₦airaland Forum

vinchee:
selflessmaya made a psychlogical diagnosis, while you have made a biological one.
And you know what, you may the only correct person here.

MAOA-A2 is also called the warrior Gene. People who possess this gene react violently whenever they feel threatened or find themselved in a stressful situation. They just can't help it. She would've shown little signs of it when they were dating but probably not enough to really alarm OP.

She needs a doctor in order to find a way to manage it. If it persists after seeing a doctor, OP should run.

This just reminds me of the loophole in. Us criminal law. Just plead insanity. Bt in dis case the op cud not hv missed it if she showed any such sign cos he dropped other gals who showed slightest anger signs for this so called perfect saint of a lady. U grab now?

She has been pretending and waiting to fully enter as a wife. Now she has shown her true colours. Until you decide what's best for you, let her stay with her family for the time being, especially as she resorts to using knives, forks, etc. She could kill you at anytime. But desist from raising ur hands on her. Btw, how will u gv someone two thunderous slaps without an iota of anger, this is funny

i am dating a lady that is hiding her character also, but i got to know that by her words but she did not know i now know the kind of girl she is. is a no no for me. i can't marry a lady that i can't spend the rest of my life with so is better i take my time to check on her and be closer to God concerning my marriage before proposing.

we guys make a lot of mistakes choosing who to marry, why some guys get carried away by beauty and sex forgotten that that does not make a good home

Apollux:
Sorry sir, as good as your advice is, you make it look as if the husband is the source or cause of his wife's behavior. The last solutions u proffer will not work, it will only make the man's life miserable because he will be a slave in his own home. He deserves happiness too.

take the time to read my comment before u comment. i pointed out multiple times that OP is not at fault at this, i also pointed out multiple times that it would be easier to leave cos it'll be a hard process getting through this. i pointed out many times that his wife has issues. i even praised OP for taking the abuse for so long before reacting. i literally took sides with OP on this. i pointed out what the likely source and cause of his wife's problem is and made it clear it's not OP. the only solution i gave was if OP chooses to stay and help her work through her issues. i also told him to discard the advice and everything i said if he finally decides to divorce to make it easy for him. and wished him good luck with whatever choice he has to make. so, what are u saying?
it's OP's choice to decide what next to do, it's his life, it's his marriage, it's his family. so are u trying to decide for OP and tell him to leave his marriage? or are u trying to tell OP to stay and not take my solution that wont work? what then do u advice him to do since u have a better solution?

cococandy:
@selflessmaya I don’t want to quote your long post but it sounds like you’re making excuses for an abuser.
OP should use gentle word and sweet words and never make her angry
I didn’t even read all of it because those parts stood out. Nope.

if u didnt read my comment then why mention me if u dont even know what i wrote?? my initial comment itself showed me dragging her and calling her poison. so if i made an edit that obviously contradicts my initial stance, u either just accept the part where i blatantly called her an abuser or read the edit before telling me anything.

freecocoa:
This is like really long, ain't nobody gon read all that.
Meanwhile, you don't have enough info to conclude all the emboldened. Are you a psychiatrist, her therapist? Even then, excuse my language please, I'll say "feck any therapist or whoever, that provides such solution to a problem like the OP's.
Like WTF?

as i type this over 163 ppl have read and liked the comment so speak for yourself? i have enough info to make my conclusions. what better conclusion did u come to? mtchew

jaxxy:
What is d trash ure saying Who is d victim of domestic abuse here the man or the woman or both?? D man was the 1st victim of abuse if u don't know let me tell u. The woman only became a victim herself after retaliation from d abused which is d man. Ok? Get ur facts rite. Unless u mean she was abused as a child or b4 she met the man.
U do not show more love and care only or tolerate to an abusive partner else ure feeding their ego to destroy. U correct and condemn their behavior outrightly.

READING is important.

Barrachielll:
Your story too much. Leave story for person wey need am. This is purely a domestic violence. Being sexual assaulted in the past doesn't mean she should keep attacking and inflicting injury on her man. As for the Op Your wife need BDSM. Give her one.. your marriage will never remain boring again. The slap you gave her was one of it. You have to show her who the master is.

the OP needs the story, i left the story for him not for u. did i not make it clear over and over that OP is being emotionally and physically abused by his wife? u obviously have no useful advice to give anyone so lemme not get another mention from you.

mhizsuzzy:
Nne u said it all
But a very important question is, Do the woman love the man? or was she just desperate to get married.
People with these past issues heals well when the met some one they love and loves them back. Talking from experience though

babe, OP's wife is unable to maintain healthy romantic relationships, she's destroying her marriage cos of her compounded issues. love is not magic, what healed those ppl is working though their issues with their partners, none of them in stable relationships are still living with their secret which is why my whole advice to OP if he wants to make the marriage work is to build their relationship to the point where she can finally speak up and they can get to putting the past behind and carrying on with life. <3 lots of love.

Funny how people overrate marriage.

wrongchoice:
COURTSHIP DAYS AND MY HATRED FOR WOMEN BEATERS
During our courtship days I have always reiterated my stand on men that do beat their wife. I was of the opinion that they are not lesser than a beast.
She is very quiet, she hardly finishes her words, and she was full of smile that my grandma named her “smiling smiling girl”. My family members were thanking God for me because of her gentle nature. She doesn’t have friends, she goes to church regularly. I went for her because I have seen a lot of unhappy homes and by all means I wanted to avoid such situation. Before her, I had seen many girls that I love and they equally love me too. I leave them immediately I see a sign of anger in them. So, I told her that all I wanted in my life was happiness and I will make sure I keep the home together and going smoothly in as much that happens.
She has her trust issues which I thought they were necessary and not out of control (that was my greatest mistake), but aggressiveness and hatred ,I never had that thought a bit. She didn’t even look it.

MY FIRST SHOCKER
After the introduction, she was eager for the wedding despite the fact that I hardly got employed in a small firm barely a year. We fixed the date and arrangements were going.
3 days before the wedding , I told my wife to-be that one of my friends promised to bring event ;ushers for our wedding just to add glamour to the day, she didn’t allow me to finish when she started shouting on top of her voice and with this kind of never seen before aggressiveness. I never saw such red eyes before in 2 years of our courtship and over 6 years as friends. She said my friends and I were bringing oloshos to sleep with for bash eve which I never even plan to have. Her argument wasn’t a concern but I never see her reacted that way. I cried and I knew I was in for a big trouble.

