₦airaland Forum

PaperLace:
Dear OP,

Whether you cancel the white wedding or not _ you're already married. Marriage isn't relationship where you can waltz in and out as you like. It's an oath, binding on both parties.

Be careful how you bring your issues to the public, considering that your mind is currently fragile. The general rule, may not apply to your situation. I don't think any responsible married person would tell you to walk away so soon. I have domineering in-laws too, your wife's whole family can never be as rude as my FIL alone _ but you handle such people with wisdom (now that you're already married). If you weren't married, I would have said run.

The early days of most marriages are like this. One person will always see the other as a demon, while painting him/herself as the angel. You are not an angel, I am sure your wife would sound just as bitter as you, if she creates her own thread. What you have to do is win your wife to your side. Once you genuinely win your wife to your side, she would handle her family.

The last post on your wife and SIL, you didn't do well.
If that's your own attitude, then you and your wife need orientation. Why does your wife shout? Is she a mad woman? Has she always been like this? What is she always shouting about?

My husband also doesn't know how to discuss in low tones, he must raise his voice. I used to join him, until I sat and thought about it _two people no dey mad at the same time. He did it again and I ignored, I politely told him he is embarrassing US and we would talk when he is calm. He still repeated it and I used all my self-control to keep ignoring.

One day, he called me and asked why I have been refusing to get angry. I started laughing and we had a talk that changed a lot till this moment. People like that know what they are doing to a good extent, the best medicine for them is to show them how normal people express themselves. Don't come down to their level, don't go begging unnecessarily _ just express yourself firmly.
When you do this over and over, they'll come to revere your silence and few words.

You mould your spouse to be who you want t hem to be. There is really no perfect spouse at first, but we mould them to our perfection with time.

Captain your ship as best as you can _all with the dignity of a king.

op,you need to meet this person for more orientation she has a lot to offer you
kudos I jus learn from this

My guy u r already a married man. Trad and even court wedding self are legal binding. ur white is just an added ceremony to let ppl knw u r married. As far as God is concern and d law of d land, u r a married man. so my honest advise is start tinking of a way to earn ur respect in d family as d head of d huz. u should call her to order in d best way u knw. i believe dis is not an arranged marriage, so u should ve dated and at least know one tin u can do to get her attention to reason with her and borrow her some brain

[quote author=Plankton2017 post=59329941]Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake[/quote
Please dump her ASAP.marriage is a lifetime institution,once u re in it no turning back..just tell her u re done with the relationship

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

oga you've done court marriage.. that's the main koko marriage. you are already married by law..

what you should be asking is if you want to divorce.. cos as it is you are already marriage.. dumping the white wedding doesn't change anything.. you're officially married..

I also don't like a domineering wife and in-law. it may be hard for you to find peace and happiness in that marriage. but God will help you

sukkot:
well we dont know if he has had sex with her now. so we cant know for a fact if he is married to her or not

SEX is consumation, not contraction of marriage!

The marriage was contracted when:

1 He fulfilled the traditional rights.
2 Did court wedding/ marriage registry!!

OMG!!!
I read this over and over again.
What a sensible post.
E-hugs and uncountable likes

PaperLace:
Dear OP,

Whether you cancel the white wedding or not _ you're already married. Marriage isn't relationship where you can waltz in and out as you like. It's an oath, binding on both parties.

Be careful how you bring your issues to the public, considering that your mind is currently fragile. The general rule, may not apply to your situation. I don't think any responsible married person would tell you to walk away so soon. I have domineering in-laws too, your wife's whole family can never be as rude as my FIL alone _ but you handle such people with wisdom (now that you're already married). If you weren't married, I would have said run.

The early days of most marriages are like this. One person will always see the other as a demon, while painting him/herself as the angel. You are not an angel, I am sure your wife would sound just as bitter as you, if she creates her own thread. What you have to do is win your wife to your side. Once you genuinely win your wife to your side, she would handle her family.

The last post on your wife and SIL, you didn't do well.
If that's your own attitude, then you and your wife need orientation. Why does your wife shout? Is she a mad woman? Has she always been like this? What is she always shouting about?

My husband also doesn't know how to discuss in low tones, he must raise his voice. I used to join him, until I sat and thought about it _two people no dey mad at the same time. He did it again and I ignored, I politely told him he is embarrassing US and we would talk when he is calm. He still repeated it and I used all my self-control to keep ignoring.

One day, he called me and asked why I have been refusing to get angry. I started laughing and we had a talk that changed a lot till this moment. People like that know what they are doing to a good extent, the best medicine for them is to show them how normal people express themselves. Don't come down to their level, don't go begging unnecessarily _ just express yourself firmly.
When you do this over and over, they'll come to revere your silence and few words.

You mould your spouse to be who you want them to be. There is really no perfect spouse at first, but we mould them to our perfection with time.

Captain your ship as best as you can _all with the dignity of a king.

