₦airaland Forum

Good one bro
I have to save this post for future references

You are a capable man, in the sense that you plan ahead and don't let others opinion influence you strongly, continue in that it's good..but one thing that affects men like you are pleasing your newfound wife over yourself..don't do too much nor too little..let there be a balance.

Please and please!!
Shelve the idea of giving birth to a child now.
You need to access quality medical care for that coupled with the fact your fiancee is still a student.
Allow her to graduate and start contributing her own little quota.
Don't make it more difficult than it might be for the both of you.

You might as well just have a pastor wed you and your fiancee in the church. Forget the whole DJ Stuff, your Friends paying for your suit and theirs and some other expenses.
Save the money for a startup.

Save, save , save and plan for the future.

great analysis, am impressed Bro.

5 Things I deduce from your write up

1. You are intelligent and smart, intelligent people go far in life.

2.You refuse to be moved nor follow the crowd, you are my type of person and I admire you for that.

3. You refused to be moved by negativity, stay positive, I commend you for that, keep being optimistic.

4. You got your life well planed, an unexamined life actually is not worth living, kudos!

5. You have future goals and ambitions, that's a good one.

But also, if your fiance isn't an understanding person, you would have problems and everything you stated there won't work out.

I respect intelligent people, all the best Sire.

OP, you are a very intelligent man with focus.
One point i noticed and must commend is that you have got yourself a simple, very understanding and patient fiancee. Very rare

I am seeing two wonderful personalities that are being very real with one another


If she can stay true to it, you both will go places in some years to come.
Please ensure you do not deviate or renege on your plans/focus.

Waow,Sir am really moved with your positivity and thoughtfulness, you even saved her school fee already.
You have your plans carefully laid out,even those that earn 100k don't have a solid plan for their future,nice one op.
Above all,Man proposes,God disposes. Always seek for his guidance and pray everything goes according to plan,even beyond your expectations.

Abeg,do u still have a brother with your kind of intelligence,I need someone of your character for a hubby,I wouldn't mind if you have one just like you o [color=#770077][/color]

My fiancé earns about 70k monthly, I am presently not working. He is talking abt marriage alrdy and I'm alws lookin at him with one side eyes. Will 70k b enof for us?

The plenty money for Wedding, life after wedding (atlist we Shuld stay in a two bedroom apartment, yes nah.. Wat if we have visitors?) taking care of me, him and our baby wen we later have one.. With just 70k? Let's be realistic jare!!! hiahn! How will we clear all d wedding debts and live well with 70k after wedding? I wuldnt be this bothered if I'm working sha.

He is kinda living ok for now cos he isn't married.. Inshort he is okay. Bt wen he's married nko?

Seeing op with just 35k as salary as he is stil this positive.. Well.. Well.. Well..
God Dey sha!

anybody praising this OP is just as foolish as the op
op is a madman, I fvcking mad man
30k salary and he wants to get married .
op let me make u feel bad.
I am 23 and last month I made over 800k, what do I do? agro trading..simple
I started with 50k. I currently have 3 employees..
and the 800k even small sef.
op u better fing money or else..
I have warned you

rheether:
I pity you

why do you pity him?

the OP is just making list without telling us how he is going to get the money

sexybbstar:
Wow! My head is swelling.what a breathtaking analysis!

You really think it is possible to do what the op just stated

Bros carry go! You are good to go! Earnering 35k today doesn't mean you will earn that till the end of your life!

donpata:
I was moved to write this epistle cos of the fp topic of marrying someone who earns 35k yesterday. I have seen such questions on NL but I normally ignore them. Someone even asked if a lady can marry someone who earns 100k . I normally laugh at the comments and move on. I laughed at the sheer ignorance of many commenters, and the foolish statements many made. I decided to assume that 70% of the people who commented are either undergraduates still studying who have a big Disney picture of the sweet employment awaiting them or some who have not really known what is out there in the world. The remaining 20% earn well probably and so feel life should be like that for everyone. The remaining 10% commenters are those who really see life as it is in reality – DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS. Now am gonna be objective and subjective at the same time. And let me warn you – IT’S LONG

Me? 30yrs, had my BSc in the north but did my MSc at UI. Hoping to register for Phd by next year.
My fiancée? 24ys old and currently awaiting 300 lv registration. Will be done by 2019.