THE REAL SHOW

Fast forward to after wedding. To my surprise, before any argument she would hit me, sometimes slap just less than 2 months in the marriage. I discovered she has the strength of 3 men. We are talking about a lady that never misses any church program as a youth and when we moved to our new area , she became more popular than myself in the church. This went on for a while coupled with terrible issues that I would be taken one after the other.

THE DAY OF LESSON
There was this afternoon that an argument ensue base on (what I will share latter) , she took out knife, I collected it from her, she brought out fork I collected it from her, she resulted to my belt and she started beating me with it ,I didn’t even struggle with her just like before. She took her shoe hitting it on my head ,I didn’t even move, I wasn’t even angry self. She bite me on my shoulder and thumb which nearly had that finger off if not for quick medical attention. At this point a question flashed through my mind, “would this be how my live would be going?”. This woman may even ask me to lay flat to receive some lashes if I didn’t make attempt to stop her. I concluded that I have to do something. Then without any iota of anger in me. I raised my hand up and gave her 2 thunderous slaps across her face. She opened her mouth for complete 5 minutes she couldn’t close it. I knew she would be thinking she has over stepped her boundary. She started shouting that I have killed her and all sorts. People that never had me speak in that street for good one year I stayed their plus close to a year she has spent with me were aghast. Since that day many things changed for the worse. Though she stopped hitting me after that, except sometimes when she would push me against the wall and i get some bruises.
I later travelled home and my siblings were asking me if my hands were tied to my back while a woman was inflicting all these injuries on my body. They saw both the fresh ones and the old bruises. It was a very big issue that families, church members had to intervene. I can tell you since that day things had never remain the same again. It was the beginning of trouble and unhappy home.

My question is this? If you were in my position what would you have done differently?


you can check the previous post here
https://www.nairaland.com/4126638/how-wife-been-terrorizing-me

To answer your question is a straight forward manner, without wasting anyone's time:
If l were you, l would DIVORCE HER right away (File for a Divorce and show the Court all these evidence of Domestic Violence).
It is not a crime and dont worry about what people will say, they would not say more than that if and when she kills you eventually
Those who blame you now will get over it with time, when you do beter in future
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, to the rigmarole and other issues:

It is better you divorce her now that it is still early and things are not yet complicated with children (or not more than one child).
As time passes-by, it becomes mor difficult for you (consider the children), more financially devastating for you and starting all over again becomes more difficult as years pass-by.
That is why l say "The time to act like a man that values his life, IS NOW".

Whether anyone likes it or not, we leave in a different age now and the species of Men and Women of today are very different from those of years gone-by.
Men use to be the dominant and agressive specie in a relationship in the past (all other living things specie are still like that) but right now, the Men will soon go into extinction or turned to HouseBoys (Domestic HouseHelp is more refined language ), with the ways things are progressing.
But that is not even a bad thing.
The bad thing is that WOMEN are never know to know "How to manage POWER"!
Go to any organisation headed by a Woman and you will kno what l am talking about.
It does not make them less intelligent or less adeuwate or lesser to men, it just means they are not wired to wield Absolute Power.

The implication of all these is tha when women operate Power, they abuse it so much, much more than a man who is a "natural", with wielding power.
In the Homes-front, when a man is working and the wife is jobless, there is no problem and he gladly provides for all her needs and still treats her nicely because he thinks "That is my natural role" (To provide and protect my woman).

If you reverse the situation, the woman bcomes very agressive and insulting to the husband!
She sees him as useless and a failure and as such, deserves to eb denugrated and treated as scum, just because he is not providing money for both of them.
I hope you see the difference in the attitude, in both stuations?
That is why l say women are not wired for wielding absolute power - they will just abuse it.

I am sure we all notice that of recent, a lot of women (wife and Girl Friends) have been killing their Husbands and Boyfriends?
They use knife, poison, acid and jus about any WEAPON they can lay their hands on.
The reason is that they are TRYING to SIEZE DOMESTIC POWER, THROUGH EXTREME VIOLENCE.

Most women know that on the average, a Man is physically stronger than them so to "balance the Power", they resort to using WEAPONS!.
Its like how having a Gun in your hand, can make you terroirze an opponent three-times your size without a gun in its own hand.

Fpr someone like the @Op whose wife has shown him what she is capable of doing, l will say there is no need to START BEATING HER!
Dont get even with her, GET OUT OF HER!

You are stronger and will probably kill her one day, if you sense your life is about to be terminated! What does that make you?
But on the other hand, Women are more CUNNING and SMARTER.
She will pretend to have changed, listened to advice, become a good wife when infac she is plotting your final kill.
Most women kill their husband when he is asleep. (Google it and confirm)

I suspect your are still young and you still have many decades of "suffering and agony" (or happiness, if you act now) before you.
I counsel people in church and l can tell you that almost all Men who are in a troubled and violent marriage always see the SIGNS, SAME SIGNS as you have seen and they always think IT WILL GET BETTER WITH TIME........ But it GETS WORSE WITH TIME (excluding brief period of "hold fire" when she needs tome to plot her next move ).

I always ask the women: Honestly, do you think you will change from what you are today or you just need to buy time?
And their answer at times, shocks the husband who is probably stil lthinking they can mend fences!

Some Ministers say "dont encourage divorce because the Bible is against it and l tell them: Show me where the Bible encourage Anger, beating your wife, killing your husband/wife or exposing your children to violence on a daily basis, disrespecting your husband as the "Physical and Spiritual Head" of the family, not loving your wife as your better half?

When they cant show me, l tell them, we may be saving a life or two or even a whole family, if both of them are adamant (or one of them) in pursing this line of mentality (Violence), by asking them to go their sepatrate ways....by a LEGAL DIVORCE (if legally married), while they both provide for the needs of any children involved.

If it suits them in future, to reconcile and re-marry, good for everybody though that is alway smostly a farce!
Dogs always go back to their vomit, is a time-proven cliche.

So, @Wrongchoice, your life is in your hands now, your decision is your own.
I have said my own, its now time to "Mind My Business", as we say.

This is a big lesson to all those foOlish guys that will come here to say "any man that lays his hands on a woman is a beast" without hearing the full story.

Women are very dangerous and can hide their true character for years.

Even King Solomon the wisest man that ever lived said that it is better for a man to live in the wilderness than to stay in the same house with a nagging wife.

OP, it is well.