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

That's quite sad. I think you should call it off. IN fact, it's sad you've already done the court one. Anyway, pray for God's direction

coolcatty:
Dude... I will talk to u like a brother.... Marriage is a big deal... It's for a lifetime... The fact that u feel like this is a clear cut sign that this marriage was never meant to be..... My people say it's better to have a good in-law than have a good wife..... The fact that your in-laws are this domineering ND insulting is a big red, yellow and purple flag which will definitely affect your marriage in the nearest future....... Who will you report her to in the event that


Oga you have gone far by doing the court marriage sef.... You have a 2 options.... Marry her and live a permanent life of servitude to her and her domineering people or walk away from this impending disaster called marriage.

The choice is yours.

Oga why are you seeking for help at the last minute....... all ds wile eh.....its too late for the Elders to decide.Anyway its your choice .go and carry your cross

Ishilove:
Lol. Ti e ba e. She is already your wife in the eyes of man, God and the law of the land. You paid her bride price, come do court wedding join, so don't you know church wedding is just a formality?

She is your wife, Mr Man, and you can't escape it. Your best bet is to nip any fuckracious behaviour in the bud and work out your differences.

Run away love

Just Love Her And Pray For Her To Change

olayinkajnr:
I have no business with his wife and the reason why I sent a pm to him is because he needs someone to talk to. I was/am still in his shoes. The same shit he is passing through is what I am passing through. Which is why I sent him a pm.

But bros, didn't u see those attitudes? Did u see dem red flags? How are u coping now?

It is too late to cry when the head is off. You are quite aware that she has such character before you go ahead to do both Traditional and Court marriage. Carry your cross.

Nma27:
But bros, didn't u see those attitudes? Did u see dem red flags? How are u coping now?

I did. I saw the red flags. But you know what they call chances and love? I'm a very timid person.

I can't say I'm my old self now. My persona have been changed by what I passed and still passing through. The op wrote exactly what I was/and still going through.

Well, decided to not indulge my mind into too much thinking. Decided to let it go as it's happening.

Pdee28:
Just Love Her And Pray For Her To Change

Lolz, I'm sure the op loves her that why he brought it here for advice.

Trust me brah, no matter how much he prays, she won't change if she doesn't want to. Speaking from experience brah

Happy married life.

You are married already... After doing Traditional and court wedding. You are married in the eyes of the law. These are things you should have addressed before even marrying her. You have entered one chance so good luck with your cross.


I just saw the complete posting on some thread

So you dumped an understanding girl because of your parents tribalistic opinion and took on a girl with domineering attitude and zero respect for you whose family and her undermines and ride on you at will

You are the cause of your challenge 100%. So carry your cross and continue bearing the excesses because I don't see her or her family behavior getting better.

Besides are you are a boy or a man who cannot decide for himself. Is it your parents that would live with you that they they will be deciding wife for you.

olayinkajnr:
I did. I saw the red flags. But you know what they call chances and love? I'm a very timid person.

I can't say I'm my old self now. My persona have been changed by what I passed and still passing through. The op wrote exactly what I was/and still going through.

Well, decided to not indulge my mind into too much thinking. Decided to let it go as it's happening.

Your lord is your strength.

The fact that she and her family are domineering suggests that she is higher than you financially therefore they feel she is marrying below her status.

Better back out now!

if u are in an organized society, u are in for a deep shit. court wedding? hope u know what u are talking about. you are married my dear. remember with the court wedding thing, you are entitled to share your inheritance with her. just try manage her. everyone have got his own cup of tea.

After Court and Traditional wedding, you are still saying wife-to-be. You don't know you are already married

Eyop:
Run away love

Na you run first

Gaggi:
At your age you want faceless people to advice you on a life long journey that only you are involved in. Was she forced on you in the first place? You didn't date her? That's how one lady is thinking of divorce after just one month of marriage. What the hell is wrong with people? Marriage isn't for everyone.

my dear, I'm disappointed that you talk like this. Sorry, but you don't know anything. Mostly, It's actually when one is half deep into the marriage proceedings that you these red flags begin to show!

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

u in for it bro..na headache u marry...she will nag at u till u get frustrated...kindly call her peeps sit her down and talk sense to her other wise...........

Evaberry:
didn't you court her?

Didn't you spend time with her family to know how she relates with them

didn't you befriend her brothers and her friends

didn't your friends and family spend time with her..

Did you ask your loved ones opinion before marrying her?
.have you asked her what the problem is, why she has temper issues. ..


My friend leave Nairaland face your home, solve your problems yourself and stop disturbing us

nigga he asked for advice...he didnt force u to comment..so if u dont know what to say why not shut d fvck up!

yvelchstores:
There is no woman that can't be tamed! When you see a woman spinning out of control, the husband isn't taking his place. We women need to be taught. For some, not strictly for others, with an iron fist. No body Shld quote me cos I don't say beat her. Thank u.

lol



I love u

Plankton2017:
Good day all,

My wife to be's character has been terrible since we did our trad. Now I dont know if I should halt my wedding plans slated for this Saturday.

Her and her family are very domineering and rude. She shouts at me at the top of her voice and does not respect me. I have done Trad and Court wedding. what can I do for God's sake

U r already married na!

Ishilove:
Na you run first

Queen ishi dearie, you know that's not true na

shineeye1:
Trade and court..?

You don enter , my guy.

