₦airaland Forum

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

Hello.
This are the best advice you can ever get however you need to ask her losts of questions to know if throughly wat she told you was cooked up or real.
Ask her question like why was she denieing sex from the begining of the relationship and at that point please and please be objective to yourself and her response so you can get things right and when was her first sex with a man and why also what did the man said to her or what did she saw in him before she decided to open her legs for him.

Hint. While sking this questions please and please start with a soft tone of voice and after first or second response then strong and act hard on her while asking other question so she can get angry and angryly tell you other things you dont kow that you ought to have known of.

Good luck.

zed7:
You don't love her. You are just longing for what you are yet to taste. Marriage is not a game. If you can have a sexual relationship with her before marriage and you still feel like marrying her, then go for it!

Here is the fact! If you still love her after several rounds of sex, marry her. I repeat, marriage after 'sexes'

At least a lady who understand the feelings of guys. others have been too feminine to see that the issue here is not about sex but rejection hitherto but accepting now for convenience

ritababe:
oh well from Adam she denied him of sex claiming Virgin Mary and now she just explode.
honestly if am in his shoe I wont take it lightly, we broke up many times because u don't want sex and me on the other hand think u are a Virgin that's why u don't want sex not knowing you've been doing it from my back, so why claim holy all this while?
now that she heard marriage she has started confessing.

Actuarydeji:
You're a goat! You have done same to another person future wife, you can't eat your cake and have it naw. Yeyenatu set of peoples. ... must comes with clean hands....

He' s not thinking abt this part, that someone is going to marry d lady who aborted for him.

The truth is that this lady don't like u enof to be wt but she just ve to get married!

whitebeard:
Op u also aborted a pregnancy, abeg both of u are the same, I don't know if u should marry but the way u guys are revealing secrets to yourselves is also a good sign.

It is not the same. She had a still birth.

Psalm45:
Maybe, she was seeing u like somebody that wanted sex from her or she knows of ur sexcapades and she doesnt wamt to fall a victim. To me,Op go on with ur marriage plan unless u have doubt.

go on with which plan .. its advice like this that causes failed marriage .. you better find a better girl and marry

madridguy:
From your write up I think she's trying to test you and see how you will react to her dark side too. She might as well be hurt to hear the dark side of you and maybe she cooked something up to see your reaction too.

My observation though.

sagacious!!!

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

nigga run for ur life, dat gal is deadly, all dis while she has refused u sex n meanwhile she has been giving it yo sumone else, guy she is not to b trusted...

My brother, don't ever marry that girl. She doesn't love u and that was why she has denied u sex ever since and whereas she has been giving it to other guys without u knowing. She is just keeping u as a spare incase of any eventuality. In my own opinion, she doesn't love u at all. U might not get the needed love, honour and respect when u eventually marry her. Don't ever marry a girl that keeps u as a spare.

Dumbae13:
I told my fiancee that I got pregnant in school for my bf then we both wanted to keep it, he was working just doing MSC in my school when I met him,but I had a miscarriage due to using bike to meet up with lectures and all, i regretted telling him,anyways its good you guys are opening up to yourselves for me its Not a topic

Did he change towards you after you opened up to him

Nerdg:
I don't think she's trying to test me



My worry is why she had always refused me sex whereas she's this exposed. Could it be because of this she accepted my proposal?

The way people talk about sex and abortion as if they were discussing price of milk in the market is just disheartening. Is sex not supposed to be sacred? Anyways, I do not want to be a PITA over this issue.

Listen man, some of this dudes here telling u to Liv this girl. Pls tell some of them to ask there wife if they have never cheated with another man. If I were u I won't listen to this there stupid advice they are giving u. For the fact she told u she wanted to kip the pregnancy, maybe is because she doesn't want to be a murderer like u are man. She wanted to kip the pregnancy but was forced to removed after she might av found out she cater for d baby alone. Maybe u are d 1st guy she's opening her deepest secret to but u av already failed her man. What happened to the girl that aborted ur own baby? Let me just tell u d truth man, that girl deserves a better Man than u. The devil u no is better than the angel u don't no nd also no that the truth is always bitter but it's always good to live by the bitterness of d truth than to live by d joy nd happiness of lies.