Women are pretenders by nature,especially during courtship.Your woman during and after courtship are two different personalities,the former is a sheep while the later is a beast.If you cannot tame the beast,please don't get married,it's a lifetime headache.

greggng:
men that beat women are animals no justification for that. The best approach is to walk away out of the marriage if you consider her actions unacceptable not by beating her. Go and fight boko haram or jushua if you are looking for a fight

see them

what of women that beats or attacks men what are the

NDelta:
Op, pls divorce SHOULD BE ONLY A LAST RESORT. Do not divorce her, it is not advisable, call a family meeting involving your parents and hers including respected extended family members and narate your story, allow people/her family to talk to her about her attitude. Also try and be nicer to her, turn quarrel into jokes and make her look bad. For instance, ah madam na everything we go de quarrel about? Na wa for you oh, see as your blood de hot, this my wife, u be stuborn woman o, abeg leave that thing etc those are de-excalation techniques

Please, educate all of us here on why you think in this situation, DIVORCE is not advisable [/b]and the Op should not consider it.

[b]How does one 'make a joke out" of when your wife uses your belt to flog you, in your own house?

I seriously want to learn something from you, on this.

wrongchoice:
COURTSHIP DAYS AND MY HATRED FOR WOMEN BEATERS
During our courtship days I have always reiterated my stand on men that do beat their wife. I was of the opinion that they are not lesser than a beast.
She is very quiet, she hardly finishes her words, and she was full of smile that my grandma named her “smiling smiling girl”. My family members were thanking God for me because of her gentle nature. She doesn’t have friends, she goes to church regularly. I went for her because I have seen a lot of unhappy homes and by all means I wanted to avoid such situation. Before her, I had seen many girls that I love and they equally love me too. I leave them immediately I see a sign of anger in them. So, I told her that all I wanted in my life was happiness and I will make sure I keep the home together and going smoothly in as much that happens.
She has her trust issues which I thought they were necessary and not out of control (that was my greatest mistake), but aggressiveness and hatred ,I never had that thought a bit. She didn’t even look it.

MY FIRST SHOCKER
After the introduction, she was eager for the wedding despite the fact that I hardly got employed in a small firm barely a year. We fixed the date and arrangements were going.
3 days before the wedding , I told my wife to-be that one of my friends promised to bring event ;ushers for our wedding just to add glamour to the day, she didn’t allow me to finish when she started shouting on top of her voice and with this kind of never seen before aggressiveness. I never saw such red eyes before in 2 years of our courtship and over 6 years as friends. She said my friends and I were bringing oloshos to sleep with for bash eve which I never even plan to have. Her argument wasn’t a concern but I never see her reacted that way. I cried and I knew I was in for a big trouble.

THE REAL SHOW

Fast forward to after wedding. To my surprise, before any argument she would hit me, sometimes slap just less than 2 months in the marriage. I discovered she has the strength of 3 men. We are talking about a lady that never misses any church program as a youth and when we moved to our new area , she became more popular than myself in the church. This went on for a while coupled with terrible issues that I would be taken one after the other.

THE DAY OF LESSON
There was this afternoon that an argument ensue base on (what I will share latter) , she took out knife, I collected it from her, she brought out fork I collected it from her, she resulted to my belt and she started beating me with it ,I didn’t even struggle with her just like before. She took her shoe hitting it on my head ,I didn’t even move, I wasn’t even angry self. She bite me on my shoulder and thumb which nearly had that finger off if not for quick medical attention. At this point a question flashed through my mind, “would this be how my live would be going?”. This woman may even ask me to lay flat to receive some lashes if I didn’t make attempt to stop her. I concluded that I have to do something. Then without any iota of anger in me. I raised my hand up and gave her 2 thunderous slaps across her face. She opened her mouth for complete 5 minutes she couldn’t close it. I knew she would be thinking she has over stepped her boundary. She started shouting that I have killed her and all sorts. People that never had me speak in that street for good one year I stayed their plus close to a year she has spent with me were aghast. Since that day many things changed for the worse. Though she stopped hitting me after that, except sometimes when she would push me against the wall and i get some bruises.
I later travelled home and my siblings were asking me if my hands were tied to my back while a woman was inflicting all these injuries on my body. They saw both the fresh ones and the old bruises. It was a very big issue that families, church members had to intervene. I can tell you since that day things had never remain the same again. It was the beginning of trouble and unhappy home.

My question is this? If you were in my position what would you have done differently?


you can check the previous post here
https://www.nairaland.com/4126638/how-wife-been-terrorizing-me

Why am I not surprised? I have always said it, forming a real man will lead to you becoming a real corpse! Many husbands and boyfriends have been killed because they were gentle! This quote " A real man doesn't raise hands on his wife" was invented by women to dull men into complacency while they inflict disastrous damage.
Only fools buy such ideas . Don't be a real man. Be a wise man.

A wise man beats hell out of every woman who dares to physically assault him.

The choice is yours to be a real man or a wise man. While real men are killed on daily bases, wise men are teaching all these violent women littered everywhere these days a lesson.

As for your wife, divorce that female beast immediately!

This is why I am careful around spiritual and religious ladies. They can pretend for Africa.

Mr man, I am happy you are alive. At least you can type this sad story here. Some men became popular on Nairaland after their wives or girlfriends stabbed them to death.

I don't blame you for hitting her. She assaulted you repeatedly like a man so she shouldn't be surprised by the slaps.

There are some situations where walking away is death. You must subdue and discard such maniacs. Let her family come and carry their daughter or better still, go and dump her in her father's house. This girl is not ready to be a wife.

Beware of church ladies. Many of them are green snakes under the grass. They are just waiting to ensnare an unfortunate guy.

Chai! Woman shoe? For my head? It's straight to her father's house for good. No looking back.

Daboomb:
Please, educate all of us here on why you think in this situation, DIVORCE is not advisable [/b]and the Op should not consider it.

[b]How does one 'make a joke out" of when your wife uses your belt to flog you, in your own house?

I seriously want to learn something from you, on this.

He shouldnt allow the argument to get to that stage of belting him, you can calm her down before it get to that. NO ONE PRAYS FOR A BROKEN HOME. He should give it his all before calling it quit. May God intervene

Error...some devil wey dey woman body no dey like hear wedding. Just carry her go TB joshua or find your way from the marriage

Have you watched NAKEDDD! go watch it... It doesn't matter how long or how many times it takes you to do that wedding, make sure everything is on the right side before you say I do on the altar

selflessmaya:
when ppl say never hit your wife, they mean never become the aggressor. what is happening to to you is domestic violence and your wife is abusing you emotionally and physically. you need to leave that woman fast. she's poison! don't try to change her, don't blame yourself for anything, just, cut her loose!

