₦airaland Forum

Plankton2017:
Good day fellow NL,

Please judge this case. Last week thursday my sister inlaw visited me and my wife from NYSC camp. I was shocked when I welcomed her because it was no ordinary visit. she came with a full ghana must go. We greeted and I got to know that she escaped from camp due to the tough tasks on camp. My wife never told me her sister was coming to stay. We have lived amicably till yesterday.

My lil cuzin that stays and helps us with chores was mandated by her to cook 2 big pots of water for her to bath. I scolded my cousin and told her why didnt she use the electric kettle so as to save gas which we just replaced with 6k. I now gave her a warning that whatever my inlaw wants that she should ask me 1st. I even got to know that my wife lied to me that her parents knew she left camp. My wife heard our conversation and started antagonizing me that why did I tell my cuz to always ask me b4 she obeys her sister. she was shouting at the top of her voice even my inlaw could hear. This angered me and I shouted back and told her to leave my room. she continued shouting and even slept in the sitting room as I slept alone.

This afternoon while working on my computer for hours I came out of the room only to find out my sister in law has packed her things back to her NYSC camp without telling me but my wife knows....I am slatted to officially do my white wedding next saturday. I just feel down because we quarell too much and my wife talks in a domineering way. I have warned her about it and I do not want to turn a woman beater. Any quarell we have she tells her parents and siblings which make them never free with me and act cold towards me. Damn it! pls advice me

This one that you have mistakenly married wahala continuing with the wedding is suicidal

Plankton2017:
Good day fellow NL,

Please judge this case. Last week thursday my sister inlaw visited me and my wife from NYSC camp. I was shocked when I welcomed her because it was no ordinary visit. she came with a full ghana must go. We greeted and I got to know that she escaped from camp due to the tough tasks on camp. My wife never told me her sister was coming to stay. We have lived amicably till yesterday.

My lil cuzin that stays and helps us with chores was mandated by her to cook 2 big pots of water for her to bath. I scolded my cousin and told her why didnt she use the electric kettle so as to save gas which we just replaced with 6k. I now gave her a warning that whatever my inlaw wants that she should ask me 1st. I even got to know that my wife lied to me that her parents knew she left camp. My wife heard our conversation and started antagonizing me that why did I tell my cuz to always ask me b4 she obeys her sister. she was shouting at the top of her voice even my inlaw could hear. This angered me and I shouted back and told her to leave my room. she continued shouting and even slept in the sitting room as I slept alone.

This afternoon while working on my computer for hours I came out of the room only to find out my sister in law has packed her things back to her NYSC camp without telling me but my wife knows....I am slatted to officially do my white wedding next saturday. I just feel down because we quarell too much and my wife talks in a domineering way. I have warned her about it and I do not want to turn a woman beater. Any quarell we have she tells her parents and siblings which make them never free with me and act cold towards me. Damn it! pls advice me

I felt you should have welcomed your wife's sister well. There are certain things a man should overlook especially in the kitchen aspect.
Your wife us also not right for not informing you of her sister's visit. But then, I think you should make amends.

ststyreal:
If I were to be your wife, marriage don end be that. You are too womanish, habaaaa kilode! Person no fit come your house in peace. @Op you are too stingy and a nagger at the same time, complaining of gas because of common water, na waoooooo.

Can you just shut the fvck up !!!
How dare you call the Op stingy, lazy fool !
Your type are still in their parents house or sugar daddy displaying their parasitic, lazy, and mentally decayed tendencies.
You call it ordinary water, you didn't read about how much he replaced the gas, with electric cooker as an alternative, with all explanations, your dead brain couldn't decipher that Op is not financially buoyant.
What a shameless thing that you are !
You mentally stinking little fool !
How can she come to the house without her husband's knowledge, and left without his knowledge.
And all you could think of is stingy.
How I wish yahoo boys will your stingy self to fortify their voodoo.

Richy4:
You did what u feel was right @ that moment...

Your sister inlaw was a classy young woman too I must say, she left when she was supposed to..Maybe She never knew her coming will be a problem,maybe she felt her sister will sort u out...But she got it wrong.. Some ladies would have stayed even when they knew they were not welcomed..

If u have a younger bro, or Sis, just expect a cold welcome from your wife anytime they step into your house..it will never be forgotten...