First of all take her to a place where her virginity status will be ascertain, if she's truly a Virgin then you can go on with the marriage(this is for those that claim she might be putting you for a test) . But if reverse is the case then you have no reason to settle with a woman who derives joy from having sex with others but can't try it with you. Who don buy motor before without testing??

Nerdg:
I don't think she's trying to test me



My worry is why she had always refused me sex whereas she's this exposed. Could it be because of this she accepted my proposal?

It could be she doesn't want a repeat of the past(getting pregnant outside wedlock)

omo the mata tire me o. I no fit just talk but all i can say is that d girl is not good for u.

I love thinking women....god bless you

pocohantas:
OP, that girl doesn't love you...neither does she feel any sexual attraction towards you and sexual attraction is very important in marriage. The only problem here is, you don't have the right moral standing to judge her...but I get your grievance.

I think you're just a back up plan.
My opinion

Useless girl
She refused to Bleep you several times but she was fucking other guys...na old man even give her belle

Now she knows you are financially comfortable afterall you claim here that you are footing her bills

Dont listen to all these hypocretes saying rubbish here...its all about the sex ooooo

Am sure she still never let you Bleep...what if you realize say na bottomless pit after you enter (after marriage)

You weren't good enough to give you sex but she was giving outsiders she didnt know the way shew knows you

Abeg leave her for your sake and her sake

Nerdg

I had to mention your name so you'll get this.

Please run for your life.

The fact that she has refused to give you what she's been distributing (even to a useless elderly man who got her pregnant) says alot about this girl.

See. If a woman truly loves a man, one of the ways they show it is by giving him their body. It's just how it goes. It's wired in their DNA.

The moment a woman begins using sex as a weapon of negotiation, just forget it.

When you get married. you'll see the full force of her manipulative side. Mark my words.

That girl is playing you. I hope the comments here are making sense cos I don't read nairaland comments because of the influx of stupidity on the forum

EDIT: notice how some dumb comments are coming from either young people waiting for WAEC result or feminists who didn't read the story well to know its not her past thats the issue. but the fact that refuses to give what she happily gives others

cococandy:
How exactly do you imagine yourself better than her or in a position to judge her?
Please explain your thought process to me.

She didn't even have an abortion. She had a still birth. so you're judging her for having had sex before she met you meanwhile you've been a hoe about town? Explain yourself sir.

Women always supporting themselves since 2000BC

madridguy:
From your write up I think she's trying to test you and see how you will react to her dark side too. She might as well be hurt to hear the dark side of you and maybe she cooked something up to see your reaction too.

My observation though.

some people are too wise,,nice one bro

so intelligent....God bless you

freshvine:
Simple comprehension is elusive to you only to be passing sentimental judgement upadan.

The guy confusion is this : This same lady that has denied him SEX for like aeon, how come she has had multiple of sex partners and even pregnant to the point of giving birth?

Now that's the riddle in the confusion state of the Op. He's not passing judgement but apprehensive of the future. Is there ANYTHING he's lacking that made his woman sexual preference to other men. What are the likely consequences in a marriage state?

Learn to respond with open mind not bias indiscretion

obyrich:
Don't mind the OP. The babe is a manipulator and he can't see it because of love. Once he pricks her now reality will dawn on him.

Nerdg

The babe is a manipulator. Please talk an elderly man about this, probably your dad's friends and they'll laugh while telling you to dump her. (This is why guys need father figures around them)

She is a resolute, stubborn, manipulative person who know how to work you. Be wise

Sterope:
Maybe she wasn't ready for sex it then.

u are assuming my dear, I tot I saw where the op mentioned 4 years.
she wasn't ready for him but ready for other guys right?

pattybf:
He' s not thinking abt this part, that someone is going to marry d lady who aborted for him.

The truth is that this lady don't like u enof to be wt but she just ve to get married!