EDIT: so I just read the old article you included in the link, i change my mind. with more insight to this:
OP, I dont mean this in an insensitive way, your wife has some deep issues and must have suffered some intense psychological trauma to cause her to feel a lot of bitterness and act out in sadism when angry, the knife, the fork, hitting you with a shoe on your head and not stopping when you didnt even react!! this last one is a huge red light, something is really wrong with your wife, she loves to inflict pain and if her personality is as contrast as u say, that everyone thinks she's this sweet girl, then whatever is wrong with her runs really deep, it's not normal at all to keep hitting a person with a shoe on the head when they're not fighting back, she wants to hurt you, she wants u to feel pain.

I'm honestly convinced your wife has suffered sexual assault at an early age that led to a break in psyche, she's mastered suppressing her feelings, her nice girl act is not an 'act', she's actually that nice. but when she's angry, all the bitterness buried beneath the surface emerges and she finally deals with all the buried emotion in its magnitude, it overwhelms her and she wants to act out to hit something or punch a wall etc. when she's alone and unhappy, even when she lived with her parents, u really dont want to see/imagine what your wife does to and says to herself, this anger she shows you, she's lived with it for a long time, she's been her own victim till now when she made u her victim. there is nothing she has done to you that she hasn't done to herself times hundred.

if you choose to for better for worse it, find a psychiatrist or psychologist and go with your wife for counselling, your wife, with or without you will never change till she finally begins to work on whatever buried bitterness she's had to live with for years. try to get help together as a family or get a divorce if u would rather not go through it. it's really that simple, your wife will live with whatever has happened for the rest of her life but how she manages the accompanying emotions, her anger and abandonment issues can all be taken care of with a good psychologist and emotional support on your part. educate yourself on the topic of sexual assault and learn the necessary sensitivity training and triggers. counselling will teach you all this.

no, i'm not thinking too far, your wife ticks a lot of boxes:
-extra charming cos of distorted/low self image and need to be accepted
-her over-religiousness is for closure that she needs and like u said her prayers are always for her god to attack ppl for her. even her relationship with god isnt healthy, it's a coping mechanism. the idea of a protector that will attack on her behalf.
-she talks from 12am to 4am alone when you're asleep, OP, your wife is full of a lot of buried emotion, she really wants to talk to someone about something.
-despite being a nice girl, before you married her, she had no friends
-she's very quiet, hardly finishes her words (withdrawn personality, mastered suppresion)

you should never have raised your hands to hit this woman, when she froze for 5 minutes, it's not that she was thinking she overstepped her boundaries, she was actually coming back to her senses, when your wife gets angry, she loses her mind and forgets who she's dealing with. even worse when the person who angered her is male, she reacts with more venom cos subconsciously he represents her aggressor and she wants to hurt him to make him feel pain. she probably has conversations with herself and imagines herself confronting her abuser and being able to hurt him back and make him regret his actions and cries alone cos it's only in her imagination that she can deal with him. when a man makes her defensive in her personal space, she attacks. till u actually hit her, u just represented something that she has bad blood with and now you've added yourself to the list of men that have ruined her.
she has stopped hitting u cos she has buried the incident of the slaps too but OP, the same place it's buried is the same place her demons she's battling are buried, she wont touch you but when her bitterness surfaces when she's alone, this time you're one of her enemies. the resentment is growing and when she sees u, she's filled with such bitterness she shoves u. if u do not intend to fix this marriage OP, walk away NOW. a lot of bitterness is brewing in this woman and if you add yourself to the list, we will read about u in the news the day this woman snaps. the same way u never saw her eyes so red the day she yelled, u will never believe she has it in her to go the extent she'll go, your wife will surprise you.

nigeria does not have a good support system for ppl who have had to deal with the trauma of sexual assault, society takes it lightly too but this is 2017, ppl should educate themselves on this, when we read here everyday '6 yr old girl raped in lagos by 43 yr old man', that girl is someone's future wife and she will NOT just be like everybody else, the scars of her trauma will show one way or another and she'll need extra sensitivity cos she's a "special" case. your wife is not a naturally aggressive person, that i can tell u and it's sad that another human being created this monster in her. OP, this is really not your battle, it's not you she wants to fight, you did not give her all the bitterness she's carrying, so let the slaps u gave her be the last, you wife is a very very bitter scorned woman whose hurt has taken years and years to germinate, the person who hurt her isnt dealing with it, u are. if u add to her bitterness and it gets too much, the person who created 99% of this mess will not be the scapegoat, again it will be u. i haven't dealt with sexual assault personally or with a family member but i have met closely with some of the victims and the effects of sexual assault are too underestimated. ppl should be killed for damaging another human like that.

if u do choose to save your marriage:
apologize profusely for hitting her and become super sweet, if u choose to undo this mess, u have to be ready, sensitive, patient, very educated about this issue and strong for the both of u. if u choose to walk this path, u will watch her fall apart and u have to be ready to help her reassemble.
don't let her hit you, hold her hands and keep holding it and talking to her till she calms down. your wife is actually a very sweet person, the person you knew her to be when u married her exists, just buried under layers of bitterness. i dont blame u at all for hitting her, there's nothing illogical in hitting someone who came at u with a knife, i can understand why u snapped but let it be the last time. your wife wants to talk to you, listen to her, she talks when you sleep, when you leave she follows you, it's annoying but it's her subconscious, she really wants to reach out. listen to your wife! make out time and let her rant, she will talk about so many things, no matter how messed up it sounds, keep listening. then talk back about whatever and if she interrupts and tries to talk, let her talk, just listen. u can stop the midnight talks by changing it to day time. stop sleeping in your sitting room, move back to your bed.

when you're ready to make the move, try pulling it out of her, on top of your new sweetness, be extra extra sweet to her for the whole week like her sh!t dont stink, on a friday(so if she spills, you'll both have the weekend to grieve), make sure she's in a nice awww darling mood and when you're holding her, just brush by a conversation u heard at the office that made u really sick "about a dude that assaulted some teenage girl and how mad it makes you that men like that are still walking around breathing and if they ever dared it with someone u care about, u'll deal with them and how no matter what she was wearing or where she was, no one has the right on another person's body without consent and the worst part is there are girls out there who have experienced this and told no one and the animal didnt get caught"
stay on the topic of sexual assault and follow body language, dont change the topic, be gentle, when she cracks, try to get her to talk, say what u have to "she can tell u anything, u wont judge, u love her from here to japan, if it affects her it affects you, u are both one and she can confide in u etc" when she talks, encourage her to keep talking, show that you're listening, console her all you can, cry with her even if u have to force the tears though i doubt you'll have to force them, make her see that whatever sunken place she's in, you've somehow gotten there too but dont cry more than her haba. tell her that both of u will go for counselling together, find a good therapist and go with her till she makes progress to go alone. make sure u find a therapist before u try to get her to talk about this and once she talks, the upcoming monday, begin therapy. and dont expect to work this out in 2 days, give yourself time like 4-6wks to build the emotional environment of trust and zero judgement to be able to access her when the time comes. note: she has to open up to you before you can go for therapy.