U mistakenly broke an unwritten code that most women held with high esteem especially from the Eastern part of Nigeria....They always want to show that they are comfortable in their husband's house and their relatives are welcome to stay for sometime..I guess that was why she was mad @ u

Just say u were sorry bro.. with a peace offering like earring, or perfume etc.

Mature mind.
The op was dead wrong.

WiredLeggings:
go for counseling together and ensure she changes her domineering ways before you tie the knot.

D snow may cover d dark spots of a leopard it doesnt wash it off.


Op go ahead with this Wedding @ your own peril!
If she can stand toe toe or even taller than u now, wen u finally put a ring on it , oh heavens i cant imagine d heart/life aches u wud live with all tru ur life!

While u r thinking of going ahead with this cantekerous woman , do ur self some gud n sign ur death warrant .

Plankton2017:
Good day fellow NL,

Please judge this case. Last week thursday my sister inlaw visited me and my wife from NYSC camp. I was shocked when I welcomed her because it was no ordinary visit. she came with a full ghana must go. We greeted and I got to know that she escaped from camp due to the tough tasks on camp. My wife never told me her sister was coming to stay. We have lived amicably till yesterday.

My lil cuzin that stays and helps us with chores was mandated by her to cook 2 big pots of water for her to bath. I scolded my cousin and told her why didnt she use the electric kettle so as to save gas which we just replaced with 6k. I now gave her a warning that whatever my inlaw wants that she should ask me 1st. I even got to know that my wife lied to me that her parents knew she left camp. My wife heard our conversation and started antagonizing me that why did I tell my cuz to always ask me b4 she obeys her sister. she was shouting at the top of her voice even my inlaw could hear. This angered me and I shouted back and told her to leave my room. she continued shouting and even slept in the sitting room as I slept alone.

This afternoon while working on my computer for hours I came out of the room only to find out my sister in law has packed her things back to her NYSC camp without telling me but my wife knows....I am slatted to officially do my white wedding next saturday. I just feel down because we quarell too much and my wife talks in a domineering way. I have warned her about it and I do not want to turn a woman beater. Any quarell we have she tells her parents and siblings which make them never free with me and act cold towards me. Damn it! pls advice me

She belong to someone else, your real wife won't fight or quarrel with you. bro, do not make any mistake by marrying her. have a good night rest #think

Jman06:
Hope if it were the other way round you will respond this way And not start telling us how the man's siblings should let them be

You ladies are selfish lots. I am sure if it were the man's sib that showed up in that manner and started boiling water with gas when there's power and electric kettle,the lady would have made a whole lot of mountain out of it.

I don't think she would have refused if the cousin had told her that she would boil the water with electric stove. She just requested for hot water probably to bath and I don't think she would mind how it is been boiled. This is probably her first time of coming to visit and may not be aware of the electric stove. What I am saying is that the guys reaction is just too much, na woman dey react that way not a gentle man like him. Anyway sha, this is just my own view of his reaction, some other person may not see it that way.

In the first place you aren't married and you are living together, who tell turn her to your wife? Youths missing it this end time....

Please run now, broken relationship is better than broken marriage, you can't tame or control her not with this level of bond with her family. You are in soup!

Calling her your wife in the first place when you are not legally married. Oga,is dah how u used to do

@jashar Do come back. I thought the way you did, too. That Cat was just feeling itself.

Unpleasant story. The Madam should have taken responsibility, but didn't. OP had to.
Madam probably uses electricity and should have borne more inconvenience. Madam was 1st, 2nd and 3rd wrong.
OP, you don't know Madam yet. Get to know Madam.

Jahblessme:


Gosh!! where do i start from What kind of local story is this?

1. Your wife should have discussed with you first before her sister visited you both-she was very wrong but everything after that made you look so petty.You were counting water used to bathe and asking your cousin helper to report to you first? If she wants to eat eggs will that also be reported to you?Do you also measure yam with ruler in your house?
Your actions have sown a very bad seed - belittling your SIL & your wife.I do not blame your wife for being very angry but she should have cooled off first and expressed her annoyance to you without flaring up.

Just a quick question OP,if your sister visits and your wife tells your little cousin to report to her first before doing anything she asks for nko?How would that sit with you?Just know your wife will never forget,be ready for your siblings to recieve the same hot soup

Yes,you should have been told before her sis landed ,but the deed had already been done.You should have controlled yourself instead of acting like a miserable being.What did your SIL do wrong?she probably thought she was coming to visit human beings who would treat her well not knowing her husband is a hot water measurer
Best approach would have been to discuss the issue with your spouse quietly.See disgrace!