Seriously speaking I have not dishonour any lady, so if such happened to me, I would be mad sha. But I would still leave go of the whole stuff.

i dnt have any issue wit ur supposed dark side
but why r young men of today takin instructions from ladies abt wat will happen in a union?
signs of weakness bro. watch it

lindseykibler:
Listen man, some of this dudes here telling u to Liv this girl. Pls tell some of them to ask there wife if they have never cheated with another man. If I were u I won't listen to this there stupid advice they are giving u. For the fact she told u she wanted to kip the pregnancy, maybe is because she doesn't want to be a murderer like u are man. She wanted to kip the pregnancy but was forced to removed after she might av found out she cater for d baby alone. Maybe u are d 1st guy she's opening her deepest secret to but u av already failed her man. What happened to the girl that aborted ur own baby? Let me just tell u d truth man, that girl deserves a better Man than u. The devil u no is better than the angel u don't no nd also no that the truth is always bitter but it's always good to live by the bitterness of d truth than to live by d joy nd happiness of lies.

you said the devil u know is better than the angel u dont know .. but in this case the problem is that the op doesnt even know the devil .. if he knew the devil well enough he wouldnt hv opened this thread

hisMrs:
I can only view this matter from one point. from d beginning when d girl said she doesn't want sex, she was probably still a virgin, naive and scared that's why she denied u sex from genesis. Now, fast forward to when u guys started dating till d point of proposal. it could b that a sharp guy was able to sweet talk her to loose her virginity and along d line while enjoying herself she got pregnant and had a still birth, I believe she denied u sex at dis point because she doesn't wanna make d same mistake over again.

I see no reason why this matter should b a topic for discussion on NL and also see no reason as to why u cannot marry her.
the fact that u both have started sharing secrets shows u are both bonding well and its a good sign.


......my opinion tho

didn't you read where he said she had a secondary school boyfriend?

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now yshe asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

what is dark about this? if you can't deal with this little thing then u are not ready. you aborted once (murder) but she overlooked it but she had a STILLBIRTH.....big difference. I fit marry woman wey don born b4 as long as we are both open with each other.

missKiffy:
When you said dark secret i was expecting something worse, how is having a stillbirth a dark secret, nobody prays for such at the same time it can happen to anybody

Olosho alert!!!!

Nerdg:
She told me of being pregnant and later had a stillbirth at the 7months.

The background.
I met her when we were teens and have always loved her. She refused me sex and along the line, her neighbor gave me (who is her relation). She learnt about this and we had our first break up.
We both got admission into different universities and couldn't see again.
We later met again and settled with a condition that there would be no sex. This didn't go down well with me and I called it off. This repeated and there was even a time I walked her out of my house because of this issue and didn't give her tfare. My house is like 1hr drive from where she lives.
The issue:
I love this girl to the extent that anytime I thought of getting married, she will come to mind.
Now I have a good job and she's done with school. I proposed to her and she accepted it.
Is about 3 months now, she came on my birthday 3 months ago. That was all. She doesn't come always because she stays with her elder brother and can't leave house just like that.

Note, we haven't had sex till now.

About 2 weeks ago, I told her about how I got a girl pregnant and we had to abort it and that since then I haven't been myself. That it pains me to this day. We talked about it and she was sorry over it.

Yesterday, we had a very deep discussion and she revealed to me that she had a relationship at school. They were together for 4yrs. I then asked her if she had ever missed her period. She said yes. But not to this school boyfriend but another man. She wanted to keep the pregnancy but her parents refused because the guy is not a good person. The guy wanted the pregnancy but her family didn't want the guy to marry her. She finally had a stillbirth at the 7th month.

I was stunned. I know she's not a virgin, she told me but I was confused. Sex had always been our problem and I never expected that she had experienced something like this. Now she asked me that she hope she won't regret telling me this. I told her no that she won't regret but I'm stunned.

Please should I still go on with this marriage?

Ask her why was she sharing the thing outside and refuse to give u not just even ones. From there I will make my conclusion. Seems ur girl is not a straight forward person

Telling urselves dark secret is a gud start to a gud home(that is,if the secret is true)