-u can expect her to go into depression for a while, she might need anti-depressants, sleeping pills too, she will be dealing with a lot of emotion once she finally lets someone in.
-NEVER EVER make a joke about her incident or say something mean to her about it... NEVER EVER!!! NEVER EVER!!! I MEAN IT OP.
-if u want to divorce her and not work through this, which is honestly the easy way out for you, then pls dont bring up anything i just told u here, dont taunt her over this, dont ask her about abuse or anything, just let the marriage end and pretend u didnt even read this. she will still live with herself so she has it heavy already.

i really do sympathize with you, u have found yourself in a very unfortunate position and no decision u make will be easy. sadly enough, i feel sorry for your wife too, she's really lived her hell and she's putting you through it. both of u dont deserve this. i also applaud you for all the grace you've shown, it's very hard to break the cycle of abuse, abused ppl mostly pass it on to others, maybe not in the form they received it but they leave their mark, so i can imagine how strong a person u were to endure all the emotional & physical abuse. and no, slapping her back was not abuse, u defended yourself full stop! dont feel sorry for yourself, just do what u have to do: stay & do the work to mend this if u can or leave if u cant.
u have to accept that your wife has issues that cause aggression when it flares. in time, u will also notice she's protective of children or animals or things she pictures as defenseless, it'll show in her mothering, not wanting your kid to go out, being too clingy to the child, convinced the big bad world is out to get her child, all that u will both work through in due time. once you can get your wife to show you the dark place she's in, it'll not be her safe place anymore, she can't hide there anymore, whatever comes to surface will be dealt with by both of you and u will finally live with the smiling smiling girl u married. good luck OP

mehn this is the best advice/reply I have ever seen and noticed on nairaland, I am astonished at the wisdom in analyzing the situation and the maturity in Dispensing a solution to the problem. I must confess I was not a registered member of nairaland before but seeing this reply I just had to register now so as to be able to comment on this intellectual edifice. God bless you and grow you more in wisdom amen

[url]quickfinda.com[/url] get the best prices from different stores on

The interrobang (?!) is used to ask questions in an excited or angry manner. Also, it is commonly used in rhetorical questions. E.g "What the fùck?!" However, for statements (not questions) with extra excitement or alarm, use multiple exclamation marks (!! or !!!). No offence intended.

---

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope he will learn from you before it is too late to leave with his sanity intact.

ashjay001:
Wrongchoice, pele ti e!?


Marrying d wrong wife is one of d most humbling experience a thinking man can have!?


And, I think these ladies were under pressure to marry, which is why they suppress their unlikeable characteristics just so u hook up!?


A lot of pple still believe i'm d devil in mine, until they witness me on d receiving end. Not physically violent, but her verbal abuse/assault n conduct, no be here!?

I was able to restrain myself for 7yrs of marriage, but d day I had to hit her was d day I decided to end it!?


Hope u dont have kids yet? Just get out, it doesnt get any better!?!


To unmarried folks; always put divorce on d table, it should be an option!? Or else, u probably will go through d most harrowing experience of ur adult life, having refused to activate ur get out card!? U may not survive it, I almost didnt, cos, suicide seemed a better option!?

anishoff:
See quotes I'm getting for this my comment. Una well-done. No need replying u guys cos it's of no need. ONLY THE SPIRITUALLY MINDED ONES WILL BE ABLE TO CONNECT TO MY COMMENT.

Your comment was too dumb....

Brugo:
The interrobang (?!)is used to ask questions in an "excited" or angry manner. Also, it is commonly used in rhetorical questions. However, for statements (not questions) with extra excitement or alarm, use multiple exclamation marks (!! or !!!). No offence intended.

---

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope he will learn from you before it is too late to leave with his sanity intact.

Hopefully, he will!?


I stopped being sure of anything, a very long time ago n as such refuse to make definite statements. Prefer to leave it open to ur personal preference!?


Is it a statement or a question?!



Truth be told, I never even knew it was legal!?

One of d lessons I learnt, anything u say can n will be used against u!? If u make it ambiguous enough, nothing will stick

My advise to you is to flee, the only way you can succeed is to be adaptable. I have been in your shoes, After 5 tormenting years she pack her things and left. You have only 4 options now. 1) She will kill you; 2) She will leave you; 3) You will kill here; 4) You will leave her. I recommend option 4 for you because your peace is the most important treasure you have, once gone, your productivity will reduce, you might lose your job and become broke and broken. Trust me, i was there in 2016. Do not wait for the ship to sink before you bail out, I believe in God but i will tell you, if a person refuses to change, God is limited in such a circumstance. Pack you bags and separate, if after some months and years, there is still no change my brother, you are not a tree, move on with your life. It is well.

selflessmaya:
when ppl say never hit your wife, they mean never become the aggressor. what is happening to to you is domestic violence and your wife is abusing you emotionally and physically. you need to leave that woman fast. she's poison! don't try to change her, don't blame yourself for anything, just, cut her loose!

EDIT: so I just read the old article you included in the link, i change my mind. with more insight to this:
OP, I dont mean this in an insensitive way, your wife has some deep issues and must have suffered some intense psychological trauma to cause her to feel a lot of bitterness and act out in sadism when angry, the knife, the fork, hitting you with a shoe on your head and not stopping when you didnt even react!! this last one is a huge red light, something is really wrong with your wife, she loves to inflict pain and if her personality is as contrast as u say, that everyone thinks she's this sweet girl, then whatever is wrong with her runs really deep, it's not normal at all to keep hitting a person with a shoe on the head when they're not fighting back, she wants to hurt you, she wants u to feel pain.