Your wife raised her voice,you raised your own too,asked her to leave your room.'Yoour Room'??!!! i thought you both are married? I cant even believe what i'm reading here.
In the same sentence you talked about not wanting to be a woman beater.I do not see any reason why beating should come into this abi you normally beat or you were raised by a beater?Violence should not be an option.ah ahhh!!!


Both of you displayed shameful behavior and i don't blame your SIL for leaving,you disgraced her infront of your cousin helper,you disgraced your wife,your wife as disgraced you & you have made her feel unwelcome. Tueh
She will go and tell the story to family members who already don't like you and you will officially enter hate list with tattered reputation.

Please do the world a favour and delay this wedding till you both learn to behave like adults.


If you want to be the leader of your home you must learn to conduct yourself with dignity and self respect.You have to lead by example.
Discussions can be had without raising of voices.If your wife starts to shout,tell her you won't listen till she calms down and addresses you like an adult.I also expect her to do the same to you.That way you both will learn to trust each other and start building your little unit,she will also stop seeing the need to tell every little deed to her family as you will become her best friend and confidante.

Normally you should be in honeymoon phase but you people are already acting like cat and dog.
Good luck o.






By the way the way you worded little cousin and 2 big pots are you trying to imply that the girl is too little to do chores in general or specifically chores for SIL? If she is little,ideally she shouldn't be in your home doing housework.

Most sensible comment. The op is just too petty.

Nma27:
Woman never frustrate you before. I disagree with u. Unless you both are separated, fine. But a woman can give u hell when u both are under d same roof... This has nofin to do with love.

how can a "real" man allow a woman give him grief when he can simply fall out of love with her. everything she can do to hurt ur feelings will no longer matter, you could even see he in bed with another man and feel nothing at all. because you are repulsed by her very existence. I always do that when I am with a woman who makes my life a living hell, I simply fall out of love with her and she can't hurt me anymore via her actions and inaction. even cheating sef becomes nothing because I have lost the desire to sleep with her and I am grateful another man is doing it. this tends to occur till she leaves on her own volition. so babe it happens and is very very possible. it occurs a lot in marriage and isn't limited to only men. women do it too when frustrated to the wall. they also fall out of love with u and ur actions can't hurt them anymore. though in their case they kill you if possible

Love conquers all. There is no perfect woman nor man any way. U weren't wrong by ur suggestion but d way u went abt it was wrong

U shld have called ur wife n talk to her how u want things. She in turn would talk to her sis. And she would have adjusted.

Ur wife shouting at u in such manner is wrong. She should have kept quiet n see with u later because two wrongs cannot make a right.

Ur sis inlaw leaving without telling u was wrong. Very wrong. No matter how offended she was. She should have at least told d head of d home she was leaving. Too bad but u pushed her. Just forgive her. You are family now. Take her like ur younger sis.


Here is what u should do. Apologize to ur wife for d way u handled d whole thing. N also tell her what u expected of her. If she is a good person, she will also apologize for d way she treated u.


Remember op no perfect man nor woman any where. Hml in adv

In the first place you aren't married and you are living together, who tell turn her to your wife? Youths missing it this end time.... and The worst part is that some churches can still go ahead and join this people together God save the endtime christianlllll

Pidgin2:
OP, you are mean

mumu people every where.

Pidgin2:
OP, you are mean

How? Communication is essential for a healthy relationship. They haven't even started and they are quarreling this much. It is a recipe for disaster.
How can the wife's sister add to the little girl's load of responsibilities, are her own hands broken?

I lived with my elder sister when she was newly married, she was the one who set boundaries for us her relatives even till today. His wife is making the wrong decisions and choices.

yomi007k:
So u prefer dey get married n later get a divorce?

