My wife can nag about everything, she can wake me by 3am over petty things so I stopped sleeping in our bedroom and now sleeps in the guest room. If she's angry she'll not wash plates I eat with. This is someone I always wash her clothes and my with the machine since I married her. But she can hardly do same. If she cleans the house its favour and she'll keep murmuring. If we have an argument she'll start shouting, abusing my whole family and stuff.

This morning we had a quarrel and my wife told me I cant even take care of my family to provide for her, talking how she's leaving (she always tells me she'll leave and I've made it clear I'll gladly wait for that day).

I have been thinking about everything myself, since I married things have not really improved. Maybe I really made a wrong choice or rushed things (as I now believe), so I am planning on sending her away soon and them take me dad and kinsmen to her father (as is the culture in my place) for him to either caution his daughter or take her back because I might really injure her out of anger one day.

This is my last effort to save this marriage . I have only slapped her once in 2 yrs.
I feel I should seek matured advice from experienced people here as I know I might be right in my own eyes.
I really don't know what else to do.

PS: I'll answer any questions you might ask me. Forgive any typo. Thanks.

ayam coming, I can't put up with nagging people...

Bros stop complaining about your wife, its too late.
These are things you should have noted when u were friends and within you, you could have known if u can endure.

Check yourself too, you many made mistakes maybe u are not seeing it.

Just check yourself, then do changes within you.

Don't be surprise when the changes in your changes her

Women are madreputa! well i saw this on facebook, maybe it is you they said i should send the message to..

"If things are not working in your relationship/marriage, you stay and fix it. Don't think walking away will solve the problem. Everyone makes mistakes and No one is prefect. If God walked away from you everytime you sinned, where would you be by now. You are the better half remember? Call your partner up, say a prayer and let God do the rest. Pride doesn't solve problems....prayer does. #Prayeriskey"