I'm honestly convinced your wife has suffered sexual assault at an early age that led to a break in psyche, she's mastered suppressing her feelings, her nice girl act is not an 'act', she's actually that nice. but when she's angry, all the bitterness buried beneath the surface emerges and she finally deals with all the buried emotion in its magnitude, it overwhelms her and she wants to act out to hit something or punch a wall etc. when she's alone and unhappy, even when she lived with her parents, u really dont want to see/imagine what your wife does to and says to herself, this anger she shows you, she's lived with it for a long time, she's been her own victim till now when she made u her victim. there is nothing she has done to you that she hasn't done to herself times hundred.

if you choose to for better for worse it, find a psychiatrist or psychologist and go with your wife for counselling, your wife, with or without you will never change till she finally begins to work on whatever buried bitterness she's had to live with for years. try to get help together as a family or get a divorce if u would rather not go through it. it's really that simple, your wife will live with whatever has happened for the rest of her life but how she manages the accompanying emotions, her anger and abandonment issues can all be taken care of with a good psychologist and emotional support on your part. educate yourself on the topic of sexual assault and learn the necessary sensitivity training and triggers. counselling will teach you all this.

no, i'm not thinking too far, your wife ticks a lot of boxes:
-extra charming cos of distorted/low self image and need to be accepted
-her over-religiousness is for closure that she needs and like u said her prayers are always for her god to attack ppl for her. even her relationship with god isnt healthy, it's a coping mechanism. the idea of a protector that will attack on her behalf.
-she talks from 12am to 4am alone when you're asleep, OP, your wife is full of a lot of buried emotion, she really wants to talk to someone about something.
-despite being a nice girl, before you married her, she had no friends
-she's very quiet, hardly finishes her words (withdrawn personality, mastered suppresion)

you should never have raised your hands to hit this woman, when she froze for 5 minutes, it's not that she was thinking she overstepped her boundaries, she was actually coming back to her senses, when your wife gets angry, she loses her mind and forgets who she's dealing with. even worse when the person who angered her is male, she reacts with more venom cos subconsciously he represents her aggressor and she wants to hurt him to make him feel pain. she probably has conversations with herself and imagines herself confronting her abuser and being able to hurt him back and make him regret his actions and cries alone cos it's only in her imagination that she can deal with him. when a man makes her defensive in her personal space, she attacks. till u actually hit her, u just represented something that she has bad blood with and now you've added yourself to the list of men that have ruined her.
she has stopped hitting u cos she has buried the incident of the slaps too but OP, the same place it's buried is the same place her demons she's battling are buried, she wont touch you but when her bitterness surfaces when she's alone, this time you're one of her enemies. the resentment is growing and when she sees u, she's filled with such bitterness she shoves u. if u do not intend to fix this marriage OP, walk away NOW. a lot of bitterness is brewing in this woman and if you add yourself to the list, we will read about u in the news the day this woman snaps. the same way u never saw her eyes so red the day she yelled, u will never believe she has it in her to go the extent she'll go, your wife will surprise you.

nigeria does not have a good support system for ppl who have had to deal with the trauma of sexual assault, society takes it lightly too but this is 2017, ppl should educate themselves on this, when we read here everyday '6 yr old girl raped in lagos by 43 yr old man', that girl is someone's future wife and she will NOT just be like everybody else, the scars of her trauma will show one way or another and she'll need extra sensitivity cos she's a "special" case. your wife is not a naturally aggressive person, that i can tell u and it's sad that another human being created this monster in her. OP, this is really not your battle, it's not you she wants to fight, you did not give her all the bitterness she's carrying, so let the slaps u gave her be the last, you wife is a very very bitter scorned woman whose hurt has taken years and years to germinate, the person who hurt her isnt dealing with it, u are. if u add to her bitterness and it gets too much, the person who created 99% of this mess will not be the scapegoat, again it will be u. i haven't dealt with sexual assault personally or with a family member but i have met closely with some of the victims and the effects of sexual assault are too underestimated. ppl should be killed for damaging another human like that.

if u do choose to save your marriage:
apologize profusely for hitting her and become super sweet, if u choose to undo this mess, u have to be ready, sensitive, patient, very educated about this issue and strong for the both of u. if u choose to walk this path, u will watch her fall apart and u have to be ready to help her reassemble.
don't let her hit you, hold her hands and keep holding it and talking to her till she calms down. your wife is actually a very sweet person, the person you knew her to be when u married her exists, just buried under layers of bitterness. i dont blame u at all for hitting her, there's nothing illogical in hitting someone who came at u with a knife, i can understand why u snapped but let it be the last time. your wife wants to talk to you, listen to her, she talks when you sleep, when you leave she follows you, it's annoying but it's her subconscious, she really wants to reach out. listen to your wife! make out time and let her rant, she will talk about so many things, no matter how messed up it sounds, keep listening. then talk back about whatever and if she interrupts and tries to talk, let her talk, just listen. u can stop the midnight talks by changing it to day time. stop sleeping in your sitting room, move back to your bed.

when you're ready to make the move, try pulling it out of her, on top of your new sweetness, be extra extra sweet to her for the whole week like her sh!t dont stink, on a friday(so if she spills, you'll both have the weekend to grieve), make sure she's in a nice awww darling mood and when you're holding her, just brush by a conversation u heard at the office that made u really sick "about a dude that assaulted some teenage girl and how mad it makes you that men like that are still walking around breathing and if they ever dared it with someone u care about, u'll deal with them and how no matter what she was wearing or where she was, no one has the right on another person's body without consent and the worst part is there are girls out there who have experienced this and told no one and the animal didnt get caught"
stay on the topic of sexual assault and follow body language, dont change the topic, be gentle, when she cracks, try to get her to talk, say what u have to "she can tell u anything, u wont judge, u love her from here to japan, if it affects her it affects you, u are both one and she can confide in u etc" when she talks, encourage her to keep talking, show that you're listening, console her all you can, cry with her even if u have to force the tears though i doubt you'll have to force them, make her see that whatever sunken place she's in, you've somehow gotten there too but dont cry more than her haba. tell her that both of u will go for counselling together, find a good therapist and go with her till she makes progress to go alone. make sure u find a therapist before u try to get her to talk about this and once she talks, the upcoming monday, begin therapy. and dont expect to work this out in 2 days, give yourself time like 4-6wks to build the emotional environment of trust and zero judgement to be able to access her when the time comes. note: she has to open up to you before you can go for therapy.