I don't concur. If it was me, I wud postpone the wedding.

well no marriage is perfect. OP shud give us another practical illustration

[quote author=bukatyne post=59027296][/quote]Uncle I had to activate a nairaland account because of you
1. I noticed the use of "my room" and she had to sleep in the parlour.......at this point i realised its supposed to be your matrimonial room which means it's your house and not her house too.........and also means in future you can tell her get out of my house
2. yes she was wrong to shout at you but then put yourself in her shoes you just proved that her family isn't welcome in your house and you don't consider them your family too. now imagine if she does the same to your family members
3. you not only disrespected her family you just encouraged your cousin and by extension your entire family to disrespect them too
4. you don't want to be a woman beater you say.......but frankly you've done worse than beat already
now so you think any of her family members will ever visit your house as you see it. Or so you think that if you have a problem tomorrow that you can run to any of them for help?
frankly it's obvious you guys have lots of issues to resolve.......

MrMoney007:
Can you just shut the fvck up !!!
How dare you call the Op stingy, lazy fool !
Your type are still in their parents house or sugar daddy displaying their parasitic, lazy, and mentally decayed tendencies.
You call it ordinary water, you didn't read about how much he replaced the gas, with electric cooker as an alternative, with all explanations, your dead brain couldn't decipher that Op is not financially buoyant.
What a shameless thing that you are !
You mentally stinking little fool !
How can she come to the house without her husband's knowledge, and left without his knowledge.
And all you could think of is stingy.
How I wish yahoo boys will your stingy self to fortify their voodoo.

God bless you dear. There is no need for all these insults. If you aren't comfortable with my opinion, you could have just state yours without probably insulting me. Remember, this is a small world that we came with nothing and shall return with nothing. If they had told the sister in-law to use the electric stove and she refused and insist on using the gas, I would have understand but I didn't read where she was told to use electric stove and she insist on using the gas. she only requested for hot water to be boil for her and the cousin boiled it using gas. The onus lies on the cousin to have used electric stove instead of the gas. I am still insisting that op reacted too harshly. He should have secretly called his wife and aired his grievances to her, the wife in turn will now talk to her sister in an understa

yomi007k:



Ur in trouble o.



The bond between she n her family is stronger dan d one between the 2 of u.

You've said it All

ststyreal:
I don't think she would have refused if the cousin had told her that she would boil the water with electric stove. She just requested for hot water probably to bath and I don't think she would mind how it is been boiled. This is probably her first time of coming to visit and may not be aware of the electric stove. What I am saying is that the guys reaction is just too much, na woman dey react that way not a gentle man like him. Anyway sha, this is just my own view of his reaction, some other person may not see it that way.

that is my own view too

hmmm!!!

to marry come dey tire me small small

Don't get married to her if you can't tolerate or deal with this. You will be miserable for life. You are already married sha.

Gourdoinc:
how can a "real" man allow a woman give him grief when he can simply fall out of love with her. everything she can do to hurt ur feelings will no longer matter, you could even see he in bed with another man and feel nothing at all. because you are repulsed by her very existence. I always do that when I am with a woman who makes my life a living hell, I simply fall out of love with her and she can't hurt me anymore via her actions and inaction. even cheating sef becomes nothing because I have lost the desire to sleep with her and I am grateful another man is doing it. this tends to occur till she leaves on her own volition. so babe it happens and is very very possible. it occurs a lot in marriage and isn't limited to only men. women do it too when frustrated to the wall. they also fall out of love with u and ur actions can't hurt them anymore. though in their case they kill you if possible

I pray things don't deteriorate like that in mine o... Can't imagine

Plankton2017:
Good day fellow NL,

Please judge this case. Last week thursday my sister inlaw visited me and my wife from NYSC camp. I was shocked when I welcomed her because it was no ordinary visit. she came with a full ghana must go. We greeted and I got to know that she escaped from camp due to the tough tasks on camp. My wife never told me her sister was coming to stay. We have lived amicably till yesterday.

My lil cuzin that stays and helps us with chores was mandated by her to cook 2 big pots of water for her to bath. I scolded my cousin and told her why didnt she use the electric kettle so as to save gas which we just replaced with 6k. I now gave her a warning that whatever my inlaw wants that she should ask me 1st. I even got to know that my wife lied to me that her parents knew she left camp. My wife heard our conversation and started antagonizing me that why did I tell my cuz to always ask me b4 she obeys her sister. she was shouting at the top of her voice even my inlaw could hear. This angered me and I shouted back and told her to leave my room. she continued shouting and even slept in the sitting room as I slept alone.