Fact: without any serious research, I think I am save to say that at least 50% of families (basically father and mother) in Nigeria earn a combined income of less than 40k in a month.
Fact: The federal govt claims it has about 100k civil servants. Add paramilitary and military with about 500k personnel and public office holders, I think 800k people in active service on FG’s payroll is a fair judgment. For the sake of argument, let’s assume fg has another 800k retired personnel on pension. That’s like 1.6 million people. Nigeria has a population of 180million people. The WB estimate Nigeria has a workforce of about 60 million in 2016. If we delete the 1.6million on FGs payroll, we still have about 58.4million people left. Obviously, the remaining are left for the State and Local govt as well as private sector to employ. How many are employed?
Lagos state claims it has about 100,000 workers in its payroll. Let me be liberal enough to use it as a benchmark for all Nigerian states and fct. 100k by 37 = 3.7million employees.
Obviously, we still have over 50million people to employ. How many will the Real private sector pick? Yeah those that will pay a graduate from 60k above – how many can they pick? Now many will have to be entrepreneurs, “self-employed” people, petty traders, artisans etc. How much can they really earn monthly?

Fact: 80% of state and LGA workers between level 1 and 10 earn less than 50k in a month. Apart from states like Lagos, Rivers, Akwa Ibom and a few others, most states, especially in the North, pay quite low. On level 8, with Kad Govt, I earn 35-37k. It fluctuates monthly. Note that there are married people with at least 3 children that are on lev 1 - 6. Do the maths.

Wedding:
Many asked how one will pay bride price. Well, I have crossed that bridge. I know my status so before I even got a lady, I started buying some stuff like wrappers to keep. More so, my savings, family and friends rally round me and that was solved. Only a foolish lady will think of bride price as an issue here. Except if her family is poor, why should they demand too much?. 2 of my sisters that married had their bride price pegged at 5k each. The total money paid on the first was 25k and 50k for the 2nd. Mind you, they are currently running their masters programme so they ain’t illiterates. Let me stop here.

So the Wedding? How will I handle it? SIMPLE: I AM CUTTING MY COAT ACCORDING TO MY POCKET

Box: I went to the market and saw boxes of 100-200k. I was showed a set of 5 for 30k as well. I opted for a set of 5 at 60k. That’s my own level too. Mind you there were people picking that of 30k too. Different strokes for Different folks.

RECEPTION VENUE: Church Premises. My church got a lot of space so why should I spend 200-500k (that I don’t even have) renting a hall for a 2hr event? A guy who got married last month in my Church did not do reception at all. Again, Different strokes for Different folks.

Wedding Cards: Saw a nice foreign one. They said it will cost me 30k per 100. I needed 500. I was showed another that will cost 5k per 100. I Finally opted for the one of 10k per 100. Even got a 5k discount.

My suit? I opted for a 16k suit and my best man decided to pay for it.

My shoes? I got really nice shoes but coz it’s my day, I opted for new ones. I picked up a very nice one for 2k. It aint top notch quality but it should take me through the day. It can actually pass for a ck or d&g when viewed from a distance.

My Chairs and Canopies? My organizers are 20. Lol . They have paid 80% of the money.

Cake? My aunt who has a HND in catering bla bla and has been in it for almost 15yrs running has taken that as her contribution.

DJ and Camera man? My men in suit, (5 in number) have paid for that service.

MC? A friend is good at it. That is his contribution.

Wedding Gown: My cake designer linked me to a lady who rents out. She thus charged us 10k for a nice wedding gown. I deposited 5k. Will pay 5k after the event.
Need I continue? I don’t think so.

The main thing – The marriage life
Yeah I know you are saying all I have said na wash. You are waiting for how reality will hit me after the marriage cos that’s the main deal. You gonna say you await my regret thread after some few months. Sorry, your expectation will be cut short.

Fees:
Now, my to-be wife will be registering for a new session by December. Her fees is just arnd 30k so I kept that amount and I have promised myself not to touch it until its time. I don’t even need to touch it. Everything appears almost set and done.

Clothing: I filled my wife’s box to the “brim” with both native and English wears. So for now, cloths aint really an issue.

Accommodation: Here in KD, a 1 bedroom mini flat cost between 80-150k depending on the location. Am not talking of a 2 room flat cos, truly, I don’t need it now. But I am not even thinking of taking the mini flat either. A room and parlor (real face me I face u) cost between 18k-45k depending on the location. There are better ones; mostly new houses that cost 40-60k. I’ve gotten a very nice one for 55k. Just 2 tenants in the house and the other guy is single so we just gonna be sharing the toilet with him. It’s not that I can’t afford it but wisdom must direct me. I got 2plots of land already so I don’t even intend staying in that house beyond a year or 2.