-u can expect her to go into depression for a while, she might need anti-depressants, sleeping pills too, she will be dealing with a lot of emotion once she finally lets someone in.
-NEVER EVER make a joke about her incident or say something mean to her about it... NEVER EVER!!! NEVER EVER!!! I MEAN IT OP.
-if u want to divorce her and not work through this, which is honestly the easy way out for you, then pls dont bring up anything i just told u here, dont taunt her over this, dont ask her about abuse or anything, just let the marriage end and pretend u didnt even read this. she will still live with herself so she has it heavy already.

i really do sympathize with you, u have found yourself in a very unfortunate position and no decision u make will be easy. sadly enough, i feel sorry for your wife too, she's really lived her hell and she's putting you through it. both of u dont deserve this. i also applaud you for all the grace you've shown, it's very hard to break the cycle of abuse, abused ppl mostly pass it on to others, maybe not in the form they received it but they leave their mark, so i can imagine how strong a person u were to endure all the emotional & physical abuse. and no, slapping her back was not abuse, u defended yourself full stop! dont feel sorry for yourself, just do what u have to do: stay & do the work to mend this if u can or leave if u cant.
u have to accept that your wife has issues that cause aggression when it flares. in time, u will also notice she's protective of children or animals or things she pictures as defenseless, it'll show in her mothering, not wanting your kid to go out, being too clingy to the child, convinced the big bad world is out to get her child, all that u will both work through in due time. once you can get your wife to show you the dark place she's in, it'll not be her safe place anymore, she can't hide there anymore, whatever comes to surface will be dealt with by both of you and u will finally live with the smiling smiling girl u married. good luck OP

100% valid comment, there is no religious sentiments towards a bad marriage.

Brugo:
The interrobang (?!) is used to express excitement or anger when asking questions. Also, it is commonly used in rhetorical questions. E.g "What the fùck?!" However, for statements (not questions) with extra excitement or alarm, use multiple exclamation marks (!! or !!!). No offence intended.

---

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope he will learn from you and leave with his sanity intact, before it is too late.

TheKingIsHere:
This is a big lesson to all those foOlish guys that will come here to say "any man that lays his hands on a woman is a beast" without hearing the full story.

Women are very dangerous and can hide their true character for years.

Even King Solomon the wisest man that ever lived said that it is better for a man to live in the wilderness than to stay in the same house with a nagging wife.

OP, it is well.

Brugo:
This is why I am careful around spiritual and religious ladies. They can pretend for Africa.

Mr man, I am happy you are alive. At least you can type this sad story here. Some men became popular on Nairaland after their wives or girlfriends stabbed them to death.

I don't blame you for hitting her. She assaulted you repeatedly like a man so she shouldn't be surprised by the slaps.

There are some situations where walking away is death. You must subdue and discard such maniacs. Let her family come and carry their daughter or better still, go and dump her in her father's house. This girl is not ready to be a wife.

Beware of church ladies. Many of them are green snakes under the grass. They are just waiting to ensnare an unfortunate guy.

Chai! Woman shoe? For my head? It's straight to her father's house for good. No looking back.

I hope the Op does not endup like the man in this thread.

https://www.nairaland.com/4131370/nigerian-man-stabbed-death-fiancee

selflessmaya:
when ppl say never hit your wife, they mean never become the aggressor. what is happening to to you is domestic violence and your wife is abusing you emotionally and physically. you need to leave that woman fast. she's poison! don't try to change her, don't blame yourself for anything, just, cut her loose!

EDIT: so I just read the old article you included in the link, i change my mind. with more insight to this:
OP, I dont mean this in an insensitive way, your wife has some deep issues and must have suffered some intense psychological trauma to cause her to feel a lot of bitterness and act out in sadism when angry, the knife, the fork, hitting you with a shoe on your head and not stopping when you didnt even react!! this last one is a huge red light, something is really wrong with your wife, she loves to inflict pain and if her personality is as contrast as u say, that everyone thinks she's this sweet girl, then whatever is wrong with her runs really deep, it's not normal at all to keep hitting a person with a shoe on the head when they're not fighting back, she wants to hurt you, she wants u to feel pain.

I'm honestly convinced your wife has suffered sexual assault at an early age that led to a break in psyche, she's mastered suppressing her feelings, her nice girl act is not an 'act', she's actually that nice. but when she's angry, all the bitterness buried beneath the surface emerges and she finally deals with all the buried emotion in its magnitude, it overwhelms her and she wants to act out to hit something or punch a wall etc. when she's alone and unhappy, even when she lived with her parents, u really dont want to see/imagine what your wife does to and says to herself, this anger she shows you, she's lived with it for a long time, she's been her own victim till now when she made u her victim. there is nothing she has done to you that she hasn't done to herself times hundred.

if you choose to for better for worse it, find a psychiatrist or psychologist and go with your wife for counselling, your wife, with or without you will never change till she finally begins to work on whatever buried bitterness she's had to live with for years. try to get help together as a family or get a divorce if u would rather not go through it. it's really that simple, your wife will live with whatever has happened for the rest of her life but how she manages the accompanying emotions, her anger and abandonment issues can all be taken care of with a good psychologist and emotional support on your part. educate yourself on the topic of sexual assault and learn the necessary sensitivity training and triggers. counselling will teach you all this.

no, i'm not thinking too far, your wife ticks a lot of boxes:
-extra charming cos of distorted/low self image and need to be accepted
-her over-religiousness is for closure that she needs and like u said her prayers are always for her god to attack ppl for her. even her relationship with god isnt healthy, it's a coping mechanism. the idea of a protector that will attack on her behalf.
-she talks from 12am to 4am alone when you're asleep, OP, your wife is full of a lot of buried emotion, she really wants to talk to someone about something.
-despite being a nice girl, before you married her, she had no friends
-she's very quiet, hardly finishes her words (withdrawn personality, mastered suppresion)

you should never have raised your hands to hit this woman, when she froze for 5 minutes, it's not that she was thinking she overstepped her boundaries, she was actually coming back to her senses, when your wife gets angry, she loses her mind and forgets who she's dealing with. even worse when the person who angered her is male, she reacts with more venom cos subconsciously he represents her aggressor and she wants to hurt him to make him feel pain. she probably has conversations with herself and imagines herself confronting her abuser and being able to hurt him back and make him regret his actions and cries alone cos it's only in her imagination that she can deal with him. when a man makes her defensive in her personal space, she attacks. till u actually hit her, u just represented something that she has bad blood with and now you've added yourself to the list of men that have ruined her.
she has stopped hitting u cos she has buried the incident of the slaps too but OP, the same place it's buried is the same place her demons she's battling are buried, she wont touch you but when her bitterness surfaces when she's alone, this time you're one of her enemies. the resentment is growing and when she sees u, she's filled with such bitterness she shoves u. if u do not intend to fix this marriage OP, walk away NOW. a lot of bitterness is brewing in this woman and if you add yourself to the list, we will read about u in the news the day this woman snaps. the same way u never saw her eyes so red the day she yelled, u will never believe she has it in her to go the extent she'll go, your wife will surprise you.