Hahahahaha


No b small enter oooo

Eyop:
Queen ishi dearie, you know that's not true na

You know it's the truth. You even unfollowed me on Nairaland sef. Why? Because of the 2014 Rav 4?

coolcatty:
Dude... I will talk to u like a brother.... Marriage is a big deal... It's for a lifetime... The fact that u feel like this is a clear cut sign that this marriage was never meant to be..... My people say it's better to have a good in-law than have a good wife..... The fact that your in-laws are this domineering ND insulting is a big red, yellow and purple flag which will definitely affect your marriage in the nearest future....... Who will you report her to in the event that she misbehaves??


Oga you have gone far by doing the court marriage sef.... You have a 2 options.... Marry her and live a permanent life of servitude to her and her domineering people or walk away from this impending disaster called marriage.

The choice is yours.

God bless you so much for writing this. An elder told me this too.
When the "IN-LAWS" to be wants to control your life it becomes a very big issue. I am a female but it's vise versa...
When it comes to the matters of the heart (marriage specifically), there are certain things we need to put into consideration before going any further. Most importantly, we need to make wisdom applicable. Well, may God help us not to make the wrong choices.
Amen

I love this!

PaperLace:
Dear OP,

Whether you cancel the white wedding or not _ you're already married. Marriage isn't relationship where you can waltz in and out as you like. It's an oath, binding on both parties.

Be careful how you bring your issues to the public, considering that your mind is currently fragile. The general rule, may not apply to your situation. I don't think any responsible married person would tell you to walk away so soon. I have domineering in-laws too, your wife's whole family can never be as rude as my FIL alone _ but you handle such people with wisdom (now that you're already married). If you weren't married, I would have said run.

The early days of most marriages are like this. One person will always see the other as a demon, while painting him/herself as the angel. You are not an angel, I am sure your wife would sound just as bitter as you, if she creates her own thread. What you have to do is win your wife to your side. Once you genuinely win your wife to your side, she would handle her family.

The last post on your wife and SIL, you didn't do well.
If that's your own attitude, then you and your wife need orientation. Why does your wife shout? Is she a mad woman? Has she always been like this? What is she always shouting about?

My husband also doesn't know how to discuss in low tones, he must raise his voice. I used to join him, until I sat and thought about it _two people no dey mad at the same time. He did it again and I ignored, I politely told him he is embarrassing US and we would talk when he is calm. He still repeated it and I used all my self-control to keep ignoring.

One day, he called me and asked why I have been refusing to get angry. I started laughing and we had a talk that changed a lot till this moment. People like that know what they are doing to a good extent, the best medicine for them is to show them how normal people express themselves. Don't come down to their level, don't go begging unnecessarily _ just express yourself firmly.
When you do this over and over, they'll come to revere your silence and few words.

You mould your spouse to be who you want them to be. There is really no perfect spouse at first, but we mould them to our perfection with time.

Captain your ship as best as you can _all with the dignity of a king.

PaperLace:
Dear OP,

Whether you cancel the white wedding or not _ you're already married. Marriage isn't relationship where you can waltz in and out as you like. It's an oath, binding on both parties.

Be careful how you bring your issues to the public, considering that your mind is currently fragile. The general rule, may not apply to your situation. I don't think any responsible married person would tell you to walk away so soon. I have domineering in-laws too, your wife's whole family can never be as rude as my FIL alone _ but you handle such people with wisdom (now that you're already married). If you weren't married, I would have said run.

The early days of most marriages are like this. One person will always see the other as a demon, while painting him/herself as the angel. You are not an angel, I am sure your wife would sound just as bitter as you, if she creates her own thread. What you have to do is win your wife to your side. Once you genuinely win your wife to your side, she would handle her family.

The last post on your wife and SIL, you didn't do well.
If that's your own attitude, then you and your wife need orientation. Why does your wife shout? Is she a mad woman? Has she always been like this? What is she always shouting about?

My husband also doesn't know how to discuss in low tones, he must raise his voice. I used to join him, until I sat and thought about it _two people no dey mad at the same time. He did it again and I ignored, I politely told him he is embarrassing US and we would talk when he is calm. He still repeated it and I used all my self-control to keep ignoring.

One day, he called me and asked why I have been refusing to get angry. I started laughing and we had a talk that changed a lot till this moment. People like that know what they are doing to a good extent, the best medicine for them is to show them how normal people express themselves. Don't come down to their level, don't go begging unnecessarily _ just express yourself firmly.
When you do this over and over, they'll come to revere your silence and few words.

You mould your spouse to be who you want them to be. There is really no perfect spouse at first, but we mould them to our perfection with time.

Captain your ship as best as you can _all with the dignity of a king.

THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH. YOU JUST ENLIGHTENED ME. May I add by saying, only wisdom can be made applicable. No marriage is a bed of roses....And as far as I am concerned, there's only one captain on a boat. Though it might not be easy, infact it might seem almost impossible to let them have their way but there are other ways to handle certain issuesbsuch as:- 1. to speak to them about their actions in the calmest way possible and 2. To seek God's face.
May God grant us his sustainable grace.
Amen....