My building: I already have 2 plots of land. I’ve struck an agreement with some guys who will supply me mud blocks at N20 each. At my estimate of 3000 blocks, that’s 60k . Havent paid but after my wedding, I will do it jejely. My plan is to rush the building and roof it b4 the rains come next year. I paid some guys in my area 7k so by next week, they are gonna go there and dig the foundation of a 2bedroom flat for me. Not that I am building now but I have to dig during the rainy season cos the land gets hard during the dry season. My intention is to use just ¼ of the land for that so that when I am blessed wella, I will use the remaining ¾ of the land to build my pent house. Need I tell you that by estimates, I need 6 bundles of those “aluminum” sheets to roof it? I bought 3 last year when it was 16k. I could not add cos it went up to 30k. I heard it’s 20k now but I can’t buy the remaining 3 now cos of my wedding preps. Will do that after my wedding when I have relaxed a bit.

Feeding?
A 50kg bag of rice takes me over 5 months now that I am alone. I believe in varieties so I got different things stocked in my room. Adding one or two extra plate should not make life difficult. I planted maize on my 2 plots. Once harvested, I won’t need to buy semovita all the time. If you have been to the north, you will know that with my harvest, Tuwo is served. Need I continue? I don’t think so. Let me not bore you further.

My support to extended Families
Someone asked in that thread that how do one take care of his families and inlaws. Well, my family aint rich but they can cater for themselves. My dad and mum earn and have only one child left in the university. Moreover, they are sensible enough to know that they should not expect from me. Rather, what is sensible is for them to support me if need be . My fiancées’ parents aint rich either. But I know they aint so poor to demand me to take care of their own responsibility when they know I have their daughter to cater for. Of coz, once in a while, I will do what I can for our families.

Children
Just a child and I will pause until she is done with school. I know it’s gonna come with challenges but I don’t think you expect me to plan out every day of my life and budget for same here. I know that I will cross the bridge when I get there.

Other wants
I am a gadget freak. Before my wedding preps, I buy things impulsively. Now I know I have to control that. I know what lies ahead of me. That’s why I didn’t go for an iphone but went for a hot note. When the hot note packed up, I didn’t kill myself for a Samsung s7 even though I love it. I went for my sweet Ulefone Tiger @ 31k. When I went for a tab, I didn’t go for an ipad; not even a tecno pad. I went for imose xii . Instead of ps3 console, I download games to my laptop and play them. That serves me.

I CAN TRULY GO ON AND ON BUT CALLING SOMEONE A FOOL AS MANY DID ON THAT THREAD YESTERDAY IS QUITE ILLOGICAL. My dad married at 24. My mum was 19 then. Both are now degree holders. Things have changed and that’s why I am marrying at 30. I don’t want to clock 50 and yet taking my first child to write Common Entrance. If you like say I am rushing.
Firstly, I love my fiancée die. 2ndly, I am a Christian and my bodily desires are building up strongly. Marriage is the way out. 3rdly, I love kids. Since they are an inheritance, I can’t wait to have one as God wills. Lastly, I wanna retire in peace. Not old man using my pension to train undergraduates and Jambites.
Finally, I am not complacent with where I am. I have handled a few millions before but this is where I am now. I wanna go for my phd and I hope to reestablish myself in business. But I can’t again let my social life suffer cos of where I am today. I have a job now; low paying as it is, I know if well managed, I will make it out. Even if I remain in the employ of the State Govt, I cant earn 35k forever. I am young and will keep moving on.

DISCLAIMER: This is not meant to force anyone to get married when he is not ready - Not at all. I just want some people to know that there are different strokes for different folks. There are too many factors that determine happiness and success in life and marriage. Your salary is just one. YOU CANT CALL ME A FOOL FOR MY DECISION. I HAVE CAREFULLY WEIGHED MY CIRCUMSTANCE AND PROSPECTS AND I FEEL I AM READY TO TAKE THE LEAP. I KNOW IT WONT BE A WALK IN THE PARK; BUT IT WONT BE TOO DIFFICULT EITHER.
FOR THE “FOOLS AT 40” WAITING FOR THEIR MILLIONS TO BUILD UP BEFORE SETTLING DOWN, TILL UNA COME.
FORGIVE ME FOR THE LONG EPISTLE. HAD TO TAKE MY TIME SO THAT SOME PEOPLE WILL APPRECIATE THAT NO TWO PEOPLE HAVE SAME CIRCUMSTANCES AND SITUATIONS.

I PROMISE TO RAISE ANOTHER THREAD ANNUALLY TO TELL YOU HOW FAR WE HAVE GONE.

moststylish:
the OP is just making list without telling us how he is going to get the money

free am

what worse its the idiots replying praising him.

no man who earns 30k a month should ever get married

Great post. Thanks for sharing.