This afternoon while working on my computer for hours I came out of the room only to find out my sister in law has packed her things back to her NYSC camp without telling me but my wife knows....I am slatted to officially do my white wedding next saturday. I just feel down because we quarell too much and my wife talks in a domineering way. I have warned her about it and I do not want to turn a woman beater. Any quarell we have she tells her parents and siblings which make them never free with me and act cold towards me. Damn it! pls advice me

kaii I feel ur pains, from your story u seem nice. Patiently Talk to her about how u feel concerning her attitude, its not going to be easy, relationship isnt, may God give u d strength to tolerate. I wish u all d best

.

Is she a pretty babe, as th us may be buy one and get one free

ur mata taya me

If u love ur life,want peace of mind n want to live long, call off the relationship. Its not worth it at all. Marry her n regret later. Talking from expirience.

Richy4:
You did what u feel was right @ that moment...

Your sister inlaw was a classy young woman too I must say, she left when she was supposed to..Maybe She never knew her coming will be a problem,maybe she felt her sister will sort u out...But she got it wrong.. Some ladies would have stayed even when they knew they were not welcomed..

If u have a younger bro, or Sis, just expect a cold welcome from your wife anytime they step into your house..it will never be forgotten...

U mistakenly broke an unwritten code that most women held with high esteem especially from the Eastern part of Nigeria....They always want to show that they are comfortable in their husband's house and their relatives are welcome to stay for sometime..I guess that was why she was mad @ u

Just say u were sorry bro.. with a peace offering like earring, or perfume etc.

This advice is very good...if the marriage hass gone at least up to a year or two, and yielded some fruit of the womb.

Your wife will eventually rule your home - its inevitable - after some 20 years or so of marriage. But for a woman to fearlessly exhibit this level of control even when you have not completed the marriage means that you are in deep trouble. Before five years is up u will use your own legs to runaway from the house for her, I guarantee you. You need to postpone the wedding and let her know your reason. Then get your act together and MAN UP. Never accept rebellion to your authority. After she has learnt the rules, go ahead with the wedding. As time goes on she will rise again, but hopefully by then u have enjoyed your marriage long enough.

Jahblessme:


Gosh!! where do i start from What kind of local story is this?

1. Your wife should have discussed with you first before her sister visited you both-she was very wrong but everything after that made you look so petty.You were counting water used to bathe and asking your cousin helper to report to you first? If she wants to eat eggs will that also be reported to you?Do you also measure yam with ruler in your house?
Your actions have sown a very bad seed - belittling your SIL & your wife.I do not blame your wife for being very angry but she should have cooled off first and expressed her annoyance to you without flaring up.

Just a quick question OP,if your sister visits and your wife tells your little cousin to report to her first before doing anything she asks for nko?How would that sit with you?Just know your wife will never forget,be ready for your siblings to recieve the same hot soup

Yes,you should have been told before her sis landed ,but the deed had already been done.You should have controlled yourself instead of acting like a miserable being.What did your SIL do wrong?she probably thought she was coming to visit human beings who would treat her well not knowing her husband is a hot water measurer
Best approach would have been to discuss the issue with your spouse quietly.See disgrace!



Your wife raised her voice,you raised your own too,asked her to leave your room.'Yoour Room'??!!! i thought you both are married? I cant even believe what i'm reading here.
In the same sentence you talked about not wanting to be a woman beater.I do not see any reason why beating should come into this abi you normally beat or you were raised by a beater?Violence should not be an option.ah ahhh!!!


Both of you displayed shameful behavior and i don't blame your SIL for leaving,you disgraced her infront of your cousin helper,you disgraced your wife,your wife as disgraced you & you have made her feel unwelcome. Tueh
She will go and tell the story to family members who already don't like you and you will officially enter hate list with tattered reputation.

Please do the world a favour and delay this wedding till you both learn to behave like adults.


If you want to be the leader of your home you must learn to conduct yourself with dignity and self respect.You have to lead by example.
Discussions can be had without raising of voices.If your wife starts to shout,tell her you won't listen till she calms down and addresses you like an adult.I also expect her to do the same to you.That way you both will learn to trust each other and start building your little unit,she will also stop seeing the need to tell every little deed to her family as you will become her best friend and confidante.

Normally you should be in honeymoon phase but you people are already acting like cat and dog.
Good luck o.






By the way the way you worded little cousin and 2 big pots are you trying to imply that the girl is too little to do chores in general or specifically chores for SIL? If she is little,ideally she shouldn't be in your home doing housework.

Great advice but it is not always this easy. Wait until you enter