nigeria does not have a good support system for ppl who have had to deal with the trauma of sexual assault, society takes it lightly too but this is 2017, ppl should educate themselves on this, when we read here everyday '6 yr old girl raped in lagos by 43 yr old man', that girl is someone's future wife and she will NOT just be like everybody else, the scars of her trauma will show one way or another and she'll need extra sensitivity cos she's a "special" case. your wife is not a naturally aggressive person, that i can tell u and it's sad that another human being created this monster in her. OP, this is really not your battle, it's not you she wants to fight, you did not give her all the bitterness she's carrying, so let the slaps u gave her be the last, you wife is a very very bitter scorned woman whose hurt has taken years and years to germinate, the person who hurt her isnt dealing with it, u are. if u add to her bitterness and it gets too much, the person who created 99% of this mess will not be the scapegoat, again it will be u. i haven't dealt with sexual assault personally or with a family member but i have met closely with some of the victims and the effects of sexual assault are too underestimated. ppl should be killed for damaging another human like that.

if u do choose to save your marriage:
apologize profusely for hitting her and become super sweet, if u choose to undo this mess, u have to be ready, sensitive, patient, very educated about this issue and strong for the both of u. if u choose to walk this path, u will watch her fall apart and u have to be ready to help her reassemble.
don't let her hit you, hold her hands and keep holding it and talking to her till she calms down. your wife is actually a very sweet person, the person you knew her to be when u married her exists, just buried under layers of bitterness. i dont blame u at all for hitting her, there's nothing illogical in hitting someone who came at u with a knife, i can understand why u snapped but let it be the last time. your wife wants to talk to you, listen to her, she talks when you sleep, when you leave she follows you, it's annoying but it's her subconscious, she really wants to reach out. listen to your wife! make out time and let her rant, she will talk about so many things, no matter how messed up it sounds, keep listening. then talk back about whatever and if she interrupts and tries to talk, let her talk, just listen. u can stop the midnight talks by changing it to day time. stop sleeping in your sitting room, move back to your bed.

when you're ready to make the move, try pulling it out of her, on top of your new sweetness, be extra extra sweet to her for the whole week like her sh!t dont stink, on a friday(so if she spills, you'll both have the weekend to grieve), make sure she's in a nice awww darling mood and when you're holding her, just brush by a conversation u heard at the office that made u really sick "about a dude that assaulted some teenage girl and how mad it makes you that men like that are still walking around breathing and if they ever dared it with someone u care about, u'll deal with them and how no matter what she was wearing or where she was, no one has the right on another person's body without consent and the worst part is there are girls out there who have experienced this and told no one and the animal didnt get caught"
stay on the topic of sexual assault and follow body language, dont change the topic, be gentle, when she cracks, try to get her to talk, say what u have to "she can tell u anything, u wont judge, u love her from here to japan, if it affects her it affects you, u are both one and she can confide in u etc" when she talks, encourage her to keep talking, show that you're listening, console her all you can, cry with her even if u have to force the tears though i doubt you'll have to force them, make her see that whatever sunken place she's in, you've somehow gotten there too but dont cry more than her haba. tell her that both of u will go for counselling together, find a good therapist and go with her till she makes progress to go alone. make sure u find a therapist before u try to get her to talk about this and once she talks, the upcoming monday, begin therapy. and dont expect to work this out in 2 days, give yourself time like 4-6wks to build the emotional environment of trust and zero judgement to be able to access her when the time comes. note: she has to open up to you before you can go for therapy.

-u can expect her to go into depression for a while, she might need anti-depressants, sleeping pills too, she will be dealing with a lot of emotion once she finally lets someone in.
-NEVER EVER make a joke about her incident or say something mean to her about it... NEVER EVER!!! NEVER EVER!!! I MEAN IT OP.
-if u want to divorce her and not work through this, which is honestly the easy way out for you, then pls dont bring up anything i just told u here, dont taunt her over this, dont ask her about abuse or anything, just let the marriage end and pretend u didnt even read this. she will still live with herself so she has it heavy already.

i really do sympathize with you, u have found yourself in a very unfortunate position and no decision u make will be easy. sadly enough, i feel sorry for your wife too, she's really lived her hell and she's putting you through it. both of u dont deserve this. i also applaud you for all the grace you've shown, it's very hard to break the cycle of abuse, abused ppl mostly pass it on to others, maybe not in the form they received it but they leave their mark, so i can imagine how strong a person u were to endure all the emotional & physical abuse. and no, slapping her back was not abuse, u defended yourself full stop! dont feel sorry for yourself, just do what u have to do: stay & do the work to mend this if u can or leave if u cant.
u have to accept that your wife has issues that cause aggression when it flares. in time, u will also notice she's protective of children or animals or things she pictures as defenseless, it'll show in her mothering, not wanting your kid to go out, being too clingy to the child, convinced the big bad world is out to get her child, all that u will both work through in due time. once you can get your wife to show you the dark place she's in, it'll not be her safe place anymore, she can't hide there anymore, whatever comes to surface will be dealt with by both of you and u will finally live with the smiling smiling girl u married. good luck OP

Psychoanalysis on fleek! Can we speak in private please?

Nice one selflessmaya

Glad to see we still have some sane people on the forum. Weldone

anishoff:
Do not beat her. Two wrongs don't make a right. Sit her down and talk to her about the issue intensively and also go for series of counselling and finally pray about d issue fervently and i can assure u the problem will stop because there is nothing God cannot do.
I pray for God to give u the grace to hold and control urself completely.
It is well

can one wrong make a right?

Op,
You made a mistake beating her up. Break that cycle of domestic violence because it goes in cycle. The best thing is to end the union especially since you guys have no children.

selflessmaya


Had to read ur article twice. Mine ticks all those boxes too.

But, I've given up already. One of d few pple I couldnt get to trust me, after several years.


Never suspected abuse of any kind, tot she was just over pampered!? There was probably a reason for d pampering?!

Hmmmm...... This end times sha....

A friend is suffering this same thing....

I could beat up this guy if he could ever call his wife a he-goat in annoyance because you need to see how delicate this lady looks like.....

But when older relatives where chased out of the matrimonial house --including her own family people --when they came to help the marriage (she had cursed, slapped the crap, broken valuable home appliances of her husband over an argument over money-her desire for fantasy despite the struggling economy of the husband), with a big cutlass...... Men. I could not imagine it.

And she had the guts to go to LIB (Linda ikeji blog) weeks later to write that her husband is the monster.......

I almost gather hatred for women.

Shame on a large number of you.