You did well
No one is an Island

donpata:
I was moved to write this epistle cos of the fp topic of marrying someone who earns 35k yesterday. I have seen such questions on NL but I normally ignore them. Someone even asked if a lady can marry someone who earns 100k . I normally laugh at the comments and move on. I laughed at the sheer ignorance of many commenters, and the foolish statements many made. I decided to assume that 70% of the people who commented are either undergraduates still studying who have a big Disney picture of the sweet employment awaiting them or some who have not really known what is out there in the world. The remaining 20% earn well probably and so feel life should be like that for everyone. The remaining 10% commenters are those who really see life as it is in reality – DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS. Now am gonna be objective and subjective at the same time. And let me warn you – IT’S LONG

Me? 30yrs, had my BSc in the north but did my MSc at UI. Hoping to register for Phd by next year.
My fiancée? 24ys old and currently awaiting 300 lv registration. Will be done by 2019.

Fact: without any serious research, I think I am save to say that at least 50% of families (basically father and mother) in Nigeria earn a combined income of less than 40k in a month.
Fact: The federal govt claims it has about 100k civil servants. Add paramilitary and military with about 500k personnel and public office holders, I think 800k people in active service on FG’s payroll is a fair judgment. For the sake of argument, let’s assume fg has another 800k retired personnel on pension. That’s like 1.6 million people. Nigeria has a population of 180million people. The WB estimate Nigeria has a workforce of about 60 million in 2016. If we delete the 1.6million on FGs payroll, we still have about 58.4million people left. Obviously, the remaining are left for the State and Local govt as well as private sector to employ. How many are employed?
Lagos state claims it has about UALLY TO TELL YOU HOW FAR WE HAVE GONE.

Op you are the real MVP

what you are doing take guts and I encourage and admire u for that.

most men here will swear never to marry a student..

I've always been an advocate of early marriage so u can train your kids early and rest before old age.

please do update us, things are going to be hard but if you and your wife are focused and hardworking you should be happy

congrats dear and don't forget to share pics of the wedding

pocohantas:
They are not rare. They are everywhere.
OP, is very discerning that's why he could pick her out of all the karashikas. [s]Some of you want a girl with the so called 'slay queen' looks and body ...someone you can flaunt around as high class babe.[/s]

[s]That's how you guys end up ignoring the modest babe because she doesn't look overly flashy[/s]. Start observing pre-wedding pictures henceforth. Watch how modest young men go for modest young women. The best thing that can happen to anyone...male or female, is to know your size, it's not an insult...it's for ones peace of mind.

And who told you i give the slightest care about slay queen looks and body? Unfortunately you do not know me neither do you know my taste.
I am totally with you that OP is discerning. I should have added that.
None of my two exes was a slay queen but i can tell you that there are ladies with very good moral background that doesn't want to hear low key wedding.


My immediate ex is an example. A focused and intelligent but selfish individual that craves for more than what she is having or can afford. This very reason out of few others(knows too much, arrogance etc) made me cancel her out. Funny enough, she is this churchy type.
I know what i want when i see one and i know people that can help my dream, so why will i choose to waste my precious time?

When i say rare, i know what i am saying. There are ladies that are not even close to being a slay queen but aren't simple, understanding and patient.

rheether:
I pity you

As in eh, I can't even imagine a life with someone on 35k salary, he wants to subject the poor girl to a life of penury.

Rorachy:
As in eh, I can't even imagine a life with someone on 35k salary, he wants to subject the poor girl to a life of penury.

that's his choice my dear
and his girl accepts so no problems there

Danielmoore:
that's his choice my dear
and his girl accepts so no problems there

I just can't imagine the hardship they will face till he get a good job, there is no need to rush into marriage.

vladimiros:
anybody praising this OP is just as foolish as the op

op is a madman, I fvcking mad man

30k salary and he wants to get married .

op let me make u feel bad.

I am 23 and last month I made over 800k, what do I do? agro trading..simple

I started with 50k. I currently have 3 employees..

and the 800k even small sef.

op u better fing money or else..

I have warned you

What kind of agro trading are you into? Can you please explain better? Maybe I could be interested.

vladimiros:
anybody praising this OP is just as foolish as the op

op is a madman, I fvcking mad man

30k salary and he wants to get married .

op let me make u feel bad.

I am 23 and last month I made over 800k, what do I do? agro trading..simple

I started with 50k. I currently have 3 employees..

and the 800k even small sef.

op u better fing money or else..

I have warned you

i like dis commentor, lol. so funny. challenge d brother jor. dont be comfortable in mediocrity

expensiveguyman:
I didn't read ur long epistle but if u earned just 35k monthly and u want to settle down here in Nigeria. i must tell u that u're walking on a long thing nd a serious hard time await u.

I know I sound discouraging but that's d bitter truth sir.

You don't read and jump to conclusion. Are you the one that will bring an hard time for him.

I have seen many married with 30k and they are living fine. Think about yourself and don't determine for others

Easy to say, brother is not easy, most times money comes will different experience. I wish u well.


Man need to marry cos old age dey come

rheether:
I pity you

,hmmmm.

Hmmm.....Irony of Life......Op @30 has 2 plots of land

@30 I cant even boast of a bag of cement

And on that other Thread som guyz want som other guyz to wait until they start Earning 700k monthly before they start talkin marriage......700k that is not even guaranteed and in d process they might end up waitin for 700k till another 25yrs......55yrs don waka be dat oo

missnawty:
My fiancé earns about 70k monthly, I am presently not working. He is talking abt marriage alrdy and I'm alws lookin at him with one side eyes. Will 70k b enof for us?

The plenty money for Wedding, life after wedding (atlist we Shuld stay in a two bedroom apartment, yes nah.. Wat if we have visitors?) taking care of me, him and our baby wen we later have one.. With just 70k? Let's be realistic jare!!! hiahn! How will we clear all d wedding debts and live well with 70k after wedding? I wuldnt be this bothered if I'm working sha.

He is kinda living ok for now cos he isn't married.. Inshort he is okay. Bt wen he's married nko?

Seeing op with just 35k as salary as he is stil this positive.. Well.. Well.. Well..
God Dey sha!

You don't need 2 bedroom flat for a start. One bedroom is okay. 70k is more than enough to start a family.

I am not inspired by this story and never will. 35k?
When I dey university, I no how much I dey collect monthly as pocket money and e no dey reach me.
Even during Nysc, allowee + ppa pay + small extra chips didn't give me a very comfortable life, e come be married man.

MBA MBA MBA!!! Op God help you, If I were your brother I would have advised you waited a little more so you can open a second source of income.

If Your friends can contribute money for wedding, they can also contribute money for you to Start something by the side.

Op You are on a very Rough road, fForget all this sugar coating you see on nairaland, you will need a tough skin to pull through.
Accumulating degrees don't translate to financial success!

Goodluck

missnawty:
My fiancé earns about 70k monthly, I am presently not working. He is talking abt marriage alrdy and I'm alws lookin at him with one side eyes. Will 70k b enof for us?

The plenty money for Wedding, life after wedding (atlist we Shuld stay in a two bedroom apartment, yes nah.. Wat if we have visitors?) taking care of me, him and our baby wen we later have one.. With just 70k? Let's be realistic jare!!! hiahn! How will we clear all d wedding debts and live well with 70k after wedding? I wuldnt be this bothered if I'm working sha.

He is kinda living ok for now cos he isn't married.. Inshort he is okay. Bt wen he's married nko?

Seeing op with just 35k as salary as he is stil this positive.. Well.. Well.. Well..
God Dey sha!

Cut ur coat according to ur size. Think positive. Don't u think you'll ever get a job? Ur brain didn't tell u he might get a better job? Better do something simple and live ur life. Dem no dey give mark.

congrats

From my time on Nairaland, I think the issue with most Nairalanders is that most of them are city dwelling. i.e they are mostly found in (or live in) Lagos, Ogun, Abuja, PH, Benin, Asaba, Owerri, Calabar etc.

The general cost of living in these places always affects their perspectives and sense of judgement about life in Nigeria generally.

For example, because N1000 can't cook a decent pot of soup in Lagos, Abj, or Ph, no one elsewhere in Nigeria should/can claim to have made a decent pot of soup with 1k.

So with this mindset above, a man earning say 100k a month in Lagos and is still struggling to make ends meet, rent, fees etc would never believe an okada rider in a small town like say Obudu, has built a decent 3 bedroom flat.

They'll ask you was it built with sticks? But just like the Op stated, they only made use of mud blocks and cement to hold the blocks together and for pillars as the case may be. By the time the house is plastered and painted, you'll never know it wasn't built with cement blocks.

Same way if you tell them one can buy a half bag of potatoes for less than 1k in a town/village in Benue, they'll argue just because they can't in the City.

My point is, people earning way less than the op are doing just fine.

All I can say is "Nairalanders, please travel and see".